RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (Full Version)

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slave2feet07 -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/21/2007 11:57:22 PM)

This doesn't only happen in collarme.com this happens everywhere, even in the vanilla world.

I don't see much gender bias towards women when it comes to picking up a date or looking for something sexual or looking for masters, dommes, subs and so on. It seems that 95 percent of bi sexual women only want couples or single women but no single men. I see this as female chauvinism and it really shows how much these certain women devalue men. If a man devalued women compared to men, he would be seen as a chauvinist pig or a bad person in some way or the other. Men are basically treated as the second class citizens. If thats not gender bias, what is? When something is discriminatory against females, women complain about it all day and think its their right to. But when its a man complaining about discrimination towards his gender, women think he doesn't have a right to do so and most people in these forums will put the male down if he tries.

I also think at this day and age most average looking men with a regular lifestyle is not good enough for most average looking women with a regular lifestyle. Many women seem to think the status of being a woman is higher than the status of being a man. Many women seem to only expect men at a higher social status than their own.

I only looked through a little in this thread but a few women seem to make out that most or all men give them bad first emails when they do the approach. I think many men do respectable emails to women but just because a few men gave them sleazy or shitty emails, women make out that every man does in the open public just to put down men. The same goes when women say that all men only want is sex. If a man stated that all or most women are ..... he would be seen as a woman hater who is sterotyping women and most people in these forums would go against it. If a male started ranting in these forums about there are not many decent women out there, he would be hit with insults left, right and center. But women make out that there are not many decent men all the time. It never ceases to amaze me how most people pretend that discrimination against males does not exist when its pretty much well in your face at any time and place. Ranting and gender bashing only seems to be a one way street in the general public.

I also think that many women on sites like these think its all about them and they think a male doesn't have the right to have his needs or wants. If he does, it means he is a "do me" sub. I very much believe that this site is full of "do me" dommes but where are the people who speak up about "do me" dommes? Most people don't dare or they will get put down.

I believe in give and take. I will do what ever a domme wants, depending on my limits if ONLY she is willing to satisfy my needs. But it seems that many dommes on this site only see it as a one way street.

When I do the approach I make proper emails telling these certain women about myself and not so much about what turns me on. I approach women in a respectable manner and what do I get? NOTHING. Because most of these women expect a man at a higher social status than their own or they have some ridiculous expectations that just dont cut it for most men. Do you notice a lot of the same women have been on this site for a very long time as for months or years? These women would get so many offers but why do they remain single and looking? Because they think no man is good enough for them but if a male dares to complain about this, most people make out that its the men's fault and not the women. And again if a man thought that most women were not worthy, what would people think?

I seem to believe that many women think just because they are offering something kinky and sexual it makes them this winning prize and they can treat men how they want but than expect men to suck up their ass in return.

Tell me what power or strength do men hold in the dating or sex game? Not only in BDSM but in any place? It seems to me that women hold all the power and they call all the shots. Men don't have much of a choice at all.





mons -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 12:38:34 AM)

greetings

now i hope i get this right your saying as a submissive or a dom you have expericne bias on here well i must say it is the same for me. as a domme i find many slaves and submissive males seems to think i enjoy foul talk and oh they send me nude sexual acts this is to somehow they think will make me want them more! i find it gross and sicken to have someone i do not even know send this to me or talk to me in a way that is gross. no i never spoken or written to these males before one even said to me after some time of talking " oh i bet you get so many pictures of cocks " these turn me off so fast i never spoke to me again i am here to yes train vbut they must have manners and respect for me first and formost do not judge me for who i am and it is strange and good but never had bias because i am a black woman so i do understand. slaves, submissive if you wish to have a chance be respect and do nto think all dommes are into seeing you LOL pee pee

warm wishes and i hope things are bette for you

mons




millisande -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 12:46:37 AM)

Greetings, stella.

Never fear, no one should be able to misconstrue such a polite and well-thought-out reply as yours to be bashing....*smile* However, bina would tend to disagree with much of what you said.

The 'function' of evolution is indeed to propogate genes.... but specifically, those genes best suited and enabled to propogate more genes. The Gorean thinking, as far as a girl can describe it (being a slave, and therefore not a Gorean, by definition) is that Male dominance, and female submission, are biological imperitives, best suited for the continuation of the human species. And until western culture became a technologicially dependant culture (thus becomming less dependant on evoloution to ensure the passing on of the best genes, as we began to change our environment to suit us, instead of the other way around), western society was indeed vastly male-dominated.

Greetings, Mistress Lashra.

quote:

Human female led socieities aren't really an exception. The reason there is/was so few of them is because the males would kill the females if they dared to show their dominance. It seems that killing the women was preferable to trying to work together. Also you have to remember that alot of "history" was written by males and many of them did not want it known that there were more female led societies.


Why didnt the women kill the men? Why didn't the women write the history?

Just a girl's thoughts.

Best wishes to Thee and Thine,

With all respect, and in hopes that this is pleasing to the Free,
bina




amayos -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 8:26:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez



I agree Amayos that there is an underlying cultural situation to this and it penetrates society at large as well. Western culture in some way, my personal favorite target of mine TV and movies, has been re-enforcing the image that women are more sincere, honest, and bright and men are dogs and/or dumb. Women are almost always portrayed as right and men are always portrayed as wrong. There seems to be a sense that us women do things the right way and if men are different it is wrong instead of to me the correct thing is to accept there is just a difference between the two genders.



Toservez, thank you for interpreting my words in the spirit in which they were written. There is indeed a tremendous media bias today in favor of females, often coming in the form of subtle (and not so subtle) misandry. Those who cannot see it are blind, and those who refuse to see it should at least have the courage to step up and admit their bias. This ad, which I just came across today is quite tame compared to others, but is interesting to consider if you were to imagine the sexes in it reversed.




StellaByStarlite -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 8:37:11 AM)

Hi, millisande. =)
 
 
I'm really glad you didn't get offended. =) You made some good counterpoints, let's have a look.
 
First point. The specific genes in question, passed down by natural selection, aren't categorized as simply as "male dominance" and "female submission". Walking upright, the development of language ( and therefore abstract concepts), the ability to make tools. The genes responsible for all of those developments have more to do with our evolvement as a species then the societal structures. We were a story-telling, tool-making animal long before we settled into civilization and male dominance. Homo Sapiens were successful breeders before culture developed. Again, there is a lack of good evidence that female submission contributed a major impact on how well we reproduced.
 
I will say that male-dominant societies might have originated with the idea of controlling a woman's fertility and perserving their own lineage. Keeping women under control was a satisfactory way of making sure a man's children were his and not some other horny bastard's. ;)  But this speculation leads to a question: If women are indeed, naturally submissive, then why would men go to such great lengths to keep them in an inferior position?
 
Point Two: Homo Sapiens hasn't been "dependent" on macroevolution for around 100, 000 years. Modern man as a whole hasn't changed too much, except for some physical differences such a height, skin color, etc. The genes responsible for our success were already well in place before verified patriarchy became common. You'll have to define "technology-dependent" a bit more clearly. Making tools ( as opposed to using a stick as a tool) and using fire is viewed as technology, albeit more primitive. As our knowledge increases, we discover or invent more. So, in a sense, we've been technology dependent for, well, around 100,000 years. =)
 
This debate is placing itself firmly in the evolutionary biology category. How our genetics and leftover primate instincts effect us is a topic that is still under contention. Are human females naturally submissive? I can honestly say that I just don't know and it's a question that hasn't gotten answered yet. The better question might be: Is female submission necessary for the survival of the human species? Nope.
 
Another point to consider is that since we humans are part and parcel of the natural world, then everything we do is natural. If a society decides to elevate it's women to equal status with men, then how is that unatural? For that matter, who decides what is natural to us and what isn't? Nobody really can, maybe because there is no such thing.
 
 
Cheers. =)
Stella




SusanofO -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 8:48:18 AM)

I agree with amayos.

This might be unrelated, but my sister is an attorney, and one thing she helps clients do is collect over-due child support. One day I asked her if it bothered her that so many guys appeared to be "dead-beat dads". Her simple answer was:

"Well - most women get custody of the kids when there is a divorce. But I do have clients where the man is the one who has custody, and sometimes their partners haven't paid child support in years, either, so it's not just men who do that."

It made me stop and think about something I hadn't really given much thought to, before. Before, I'd always assumed this supposedly cultural phenomenon was strictly due to some inherent lack a responsible feeling in men who divorced and had children, sometimes (but many men do pay their child support. Of course some don't as well). But -  

It had simply never occurred to me that a woman might act the same way - but apparently some do. I just never thought about it, really - I just accepted what I'd heard (over and over), about males being prone to not pay child support when they divorced as a "fact."

And I was even married to someone who did pay all of his child support - for years and years - after we got married! (I just assumed he was some special "exception to the rule.")

- Susan   




domiguy -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 8:55:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez



I agree Amayos that there is an underlying cultural situation to this and it penetrates society at large as well. Western culture in some way, my personal favorite target of mine TV and movies, has been re-enforcing the image that women are more sincere, honest, and bright and men are dogs and/or dumb. Women are almost always portrayed as right and men are always portrayed as wrong. There seems to be a sense that us women do things the right way and if men are different it is wrong instead of to me the correct thing is to accept there is just a difference between the two genders.



Toservez, thank you for interpreting my words in the spirit in which they were written. There is indeed a tremendous media bias today in favor of females, often coming in the form of subtle (and not so subtle) misandry. Those who cannot see it are blind, and those who refuse to see it should at least have the courage to step up and admit their bias. This ad, which I just came across today is quite tame compared to others, but is interesting to consider if you were to imagine the sexes in it reversed.


I disagree.  Maybe in some ads or tv shows you can find the evidence to support your claim....Then there is the real world which I will address now...Women are still vastly underpaid when it comes to their male counterparts....That is reality!  They are not moved upwards as quickly...That is reality!   Which brings me to another point about this site as well as other online "dating" sites.

It's easy to come out here and refer to a woman as a "cunt."...Would Domiguy do that in the "real" world...Not on your life or unless extremely pissed or provoked....This isn't real.....Ads aren't REAL...TV is not Real!!!
Even if pissed off or provoked call a woman a twat at the work place and see how long you will stay employed...lol.

I often wonder if people seek out sites such as these because for many it seems that this lifestyle allows them to put all of their focus on a single characteristic of who they are...and allow all of their other shortcomings to hopefully go unnoticed....Hmmm...Allows you the ability to date anonymously without "real time" interaction.  Oh my God!...I just described me!




adaddysgirl -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 9:45:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Your observations are yours...

Well, true.  And as i also stated in my post, they were not meant to be judgmental.


My observations are that there is no great difference in the number of working male/female submissives.   So far, the only people who've consistently said their partners do not work are MercnBeth, and Aakasha... I'm sure there are more, I just haven't noticed many others.

i stated that the doms i was involved with mentioned this to me....without mentioning any doms here.  When i read the thread about a day in a slave's life, it seemed many of them were unemployed.  i just find it is rare to see a dom come on and say his sub must work, yet i have seen dommes say things like 'i don't need a housekeeper, i need someone who's going to contribute to the household;  what good will you do me sitting home all day?'...and things along those lines.  i just haven't seen male doms say such things....or perhaps they just don't post as much as the dommes?  Again, it was just an observation of what i have read here.

As to the sex thing...  Generally speaking we (men and women) go about getting our needs met by different methods; so it may be a biological/social imprinting/indoctrination thing.    In the end, people within the lifestyle aren't much different from people without.   M

In reading some of the other posts here, i see the complaint of the male subs asking 'what will you do to me' type of thing (meaning sexually).    Well, i can't count the number of messages i used to get asking 'so how well do you suck cock?' or 'i will expect my cock sucked on command'....these being from male doms.  i always think 'that's just a guy thing'.  Is that a gender bias?
 
But my point is....i have rarely heard fem subs complain of not enough sex in their relationship....whereas i have heard several complaints from male subs that they are used for service but not as much sexually.  Again, could be a guy thing. 
 
These are again my observations but i am open to others who may be perceiving things differently.
 
DG





amayos -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 1:05:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Maybe in some ads or tv shows you can find the evidence to support your claim....Then there is the real world which I will address now...Women are still vastly underpaid when it comes to their male counterparts....That is reality! They are not moved upwards as quickly...That is reality!


This isn't real.....Ads aren't REAL...TV is not Real!!!


Limited opportunity or difficulty in finding opportunity or recognition in general is an increasing reality for most people in society as a whole; it is not a struggle solely or unfairly owned by one sex. In discussions such as these, people are quick to speak of glass ceilings, but seldom is the glass cellar ever spoken of or understood.

Lastly, I feel one would be naive to think the combined influences present in politics, education, entertainment media and modern literature do not provide an aggregate cultural influence, or are minimal in their efficacy to do so.




slave2feet07 -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 1:15:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez



I agree Amayos that there is an underlying cultural situation to this and it penetrates society at large as well. Western culture in some way, my personal favorite target of mine TV and movies, has been re-enforcing the image that women are more sincere, honest, and bright and men are dogs and/or dumb. Women are almost always portrayed as right and men are always portrayed as wrong. There seems to be a sense that us women do things the right way and if men are different it is wrong instead of to me the correct thing is to accept there is just a difference between the two genders.



Toservez, thank you for interpreting my words in the spirit in which they were written. There is indeed a tremendous media bias today in favor of females, often coming in the form of subtle (and not so subtle) misandry. Those who cannot see it are blind, and those who refuse to see it should at least have the courage to step up and admit their bias. This ad, which I just came across today is quite tame compared to others, but is interesting to consider if you were to imagine the sexes in it reversed.


I disagree.  Maybe in some ads or tv shows you can find the evidence to support your claim....Then there is the real world which I will address now...Women are still vastly underpaid when it comes to their male counterparts....That is reality!  They are not moved upwards as quickly...That is reality!   Which brings me to another point about this site as well as other online "dating" sites.

It's easy to come out here and refer to a woman as a "cunt."...Would Domiguy do that in the "real" world...Not on your life or unless extremely pissed or provoked....This isn't real.....Ads aren't REAL...TV is not Real!!!
Even if pissed off or provoked call a woman a twat at the work place and see how long you will stay employed...lol.

I often wonder if people seek out sites such as these because for many it seems that this lifestyle allows them to put all of their focus on a single characteristic of who they are...and allow all of their other shortcomings to hopefully go unnoticed....Hmmm...Allows you the ability to date anonymously without "real time" interaction.  Oh my God!...I just described me!


http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,20586168-5000117,00.html

Bettina Arndt writes: EVERY few years the Australian Bureau of Statistics releases data about the gender wage gap.
And every time the Labor Party announces the sky is falling in.

The fact that men earn more than women is presented as proof that the country is going backward under Howard.
The white picket fence is rising up to capture us all.
Everyone who participates in this farce knows full well that these wage-gap statistics are meaningless.
So, what if the average woman in Australia earns $300 less per week than the average man.
That statistic fails to take in account the hours worked. In fact, the average Australian Joe Blow works almost twice as many hours as the average Jenny Blow, according to data HILDA, the Household Income and Labor Dynamics in Australia survey.
Since he's putting in twice as many hours, I hope Joe Blow would earn far more.
Not only does he work far longer hours, he's also far more likely to take on hazardous jobs such as mining, construction, trucking, he's more likely to be willing to move overseas, or to an undesirable location on demand and has trained for more technical jobs with less people contact.
In fact, the wage gap hasn't much to do with discrimination, or conservative governments trying to keep women in their place.
Differences in the way men and women behave in the workplace largely determine how much they earn.
Women are more likely to balance income with a desire for safety, fulfilment, flexibility and proximity to home.
These lifestyle advantages lead to more people competing for jobs and thus lower pay.
Wage gaps tend to disappear when women put in the same hours and have the same experience, training and work history as men.
In Australia, similarly trained men and women under 30 show similar earnings. It is only in the older age groups that wage gaps start to widen, according to Mark Woden at the Melbourne Institute.
Yet men and women still tend not to have the same training.
A London School of Economics study of more than 10,000 British graduates found the men started off earning 12 per cent more than the women.
The reason? Most of the women had majored in the social sciences, while many men chose engineering, maths and computing.
While more than half the women said their primary interest was a socially useful job, men were twice as likely to mention salary.
SIMILAR patterns emerge here. Graduate women in Australia, who move into traditional male professions, often start off earning more than men.
For instance, the average starting salary for female geologists in Australia is $60,000 compared to $52,000 for men.
When women go into potentially high-earning careers, many end up earning far less than their male colleagues because of the way they structure their working lives.
Look at female doctors. To get into medicine, these women were as ambitious and hard-working as any of their male colleagues.
But a few years down the track it's a different story.
Current figures show a female GP works in her paid job only 63 per cent of the hours put in by a male, although clearly many face a second shift at home.
Women are making choices. Yes, these choices are constrained by their family responsibilities. That's the reason they work those shorter hours and seek the lower paid, but more flexible work closer to home.
Australian women still choose to take time out when their children are young, then return to part-time work. They miss out on financial rewards but are more content.
The latest HILDA survey clearly shows women working part-time are more satisfied than full-time working women.
The part-timers are far happier with their work-life balance and just as satisfied with their jobs as the full-timers.
In fact, more than half the women working full-time want to work fewer hours while just over a third of the part-timers want to work more.
Yes, there are still glass ceilings, pockets of discrimination, but the major reason men earn more than women is the trade-offs women choose to make.
So, the next time Anne Summers bleats about wage gaps, you'll know she's trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Wage gap talk is a con job.




marieToo -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 1:40:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

i'm not sure if this is a bias or not and i don't read the Mistress board with regularity, but there were two things that stood out to me.
 
Whenever i have gotten involved with a dom, he has made it clear that once we lived together and were stable in a LTR, i would quit my job and tend to the household and him, so to speak.  And i have seen that other females subs also have this type of arrangement.  But it seems to me that most Mistresses require the male sub be employed at all times....and it actually sounds derogatory if he is not.
 
Another thing....from what i have experienced and from what i have seen, most female subs are in no way lacking sexually.  However, it seems to me that sex is not a high priority for the Mistress.
 
Now these are just observations, not judgments in any way.  Does this seem accurate or have i just not read enough there to get the entire picture?  [8|]
 
DG


I would have to say I agree with this, as a statement in general.  Not that all female dominants are this way, (because Ive run across a few who seem to have their shit together) but I see a very strong prevelence (sp?) of male submissives just getting their asses purely kicked and ground into the dirt by female dominants who really do not understand or appreciate the submissive 'animal' for what it is.  And yes, I see male submissives being absolutely railed unmercilessly for having a sex drive. 

A far as in the real world, (I mean outside of forums such as these) I would say there is some bias, sometimes in both directions pretty much equally.  I think with males it is more with financial connotation, as in the case of the ad Amayos presented or as Susan mentioned the stereotype that most men do not pay child support willingly.   I think female bias comes in more with sexual overtones that we, as a society have become so accepting of that we barely notice them anymore.  Look at some ads and see how female sexuality is exploited.  And no one blinks an eye.
I just think bias of all sorts will always be alive and well amongst human beings.  Some will be insulted by certain bias, others will not.   I don't notice a generation of male OR female bashers being cultivated.  I just see what has always been. 




otktolearn -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 2:49:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm not sure I can quantify the question you are asking- but the answer is that gender bias and stereotypes are rampant and thriving in the scene.


Indeed. As they are everywhere else.




domiguy -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 3:39:31 PM)

I didn't address the question posed by the op in my first attempt....I have little respect for the majority of the dommes or the subs that they seek....So if lil' Sam the sub comes out here complaining my gut instinct is to tell him to dig deeper in his pockets because the MAJORITY not all....of the dommes seem to be focussing on one aspect and that is money!!!! Nothing new here!   But it does breed a bit of contempt towards guys that are such pussies whether they can/can't see that these women have parlayed their tits and asses into a relationship or a career paralleling that of prostitution.

I see a much stronger shift in male/female relationships in the "real" world where women actually are intelligent...But I don't equate that to having  any relevancy to making the statement that women have empowered themselves to a point of possessing some sort of a higher altuistic nature, righteousness or intelligence.

In fact I see that T&A still sells...and with the advances in the womans movement....You would expect this dynamic to be minimalized but that is far from reality....As far as tv goes... I unfortunately will admit to watching the show LOST last night.  In this episode a guy on a hospital bed (Ben) had the determining voice, with just a note, overriding the female sheriff in determining a life and death situation...Same show Sawyer refused to go back to rescue Jack and completely ignored the pleas of his female companion. This was last night...Don't watch desperate Housewives...So maybe it is taking place I just haven't caught those shows or movies flaunting the dynamics of this particular paradigm. 


I don't see a malicious or calculated attempt by women to emasculate men....I see the same tits and ass selling everything under the sun.

As far as the glass ceiling goes which has little relevance to this post...Here is but one link...This is for the States. No one gives a rats ass what women are making in Australia or if the dingo ate your baby or not.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2005/10/09/the_wage_gap/

If you need more info just google "wages men vs women."

Personally I dig a smart and sexy, successful woman...What is not to like about that?




LadyHugs -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 8:06:07 PM)

Dear toservez, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I am of the belief there is gender bias in this life (D/s, M/s, S&M and or BDSM) and it can be seen by how individuals respond on the message boards.
 
What is lacking, is owning one's own responsibilities to their bias and or prejudices; as well as understanding how they came to be as far as individuals go.  What does happen through our lives (in a general sense) is that how we are treated and how we're brought up forms our preferences and or standards.  When it isn't matched to others it is suddenly prejudices and or bias; when it is really a case of personal preferences.
 
Men and women are different since the dawn of time.  It will be the same when Earth is no more.  In my mind's eyes though; I put sex/gender, preference of gender/sex, race, beliefs aside and judge individuals as individuals.  I judge for my personal life those who measure for those standards and independent to those who are in the community at large.  Double standard for certain.  Those in the community are not always in my personal life and or happiness; they are invited into my personal life.  Standards for those in my personal life must excell beyond community.  I have more expectations for those in my private life and home.  It becomes a matter of personal preferences; others see it as bias/prejudices.  It can be seen either way by those looking from their own mind's eyes or those who are outside looking in and assuming in their judgments.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

 
 
 
 
 




Vjklander -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 8:54:16 PM)

The simple fact is everyone has their own set of biases of sex, race, orientation or whatever. Since I demand that everyone respect my biases, I respect theirs. OK, so I'm a flaming Libertarian. Sue me ;)
But seriously, I know who I am and what I want. If I find someone who matches that profile and I fit theirs, all is well and good. If not, at least we can be friends. That is just fine also.




SusanofO -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 10:31:33 PM)

Does anyone ever mention, when quoting these stats about wage gaps, that some women (and maybe men) don't really care? I know women who fully realize that they will earn less by dropping out of the work force for a few years to be a stay-at-home mom (when they return to work), and so do their husbands, but they make a decision to do it, so they've made their priorities clear - and I've heard many say it's worth the loss of income, too. Not everyone is a materialist (hard as that may be for some in the U.S to believe).   

Is a huge wage gap between the sexes fair? No (if it's the reality, and I always question how stats are gathered, because I was a market researcher at one time). But some don't seem as upset about it as is posited. I am not saying it's fair - but people are aware of the reality and they've continued to make choices anyway, about how often and in which fields to work.

My sister knew that being a nurse paid less than being a Veterinarian, but she thought Veterinary school would be too expensive and too difficult, and a Veterinary career might be "too stressful" (read: Not enough time for my future kids and hobbies) -so, she opted for a two-year RN program. She is relatively happy now, although she's not rich. 

Women still opt, a lot of the time, for "pink collar" jobs, or part-time careers. My attorney sister only works part-time, because she has a child with some medical issues.These jobs fit in with their "family life." Nothing wrong with that - but it's not gonna make you a zillionaire.

I also see in my sisters' (and most other) marriages, the evidence of a line I heard in a movie once:

"Women have options. Men have responsibilities." (Of course women have different responsibilities - and very important, albeit less concretely meausurable ones at that - it's just maybe arguable whether neglecting to tend the laundry, cooking and nurturung one day is going to land the family out on the street (this is of course, presuming a married woman, and with a family, maybe.)

I am not trying to downplay a woman's importance in society (in fact, it's been argued men would maybe be a whole lot less competitive in general if they weren't spending as much time trying to impress women with their earning and spending power. That maybe, plus their testosterone, is likely responsible, IMO).

But the devastating financial consequences of a man with a family who just one day decides to up and quit his job, is also a thing that could be well-argued as an equal albatross around his neck, as is a woman's supposedly less-then-equal earning power.

I don't know any stay-at-home dads, but the ones I've heard about are rather the joke material, in my neighborhood anyway. The insinuation seems to be that this choice makes them somewhat "less masculine." This doesn't strike me as fair, either, but its a pretty prevalent attitude, I think.

I am not trying to seriously down-play huge wage gaps. I am just wondering if they really exist to the degree I've been led to believe. I am not saying they don't exist, I've just not experienced much of that personally, I guess.

I know the one time I had a job and found out the woman who'd been hired after I was (and had less education and experience) was making a bigger salary (she told me) and the next day I was in the Personnel office bitching about it, and also about how I had several attorneys in my family, and how expensive court cases could become for employers, etc. - and I saw a raise in my next pay-check. 

I am sure such situations aren't always as easily resolved - but in my case, I was fortunate enough that my employer realized it was unfair (that, plus I was dead serious as far as my lawsuit threat.) I wonder how many people just keep putting up with it, or just quit the job, instead.

- Susan




novicecourtesan -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 11:14:59 PM)

Wow, I wish I never found this thread, because I could keep reading it for ages. There are so many interesting diiscussions.

From what I understand (mostly popular science trade or magazines, I have no science degree), the entire spectrum of how creatures have sex can get pretty bizarre. I recommend an excellent and funny book called Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice For All Creation. It is written by Olivia Judson, who is a biologist at Oxford, and pretends to be a collection of letters from a sex therapist (Dr. Tatiana) who gets letters asking for sex advice for all sorts of creatures (why do I eat my mate's head after sex? why do I have a detachable penis?). It's funny because of how gender operates in nature--there are submissives, hermaphrodites, transvestites and males that who get pregnant. They are polygamous or monogamous or serially monogamous or monogamous until the male goes hunting and the local gigolo comes sniffing around. They are gay and straight and bi and gender neutral or gender until a certain age.

It may not convince everyone but it's informative and good science from what I can see. It also blows apart the idea that "men are cads, women are saints" when it comes to sex. Apparently we're all cads.

I don't know anything about the Gorean lifestyle other than what I've read in the threads. As usual, I like the philosophy behind it, but worry about those who use it in anger against women. I guess that happens everywhere. What I find interesting is how much Goreans are based the idea of science proving male domination over female. From a purely scientific perspective, males do dominate women during sex and have the capacity to rape. Men are bigger and stronger. This is true for the most of nature. It would follow that submission is the natural instinct of females and responsible for the propagation of humanity. However, doesn't it seem reductive to base a philosophy solely on the sex act, when so much of what comes before and what comes after is largely up to the female in many, many species--including humans? Rape occurs in nature but it does not necessarily follow that it is natural.

I think the segment of gender bias against men is much less significant than the gender bias against women, which is pervasive and insidious in many ways. That said, we are allowed to talk about the gender bias against women; it's been accepted. Men always have to prove their case a little harder when it comes to issues like unpaid child support, rape, sexual harassment or discrimination, accusations of molestation or rape, etc. There is an unspoken "guilty until proven innocent" attitude towards men in these instances. They have to take extra precautions.

However, I would say that this feeling is familiar to any woman who wears a hot, vaguely slutty dress but covers it up with a coat because she doesn't want to be whistled at on the street. Women too have been trained to take many precautions that men don't feel are necessary, and we get used to it even though we didn't like the unfairness of it. If that woman in a hot dress gets raped, she's going to have her own "guilty until proven innocent" problems. I'm not taking her side; every case is different. I think in the large scheme of things, despite the confusion that men may have in their roles and the bias they deal with in the media and in the law, the balance still tips in the favor of women as being more oppressed.




SusanofO -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 11:31:22 PM)

Wow, your post was a pleasure to read, novicecourtesan. So well-thought out and intelligent. Truly.

- Susan




novicecourtesan -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 11:35:45 PM)

thank you very much, susan o. I love to write, and it's great to find these type of discussions!




SusanofO -> RE: gender bias in this life and these boards (2/22/2007 11:37:26 PM)

Welcome to the boards!

- Susan




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