|
Stephann -> RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? (2/22/2007 5:46:37 AM)
|
Yep, what Lashra said.
Jlion,
When I was a teenager, I fit your description to a T. I was nice, polite, made silly jokes, and simply oozed 'friendliness.' (stop sniggering, all you folks out there for imagining it!)
When I was 21, I met a Dominatrix at a dance club (I was there with my ex wife, who was Japanese and the Dominatrix in question was half Japanese, hence the meeting.) She commented to me a few months later, that she thought I was submissive. I was a little surprised, and asked why? She said it was because the way I took care of my wife, made sure she felt comfortable, did nice things for her, etc. At the time, I knew not a thing about D/s, but it didn't click right to me at that moment. I said "well, yes, but I do those things because I feel responsible for her."
Not too many years later, I came to realize that I felt most comfortable in a relationship, when I was the one setting the expectations of the relationship. I cared deeply for the women in my life, and was constantly considering their feelings in my actions; from my choice of work, to the meals we'd prepare, to what sort of gift would make us happy for our anniversary (our first anniversary I bought us a water bed, for example.) What starts getting murky, is when we start identifying the elements of the relationship that imply dominance, and the elements that imply love, friendship, or appreciation for another person.
When I was seventeen, it occurred to me that most women really didn't like 'nice' guys. They claim to, of course, but couldn't seem to find one (the irony, of course, is that the nice guy is the one who usually sits and listens to the woman confess these things.) Almost without fail, the woman would become involved with a man who was anything but nice. I certainly wasn't comfortable being the bad guy (though I certainly am now) but the key became clear, that women wanted a man who was confident. Two months after realizing and focusing on this, I had a gorgeous girlfriend and I've never had trouble romantically.
Dominance is best expressed through confidence. Women (and men) respect and enjoy people with confidence, yet it's a trait that is rarely (if ever) pointed out. Talking to a friend, you might speak about a mutual friend about how nice their smile is, how friendly they are, but you never say "and you know? That's one of the most confident people I've ever met!" Yet this quality makes the difference between getting a job and being successful in relationships, and absolutely vital for dominants. Putting yourself in a submissives shoes for a minute, would you want or trust a dominant woman who 'wants' to tell you how bad she wants to tie you up, but doesn't?
I hope this gives you some perspective, and the best advice was already given; the right submissive/slave/woman for you is out there, and you'll come across her soon enough.
Good luck!
Stephan
|
|
|
|
