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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 3:37:14 PM

GeekyGirl

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They shouldn't assume such, since the exact quote from my profile is: :"As for sexual interests, let it suffice to say that I am very open-minded and will discuss specifics only after getting to know someone."

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 3:45:24 PM

defiantbadgirl

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I see nothing lacking in your profile.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 4:43:46 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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one dom i've met at another adult site told me the art of conversation and getting to know people is dead. that was for those who are teases and won't have sex at the first meet. well, he was immediately blocked. i've had guys right off the bat asking me what my favorite sexual position was to what's my breast size to do i like to gang bang on the 1st date. many men do think with their 2nd brain than their real one.

communication is the key to build any type of relationship and from my experience, the guy will not respect a woman they find easy to have sex with. Daddy told me once you have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince. i've kissed plenty of frogs and have recently found my prince.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 8:43:27 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Getting to know each other a lost art?..Yes...lost because this is an instant gratification world, lost because we do not get off the fast track and slow down, lost because the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill, lost because effort takes too much effort, lost because we are now so easily distracted, .......Tempting

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 9:07:07 PM

vield

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Having no expectations, a good grasp of what one is or is NOT seeking and having an open mind to me seem the keys to a good life.

If no one meets one's expectations, then one is still in the same place in life as before.

Calmly asserting your limits, wishes and needs and negotiating them is a great way to weed out those contacts who have no respect for you or your wishes.

Yes this can be lonely at times. However with the modern safety concerns we all should be considering, lonely may be better than HIV treatments.

One neds to remember that on the internet one meets many who do have interests in instant gratification, as well as predators and people who do not think things through clearly.

Holding back and insisting upon your requirements being met before any power exchange takes place is just as important for a slave or submissive as it is for a dominant or switch.

Actually with the internet it is very much quicker and easier to make contact and to communicate than it was when written snail mail was the major option. Thus persons who will not do so weed themselves out of your life sooner too, when good communication is a main requirement you have.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 10:01:33 PM

touchthesky

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i have had doms admit they werent even really all that dom but this is a good way to meet beautiful women and go right to sex without dating.so i feel u. ALOT

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 10:10:46 PM

SirRah

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It is not lost, just really hard to find someone who has not built walls with motes and lots of alligators.

Sir Rah

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 10:23:17 PM

sublizzie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirRah

It is not lost, just really hard to find someone who has not built walls with motes and lots of alligators.

Sir Rah

I keep hearing about Dominants who desire a challenge. Wouldn't those walls and moats and alligators present a challenge to a Dominant? Maybe they are all holographic to weed out those who aren't willing to at least try the challenge..... Just a thought.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/9/2007 10:41:58 PM

touchthesky

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but u know this stuff is also true on vanilla sites. I am on myspace n have alot of pix up there. I get the same stuff as u describe

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 8:02:54 AM

SirDominic

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I don't see anything wrong with your profile either. You state your desires plainly.

As for communication being a dead art, hmmmmm, I wonder. I think I rather believe that it is broken, not dead. It is a given that men desire the physical connection first, the emotional one later. And that for women it is the emotional connection that must be built before they are comfortable with the physical. A generalization to be sure, but mostly an accurate one.

Just to be clear, I'm not talking about the guys who ask extremely personal questions about sex in their first email; that is just crass and immature. It is just as wrong for women to have set such high standards that they practically guarantee that they will never find what they are looking for.

What I'm talking about is tha on the one side you have men communicating what is important to them, and women reacting negatively because what they are hearing is not what is of foremost importance to them. And the opposite, too, of course. I don't see much effort on either side to have much sympathy or compassion for the opposing side's views, needs and desires. As long as that remains the case, the schism between the sexes is only going to widen.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 8:11:05 AM

GeekyGirl

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Thank you for your reply...You're quite right of course. Men and woman (generally) have different priorities.

The funny thing is that sex IS extremely important to me. I adore sex, in almost every way imaginable and generally have a higher sex drive than the men I'm with. The men who write me off as a prude too quicky do themselves a disservice, because I am one of the most kinky and open-minded people I know. I'm the girl who wants to do it 3x a day everyday and try almost every new thing possible...but when I refuse to discuss such things in the first online contact, the men make assumptions.

I don't mind answering honest questions about my sexual interests in the 2nd or 3rd online conversation, provided they are tasteful and tactful questions. I just feel they should make the effort of at least one platonic conversation so I can decide if I even have an interest in the person to begin with.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 8:17:59 AM

KatyLied

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In some ways I think it's a lost art. I enjoy talking to people and I really enjoy it when I think a guy is trying to get into my head. I like to learn about the "vanilla" person behind the Dom label, and my hope is that he would like to discover the "vanilla" girl. Nothing turns me off more quickly than sharing 3 or 4 fun pm's with a guy then suddenly I'm bombarded with "what is your favorite position" "are you good at blow jobs" "tell me about your limits". That's often enough for me to hit the "off" switch, because my first thought is ..... oh no, another guy looking for wanking material.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 8:36:20 AM

SirDominic

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geeky and katy, I agree this is a huge male problem. Most men just don't have a clue how to talk to women about sex. As I mentioned in another thread, I don't need to even mention the word in any connotation, but I can ask probing questions that are seemingly unrelated, that tell me a great deal about a woman's sensuality and sexual drives. I think this whole process would go much more smoothly if more men learned that approach. What saddens me is that a whole lot of guys seem to have not even the least bit of interest in learning this skill.

Just like for BDSM, I don't even bring up the topic right away. I want to see how we relate on a purely vanilla level first. If that doesn't go well, for whatever reason, then why even bother talking about a fetish relationship. If the chemistry is there, the rest will follow pretty naturally.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 9:15:37 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

They shouldn't assume such, since the exact quote from my profile is: :"As for sexual interests, let it suffice to say that I am very open-minded and will discuss specifics only after getting to know someone."

I agree. Some chaps think that having read your profile IS *getting to know you* .......lol

What happens if you repeat that you don't discuss those things until you know someone much better?

agirl

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 9:20:03 AM

GeekyGirl

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Usually they break off contact.The more polite ones will say "I don't think we're looking for the same thing." The majority just stop messaging.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 10:01:10 AM

Inticed2sub

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In my personal experiences I have found that even when a potential Dom is saying the "right" things, and approaching it from the "right" direction, nothing is as important as a real life meeting. They could say all the right things, and then you meet them and there is zero sexual appeal because they have a picture up from 5 years ago before they started using drugs. I had this happen - the guy was missing all his bottom teeth, and when I told him I just couldn't do this, he got bummed out and asked me for a ride to the bus stop! I never could connect the man I was talking to the one I met. Bottom line - people can be misleading in the hopes that it wont matter. But, it always does.

I had a very young Dom from Ca email me saying he liked what he read in my profile and he would be expecting a prompt reply. Well, first off, he didn't read my entire profile or he would have read "local men only". And I didn't like that he was expecting my submission right off, like he had earned it! I emailed him back - "Dream on DingDom", and blocked him. It is sometimes best to keep your sense of humor. It is the only thing that helps me get through some of the correspondence. Good luck to you Sister sub in your search. It will happen for you when it should. And usually it will be out of the blue when you least expect it.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 10:20:13 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Usually they break off contact.The more polite ones will say "I don't think we're looking for the same thing." The majority just stop messaging.

I'd say it's clear that they weren't romantically interested, that they aren't looking for the things that you are and you've saved an awful lot of time.

agirl

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 10:23:24 AM

hot1

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I think that all online sites have a lot of people on them that do not want anything real....both male and female. The ones that are really looking just has to look harder.

I feel the same way you do, when I talk to someone serious about weather or not we should see if we should meet up I want more than bdsm. I can go almost anywhere in bdsm, when I start one on one talking wiht a Dom and he starts this ...this...this...and see no flags the next thing is omg..you are perfect lets go out. I then ask...what type of movies do you like, music, wrestling fan, shoot pool? etc etc...and if i get a no every time..I said..why would you want to meet me...other than friends, we have nothing in common.....response...yes but we can have some fun..you are perfect.

shakes head......but I have many Male friends and if you have one that is really looking as well......they can match me story for story. Two way street...

Someone said here that you get to know someone more online in a month than you do vanilla dating in a year. I honestly belive that...because all you do online is chat and get to know each other. There are no distractions of the activitiy the date is..be it movie, golf or whatever...all you do is talk and get to know each other.

beth

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 10:28:02 AM

degradess

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I am tired of just having someone come on and want to talk sex and nothing else..I am more than a collection of parts. I am looking for a dom but if someone is telling me what to do and just talking sex in every conversation I just forget about them. Its hard to find anyone who wants to get to know me at all.

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RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? - 2/11/2007 10:28:56 AM

cjenny

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

In some ways I think it's a lost art. I enjoy talking to people and I really enjoy it when I think a guy is trying to get into my head. I like to learn about the "vanilla" person behind the Dom label, and my hope is that he would like to discover the "vanilla" girl. Nothing turns me off more quickly than sharing 3 or 4 fun pm's with a guy then suddenly I'm bombarded with "what is your favorite position" "are you good at blow jobs" "tell me about your limits". That's often enough for me to hit the "off" switch, because my first thought is ..... oh no, another guy looking for wanking material.

I detest when that happens. It leaves me wondering what I said/did wrong to lead the guy to think that I am fine with going from the weather to him wanting cam/phone/text sex. Plus it just makes me feel icky.

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