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RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 12:12:01 PM

WildnWicked

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/26/2004
From: Lancaster, California
Status: offline

I do know that dealing with the "core" is different than the "members at large" (occassional attendees). There is history and more emotional involvement as friends within the core group. Feelings get hurt and it is the role of the one who runs the group to do their best to remove their personal feelings out of the situation and be as neutral as possible. I am far from perfect in that area. We all do our best.

The idea of having them host a Gorean style event is great. Offer the group's full support and help in planning it with just as much enthusiasm as you are planning this one. However, let the Gorean couple take the lead.

I would also suggest to offer the same thing to the entire group. If they have a specific style of play or lifestyle that they would like to share, to bring it to the group and have a dedicated event for it. There are so many flavors of this lifestyle that we all live differently.

For example, I have never been into the "spanking" scene per se. I know there are groups that spanking is all that they do. There is a dynamic involved that I don't understand. I would LOVE to have a member of our group create an event that revolves around spanking. I would support it, attend and hopefully gain a new perspective on it. That doesn't mean I will become a "spanker" (but maybe.. who knows). However, I will be able to better understand that chosen lifestyle. Which will allow me to better explain it to others I meet on my journey that might be interested.

Respect is essential from both sides. Just because people don't understand a given lifestyle, doesn't mean they have the right to downplay or disrespect it.

Hope it all works out.

_____________________________

We live in a society of victimization, where people are much more comfortable being victimized than actually standing up for themselves.-- Marilyn Manson

(in reply to sensualmagirl)

Post #: 21

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 12:17:25 PM

WildnWicked

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/26/2004
From: Lancaster, California
Status: offline

One our big group rules is not to have "meta-discussions" in the online portion of the group. No discussions about the running of the group, problems within the group, personal issues w/ other members, etc.

If there is an issue or problems, we have our business meeting for that. The idea is that if there are issues, we are all adults and can deal with it in a rational manner face to face. If someone only wants to complain online, then it must not be that important and the intention is only to cause dissent and not solutions. And, doing it online only is pretty chickenshit (imo). These are real life issues and should be handled in real life.

_____________________________

We live in a society of victimization, where people are much more comfortable being victimized than actually standing up for themselves.-- Marilyn Manson

(in reply to amiciaN)

Post #: 22

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 12:23:48 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Great to see you posting again! I am sorry that a couple of people
are being so difficult. (I well know the feeling, as I am a moderator
for a local group.) Let the naysayers go off and play in their
own sandbox for a while.

Go ahead with your plans for a wonderful evening and enjoy
the time with the people who appreciate your hard work and
efforts to broaden their experiences. Please let us know how
the evening goes, the Victorian setting sounds just exquisite.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 23

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 12:40:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you are pleasing the majority of the group, this is the best you can expect. Have you offered to allow them to plan a similar event, based on Gorean traditions? When they are in your seat, perhaps they will feel differently. Perhaps.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 24

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 12:44:12 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

in truth, you really don't have a dilemma---

a dilemma would be the choice between (in my case) blueberry pie and blueberry cheesecake---

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 25

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 12:58:11 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you are pleasing the majority of the group, this is the best you can expect. Have you offered to allow them to plan a similar event, based on Gorean traditions? When they are in your seat, perhaps they will feel differently. Perhaps.

Master Fire

As a Suessean I would like to attend your dinner as well...However you need to accomodate my needs...You supply the ham and I will bring the green eggs....Sounds like you are in a bit of a quandary....As the teachings shown in the "Fox in Socks"....Mr Knox is perlexed by the fox...the fox continually bothering Mr. knox with an endless array of tongue twisters....Finally an enraged Mr. Knox disembowels the fox....Just one approach you might want to consider...Probably as a last resort to resolve the situation.

_____________________________

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 26

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 1:50:08 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

Well, the dilemma I have is in trying to maintain what started to be a decent friendship and wanting to tell someone where to step off. The frustration has been gnawing at my heels for nearly a week, now.

(geez, I should learn how to spell!)

< Message edited by Evanesce -- 2/18/2007 1:51:29 PM >

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 27

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 1:57:17 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

What’s in it for the slaves? They really fukin asked that?

Yes, they really asked that. I was floored.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 28

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:03:39 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

I think, maybe, you been running it to close to a knitting circle. I would say take charge, schedual more themed events, and for the love of all things dispicable and unholy beat the shit out of those slaves!

When you have them suspended over the BBQ pit and they ask what is in it for them tell them "Fukin Pain you SAM!"

_____________________________

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TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 29

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:14:53 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think, maybe, you been running it to close to a knitting circle. I would say take charge, schedual more themed events, and for the love of all things dispicable and unholy beat the shit out of those slaves!

Ooooh, I would, but I don't beat girls. However, a knitting circle we are not.

quote:

When you have them suspended over the BBQ pit and they ask what is in it for them tell them "Fukin Pain you SAM!"

See... this would never work, because I'd be jealous and they all know it. *I* want to be suspended over the barbecue pit!

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 30

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:17:28 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

Is there any countryside near by?

_____________________________

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TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 31

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:22:55 PM

HisProperty4Life

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

having experienced a Victorian, Gorean, BDSM, Leather and various other types of formal dinner parties, it all boils down to one thing. SERVICE. it does not matter what type of identification Y/you or Y/yours go by....it's a dinner party. And it is it is always good practice for any type of slave or kajira to practice their service and serving skills.

W/we have formal dinner party's all the time, and yes we have invited Leather, BDSM, M/s, Poly, Gorean and just plain kinksters to our "Y/your Pleasure is O/our Pleasure Dinner".

Variety is the spice of life, so let's get spicy...and if O/others can't take the spice they can stay home and eat oatmeal for their bland diet....snickers.

Be Well

HisProperty4Life

_____________________________

Sincerely,

HisProperty4Life

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 32

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:26:08 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Is there any countryside near by?

Does a cornfield count?

(ok, now that I've derailed my own thread...)

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 33

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:31:24 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Are you threatening me???????

Cornholio

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 34

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:32:15 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

having experienced a Victorian, Gorean, BDSM, Leather and various other types of formal dinner parties, it all boils down to one thing. SERVICE. it does not matter what type of identification Y/you or Y/yours go by....it's a dinner party. And it is it is always good practice for any type of slave or kajira to practice their service and serving skills.

Well, yes, but this dinner party has a specific theme, and everyone will be required to adhere to the same protocol. The servants will even be wearing identical clothing. As mentioned previously, we're hoping to do more events that will allow our members to go outside their own comfort zone and learn different styles of service. I have also invited this couple to feel free to plan and host a Gorean event as well. I'm not all that familiar with those customs, but I'm at least willing to learn.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 35

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:40:12 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

This lifestyle is about tolerance and embracing both differences and new things. If they can't handle that ... then I wouldn't want them as a part of my lifestyle or my circle, lol. They really need to rethink their behavior and attitudes ... I would try inviting them over and talking it out with them ... communicate communicate communicate ... as my Daddy always preaches.

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My Journal

(in reply to amiciaN)

Post #: 36

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 2:45:39 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I understand your frustration. It can be hard to try to do something positive and sharing and have it turn into a minor battle. As has been pointed out, their complaining about what you plan to do at your event is rather like someone telling you to change the theme of your wedding to suit their tastes. It is crass and should not have happened. Unfortunately it has. You've done what you can to mitigate the circumstances and keep the peace. Not everyone into BDSM is at the same emotional maturity level as others. You sometimes get people who are not willing to compromise for you, even when you are willing to explore their views in return. I have to admit, with the amount of negativity you are getting, I'd simply tell them that you think this event may not be one for them and you look forward to seeing them at another time. While the desire is there to include your entire core group, it sounds like these people are not overly interested in dealing with anything that challenges their way of thinking or their ideals of how BDSM should be lived. You can't help that. You tried. If they let it go you might salvage the relationship. However, that will be up to them. Hold your tongue and refuse to discuss the dinner with them. Go ahead with you plans and have a great time. I wish I was close enough to beg an invite. Formal parties can be fun!

And if the "slave" asked what is in it for the slave, these people can't be that hard core gor. *shakes head* I'd love to be a fly on the wall in their private home and hear her yell at him for not taking out the trash or some such. While I firmly espouse the individual right to live at any level and amount of BDSM in their lives and still be called real, it always makes me shake my head when they obviously live part time (still can not believe a "slave" asking what a slave gets from service.. After watching the relationship between my husband and myself, even my cats could answer that question!) and complain about someone else's interpretation of the lifestyle, in this case your event. Good luck and have an awesome event!

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 37

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 4:26:03 PM

SCDommie

Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

Well,

I am not this advanced into the lifestyle; however, I have been to Dungeons and seen different types of "ideas" in once place.
I know how I feel on the subject. I know you do not want to offend anyone, so you may want to get together with your group and outline the membership requirements.
I don't understand the sexual side of the life, but some love it. I feel it should be private during a dinner or dungeon play.
For someone to ask me what is in it for the slave, it would set off red flags. Maybe they need their own group.
Just a suggestion, and good luck to you.

SCD

(in reply to amiciaN)

Post #: 38

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 4:36:48 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

I never understand why some who plays basketball would go to a football camp and try to tell them how to run a football play by basketball rules.

When in Rome do as the Romans do.

(in reply to amiciaN)

Post #: 39

RE: I Have a Dilemma - 2/18/2007 4:41:28 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

Well, the dilemma I have is in trying to maintain what started to be a decent friendship and wanting to tell someone where to step off.

From what I've heard so far it sounds like telling them to step off is the best way to maintain a decent friendship because otherwise you may end up choking both of them, or they'll show up with their sour attitudes and ruin everyone's good time.

Tough luck if they don't like it, but maybe they'll learn not to be such jerks in the future. Sounds to me like they'll want to remain friends because they like your dungeon.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 40

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