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MistressNoName -> RE: Spotting a Fake Dom (2/28/2007 7:44:56 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
I believe my response may come from a completely different perspective because there is a lot of talk about trying to find the "perfect" dom, and I think that tends to set up a situational dichotomy that precludes people from finding a potential demographic of dominant that has the perception of being a fake dom when in fact it is anything but that.
What I am talking about is the inexperienced dominant who feels he is of a dominant nature but has little experience as one. What the original poster is talking about is a person who used her in a bad way, and thus is seen as a fake dom. But that person would be a bad catch regardless of whether or not he was a dominant, a submissive, a switch or whatever.
As a submissive myself, I often bandied about the idea of attempting to be a dominant just for the sake of seeing if I could help a woman achieve the pleasure (mental, physical and emotional) through such interactions and relational context. In the past, I used to believe I could never be a dominant because I saw it as "hurting" women, but I've had so many submissive female friends over the years that I realize that it's not actually "hurting" someone to give someone the pleasure she wishes to achieve and experience.
But going back to what I was saying before, if I EVER was to advertise as a dominant seeking a submissive, I can't even begin to imagine how many people would see my every screw up, my every attempt at trying to negotiate the correct male dom nomenclature, so that people would start calling me a "fake dom". I think there are a lot of very sincere people out there, although as hard to find as a very sincere female dominant, or a very sincere male submissive, or a very sincere ANYTHING, but they are often pushed aside by the very loud, in your face talking dominants who "dominate" the very boards themselves by an alpha male behavior pattern that serves to keep them verbose and others seen in a less obvious manner. I know this personally because I've been "shot down" in conversations by male dominants who somehow think that what they have to say is more intelligent, more poignant and more thought out because they happen to be dominants and I'm obviously not one.
You make excellent points and I think your definition of "fake," is a much more useful one than others I've seen...one akin to misrepresentation and demonstrates how a lack of self-knowledge sometimes shows itself in others. Thanks for this.
MNN
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