quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Whatever happened to getting to know someone that you are romantically interested in?

Surely I'm not the only person who remembers this phenomenon:  Boy Meets Girl, Boy and Girl get to know each other, Boy and Girl become friends, Boy and Girl develop romantic interest in each other, Boy and Girl began dating, Boy and Girl become physically intimate, etc.

Is it to much to ask for this kind of thing if you're a submissive? My profile clearlys states that I am looking for a relationship to grow slowly. So why is it that when I am contacted , the first thing a propective dominant wants to know is details of my sexual/Lifestyle preferences?

Am I being unreasonable to consider it rude to ask a stranger the details of their sex life?

I am looking for a dominant to be my best friend and Life partner. I feel that if he is looking for the same thing, he will make some effort to get to know me as a human being and befriend me before asking me the details of my Lifestyle preferences. I get offended when strangers start asking me what my hard limits are, what sex acts I enjoy, etc. I feel those conversations should wait until I have gotten to know a person a little better.

Furthermore, when a dominant begans asking those things right off the bat, I get the impression he is only looking for a sex partner and not something serious. If a man contacts me off this site, he shouldn't have to ask any BDSM oriented questions right off the bat. My profile addresses the basics of whether or not I'm poly, what I'm looking for, how long I've been in the Lifestyle, if I'm willing to relocate, etc. Why not make an attempt to find out about ME before asking about my submissive tendencies?

No man is going to dominate me until he's earned my friendship...that comes from getting to know each other and spending time with each other. Instead of asking me what my kinks are, why not ask me about my family, my pets, my career, my religious beliefs, my political leanings etc? In other words, take an interest in me as a human being.

You wouldn't introduce yourself to someone at the grocery store and say "Hi I'm bob, how are you? Do you like pony play?" Yet men consider it appropriate to introduce themselves in such a way online. Whatever happened to common manners? Does being in the lifestyle exempt you from that? I just don't consider it appropriate to ask highly personal questions of someone I just met.

Am I crazy for wanting a relationship to develop traditionally? I prefer to get to know someone online, proceed to phone conversations, meet for a short date to see if there's any chemistry, and if things go well from there, go on a few more dates before proceeding to anything intimate or relating to BDSM. I don't trust just anyone...I need to get to know the person before I'm even going to consider them as someone I want to dominate me. Does no one else feel this way anymore? I'm starting to think I'm the only one.

*end of rant*

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

That's pretty much what I've been doing....I say something along the lines of "I'm not really comfortable discussing that subject matter with you yet" and then proceed to ask him a question about his vanilla interests. 9 times out of 10, they end the conversation, usually without even saying "goodbye" or "I'm not interested".