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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:28:48 PM   
BabyGirlOooh


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		Good move ex-hrnybutshy........

Can we all guess your new handle?  New game guys,,,,, lol

Hahaha gonna guess .... "Thank Y'all For Protectin The Newbie"........

Or.........."Once Bitten Twice Shy"

Ooops i took 2 guesses - not fair............

OMGGGG -= I have so many more in my head lol............

Sleep tight my friends...... 

_____________________________

xo

"Never ride faster than your angel can fly......"

(in reply to hrnybutshy)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:29:02 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

private meetings alone with anyone (vanilla or lifestyler) for the 1st time is an absolute no-no



I can understand this logic but it's not always a no-no.   My first meeting was very private but we had spent a great deal of time getting to know each other via phone, IM and email.    Nothing is absolute.  


Including getting to know each other by any other method than face to face.  There is no better method than that.

< Message edited by MaryT -- 1/31/2007 7:32:49 PM >

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:30:32 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
...    Nothing is absolute.  


Absolutely nothing?



(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:35:54 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather


quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

*hugs*

private meetings alone with anyone (vanilla or lifestyler) for the 1st time is an absolute no-no


Ruh roh. I guess Im in for a Safety Police citation.

First time I met my Daddy, it was alone, at night, with my car packed with three days' worth of personal items. Not only did I live to tell about it, but we are still happily (dare I say blissfully?) together.

I think the "use your head" advice is the best Ive read so far.
To that, Id like to add: Listen to your gut. Keep your eyes open. Keep breathing.
All good ideas, whether you are meeting someone new in the KFC parking lot or not.



And how many drunk drivers make it home safely every night?
A safe outcome does not mean that the risks were not there, just that you got lucky.
Hundreds of drrunk drivers make it home without crashing and or killing someone but we still have the sense to see that the behaviour is not safe.

I've done some risky stuff as well done my share of safety no no's and gotten away luckybut that does not mean I suggest that others take the same risks I took foolishly.

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:00:47 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather


quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

*hugs*

private meetings alone with anyone (vanilla or lifestyler) for the 1st time is an absolute no-no


Ruh roh. I guess Im in for a Safety Police citation.

First time I met my Daddy, it was alone, at night, with my car packed with three days' worth of personal items. Not only did I live to tell about it, but we are still happily (dare I say blissfully?) together.

I think the "use your head" advice is the best Ive read so far.
To that, Id like to add: Listen to your gut. Keep your eyes open. Keep breathing.
All good ideas, whether you are meeting someone new in the KFC parking lot or not.



And how many drunk drivers make it home safely every night?
A safe outcome does not mean that the risks were not there, just that you got lucky.
Hundreds of drrunk drivers make it home without crashing and or killing someone but we still have the sense to see that the behaviour is not safe.

I've done some risky stuff as well done my share of safety no no's and gotten away luckybut that does not mean I suggest that others take the same risks I took foolishly.



I think it depends on the circumstances though. 

In the case of the OP I doubt anyone would encourage her to move forward, given the fact that her own intuition is sending up red flags.

I think decisions like these have to be taken on a case by case basis. 

In one case where I had spoken to the man daily for hours on the phone and online for a couple months, I went straight to his house.  Not for a second was I in fear for myself.  I just knew I was safe.  I dont feel this was foolish at all. 
Others I have decided that a public meet would be the wiser choice.  
There is a point at which we just know.  And even though the OP is new to this, she still has her instincts in full working order and is making the best decision for herself.
There is no cut and dried amount of time.  You could meet someone 10 times in public then finally meet them on the 11th time to be alone with them, and they rape and kill you.
Its all a navigation of the senses.  It has to be. 



_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:08:56 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Generally though the more time you spend the more information you gather through whatever medium the better odds you have of remaining safe. Because the world is random there is always an element of luck in safety but reducing that element is prudent whenever possible.

You can do everything right and have a bad outcome, you can do everything wrong and have a good outcome, but the odds stack up in your favor when you act in some ways and stack against you when you act in other ways.



(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:11:36 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		thin the herd.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:19:23 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Rock flies through the air all the way from the other thread.
Herds a little thinner now.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:31:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it's just luck.  I used to get people telling me all the time that I'd end up dead in a ditch somewhere because of my behavior and that my luck would run out.

Eight years of, at this point hundreds, of encounters do not add up to just luck for me.

Yes, it's a risk.  So is any sort of scene.  We evaluate the risks and decide what will be acceptable to us or not.

I have no intentions to stop doing the behaviors I have decided are best for myself until I see serious evidence that my way isn't working.  Call it luck if you want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:34:59 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yep. You gotta rely on your spidey senses..(Domiguy ducks... as rock whizzes by head)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 10:46:47 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer


And how many drunk drivers make it home safely every night?
A safe outcome does not mean that the risks were not there, just that you got lucky.
Hundreds of drrunk drivers make it home without crashing and or killing someone but we still have the sense to see that the behaviour is not safe.

I've done some risky stuff as well done my share of safety no no's and gotten away luckybut that does not mean I suggest that others take the same risks I took foolishly.


I think you're missing my point entirely.
This had nothing to do with luck.
And comparing what I did to drunk driving, well, I dont see how they compare whatsoever. My judgement and reflexes were both intact. It was completely not about "Wow, Im so lucky he didnt turn out to be a psycho", but rather about making a choice based on the information available to me: information I got from several sources, namely my senses, including my own intuition.

I met a really lovely and interesting man online. We chatted and talked on the phone. We decided to meet. According to information I received in our getting-to-know-you process, I gleaned from what I learned of him that he was someone I could trust. It's called keeping your eyes open and listening to what your brain and your gut tell you. People who need an absolute (NEVER do xyz) when it comes to forming interpersonal relationships and assessing risk, perhaps arent ready to make the kinds of choices that real life presents us. My advice to someone who finds peace of mind in an absolute such as "Never meet a man for the first time in person alone." would be: Don't meet anybody until you are able to discern for yourself the degree of risk involved in particular behaviors and whether you are willing to take such risk.

If I cant trust my intelligence and my intuition, I might as well stay home wrapped in bubble wrap in a padded room. Maybe a nice idea to some, but totally not my kink.

< Message edited by justheather -- 1/31/2007 11:03:38 PM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 10:57:46 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Yep. You gotta rely on your spidey senses..(Domiguy ducks... as rock whizzes by head)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.


Little does Domiguy know, but Green Goblin identifies as a crossdresser with an afinity for pink sweaters.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: New and a little Scared - 2/1/2007 5:24:11 AM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		that's you however meeting anyone alone whether you know, trust, etc them or not shouldn't be alone and private. you cannot pick the mind of the other unless they told you ahead of time.

personally i prefer safety in numbers and in public places. i won't want to invite danger if i met someone alone. oh - some things are absolute especially if this "master" like the OP was about to do.


_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: New and a little Scared - 2/1/2007 5:30:48 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

that's you however meeting anyone alone whether you know, trust, etc them or not shouldn't be alone and private. you cannot pick the mind of the other unless they told you ahead of time.

Okay so am I reading this correctly?
"That's you (Squeakers) but NOBODY should ever meet ANYONE in private whether they know or trust them or not."
So, NOBODY, except maybe Squeakers, now, should ever meet anyone in private regardless of how well they know and/or trust that person.
Do you spend all your time in groups?


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to mymasterssub69)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: New and a little Scared - 2/1/2007 8:15:14 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

If I cant trust my intelligence and my intuition, I might as well stay home wrapped in bubble wrap in a padded room. Maybe a nice idea to some, but totally not my kink.

heh . . . unless you met a nice saftey nazi on-line who offered to come to your place with his bubble wrap.

I think there is what is called an availability bias in discussions like these -- everyone has heard the first horror stories but the meetings that go perfectly are rarely mentioned, and that leads to an exaggeration of the risks. Sure bad shit can happen, and bad shit can still happen even if all the safety precautions are followed . . . just like it can if you get in your car for a drive to the supermarket, or even if ya marry a guy like Scott Peterson.

So I think the moral of this story is -- Heather covered in bubble wrap would be pretty hot.

heh


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: New and a little Scared - 2/1/2007 10:14:01 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

that's you however meeting anyone alone whether you know, trust, etc them or not shouldn't be alone and private. you cannot pick the mind of the other unless they told you ahead of time.

personally i prefer safety in numbers and in public places. i won't want to invite danger if i met someone alone. oh - some things are absolute especially if this "master" like the OP was about to do.

   Great advice since I know and trust my One, next time I'll take a group. BDSM Rule # Seven Zillion one---Play with a group and NEVER be alone with a Dom, even if you know and trust him.     
    I'd just like to edit and add because I read your profile and journal.   You met your Master online, you live in two different states, have you met him real time and how many people were at your first meeting.   Five months collared and you give such great advice.   I spoke to my one almost 10 times longer than you have been collared before our first meeting.  

< Message edited by Squeakers -- 2/1/2007 10:23:10 AM >

(in reply to mymasterssub69)
Profile   Post #: 76
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