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Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 7:35:02 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes?  If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub?  If yes,  does that mean the sub has some type of control within the sub/dom relationship? 
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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 7:41:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount
Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes?

There's quite a large difference between granting a request and submitting to a request.
It's still the dominants ultimate decision.
quote:

  If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub? 

No.

quote:

 If yes,  does that mean the sub has some type of control within the sub/dom relationship? 

No.

Sadly, too many subs feel this is true and thus break down communication by not requesting or even informing the dom of things.

And too many doms feel this is true and thus equate saying "no" all the time with being dominant.

I understand that the way people fantasize about these relationships, it is hard to mesh with the reality of communication and working together, but it must mesh or it will be doomed.  The quicker people give up their illusions, the much more fulfilled they will be.

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(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)
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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 7:44:23 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		thanks

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 7:46:11 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Good response, LA. Those who think that D/s is an excuse for brow-beating are going to find they have rather short-lived relationships with submissives, probably, IMO.

And submissives who think a Dominant is going to "un-mess" their entire lives if they lack the emotional maturity to even make the smallest decision for themselves, or think clearly on their own, are going to find themselves frustrating a few Dominants, IMO.

D/s requires adult participation, just like any healthy relationship.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/27/2007 7:48:48 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 7:47:28 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		NOTHING drives me battier than when submissives hold things back they should be telling me.  Drama doesn't drive me as nuts, I can at least relate to drama...

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 7:47:57 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes?  If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub?  If yes,  does that mean the sub has some type of control within the sub/dom relationship? 


Not if you are a TRUE DOM!!! I set the rules and never try anything new..Unless of course I thought of it. I have found that to have any chance at a long lasting relationship it is solely based on me taking the bitch by the horns...and communication only gets in the way....Great post!....Keep up the good work!...Can't wait for the next insightful question!!!

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/27/2007 7:49:15 AM >

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:38:42 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		My Master submits to nothing, at least when it comes to me, lol.  I have, however, made requests.   Of these requests, some he thought were good ideas and incorporated them.  Some he wasn't so keen on but explored them and either incorporated them or rejected them, and some he flat out rejected.

He controls the relationship, always. 

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:49:26 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
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Status: offline 		Thanks, your approval is valuable to me.

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:50:32 AM   
MissEnchantress


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline 		I don't consider myself to 'submit' to a subs request.  However, subs have a lot to teach Dom/mes.  Some subs have more experience in certain areas then their Top and the Top can learn a lot.

I want a sub to make requests.  That gives me power.  Knowledge is power.  If a sub wants Me to do something I now know what I can use as a reward.  I would never do something I truly, truly hate.

The reality is in a loving D/s relationship both partners have to be happy.

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)
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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:51:50 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		When he incorporates and does things you have requested of him, is that not  submitting to your request?

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:53:43 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		I would not think a dominant would do anything to the requesting sub that the dom hated, but when your sub makes a request and you do it, are you servicing his desires? 

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:53:50 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I make requests. Sometimes Valyraen grants them, sometimes he doesn't. *shrugs* If he said no all the time just to enjoy his power, he'd be an asshole and I'd be looking elsewhere.

That said, I still want to go to zoo...

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to MissEnchantress)
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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:54:08 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes?  If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub?  If yes,  does that mean the sub has some type of control within the sub/dom relationship? 


I answered your slightly altered question in Ask A Mistress so won't rehash but will only clarify the part on submission.

No, it does not mean the dominant is being submissive.  The dominant chose to act a certain way.  It so happened to coincide with the submissive's desires.  There was no shift in power.  The dominant will often do things that the submissive likes.  If it all sucked for the sub it probably wouldn't last long.  But there is no change in the dynamic of D/s just because a dominant is in a particularly agreeable mood that day.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 8:57:44 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

When he incorporates and does things you have requested of him, is that not  submitting to your request?


Submitting to a request is not the same as submitting in a BDSM dynamic nor is it the same as submission.  Much the same as hitting "submit" on a form does not make a dominant doing it suddenly a submissive. 

quote:

I would not think a dominant would do anything to the requesting sub that the dom hated, but when your sub makes a request and you do it, are you servicing his desires? 


I am servicing my own desires.  At the time I desired to do what my sub liked also.  The difference is I will indulge my sub but will not do anything I really dislike.  There are times he has to do what he does not like to please me. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 9:02:31 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		Many thank yous.

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 9:03:54 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		What is the act called when the dom does what the sub likes?  Is the act "submission" or "servicing" or something else?

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 9:04:19 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Doing something nice for someone or as a reward is not submission. The intent behind the action is what defines the meaning. I've cleaned my friend's apartment while he was at work because it was a nice surprise, not because I submitted to him. I've had my house cleaned by someone in submission. It's all about the mental, emotional and spiritual intent.

Master Fire


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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 9:05:27 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

What is the act called when the dom does what the sub likes?  Is the act "submission" or "servicing" or something else?


being nice?

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 9:05:41 AM   
ONEDEMANDINGMSTR


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		It's always been My philosophy that a D/s relationship must be enjoyable/fulfilling for BOTH parties involved. As a consequence, it is imperative for the sub to commuicate to her Dom, her needs, wants, desires, and fantasies! A daily journal is a requirement. She must always be direct and truthful in what has pleased her, turned her on, and what she has thought about in between times. This is My way of gaining continuing insight into her psyche! Although not the only way.

What I do with the information gained is up to Me. But suffice to say, I do pay great attention to her needs. What kind of fool would ignore them???

1DEMANDING

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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 9:08:49 AM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not talking in reference to a friend cleaning a freind's house.  Between a dom and his sub only.  If your sub said 'please do me like this tonight'  and you do, are you submitting to his request?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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