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someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:19:43 AM   
thekajiracat


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: South Carolina
Status: offline 		i dated a girl for 6 years. we have been apart for a year. she gave birth to a baby girl 3 weeks ago. i adopted her. everyone in my circle of "friends" is giving me hell for it, no one supports the decision. they cite the relationship i had with her mother, which was to be brief, as near to hell as i hope to come. my love for this child is independent of any feelings i had/have for her mother. i am catching hell everywhere i turn. i have no living family other than my son, biological son, and i have few friends, by my own choice. im scared as hell as it is, im partaking on a journey with this new baby, shes my responsibility. she is my joy. she is everything to me. instead of the "you know this is stupid to do, right?" and the "this is going to bite you in the ass"  can i please get a "congratulations, all will be well, im here for you?"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:21:47 AM   
hot1


Posts: 455
Joined: 5/4/2004
From: Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		Congrads...and be well.  I admire you, IMHO the world could use a lot more like you.

hot1

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come on guys...give the blond a break
Please Don't Confuse The Blond

(in reply to thekajiracat)
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RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:23:03 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Congrats on the new baby. Don't let anyone detract from your joy in the birth of the beautiful new addition to your life.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:24:36 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		It sounds like you have a lot of love in your heart for this little one, and despite no blood relation I think you will be a wonderful parent to her. Good luck, I'm sure you will all be all right!

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to thekajiracat)
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RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:26:02 AM   
thekajiracat


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: South Carolina
Status: offline 		thank you. i just have a hard time understanding why it is that no one will back me in this decision. nothing bad can come from it, it is not harmful to me. this is a godsend, my daughter. its really hard to grasp that the people closest to me dont understand that.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:31:51 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thekajiracat

i dated a girl for 6 years. we have been apart for a year. she gave birth to a baby girl 3 weeks ago. i adopted her. everyone in my circle of "friends" is giving me hell for it, no one supports the decision. they cite the relationship i had with her mother, which was to be brief, as near to hell as i hope to come. my love for this child is independent of any feelings i had/have for her mother. i am catching hell everywhere i turn. i have no living family other than my son, biological son, and i have few friends, by my own choice. im scared as hell as it is, im partaking on a journey with this new baby, shes my responsibility. she is my joy. she is everything to me. instead of the "you know this is stupid to do, right?" and the "this is going to bite you in the ass"  can i please get a "congratulations, all will be well, im here for you?"


I highlighted the parts I'm curious of.  What made you decide to adopt this child?  You evidently have no love for   the mother.. or is this a sort of retaliation?  Deep inside I mean.  There just seems to be more to this story.
 
And a bit of advice..live your life for you. If you happiness is dependent upon someone's approval..then you are going to be unhappy all your life.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to thekajiracat)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:36:42 AM   
thekajiracat


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: South Carolina
Status: offline 		my ex, her mother, was a very abusive alcoholic. while she did abstain from drugs and alcohol during her pregnancy, she returned right back to her old tricks. she called me when she was in labor and asked me to come. i was there for her through that, the birth and the days following that the baby spent in the NICU. (she was fine, just had a temp drop) after bringing her home, (to her own home, not mine) she asked me to please take her child and raise it for her. it took a lot of cowardess and a lot of bravery both to ask me that. i accepted the child as a gift from god, and intend to raise her as my own. any feelings for her mother have absolutely nothing to do with my desire to care for her. i wish her mother the best in life, and i hope that she one day has what it is that she seeks. i am not raising her child out of retaliation at all. i took this baby into my heart and life because i want her to have a life that she deserves and i know that i can provide that.

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:41:38 AM   
Hissltviolet


Posts: 44
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		"The highways of life are full of flat squirrels who couldn't make up their minds".-Unknown


...<giggles>...love this!!!

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ETERNALLY/INFERNALLY
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(SLRN) 876-742-285
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please, visit Yahoo 360
and
http://www.freewebs.com/fabricconcepts/

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:43:12 AM   
Bignipplessub


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline 		Congratulations, I wish you all of the best.  I admire you because you have taken on someone else’s responsibility. You know this woman will need support raising this child, because it is not easy to raise a child by your self, so be the support and love this woman will need to raise a healthy minded child. Be the love and light this child will receive from you. The baby knows she is very special because of you, and she will need that to survive in this world.

I know a daycare which uses this quote to all of the children in attendance “I was born to do GREAT Things!!!” the children have to say this every day out loud and then give them selves a hug!!!!

(in reply to thekajiracat)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:44:34 AM   
MistressDiane


Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Considering what you've stated about the mother, I think it's a wonderful gift you've given the child.

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to thekajiracat)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:48:06 AM   
thekajiracat


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/11/2005
From: South Carolina
Status: offline 		i find myself in tears. thank you all for your words of support. though they are words from strangers it does comfort me to know that what ive done is being recognized as a good thing, and not a bad thing. i have a long road ahead with raising this daughter but its comforting to know that it wont neccesarily be a hard one or a frowned upon one. thank you all so much.

(in reply to MistressDiane)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:51:49 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thekajiracat

my ex, her mother, was a very abusive alcoholic. while she did abstain from drugs and alcohol during her pregnancy, she returned right back to her old tricks. she called me when she was in labor and asked me to come. i was there for her through that, the birth and the days following that the baby spent in the NICU. (she was fine, just had a temp drop) after bringing her home, (to her own home, not mine) she asked me to please take her child and raise it for her. it took a lot of cowardess and a lot of bravery both to ask me that. i accepted the child as a gift from god, and intend to raise her as my own. any feelings for her mother have absolutely nothing to do with my desire to care for her. i wish her mother the best in life, and i hope that she one day has what it is that she seeks. i am not raising her child out of retaliation at all. i took this baby into my heart and life because i want her to have a life that she deserves and i know that i can provide that.


Thank you~!  This all makes sense now.  Congratulations to you then.. :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to thekajiracat)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 8:52:55 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

though they are words from strangers it does comfort me to know that what ive done is being recognized as a good thing, and not a bad thing.


Trying to give a baby the best start in life is admirable.  I wish all of you the best.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to thekajiracat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 9:57:17 AM   
poplolly


Posts: 159
Joined: 10/7/2006
From: Edmonton
Status: offline 		I am an adoptee and a mother of my own four children.  Bless you and thank you for what you are doing.  It takes a very special person to love another's child as their own.  Follow your heart and ignore the negative opinions.  I wish you joy in your journey with your precious new daughter. 

_____________________________

"I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't ACCEPT me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"
~~ Marilyn Monroe.

(in reply to thekajiracat)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 10:11:51 AM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Contgrats and best wishes for a happy new future for you and your new baby girl.  What's the little one's  name, if you feel comfortable sharing that info with complete strangers? 

Rosa

(in reply to poplolly)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 10:13:12 AM   
BabyGirlOooh


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		Bravo !!!!
What a selfless thing to do..... to take a baby into your heart and into your life. You will not be sorry. My daughter is the Joy of  my life, except that she's now 16 and not "speakin to me"....  So what else is new lol....... She'll get over it one of these days......
 
So treasure the "younger years" cuz the hormones  are gonna start to rage at about 8 or 9 lol.....
 
But please realize that you already love this child - and you need to protect her and yourself.
 
I strongly suggest that you retain an attorney, and have the birth-mother sign the appropriate papers to make it a legal adoption....  This way, no devastation on your part if she ever decides to "change her mind".....
 
Just my opinion........
 
My love to both you and your daughter....
 
Oh - what's her name? 

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xo

"Never ride faster than your angel can fly......"

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 10:13:46 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		Well you've had your smattering of support here, and I suppose I should give you similar. However I too have had an abusive, alchoholic ex, who did't get with child, but tried to decieve me that she had, and aborted, with no medical evidence or documentation to show me. You've undertaken a difficult task to say the least, which I could not have done in your place, knowing it made me chief enabler, if not provoker of the mothers illnesses and abuses. While I don't seek to judge you, in your place I'd wish to verify the child was mine via dna testing. Such women are the soul of guile my friend.

Good luck,
MGD


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RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 10:17:33 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are following your heart. You are doing the right thing then.

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 10:24:25 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		I was under the impression the child wasn't biologically his daughter, making a DNA test a moot point.

But maybe I misread it.

Either way, congrats and enjoy!

~From Loraith and valeca

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~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: someone please just listen to me - 1/31/2007 10:27:44 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Both parents in this discussion are women.



_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 20
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