quote:

people need to look at the other PERSON, not the other person's orientation, when looking for a partner.

What sissy wanted to respond to Your post, Ma'am, before he got sidetracked with Your edit comment, was the fact that there are indeed very few personal character traits emerging in the posted lists that are BDSM specific, and that consequently Your quoted advice is right on the money. However, having said that, it is VERY interesting that on either of the threads on this topic NOBODY has posted the words LOVE or AFFECTION. What are we all hiding from here ?

Respectfrilly Yours,

sissy maid lola




_____________________________

If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.

(in reply to MsSilvie)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissymaidlola

quote:

people need to look at the other PERSON, not the other person's orientation, when looking for a partner.

What sissy wanted to respond to Your post, Ma'am, before he got sidetracked with Your edit comment, was the fact that there are indeed very few personal character traits emerging in the posted lists that are BDSM specific, and that consequently Your quoted advice is right on the money. However, having said that, it is VERY interesting that on either of the threads on this topic NOBODY has posted the words LOVE or AFFECTION. What are we all hiding from here ?

Respectfrilly Yours,

sissy maid lola

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

i probably just have a misconception about feminism....i gave it some thought after i posted that question and realized it's probably not that uncommon after all.

quote:

Edited because I'm typing in pink again!

ROTFLMAO ... Glad to see You are in the pink again, Ma'am. You did Your edit before sissy had a chance to post and razz You for having gone all "pink" and "faint" on him and that that wasn't "acceptable 'dominant' behavior." <giggles>

quote:

I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, and say that "love" an "affection" can be seen as a vulnerability or a weakness. I don't personally agree with that for a moment. But when you say you love someone, and really mean it, that does involve opening yourself up and recognizing that the other person does have some power over you. For some dominants (some, not all) and submissives (ditto), that isn't acceptable "dominant" behavior.

Once again, sissy thinks You are absolutely right, Ma'am. sissy Feels that a lot of the people that present as Dom/me on this and other BDSM sites come across as - for lack of a better word - fakes ... with a lot of bluster, posturing and posing. His theory for the reason They are that way is that They got emotionally hurt in the vanilla world (because They did open themselves up and make Themselves vulnerable) and then They were subsequently attracted to the world of BDSM because it gives Them the opportunity to be in complete control and never get hurt again. They are not naturally Dominant ... They are just playing one on a BDSM message board, etc. Now, sissy isn't saying that there aren't fake subs and slaves too, but their motives for falsity have to be different than putting up an emotional firewall because, since the subs and slaves are the ones expected to be doing all the trusting and making themselves vulnerable, there is no protection from being emotionally hurt for them in their presented online persona.

sissy Finds himself admiring the profiles of the other submissives and slaves (bottoms) on CollarMe on a much greater ratio than he does the Dom/me profiles. The bottoms seem to be more consistently introspective and realistically objective, stating what they wish to offer and what they desire in return (e.g., service, obedience and respect in return for guidance and enforced discipline). Many of the Dom/me profiles focus ONLY on what They want to take / receive from the bottom without even addressing what They might have to offer the submissive or slave in return. The flow of power dynamic differs in a D/s relationship from the fairly balanced exchange of power in a vanilla relationship, but it does NOT mean that the energy flows in only ONE direction in such a relationship.

Although the power and control might be ceded from the bottom to the Top and flow upwards, there also has to be a balancing downward flow of energy from the Top to the bottom in exchange for that power and control. If not, the bottom will eventually be completely run down and drained like a dead battery ... s/he cannot be an endless source of energy for the Top! Most Dom/mes seem to be very good at telling you how They want to take away your power and control, and that They expect to receive your respect and loyalty, etc. ... but They frequently overlook to state what They in turn are offering to give the submissive or slave. Other, that is, than pain, punishment and humiliation ... which is just another way of saying that They are going to take the bottom's power and control away (or that the bottom will be expected to willingly surrender it ... same difference!). IsHO, Dom/mes frequently completely shirk the question of what Their contribution to the mutual exchange of energy in a D/s relationship is going to be.

quote:

I could go on for hours now about why I think D/s relationships can be very unhealthy in this respect, but that's a bit beyond the scope of this thread, I think.

sissy Could go on for hours also, Ma'am, but also doesn't want to hijack this thread. Maybe You should consider starting a new thread on this topic, Ms Silvie ?

Respectfrilly Yours,

sissy maid lola




_____________________________

If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.

(in reply to MsSilvie)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady

I think that the one thing that stands out to me about the line between the real doms and the abusive is that the good ones don't push for your submission. They just stand there and wait for you to come to them- and if you don't come quickly enough, they are ready to walk away.

quote:

I guess my question for submissives/slaves is what are the signs/traits of a good Dom/me?

quote:

My 2 cents.

Thank you for posting your 2 cents, sis. lola Couldn't agree more. And now for lola's 2 scents ... they are Channel No. 5 and Shalimar ... although Obsession would come in a close third.

Hey, dani, did you know that there is a whole new line of fragrances coming out this spring carrying sissy's name ? Yessiree bob ... sissy only just signed the contract the other week. So keep your eyes skinned for sissy's first fragrance appearing next month in all good department stores near you. It's called Lolaeatsa Limppecker.

Curtsies,

sissy maid lola




_____________________________

If i don't seem submissive to You, it may be because i'm NOT submissive to You.

(in reply to Sissyslave71)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir

harmony

quote:

I am a feminist

a submissive/slave that's a feminist? Is that common?

edited: not in reply to Ms Silvie, it was to harmony (clicked the wrong button)
by the way, happy pervert, i am still laughing at your post!

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady

Lady Angelika-

I have been beneath the hand of the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I think that the one thing that stands out to me about the line between the real doms and the abusive is that the good ones don't push for your submission. They just stand there and wait for you to come to them- and if you don't come quickly enough, they are ready to walk away.

IMNSHO, The abusiver pursues you- the real doms, the good doms make you pursue them.

That, and everything Master Merc said.

Kat

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady
I have been beneath the hand of the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I think that the one thing that stands out to me about the line between the real doms and the abusive is that the good ones don't push for your submission. They just stand there and wait for you to come to them- and if you don't come quickly enough, they are ready to walk away.
Kat

quote:

In my opinion, there are plenty of bad dominants out there who aren't abusers...they're just incompetent dominants. There IS a difference, and a big one. Incompetence isn't malicious, while abuse is, and while I've seen a bunch of stuff on this board that makes me think, "whoa, that's a train wreck of a wannabe dom," I haven't seen SO much that I'd call abuse. Then again, I don't read every post, so YMMV.

quote:

LOL how do you reconcile this with what ALL the subs said on another thread about how they test their doms to push and see how authoritative they really are?

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady

quote:

LOL how do you reconcile this with what ALL the subs said on another thread about how they test their doms to push and see how authoritative they really are?

Dear ES-

I am the queen of the leash jerkers! If my Dom gives me a rule, I will at least bend it just to see what happens. If he comes back and seems to let it slide, well he just lost a little bit of respect from me.

quote:

A) A good dominant won't push anything, he will simply wait and see if you accept it or not.

B) A good dominant will push you back down if you choose not to accept it at first. If he doesn't, you lose respect for him.

They are conflicting statements.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady

quote:

LOL how do you reconcile this with what ALL the subs said on another thread about how they test their doms to push and see how authoritative they really are?

Dear ES-

I am the queen of the leash jerkers! If my Dom gives me a rule, I will at least bend it just to see what happens. If he comes back and seems to let it slide, well he just lost a little bit of respect from me.

Again, how do you reconcile the two statements then?

A) A good dominant won't push anything, he will simply wait and see if you accept it or not.

B) A good dominant will push you back down if you choose not to accept it at first. If he doesn't, you lose respect for him.

They are conflicting statements.

I'm not discussing things like correction, you forgot something, it let him do something very hot and direct to you to correct you for it, and that's that. I'm discussing the submissive willfully and consciouslly "pulling the leash."

Will a good dominant simply let the sub go, since she has not the sense to be secure in who he is? OR will he push her back down and play into her actions?

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

Anything else to be added?

Don't forget the red cape with the big "S" on it

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady
Lady Angelika-

I have been beneath the hand of the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I think that the one thing that stands out to me about the line between the real doms and the abusive is that the good ones don't push for your submission. They just stand there and wait for you to come to them- and if you don't come quickly enough, they are ready to walk away.

IMNSHO, The abusiver pursues you- the real doms, the good doms make you pursue them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PaintedLady
That, and everything Master Merc said.

Kat