quote:

ORIGINAL: sissymaidlola

quote:

However, having said that, it is VERY interesting that on either of the threads on this topic NOBODY has posted the words LOVE or AFFECTION. What are we all hiding from here ?

I am not at all sure my input here is qualified. I have been "dominant" most of my life. In all that time, I have never negotiated, used a safe word, personally dislike the word Master and people saying Sir to me. I am a total mush to people in need. I furthermore dislike the words sub and slave, and find myself after many decades of this to prefer the word Servess, since it sings to me of the deep desire the women I have been priviledged to know, to express an elegance and artistry.

One thing I did not see mentioned was knowledge and skill. Knowledge of both the body and psyche of people in general and your partner in specific is to me the most important quality any person who is taking another's body and spirit in hand must have. This coupled with the skill to use whatever tools at hand, be they whips, cuffs or words, with the expertise to produce a powerful positive response in your partner's life. This goes way beyond "do no harm."

The next most important quality is empathy, that illusive ability to "feel another's feelings" in many cases even more deeply than they do.

And an enormous heart, filled with a love of life and people. I have never felt my disciplining and strictness was ever anything more than my expression of love and support of the woman who ached so desparately to show her love to me by being the most equisite servess in our universe.

Of course I can at times be a complete boob, so magnanimousitiness on my part is merely so I can look more like a six year old and say, but don't you remember when .......

Well, there is my narrow mind at work.
Very nice discussion.

Zip

< Message edited by dragonofjapan -- 4/29/2005 12:27:29 PM >

_____________________________

He who rules truly serves
She who serves truly rules

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,
but by the things which take our breath away

Honor is not making good choices,
it is dealing with the consequences.

(in reply to sissymaidlola)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709
Course............now is the hard part............convincing myself this is not just a fantasy Dom!!

I don't think this is a fantasy at all. It think these are basic expectations and you shouldn't compromise your standards.
_________

Based on your responses to date, a good Dom/me is one who:

is self-assured
is responsible
is self-control
is honest
is intelligent
is empathic
is trustworthy
is patient
is adventurous
is creative
is open-minded
is emotionally stable
is self-confident
is a good communicator
has good manners
has a sense of honour
has good sense of humour
knows and respects the limits of their slave
protects and controls
honours the contracts that s/he makes
can be strict but have a tender side
can admit to not knowing everything
can admit to having made a mistake
can be chivalrous (what is the Domme equivalent here?)
doesn’t need to Top everyone to feel more dominant

So far, I think this is a pretty good set of criteria and I also think that it’s very realistic.

Anything else to be added?

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709
Course............now is the hard part............convincing myself this is not just a fantasy Dom!!

I don't think this is a fantasy at all. It think these are basic expectations and you shouldn't compromise your standards.
_________

Based on your responses to date, a good Dom/me is one who:

is self-assured
is responsible
is self-control
is honest
is intelligent
is empathic
is trustworthy
is patient
is adventurous
is creative
is open-minded
is emotionally stable
is self-confident
is a good communicator
has good manners
has a sense of honour
has good sense of humour
knows and respects the limits of their slave
protects and controls
honours the contracts that s/he makes
can be strict but have a tender side
can admit to not knowing everything
can admit to having made a mistake
can be chivalrous (what is the Domme equivalent here?)
doesn’t need to Top everyone to feel more dominant

So far, I think this is a pretty good set of criteria and I also think that it’s very realistic.

Anything else to be added?

- LA

I'm resurrecting this somewhat old thread because it came to my mind recently. At the time that Lady A made the above comment about these expectations NOT being a fantasy Dom.......I must admit that I appreciated the reassurance that it was possible and the timing was perfect!

(So my belated thanks for the comment, Lady A. One never knows when stating the obvious is just the reminder that someone needs and I much appreciated it.)

Also I came back to check over this list out of sheer curiousity and can now definitely change my tongue-in-cheek comment about these traits only being a fantasy Dom........because I have just recently become the submissive of a wonderful Dominant who truly fits all of the above.........*smile*.......so indeed, no compromising of standards was necessary! (Just a hell of a lot of patience and a lot of kissing of frogs, lol)

I would like to add one more thing to the list also. A good Dom will recognize the traits in you that make you a "good submissive", just as you will recognize the good Dom traits in him. And more importantly -- he will tell you so.

Be well,

harmony

quote:

Based on your responses to date, a good Dom/me is one who:

is self-assured
is responsible
is self-control
is honest
is intelligent
is empathic
is trustworthy
is patient
is adventurous
is creative
is open-minded
is emotionally stable
is self-confident
is a good communicator
has good manners
has a sense of honour
has good sense of humour
knows and respects the limits of their slave
protects and controls
honours the contracts that s/he makes
can be strict but have a tender side
can admit to not knowing everything
can admit to having made a mistake
can be chivalrous (what is the Domme equivalent here?)
doesn’t need to Top everyone to feel more dominant

So far, I think this is a pretty good set of criteria and I also think that it’s very realistic.

Anything else to be added?

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: leomaster2

Following up this discussion, I see some agreement that the traits of good people should be applicable to both Dom and sub.

So, given that the Dom/sub has the necessary basics (and is working on the others), here's my questions.

What makes a superb Dom as opposed to just a good Dom?

What makes a superb sub/slave as opposed to just a good sub/slave?

quote:

What in You, do You see that You would say makes you Dom?

quote:

not A Dom... Dom

quote:

• Confidence
  
• An ability to influence others
  
• Ability to think on my feet
  
• Often, but regrettably not always, a sixth sense as to when limits are being reached, and comfort levels being approached
  
• Presence
  
• Natural Leadership
  
• A frightening understanding of human psychology and sociology
  
• and I have the world's best behaved dog (puppies and subs need a strict and consistent hand)

quote:

Does that fully answer your question?

quote:

Wow yes