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ORIGINAL: flaylingslave

i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression.  In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status (yes, i was acting like a child...but i was also dealing with emotions that stemmed from childhood and attempting to fight those as well) i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master...and He laughed at me!  i think a deep D/s relationship is the ability to trust, respect, and communicate...to do that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.  So...my question is...how would you get over something like that? i can already see everyone screaming i need to communicate this with Him, which i did...but i'm not sure He understands the depth at which this hurt me.  Everything inside me is screaming to quickly set up walls so something like that can never happen again.  From other submissives points of views...any ideas or suggestions on how to get past this and allow oneself to be vulnerable without fear of being One's entertainment or laughingstock?

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ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

i think i might have been traumatized by such an occurrence.  Why?  Because although i am an empath and cry much easier over other's pain, i very, very, very rarely cry over my own.  And when i do, i would not expect laughter as a response.
 
For example, i cried (a lot) when my father passed away.  If i ever had a partner who laughed at that, i would just be beside myself. 
 
i have been laughed at for crying during sad movies or cartoons even, and that is different.  But if something was really an emotional issue for me, and i felt vulnerable because of it, laughing at it would just be soooo uncool.  Hope i never experience that
 
Sorry it happened to you.
 
Daddysgirl

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ORIGINAL: VeryPrivateMstr

The idea of having safewords for communications is as bizzare as having a safeword to cyber online.

What is the world comming to?

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

The alternative is to stay in the relationship and have your mental limits violated over and over again, your depression spirals out of control and you are on the brink of suicide!

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If a partner of mine ever felt they needed to safeword due to some emotionally issue, I'd pretty much throw in the towel as a dom.  Or I'd kick myself in the head for having a partner who was such a dolt.

You don't safeword out of communication and communication problems.  YOu can take a time out to sort through feelings, but you don't just end it.

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i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression. 

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

The alternative is to stay in the relationship and have your mental limits violated over and over again, your depression spirals out of control and you are on the brink of suicide!

Oh for crying out loud! Suicide because someone laughed? I'd say if that's the choice then someone needs something a bit more significant than to just have someone else not laugh - like therapy!

Personally, this is what makes me so damn grateful I have someone like my Master. All this fawning is precisely what I was hoping to avoid when finding someone. You're supposed to be the darn Master. You mean if you find something humorous, you can't laugh? I'm wondering just who is in control.

Hmmm... for that matter, I'm the submissive and I can laugh at what I find humorous - even if it's darkly and sarcastically humorous. Laughing doesn't mean I care for him less or anything like that. It doesn't mean he cares for me less when he does it. It just means that for some reason, what was said somehow struck us as humorous. If either of us are hurt by the laughter, we share the hurt. It's called a RELATIONSHIP for crying out loud.

And for us, he's in charge - including over his own laughter. I get to be in charge of my own emotions. We're strange, I know. The thought that I can be responsible for my own feelings is really really odd. The fact that I can CHOOSE to be upset or not is even stranger. The fact that I choose not to be ... well... it's just common sense - at least for me.

juliet

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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Juliet, emotional sadism works for you, it wouldn't work for me and apparently it doesn't work for the op. Since what he wants from me is emotional transparency, I would see humiliating me for opening up to him as setting me up to fail and the result of that would be a huge wall between us. I can only be emotionally vulnerable to someone I feel it is safe to be so with.  If he made it unsafe for me to open up, then he would not get what he said he wants, my openness.

But I'm not a masochist, neither physical nor emotional and I believe that may be part of the difference in viewpoints.

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

First of all, there is a significant difference between crying over the loss of a father and crying because of something that has occurred, you've dealt with and need to decide to move on from. I'm not being glib here. I understand how difficult it is to move on from some things. However, people do have choices - to live in their past or move toward their future. The choice is theirs to make.

The OP said 'In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status,  i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master....'
 
i used by father's death to relate that same state of emotional vulnerability.  The OP obviously has issues that she has not 'moved on from' and she was opening up to her Master about this.  Sometimes such easy choices as you see are not so easy to make when emotions are involved.  And i thought a Master is there to try his best to help his sub through such issues.  If they are beyond his comfort zone...or something he feels he just can't deal with....then perhaps that should be explained to her. 

Secondly, expectations of other people's behaviors when they just might see a bigger picture and find humor in it is... well... kinda like trying to be in control of the other person. It's up to each of us how we choose to react to laughter. We can be all angry and hurt and all that - or we can choose to find the humor and laugh along.

Again, when deep emotions and vulnerability are involved, i guess some people just can't 'laugh at themselves'.  i personally do not appreciate humor nor laughter when i feel like i am opening up to someone on such a level....just as i would not laugh at someone opening up to me on that level as well. 
 
i remember when i worked with the mentally ill.  So many of them had emotional scars from the past that would just cause them to break down whenever such events were recalled.  Should i have just bust out laughing with the hopes that perhaps they would see some humor too?  Instead, i tried to understand where they were coming from and believe it or not, i actually felt compassion for them.  They did not want to be depressed....nor did they enjoy that loss of control.  They had not been able to yet move beyond some things.  i saw no humor in that.
 
And i really don't see this as a matter of control over another person.  We all have some expectations of those we are involved with.  To expect respect of those expectations seems only normal to me.

The next time you're listening to a comedian, just take the laughter out and consider what they're actually talking about. Most of the time, it's about hard times, lost loves, bad family experiences, etc. They are simply choosing to find humor in the difficult times in their lives rather than letting those hard times so rule their lives that they no longer find the humor.

i have later laughed about a lot of things that seemed crucial when they happened but i assure you, they did not seem funny at the time, and if they caused me enough grief to cry over later, i am obviously not seeing any humor in the situation.  Some hard times do seem funny in retrospect....and some just never will.  It's probably important for someone who's dealing with you to know the difference.

Someone who can take my fears, my tears and my insecurities and turn them around to be things to laugh about gets my respect and my love. (and by the way, if my Master were to laugh at the loss of someone I loved, I'd be heartbroken too - not to mention, probably homocidal).

But i can appreciate that some peoples fears and tears mean as much to them as something like my father's death meant to me.  Who am i to judge how deeply things affect people or how quickly they should get over something they felt was traumatic?  Each person is different.  i always try to keep that in mind.
 
i would not like to pass judgment on the OP's Master since i don't know him and can not imagine what he must have been thinking.  i do know that a lot of guys do have problems with female emotional displays.  And although i can understand that, i think relaying that to the OP in some other way than an outburst of laughter might have saved a lot of hurt feelings and questions of trust.
 
DG