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You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:12:15 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

Call me mean spirited or whatever your heart desires but I must vent about something that I found in someone's profile because it really irritated me.

In general it basically stated that if you were 40 and lived in an apartment that you couldn't be a dominant. Now this bothers me on two levels, the first of which is that I live in an apartment and I am 41 years old and a dominant. The second item that chafes my nether regions is that by sheer implication, that statement in that profile is single-minded and basically rude in it's nature.

Before everyone tears into me and tells me to "get over it" allow me to attempt to explain why I even bothered posting about this. Does financial standing have anything to do with being a dominant? If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive? Is social status tied into the perception of dominance? I believe the answers to those questions are fairly obvious but I am quite curious to see if this actually is something that a submissive will place any weight in when evaluating a potential dominant.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

Post #: 1

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:18:38 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

OK, that is a whine and you 'know' that you need to just pass by the profiles that don't appeal to you. You also 'know' the answers to all your questions and they are all subjective to the individual. You 'know' that some submissives 'will' look at social status, income, financial independence as part of their criteria for what they believe a dominant should possess.. and some won't.

Since you do 'know' all this stuff and you posted the whine anyway.. you must be punished.

Dancing banana time!

Let that be a lesson to you.

Bad boy.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 2

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:20:55 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Funny, I thought you couldn’t live in a whirlpool box. It has to be Frigidaire right?

I think that are people who have an Idea that they should be the pampered harem girl slaves with access to wealth and money. Blame it on Zebra romance or the other ones. However, many slave/subs here are quite pointed in the fact that the “estate” means little; it is the love of the “D”.

Perhaps the best people to give us a fair assessment of this would be:

Celeste
SlaveJali
LA
Beth

Don’t feel bad if I didn’t name you, nevertheless by all means post.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 3

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:21:38 PM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

Not to thread hijack here.. but the dancing bananas are actually dancing in beat to the song I'm listening to right now and its freaking the hell out of me.

Make it stop!!!!

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 4

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:22:43 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Since you do 'know' all this stuff and you posted the whine anyway.. you must be punished.

Dancing banana time!

Let that be a lesson to you.

Bad boy.

Celeste

Damn... yer cruel. Yeah... I guess that it is a bit of a "whine" but it IS something that I am curious to see discussed.

I should expect more from myself... but lately...

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 5

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:23:47 PM

sensualmagirl

Posts: 1065
Joined: 7/4/2006
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline

I might be a little different, and this is just an example/how I am being a new submissive.

I do not live with my Master, he is a bit younger than myself (had more experience as a Dom than I do as a submissive though... lol), and just getting started out in his work life after years of obtaining advanced degrees.

He lives in an apartment by himself (that was kind of important though, I will say, didn't want roommates getting in the way and I didn't want to have to come to my place all the time), isn't poor, but, on a budget because as I said, is just getting started out in life. So, if there are things we need/want for our time together, we usually split whatever the cost is between us... or take turns buying things. Even if we are having drinks, he buys one thing, I buy the other. I really do like it that way too, I don't feel guilty that he's spending too much money, but, yet, I'm not doing all of the spending either.

All of this has little or no consequence on the fact that I care for him deeply, am happier than I've been in my life and am completely devoted to Him. Money was not a consideration, other than not wanting roommates spoiling our fun

Does this help?

edited to say that even if He did have roommates, it would be alright too, definitely...was just extra happy that He didn't

< Message edited by sensualmagirl -- 2/4/2007 2:35:52 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 6

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:25:40 PM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Given my topic earlier today.. I am going to try to strive for some personal honesty here.

On some level, your finances do matter as a dominant, in my opinon... and here is what I mean:

If you are middle aged and can not manage to keep yourself afloat financially, there is a serious issue of lack of control somewhere in your life which you have not dealt with. If you can not manage to support yourself, how on earth are you planning to take over the responsibilities of another person? Are you going to take over her finances as well and run her into the ground, if you obviously have the tendency to do so in your own life? Are you looking for a slave so you have someone who will be your work horse, bring home the cash so that you do not have to? If some part of your life is in chaos, and being able to be financially independent and somewhat prosperous is one part of you life, I think you have other things you need to take control of before you take control of another person.

Does this mean you have to be Donald Trump or Bill Gates (cringes), of course not! But everyone, to one degree or another, has the ability to better themselves financially. You may need to bust your ass (and not a submissive's) to do so. That might include going back to school, working several jobs, giving up on certain 'luxuries' until you can right your position (all things, btw that I and many other people have had to do) to achieve this goal.

Being a dominant is not just about setting goals, enforcing discipline and encouraging growth in a submissive. You must also be able to handle those standards yourself. If you can not... then absolutely I would question whether or not you are responsible enough to be a Dominant to whom I would surrender myself, and all the things I have busted my own ass for my whole life.

Does that mean you can not live in an apartment? Absolutely not! In many cities, that is the only option for even the wealthiest people. Your dwelling place, no matter the size or luxury, is a reflection of you, and there is nothing wrong with it being an apartment rather than a house.. not every one relishes weeding the garden, shoveling snow, cleaning the gutters, mowing the lawn, bailing out a flooded basement.... need I say more? Apartment living is definitely the right choice, for many reasons, for many people. That just seemed like a really ignorant qualifier on her part.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 7

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:26:40 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

OK, I'll answer the OP's post as it relates to 'my' situation. Right now, with the WCI, it's minus 28 degrees. It's not my preference to live in a cardboard box out in the snow, but I'd rather live in that with Himself, than in a mansion with someone else.

Fair enough?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 8

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:27:41 PM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Financial standing ,no. Financial responsibility, yes.

While looking it did not matter to me how much a dominant made or had. But it did matter that he was responsible.

Do you pay your bills as close to on time as possible? Or do you wait until the turn off notice comes because you just had to have snake skin boots first?

Do you have thousands in credit card debt because you cannot budget/control your spending?

Is you child support years in arrears when you had a good job making decent money because you bought a Lamborghini instead?

Scooter spoils Jewel and i rotten, i freely admit that.

But if next week he for some reason could never work again both of us would go to work so he could take care of things.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 9

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:28:35 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Celeste... you are beautiful.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:28:45 PM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I wished I did live in a Apartment sometimes. I just got raked for 4 grand to get the underground water pipe replaced. Mr. property tax collector will be on my case real soon.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 11

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:31:40 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Call me mean spirited or whatever your heart desires but I must vent about something that I found in someone's profile because it really irritated me.

In general it basically stated that if you were 40 and lived in an apartment that you couldn't be a dominant. Now this bothers me on two levels, the first of which is that I live in an apartment and I am 41 years old and a dominant. The second item that chafes my nether regions is that by sheer implication, that statement in that profile is single-minded and basically rude in it's nature.

Before everyone tears into me and tells me to "get over it" allow me to attempt to explain why I even bothered posting about this. Does financial standing have anything to do with being a dominant? If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive? Is social status tied into the perception of dominance? I believe the answers to those questions are fairly obvious but I am quite curious to see if this actually is something that a submissive will place any weight in when evaluating a potential dominant.

I live in an apartment. I have owned two houses. Made a great income until my industry was offshored to Mumbai.

Then I was in financial straits trying to get into the union.

Monkeyboy got elected and doubled or tripled the price of real estate in the US by slashing interest rates.

Been in the union two years, I can qualify for a huge mortgage, but I dont want to yet. Waiting for all those interest only loans to come due for people who lost their jobs by the current administrations fiscal idiocy.

Besides which, I am torn between buying a place to live local to my job, or buying a place where I want to live and keeping my apartment.

Probably decide by this summer what my plan is.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 12

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:35:04 PM

freakgoddess

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

most people who live in houses are in debt for life. what's so great about that?

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 13

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:37:59 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

As long as the DIQ (Dom In Question) is working, can take care of Himself and if He has a girl move in with Him take care of her, i don't see that it matters if you live in an apartment, duplex, mansion or a "Frigidaire" box. (sorry Wulfchyld, i had ta steal Your pun for my thoughts on this thread).

If you are working and can support yourself, and the one whom you collar then "Then tough titty said the kitty when the milk taste shitty" for those who want to whine, complain and bitch that you live in an apartment.

Tell them if they contact you that you are not interested in them and MOVE ON!!

ok end of this rant and off i run to lay down seeing i'll get hollered at if i don't with a migraine from hell..

Have fun, Watch the Super Bowl and GO BEARS GO

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to ElectraGlide)

Post #: 14

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:39:18 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakgoddess

most people who live in houses are in debt for life. what's so great about that?

You can sell the house and live off the money you have in equity?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to freakgoddess)

Post #: 15

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:41:04 PM

findmedaddy

Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline

Perfect answer. I'm very leery of anyone who has not faced adult responsibilities. If he cannot take care of himself, he is not qualified to lead me. If I do all the earning, all the care of the home, all the taking care of details while he's trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up, I will have no respect for him. Others may disagree, but for me, respect is paramount. And if the dom is living in an apartment because he can't take care of himself, that is a major drawback.

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 16

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:42:50 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

It's not so unusual to live in apt's these days. Not owning a home by your age isn't a bad thing, it's a life thing. There are factors in owning a home which may keep several people out of the property trap. I dislike gardening, for instance, and I have a huge yard which looks ick now.
That said, I find that people hang out with, or are attracted to those with a similar standing. Perhaps the profiles you read are from people who are used to a different style of living?
Recently in another topic, I read something along the lines of, "No woman is better than me." During another discussion I saw a female post that "all men are more important than females."
At first the idea that people believe that, rankled me. But I had to stop to think that all the females I know and can spend time with are like me. Intelligent.. with stuff ..and a certain expectation of the mate we might choose I don't have that must own home expectation. I do have a requirement that a man I am with has a similar education in books or life.
And so I must believe that other people also hang out with those whose standards match their own.

Maybe the people whose profiles you have read just have different expectations.
Sometimes it can be limiting, but we all have a set of acceptable standards.
I wouldn't fit into someones idea that women should be naturally deferential, which knocks me out of a huge range of dominants. And that is OK.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 2/4/2007 2:49:09 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 17

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:46:39 PM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

I just prefer houses for the um...privacy factor. Things can get noisy yanno?

Seriously though, apartment dwelling is fine if as said above current bills are being paid. Living in an apartment doesn't mean one is irresponsible or broke..they could just live in a city. I know folks that live in houses & barely scrape by month to month.

It isn't the dwelling that counts, it is the person and the way they conduct their lives.

*imo per usual

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to freakgoddess)

Post #: 18

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 2:55:31 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I will wade in the water of political incorrectness. You of course can be dominant and live in an apartment but for a middle age man to live in an apartment if the reasons other then maybe it is for very short term location thing or major cities like New York or Chicago, is quite an unattractive quality.

I agree with twicehappy. It is not the living in an apartment per say but why you are living in an apartment. Is it not out of choice and because of poor financial responsibility and career choices then you bet it matters.

Just like most male dominant profiles on these sites that somehow always seem to word they want a HWP or “someone attractive, which I decide” a woman wants a man that is finically responsible and can help them feel secure and we don not mean the man has to be rich so the cop out excuse that is what most of us are looking for is not true.

If a man can show me he is responsible with his finances and career I would have no problem if he lives in an apartment, but a middle aged man living in an apartment is something that would certainly raise my suspicion and cannot just be blown off as no big deal.

< Message edited by toservez -- 2/4/2007 2:57:08 PM >

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 19

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 3:00:02 PM

FootQueen

Posts: 241
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

Did I miss something in this thread or what? When did living in an apartment become FREE? What if the person lives in New York? A large number of dwellings there are only apartments and they can easily run you more than the mortgage on a house. Therefore someone living in an apartment in New York may have to work more so that they maintain their 'apartment' which shows quite a bit of responsibility from where I sit. So is it to say that dominants can't live in large/major cities where there is it mostly apartment living?

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Don`t engage in a relationship if there is no trust, for without trust there really is no relationship!

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Post #: 20

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