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ORIGINAL: songbird26
He doesn't have anything to prove to anyone, least of all himself, and understands how to have and hold the upper hand without yanking out his figurative (or literal, I guess!) dick and waving it about in an attempt to impress. *grin*

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ORIGINAL: MsSilvie

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

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ORIGINAL: PaintedLady

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LOL how do you reconcile this with what ALL the subs said on another thread about how they test their doms to push and see how authoritative they really are?

Dear ES-

I am the queen of the leash jerkers! If my Dom gives me a rule, I will at least bend it just to see what happens. If he comes back and seems to let it slide, well he just lost a little bit of respect from me.

Again, how do you reconcile the two statements then?

A) A good dominant won't push anything, he will simply wait and see if you accept it or not.

B) A good dominant will push you back down if you choose not to accept it at first. If he doesn't, you lose respect for him.

They are conflicting statements.

I'm not discussing things like correction, you forgot something, it let him do something very hot and direct to you to correct you for it, and that's that. I'm discussing the submissive willfully and consciouslly "pulling the leash."

Will a good dominant simply let the sub go, since she has not the sense to be secure in who he is? OR will he push her back down and play into her actions?

I think I understand how the two seemingly contradictory statements work. I think a healthy dominant will wait until there is agreement as to what the rules of the relationship are. Once rules are in place, and understood by everyone, they are enforced, if need be. A good dominant does not make one sided decisions, or demands on a submissive that are random. Nothing says "idiot" more than a huge ol' list of rules that some dominants seem to keep a copy of in their back pocket to whip out at the first sign of a submissive being interested with demands of "you will obey all these!". Everyone has rules, formal or not. You present them, perhaps clarify or modify where appropriate. If the submissive agrees, cool, you're off to a good start. At that point, you enforce rules if need be. But you don't chase anything submissive down with a list of "you will do this" just because you think that's how a dominant should act.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Yeah, see, as a dominant, I don't do that. <edited to add, cos usually my dick is sitting at home in my toycase :p>

Which leads me to ask, if that is the sign of an incompetent male Dom, what does a Femme Domme do to show her incompetence?

- LA

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ORIGINAL: songbird26

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Yeah, see, as a dominant, I don't do that. <edited to add, cos usually my dick is sitting at home in my toycase :p>

Which leads me to ask, if that is the sign of an incompetent male Dom, what does a Femme Domme do to show her incompetence?

- LA

*laughing* Well, the dick-waving can be figurative, too...sort of that "I am DOMINANT, damn it, see how DOMINANT I am? Look at my DOMINANCE! Measure it! Isn't that just the biggest DOMINANCE you've ever seen? Yeah baby." So to speak. I'd guess that a Domina who was approaching the relationship from a place of insecurity or arrogance, feeling the need to prove herself over and over, would do pretty much the same thing (minus the actual physical appendage, natch. *grin*).

I'll add, also, that maybe it's a testosterone thing, maybe it's something else entirely (the difficulty of finding acceptance in a society that's still fairly patriarchal, perhaps, and the surety of self that comes from that?), but the female dominants that I have interacted with have been of a generally higher calibre (overall, I'm generalizing here) than the male dominants, in this regard.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Anything else to be added?

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Seduction is like constant negotiation, the interplay that keeps things hot, sexy and challenging.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: smile2cu

I was worried, however, that I'm too nice a person to Dom, so this thread was a great reassurance. I do in fact have the qualities described of a good Dom. So I think I'll Switch a bit further.

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ORIGINAL: smile2cu

I felt very protective of the subs. And I found myself thinking "I'd make a much better Dom than what they've got!"

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I was at the local Munch again. Met several very nice fem-subs, and got into a conversation about their Doms. Some of the Doms were apparently not treating them very well. I'm not talking about consentual sadism, or anything within BDSM, just plain being rude, thoughtless, and plain cruel.

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ORIGINAL: harmony3709

I didn't read anything in this remark about these submissives "publicly and blatantly complained about and insulted the dominants they go home to and have committed themselves to in supposedly long-term relationships." Maybe it was the way that smile2cu interpreted their comments.

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Regardless, I think it is very chivalrous of you, smile2cu, that you feel protective, as well as kind and caring. I think those are good traits whether Dom or sub. I am protective of those I care about, and am grateful to those who care about me and look out for me. I am a very independent person in general and in fact have a difficult time turning to others for support or help, although as I am not bullet-proof, I appreciate friends who "have my back" so to speak.

Play safe,

harmony

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

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ORIGINAL: harmony3709
I didn't read anything in this remark about these submissives "publicly and blatantly complained about and insulted the dominants they go home to and have committed themselves to in supposedly long-term relationships." Maybe it was the way that smile2cu interpreted their comments.

"Some of the Doms were apparently not treating them very well. I'm not talking about consentual sadism, or anything within BDSM, just plain being rude, thoughtless, and plain cruel."

OK I consider talking about someone being rude, thoughtless and cruel (in the non purposeful sadistic sense) as complaining and insulting to that person. They certainly aren't compliments. And this "chivalrous person" obviously didn't think they were compliments either.

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Regardless, I think it is very chivalrous of you, smile2cu, that you feel protective, as well as kind and caring. I think those are good traits whether Dom or sub. I am protective of those I care about, and am grateful to those who care about me and look out for me. I am a very independent person in general and in fact have a difficult time turning to others for support or help, although as I am not bullet-proof, I appreciate friends who "have my back" so to speak.

Play safe,
harmony

Didn't sound so much like he had their back, but wanted to take advantage of their situation and make them his. Which, if that's what everyone wants, more power to them.

Personally, most doms I know don't want to be with a sub who's going to so frivolously talk bad about them to random people at munches.

But yes, it's nice that those poor-non-doormat-indepedent-adults-who-made-a-consensual-choice to be with someone they supposedly obey and respect have someone so nice to "protect them" from their cruel, rude and thoughtless doms (but not meant in the insulting and complaining way).