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RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 9:12:12 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

fast reply,

ok people seem to be confused. i am not doubting sub drop - or its validity having experienced it before. i was trying to point out how after days or weeks of a 'low' some people still like to call it sub drop even if its not. and as always, this does not apply to everyone.


thanks for your replies.


What do you call it when the subspace goes on for days and days on end?  I had a scene with a Dom whose name i didnt know, who ended up using a single tail on me (first time ever for me!) and i was stuck in subspace for days.  On top of that i was absolutetly smittened with him.... still am slightly.... 

What boggles me, this man i didnt even know his name at the begining of the scene, barely caught it at the end of the scene was so kind to provide days of "after care".  (with me being completely un aware of what he was doing)  Not only did he not mind that i found out how to get a hold of him, he spent time talking to me in IMS, Emails, and phone conversations for DAYS.   On top of that, he invited me out, invited me to a concert, invited me over for weekend.  (course the collar on my neck sort put a reality check on things)

I just dont get it.  How some one i barely knew - didnt say "hey we played, get over it"  He was there for me for as long as i needed him.  ::sigh::  And when i stopped needing him so much, he started to break down contact with me (citing the whole collared thing) 

I'm either making a very valid point here - or this topic made me think of him and i just wanted to ramble on since i am still slightly smittened with him.  ::sigh:: Why arent all Doms like him?

edited to add - at the time i was just so completely caught up, but looking back....... i see how it was all aftercare. And of course! i completely learned my lesson about playing with others and not getting permission first from Master. 


< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 2/9/2007 9:16:01 AM >

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RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 12:24:55 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		If I was miz for weeks after, I'd wonder what on earth I was playing at.  It's not as if I NEED to be bashed, pricked and peed on, to live..........If it caused the miseries in me for days and weeks, I'd be thinking *cost/benefit*......and so would M, I expect.

I get *flat*, because I miss him, I'm exhausted and I've been happy, happy, happy, excited and intense.........and now he's gone.

Not having indentified *sub-drop* in myself, I suppose I have never identified *aftercare* either. Perhaps a slap on the arse and a *Right, lunch!* is aftercare?

In all seriousness.......Why would anyone suffer that much for something that could be adapted, modified or abstained from?

agirl










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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 12:42:06 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		in the four years this slave has experienced intense physically and emotionally demanding scenes, this slave always gets the opposite of the Submissive Drop Syndrome.
 
this slave supposes enough of us haven't reported in on our euphoria and overall sense of calm and peacefulness that lasts for days sometimes after intense "scene"-ing.  No cuddling or aftercare necessary, this slave tends to fall into a deep nap after basking in the glow, held or left alone. upon awakening, this slave feels refreshed and energized!!!
 
perhaps if enough of us come forward, we can coin a phrase for it, too--how about sub high?

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 2/9/2007 12:52:10 PM >

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 1:32:01 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		You're right beth,

What about the highs and the benefits?

I'm always SOO sleepy and I sometimes DO sleep for almost a day afterwards (unless he rouses me out of my lovely warm womb). It's an amazing, bone-weary tiredness that I'd quite appreciate having every night. I always have memories that filter through over hours and hours and have lots of * Crikey, I REMEMBER that now* moments.......and I experience  the feelings again, to a degree. Sometimes it's a day before I recall some things and I get a rush of * Did that happen or did I dream it?*.

I do have a type of peace that descends, but at the same time, there's a fire that becomes stoked all over again. It's exciting, maddening and tiring.

I miss him awfully....but I'd rather miss him than not have him come.

agirl







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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 2:10:55 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl



Not having indentified *sub-drop* in myself, I suppose I have never identified *aftercare* either. Perhaps a slap on the arse and a *Right, lunch!* is aftercare?

agirl



..Replying to myself here.....Just for clarity.....*Right, lunch!* doesn't mean it's me that makes the lunch. 'Tis sometimes, tisn't others.

agirl

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 3:13:32 PM   
lilsubl


Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		dear beth...

oh, good...thank you for bringing this up...this almost always happens to me, because the scening is something that i need in life, not something i endure for someone else...i had a very intense scene nearly a week ago & as he left he looked closely at me & said, "you look so serene"...i kissed him goodbye, had some breakfast & a nice long nap...the serenity & the calm & the peace has remained, even though he said he would call me that night & i've never heard from him again...there was no after-care that he provided, none that i needed from him...i did need what he did provide to get me back into an emotionally balanced state, where i could deal with what's going on in my life right now...for this i thank him wholeheartedly...as for any responsibility that he had toward making sure i was ok?  not necessary for me.....

< Message edited by lilsubl -- 2/9/2007 3:14:15 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 3:20:59 PM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have had subdrop last up to two days.  It depends on how intense the scene is.  Often I find it helps to talk to the person afterwards, even if just on the phone.  I have had something similar to subdrop last up to 3 days to a week, but I call that event drop, because it happens after a full weekend conference, convention, or weekend play party.  Each person is different.  Usually subdrop is a reaction to the endorphins no longer being there.  For those that have it last longer then a day, often times a good workout, walk etc to get the endorphins going again helps. 

I can't disagree or agree with you on your opinion.  I think it is an individual case by case thing.  I am sure there are those that milk the sub drop thing, but I am sure there are just as many that aren't.

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oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

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RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 3:51:28 PM   
twicehappy


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Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

perhaps if enough of us come forward, we can coin a phrase for it, too--how about sub high?


I'll second calling it sub high, i stay happy and energized for days after. I just feel peaceful, refreshed, loved.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 4:32:50 PM   
MistressDiane


Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe that's why some just get depressed....they don't feel the love or as much love as they feel they oughta or it doesn't last long enough. I feel alot of it has to do with your own emotional balance and how well a grip you have on it. A Dominant can't take sole responsibility for that.

edited to add.....This is directed at the ones who do go on and on for weeks, sometimes it's not always all about you. Sometimes we just need to get our kink on and that's what you're for.

< Message edited by MistressDiane -- 2/9/2007 4:53:47 PM >

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"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 5:04:08 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDiane

I feel alot of it has to do with your own emotional balance and how well a grip you have on it. A Dominant can't take sole responsibility for that.


I kind of agree with that. Like i said in an earlier post, chemical reactions aside, your reactions to scening oft times has a lot to do with your comfort level with your inner self, with your own relationship, your own sexuality, your inner acceptance of your own kinky self.
 
Your dominant cannot accept sole responsibility for those things.
 
Personally i am comfortable and happy in my own skin. I think Mrs.Merc is as well, maybe there in lies the difference to a great degree

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

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RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 5:10:52 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Strangely enough, Angel and I havent dealt with sub drop. I would have expected this to be a problem for him, but he never did have any trouble going directly from a scene back to real life. For us, though, there has been a lot of leadup and emotional support to prepare him for his scenes.
I have had others before who had sub drop problems becasue of insecurity.  There was an inherent fear that there wouldnt be another scene. Sometimes, in my experince at least, the after effects of a good scene wore off quickly in the early stages of the relationship.  It was overshadowed by wether or not I was interested enough to have another session.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

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VampiresLair

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 8:04:34 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		Just curious, would you prefer someone who says "I'm going to need you to cuddle with me for at least an hour after you beat the shit out of me or else it just isn't good for me?" Is that more honest and less excuse-y?

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 8:18:35 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

in the four years this slave has experienced intense physically and emotionally demanding scenes, this slave always gets the opposite of the Submissive Drop Syndrome.
 
...

perhaps if enough of us come forward, we can coin a phrase for it, too--how about sub high?


This has been my experience recently.

A little more spring in the step...a little humming while I work...a little smile tickling the corners of my mouth.  Although, I do love the feel of His warm hand on my back directly after we've played, I don't really need to be coddled at all.

That 'rightness' feeling isn't something I'd catagorize as a 'hard and fast emotion'.  It's sort of like an underlying, but steady, current. 

Maybe I've just reached a comfort zone within myself...or something.

sub-high.  I like it.


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RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 8:32:57 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I've never understood those who  integrate things like guilt....forgiveness...etc...into the equation.   I've never felt guilt for enjoying what i enjoy, nor the need to forgive my  tormentor nor myself for our interaction.


I get what you're saying there and IMO the reference to guilt and forgiveness, etc. is in regards to scenes that play with people's deeper emotional issues and get pretty mentally intense in addition to just the physical. I've had a variety of different types of scenes and only rarely have delved into those areas where the aftercare would need to include mental aspects. Most of my play up to this point has been purely physical and the aftercare is just to bring the sub down slowly to avoid the much talked about drop. So no, I don't think it has anything to do with feeling guilty about enjoying scene, but I could be wrong too.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/9/2007 11:20:32 PM   
sexyone4you


Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I can't see sub drop from enjoying what you do in a scene, but I can see the argument for getting it from fear of there not being another scene.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/10/2007 12:18:36 AM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i see a lot here ....


Can you provide links to a small sampling, say maybe seven or eight, of this "lot" of cases you've seen of women suffering weeks-long bouts of depression and posting here to call it sub-drop?

I must have blinked.

If your clinical diagnosis is correct (you must be good at this, you don't need anywhere near as much evidence as the professionals do) then this would seem a fine time to note that difficulty in evaluating one's state-of-mind insightfully is typical of people suffering from this disease.

Then maybe we can have a standing ovation for the compassion you have shown to those you have taken time from your day to diagnose.

Next perhaps we could pause to reflect on the fact that someone with this disease is not just "a human with emotional needs--like anyone else" any more than a person with Diabetes is a "person with physical needs--just like anyone else"

And finally, the next time you want to take a potshot at some individual who is having a hard time, I suggest you just put it in an e-mail ... and delete it unsent

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/10/2007 1:31:00 AM   
WingedSnake


Posts: 61
Joined: 2/8/2007
From: Dawn Weyr
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

in the four years this slave has experienced intense physically and emotionally demanding scenes, this slave always gets the opposite of the Submissive Drop Syndrome.
 
this slave supposes enough of us haven't reported in on our euphoria and overall sense of calm and peacefulness that lasts for days sometimes after intense "scene"-ing.  No cuddling or aftercare necessary, this slave tends to fall into a deep nap after basking in the glow, held or left alone. upon awakening, this slave feels refreshed and energized!!!
 
perhaps if enough of us come forward, we can coin a phrase for it, too--how about sub high?


Count me in for the high and exhilerating feelings after intense moments with my beloved.

As the rest of my life so is sex and SM something i do and breathe for the positive light it brings to me. If i had to fight "drop", depression or similar states of mind i would stop and reconsider.

On the other hand like climbing in the Alpen (Alps?) Mountains in Europe, after some hours of intensive and extensive SM it is necessary to rest, eat and drink.

I do not dispute that there are people who have what they call "sub drop" but i think it is as specific as the term syndrom. Hey, what is that for a new fancy title Sub Drop Syndrom.

Maybe we could raise funds to research it.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/10/2007 6:36:56 AM   
BreatheinToMe


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

in the four years this slave has experienced intense physically and emotionally demanding scenes, this slave always gets the opposite of the Submissive Drop Syndrome.
 
...

perhaps if enough of us come forward, we can coin a phrase for it, too--how about sub high?


This has been my experience recently.

A little more spring in the step...a little humming while I work...a little smile tickling the corners of my mouth.  Although, I do love the feel of His warm hand on my back directly after we've played, I don't really need to be coddled at all.

That 'rightness' feeling isn't something I'd catagorize as a 'hard and fast emotion'.  It's sort of like an underlying, but steady, current. 

Maybe I've just reached a comfort zone within myself...or something.

sub-high.  I like it.



I have experienced the high, but I wasn't aware of a title for it. Between my Dom and I , we called it floaty, it could last for a short time, or a day or a few, like floating in the clouds...in vanilla terms, could it be as simple as happy? (this was also the case for the relationship in general at that time)
 
But then there were other times, when I experienced the drop, I didn't know it was common, nor that it had a title. I just thought I was overly needy, or so he hinted. But the after care wasn't there. The physical disconnect came before the emotional disconnect.  I am so glad I am reading and hearing this of others. I am learning a lot here !
 
Would I be wrong to simplify it with a parallel to the intensity of emotional satisfaction in the relationship? Be it in general, or for that partner, or for that day....? Could it be a true barometer for something else?

< Message edited by BreatheinToMe -- 2/10/2007 6:38:56 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/10/2007 6:44:39 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		After reading  both mrs merc and twice happy's posts, i'm wondering if whether living with their Dominant/Master makes the occurence  of sub drop  less likely?

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: sub drop? excuses - 2/10/2007 6:45:13 AM   
wideeyes


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/5/2007
Status: offline 		:)...thanks beth

i also find myself on a "high" after play or even after spending some time curled up at his feet.  generally the aftereffects is an extreme sense of peace and relaxation (almost like getting a really good long massage)...and a clearing away of mental cobwebs.  We both think of our time together as our vacation time. 

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 60
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