RE: being laughed at by your Master

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/17/2007 8:49:57 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
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i can also see the value in an emotional safeword. i see where sometimes things can get out of control...and emotional boundaries could be crossed without intent. Maybe if the OP had something like this in place, uttering the word (or phrase) during this incident might have made the Master realize something more serious was going on that he might not even have realized.

DG

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/17/2007 9:49:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

i can also see the value in an emotional safeword. i see where sometimes things can get out of control...and emotional boundaries could be crossed without intent. Maybe if the OP had something like this in place, uttering the word (or phrase) during this incident might have made the Master realize something more serious was going on that he might not even have realized.

DG

The good news is, just like in physical play, we already have a method for this in place with all relationships that allow the slave the use of speech:

I need a break for a bit to calm down and collect my thoughts. If we keep going, this isn't going to go anywhere good.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/18/2007 9:04:30 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

...
I was however, lambasting Whiplash's slippery slope of battling depression to suicide over some laughter.
juliet

Juliet, I was not trying to express somebody would kill themselves over one silly incident, but rather is at risk if

1. the slave/sub is truely suffering from depression.
2. they don't get the proper treatment or attention for depression.
3. there is a repeated pattern of exposure to things which aggrevates the depression more.

There is always one defining moment, the proverbial straw which breaks the camals back per say, and yes where One Event is the rubicon to ending life.

Would you engage in blood play if the sub/slave was anemic?
Would you confine a clostophobic sub/slave inside a closet?

Please enlighten me with what you believe is the proper way to handle a slave which is Battling Depression? Does it include laughing in their face?

Personally I'd rather hear a safeword called, so that I knew something was at a very serious, and open the door to communications. Verses the alertnative the OP mentions about closing themselves in with emotional walls. It would be aweful to awaken one day to find a slave/sub laying dead upon my floor, or fled the house. All things to consider in thought for a moment. What are the consequences, effects and impacts our words and actions carry.

How does a master deal with slave/sub which suffers from mental illness issues, be depression, bi-polar disorder or other things. Things which not even the slave or master can control? Tell me how does a DOM or Domme control depression, or Bi-Polor Behavior in a slave. I am bringing Bi-Polar disorder into this topic as an added example of mental illness or disorder. In the hopes to give some food for thought here.

I did not believe that laughing at a heathly minded slave was the issue here! I clearly read "battles with depression" in the first opening line of the post. Anybody who says that I have to take seriously, hence my passionate heated stance, remarks and comments on this subject.

The dynamics vary from each D/s relationship. It is obvious that LA is very attuned to her slave/subs mental state and body language. Not to sound sexist here, but women tend to be better attuned to emotional/mental states. Based on her other posts on these message boards, I totally understand her stance. She would be mind probing things out of her slaves/subs well in advanced. Hence there is no need for her slave/sub to use a safeword under mental distress. But not all Doms/Dommes are attuned as she is. I believe some Doms/Dommes could gain some insight to how well they are or are not attuned, if their sub/slave uses an mental/emotional safeword. At the risk of throwing out a stereotype, men are not as attuned to emotional/mental states in people as women are.

I too find myself needing a break to calm down for a bit.

I have been adding my two cents into these posts as food for thought and for constructive debate, something for reader to consider and explore. This has become a mind provoking exchange.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 2/18/2007 10:00:59 AM >

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/22/2007 8:01:31 PM

flaylingslave

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Joined: 5/28/2006
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Thank you to A/all who took the time to think the posted issue through and return an intelligent, thought provoking response. One of the things i love most about the lifestyle is that there certainly aren't "boxes" to pigeon-hole many things into...and in the same spirit Y/your responses definately ran the gamut from one extreme to the other. While i didn't read this thread with my Master as an opening to communication (as was suggested by one), i did read over the comments use the inner reflections from those to bring myself to a point in which i was able to communicate with my Master about the incident. Thank you again...for those of us without large groups of local sub/slave friends forums like this provide invaluable support!

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/23/2007 6:47:25 PM

slaveish

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Joined: 2/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flaylingslave

i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression. In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status (yes, i was acting like a child...but i was also dealing with emotions that stemmed from childhood and attempting to fight those as well) i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master...and He laughed at me! i think a deep D/s relationship is the ability to trust, respect, and communicate...to do that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. So...my question is...how would you get over something like that? i can already see everyone screaming i need to communicate this with Him, which i did...but i'm not sure He understands the depth at which this hurt me. Everything inside me is screaming to quickly set up walls so something like that can never happen again. From other submissives points of views...any ideas or suggestions on how to get past this and allow oneself to be vulnerable without fear of being One's entertainment or laughingstock?

Holy shit.

This is something I can fully understand from your pov, flaylingslave. I have past issues that make me behave similarly at certain times. If my Sir or Master did this to me and did not take immediate steps to try to soothe me / understand me once He realized how His action hurt me, I'd be done. Immediately. After telling Him what sort of a fucker He was. Life is too short for that kind of pain.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/23/2007 7:19:22 PM

draba

Posts: 81
Joined: 2/22/2006
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I agree with slaveish. My Mistress has had me cry several times and when I do she hugs me and consoles me. She now knows how to make me cry and sometimes does it when she feels I need to release some emotions. But, she also loves to console and hug me afterward. She feels so touched when I rest my head in her breast and cry.
Laugh at me. She did this once and never again. It was her laughter in front of another Mistress and her switch sub that bothered me so much that the following day when I saw Mistress I told her it upset me so much. I was so hurt that I cried on her shoulder and was so sincere that she promised never again unless everyone was laughing.
It is hard in a session or during play sometimes to tell the differance. It is true that some people do laught or smile when they get really nervous. I am like that. I once had cops thinking I was grinning and laughing at them when I was in a position that was not funny. Good thing they were local cops who knew me and I was able to explain my reactions. They let me go off the hook. Good thing. I could have been in jail

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/26/2007 6:36:55 PM

zindyslave

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I had that problem before but he was trying to humilate me, if this has done come up in the posts then please forgive me, but wanted to write as soon as I read it to give my advice, if talking doesn't help then maybe you should look at why he is laughing. I have a problem with depression as well but mine has to do with being bi-polar so I have a lot of problems with emotions and I had problems with people growing up so I understand wanting to put up walls to protect yourself, but look inside the issue more...

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/26/2007 7:26:20 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flaylingslave

i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression. In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status (yes, i was acting like a child...but i was also dealing with emotions that stemmed from childhood and attempting to fight those as well) i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master...and He laughed at me! i think a deep D/s relationship is the ability to trust, respect, and communicate...to do that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

To be completely honest (and without reading the other posts so hope i'm not stepping into something here that i shouldn't..lol), i wouldn't get over it all -- but the relationship, if it survived, would need a serious overhaul. Before that, however, i'd have to ask him why he was laughing and what he was laughing at, and while his answer might change my feelings, i think I'd have a difficult time rebuilding any trust that might have developed by then. While i accept the fact that some walls we build are there to see who cares enough to scale the wall, others are meant to keep people out. If walls are now being erected i think it's important for you to figure out which kind.

As a child i was laughed at, ridiculed and bullied by my female parent and older brother. It had an enormous impact on my life and how i saw myself. (Even my very 'nilla (ex) husband knew these were areas that needed to be handled with care, and in my case some therapy.)

Having said that, each relationship is different, what we get from and give to. i hope y'all can work this out, the result being growth for both of y'all.

huggles,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/27/2007 8:11:15 AM

Arastella

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If he mock you so, is he the right one for you? I would never continue to submit to someone who laughed when I cried.

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/27/2007 10:43:38 AM

zindyslave

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I would consider leaving him if he was laughing at you but I beleive you should find out first if that was what was happening.

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 2/28/2007 8:56:18 PM

boigirl

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me too. I laugh when I'm nervousl

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RE: being laughed at by your Master - 3/1/2007 5:57:22 AM

littlespicyone

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Well, it seems to me that, no matter what he was going through, it is inappropriate to laugh at another's real pain. I mean, slapping a slave really hard and surprising her is something it's okay to laugh about but when a woman (because, deep down, a femal submissiv is just a woman) opens up to a man with whom she is in a relationship, it is never appropriate for him to laugh, no matter the relationship. Now, if he said to her, "You're crying about this but look at how funny it could be" and then proceeded to share his mirth with her, then it would be one thing. I think it is the Dom's job to support his sub emotionally as well as whatever else.

I mean, really, a D/s relationship is STILL a relationship.

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