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RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 10:55:51 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

to answer your question, i suppose you would feel better if every unclaimed subwould rush into a relationship taking the first available Dom she meets with the potential of it being unsafe and harmful to her. oh i wish i had your fantasy pov that every Dom i meet in the world is loving and caring like Daddy and no one will harm us.

wake up!

like every relationship, we have the right be selective when meeting the opposite sex. i personally wouldn't want anyone who was below my set of standards and/or intelligence ...who couldn't respect me as a woman and as a submissive - so i'm not going to settle for the first Dom who notes me and i'm sure you wouldn't settle on the first sub/slave you've met after one message either ...unless you enjoy playing with people you don't have anything in common with.

The luxury of waiting until later to reply is that I can pick out the best reply. This one fits it for me. Why does anyone think those in D/s have it any easier than those in vanilla life to find someone?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 61

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 10:55:54 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Wow, some really amazing answers to this thread, even from some of the women I really respect on this site.

MasterFireMaam, whom I consider to be one of the wiser people here suggested the OP was "assuming that they are waiting to be scooped up by the first Dominant that comes along." Yet the OP makes it quite clear in his post that he was wondering about subs who have been on here looking for many months or years.

And puella, another very smart lady said " a submissive woman who did not just submit, immediately and unconditionally to any/all of the random Dom-trollings that flood her inbox."

And puella again " I suppose the word attractive could be stretched out to mean more than physical appearance, but let's be honest... most will pass by those who are physically unappealing". As if THAT doesn't happen as often from the woman's side of the fence.

Even LuckyAlbatross, another very wise young woman normally, could not come up with anything better than a snide remark.

Can't say I blame MasterChav for throwing up his hands and giving up because there has been an enormous amount of misinterpretation of his question. I also notice most guys have (probably wisely) stayed silent. But heck, where Angels Fear to Tread, and all that! So I'll throw my own two cents into the mix.

MasterChav's question was this: He has seen many subs who say in their profile they want to find a Dom/Master, i.e. they are actively looking. Apparently they have not been able to find anyone remotely compatible at all in two or more years of searching. His question was why is this so?

I can certainly understand a sub, or anyone else being particular in what they want. When is it taken too far? When is it taken to the point where being particular becomes wanting a fantasy man so perfect that he simply doesn't exist.

What I would be curious to know is how many of the subs who have been on here for a year or two and still haven't found anyone - how many attempts have you made at actual meetings?

Assuming in that time, after weeding out the obvious weirdos and other undesirables, there were a few left who might be worth taking a chance on getting to know. I'm not talking about making a decision to be someone's sub, just physically meeting them to see if the potential is there. How many of you have ever taken it even that far?

And to head off the silly flames, I am not looking and being frustrated by it all. I have found my lovely slave and am in a very wonderful relationship.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to MasterChav)

Post #: 62

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:11:15 AM

novicecourtesan

Posts: 116
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

I have only been online for a few weeks, so I am not quite in this category. But I do think that it may take months before I feel comfortable to truly call someone my dom. Maybe I am very slow. Years, on the other hand, sounds excruciating. Maybe some people prefer window shopping, or are asking for too much, or are more hesitant than their profile comes across. I feel more cautious here than I would on a vanilla dating site, and right now, I'm trying to learn more about what's out there and answer my own questions than going on a dating spree. I'd rather do it carefully and methodically--but then again, I am slow.

As for why a sub might wait for years--it may be the same reason that I see the same vanilla posts online for years--relationships have come and gone (but not been reported) or have been otherwise unrealized (unavailable dom/mes). Some do prefer a cyberlife to a real life--though for the life of me I don't know why.....

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 63

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:12:38 AM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

There could be a variety of reasons. I have no doubt that some of these girls may be very, very fussy and others may be fake. On the other hand, you need to really be able to click with someone to have that trusting D/s dynamic we've all grown to love. I would never put anyone down who is still searching for that.

I can honestly say that I recieve many e-mails, even though I'm taken, from other men who want subs. After some of the messages I recieve ("Nice tits!" as one...), I don't blame subs for being so fussy on here, to tell you the truth. There may have been one person- well, couple, that comes even close to what I seek in all my defined terms out of MANY profiles I have seen. I've always sought a profound intellect and a stable personality- more than just BDSM, but a person, and I can't say that I've seen many (though a few have popped up) that really show me that.

So....whether they're pretty or not, they've still got minds, and I believe they've the mind to find someone who they click with.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 64

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:12:46 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I'm sure the answers as to why they are still looking are as varied as the people behind the profile.

Maybe somewhere along the way they met someone and it didn't work out, so they're searching again?

Maybe they cannot relocate and the pool of possible candidates has already been exhausted or weren't compatible to start with?

Maybe deep down they want the life, but have a difficult time overcoming fears.... but still they search, hoping someone will come along and their fears will melt away?

Maybe they are really a fruit loop that no sane dominant would touch with a ten foot pole?

Maybe they have so many limits and requirements that the odds of meeting someone who'd agree to them are slim to none?

Maybe they have 6 kids, 5 baby daddys, 4 dogs, 3 cats, 2 roommates and no HDtv?

I'm not being sarcastic..... I'm just saying that we see on these boards how varied the people are, how varied their lives are, how varied their wants/needs are and a million other things. Just because a sub (or dom) is seemingly attractive and has a nice profile, that tells us little to nothing about the actual person and what life with them would be like.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 65

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:16:34 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Before finding james nearly all the people I ran into were unsuitable for what I wanted and expected. Most of them had zero clue how to treat a lady, most of them thought only of their dick, or they were simply so far off the radar I saw no point in bothering. Most didn't even bother to read the basic information about myself as a basic human, let alone kink interests.

There are lots of reasons to be a availible fem sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterChav

The real question is my last one: "Or out of all the offers they must have received are there really no suitable Doms?"

(in reply to MasterChav)

Post #: 66

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:27:45 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

What I would be curious to know is how many of the subs who have been on here for a year or two and still haven't found anyone - how many attempts have you made at actual meetings?

Assuming in that time, after weeding out the obvious weirdos and other undesirables, there were a few left who might be worth taking a chance on getting to know. I'm not talking about making a decision to be someone's sub, just physically meeting them to see if the potential is there. How many of you have ever taken it even that far?

I have met a few people from here to see if we clicked. This is after trying to weed through the ones who were only looking for quick sex or sex on the side and not a D/s relationship that encompassed the part of who I am that I really want to share with someone. Some people who are on here I've met at munches and other local gatherings. So far there hasn't been the right "click" or they haven't been interested.

It's not like I'm not willing to try, but I'm picky about who I will submit to since I'm looking for long-term, not play partners. I am most interested in someone who matches on a vanilla level as well as in a D/s sense.

Just my take on it.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 67

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:28:28 AM

scottjk

Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Whew!

With so many intelligent and thoughtful people responding to this post, I'm having a problem getting past the biting cynicism. No offense, everyone, but please tone it down just a tad. It's kinda getting in the way of finding a sensible answer to the OP's question.

I don't know for certain, but I can offer a speculation. I've had some time to observe, but even that observation has been very limited.

(I know, there are exceptions to what I'm about to say)

First of all, and this is a generalization, women are very sensitive to judgment, internal and external. However, most of them can handle that quite well, but even the smallest comment can send them soaring or depress them, or have no effect at all, depending on their coping skills. (One way I love to use, and offer is: Is it true?) Of course, their mileage will vary.

I would imagine when a fem sub of any stripe posts a profile, they're probably inundated by mail of every type, ranging from "Marketing Doms" to "Player Doms" or worse. Imagine going from a few pieces of email a day to three to four tubs of mail being dropped off at your door, with the mail carriers snickering as they walk away.

Now imagine hauling all that in, and starting the sorting process. Whuff! Based on what I've heard, that reject pile is going to get LARGE.

Imagine the process: Read the mail, pick the ones that are interesting, delete the rest. (TIME CONSUMING!) Some are easy to toss, some are not so easy. Next, prioritize based on location/age/other criteria. Okay, this is starting to look like conducting a job interview of candidates. By this time, depending on how sensitive a woman is, she's read dozens (or hundreds) or just peaked at nasty-grams, one liners, wannabe commands, etc. I don't know about you, but that would wear anyone down. Add to that, with so many mails, her standards bar is going up and up, perhaps without her realizing it.

That's okay though. All this is just to START as well. Then there's the discussions, mails, talks, etc. With all that, what would happen to your opinion of doms in general would become? Like all of us, she wants quality, not quantity.

I could go on, but it would turn into a tedious and miserable story.

If this were to happen to me, as a Dom, trust me, I wouldn't exactly be a happy person. It would be flattering and an ego boost at first, but it would get tedious very fast and I'd be looking for a better way to find some one. For that matter, I AM trying to find a better way to find some one that I can connect with.

However, the situation I imagined would only be ONE type of female sub. One that's actively (so to speak) seeking, as opposed to others that are just interested in the fantasy, just curious, or already involved, never mind what other reasons.

_____________________________

Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 68

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:44:08 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I'm sorry not going to read 4pages at the moment to put in my $.02....\

quote:

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking?

I guess because they're not looking for you, and the reason this question annoys me is because people assume that because one is looking, one will take anyone who says he is the "it" one is looking for.

I've occasionally gotten email from men saying "since you're still looking..." I consider that asking to be insulted. If we simply didn't know one another, or things have changed in our lives to change what we're looking for, than I would consider a note like that a good approach; otherwise, it is sooooo asking to be rejected again. I would never say "hey boy, I know you didn't like me last year, but how about me now?" M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MasterChav)

Post #: 69

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:44:09 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

Aren't snide remarks, about people that made snide remarks ... just more snide remarks?

As is this post, to be fair ...

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 70

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:48:33 AM

pygmalionsub

Posts: 30
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

I haven't been searching for awhile, But i can tell you my experience.

Lets look at say collarme. I would like a Dom who lives atleast 2 hours from me, I'm not willing to relocate. That Cuts out 90% of the collarme population (rough estimate on percentages here) Of that remaining 10% half roughly are over the age of 40 or under the age of 26 which personally ispast my age preference. So that leaves me with 5% of the collarme population to work with. Of that 5% some of those Doms will be gay, in a relationship, not my physical "type", we just don't click, etc.. Its really not all that hard to see why it takes so long to find someone.

(in reply to scottjk)

Post #: 71

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:56:29 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Very logical. Thanks.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: pygmalionsub

I haven't been searching for awhile, But i can tell you my experience.

Lets look at say collarme. I would like a Dom who lives atleast 2 hours from me, I'm not willing to relocate. That Cuts out 90% of the collarme population (rough estimate on percentages here) Of that remaining 10% half roughly are over the age of 40 or under the age of 26 which personally ispast my age preference. So that leaves me with 5% of the collarme population to work with. Of that 5% some of those Doms will be gay, in a relationship, not my physical "type", we just don't click, etc.. Its really not all that hard to see why it takes so long to find someone.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to pygmalionsub)

Post #: 72

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 11:59:31 AM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Hello, Sir Dominic,

I think it bears repeating that the quality of the responses Chav received were directly a product of the verbiage he chose to employ in his question. I believe this was gone over in a subsequent reply of mine to his response to me.

The words he chose to describe the submissive or the actions of the submissive were entirely negative, and in my opinion, were at best accusatory, and at worst derisive. For example, the word fussy:

fuss·y (fŭs'ē) Pronunciation Key
adj. fuss·i·er, fuss·i·est

Easily upset; given to bouts of ill temper: a fussy baby.
Paying great or excessive attention to personal tastes and appearance; fastidious: He was always fussy about clothes.
Calling for or requiring great attention to sometimes trivial details: a fussy actuarial problem.
Full of superfluous details: "It can indeed be fussy, filling with ornament what should be empty space" (H.D.F. Kitto).

There is not an awful lot there which should lead me to believe he is anything other than scornful of the idea of a submissive taking what he perceives to be too much time in finding a Dominant, due to the implications of the words he chose to lay out his OP.

However, he did explain later that he was employing sarcasm, and at that point, I believe the tone of the replies he received altered, somewhat (if they were not quick replies before having read the entire thread),

Your reinterpretation of his question is far more level and not at all accusatory, but your choice of words and the explanation behind your thought was far more thoughtful and expansive. To me, your question brings up far more substantive and ideas, which I did not at all detect in his OP, and which, I would expect to find much more interesting and less harangued replies.

Oh.. and thank you for the lovely compliment, as well!

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 73

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 12:30:23 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

so sorry you gave up however you posed the thought and i merely responded it. not my fault you weren't clearer in your thinking. no one was deliberately misunderstanding the original post except you with your assumptions.

peace

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to MasterChav)

Post #: 74

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 1:17:59 PM

bastardandthewen

Posts: 40
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline

Many submissives are not searching for a mere Dom. Many are searching for thier equal, their missing piece; their partner. It is not enough for them to identify as Dominant - they also need to mesh on all the other everyday levels. It is hard finding a good boyfriend - throw all the peculiarities of personal fetishes and the many aspects of D/s and things get much more complicated. Finding a match for a serious D/s relationship, therefore, is more involved then wandering down to your local pub on friday night looking for a hookup.

Especially submissives who have already had a meaningful D/s relationship - they know what can bring balance, and they know what can cause dissruption and frustration. If they already know what works- and what falls short- why would they settle for something that they know will only work in half measures?

Sometimes people know themselves, and what works for them- very well. It makes life much simpler when you know exactly what you want and refuse to settle for anything less.

I spent three years waiting to meet Bastard; and when I did- he happened to be on the other side of the globe - I was in UK, he was in Australia. So it took a further two years for us to sort our lives out to the point where we could be together.

It was worth "being fussy" for.

< Message edited by bastardandthewen -- 2/27/2007 1:23:17 PM >

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 75

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 1:18:45 PM

TrueCalling

Posts: 97
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline

Speaking only for myself, although I trust it rings true with many...I prefer a dominant man who is older and naturally dominant... someone more traditional/oldschool who knows that property is property and that always and all ways means just that. Those who will play and/or have sex casually 'while looking' are not of interest to me. Nor are the still married men who are waiting to find their sub/slave before they end their marriage. Having been blessed as I have over the years, I am well aware of what I need and desire in a Dominant, and I would honestly rather remain as I am, than to accept lesser. Picky isn't a word I've ever fancied when used in reference of this subject nature. The hell with it, call me discriminating! There are people who are willing to wait for what they need/desire, be it Dominant or submissive.

Regards,
colleen

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 76

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 1:29:14 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterChav

Are there really no suitable Doms?"

Suitability goes both ways. Then again, fussy goes both ways as well.

If you think about it, there's more likelihood of a fatal car crash (which in a way is a decent analogy), than there is bumping up against someone on or exceeding the level of one's desires at the same time, space, and timing compatibilities.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to MasterChav)

Post #: 77

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 1:32:07 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

By that logic, for everyone who is in a happy relationship, one person will die in a fatal car crash.

Shiiiiiiiit!

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 78

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 1:34:54 PM

bastardandthewen

Posts: 40
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What I would be curious to know is how many of the subs who have been on here for a year or two and still haven't found anyone - how many attempts have you made at actual meetings?

I can answer that for me; as I just posted a moment ago, I waited three years to find my partner, and ion that time my profiles online said "available and looking". But I also in that three years lived in London, UK, where the kink scene is rich and varied. I was involved in Local fetish events, and as such, was in contact with many other kinksters. I can't tell you for certain how many people I met specificaly for the reason of exploring wether or not we were a match, but it would have been in the 30 and up range, at a guess. And this does not include random interactions with people I just happened across at events. Also note that I also interacted with Dominants at clubs, workshops and demos, where I would often serve as bondage bunny for rope demos, etc, to people who were known to me.

So my exposure to and interactions with Dominants was fairly substantial. Many became close friends and confidants. But none lit that spark for me, or vise versa. I was not holed up in the dark at home, waiting for Prince Charming to come and claim me - I just lived my life and waited patiently, confident that when it was right for me, I would recognize it.

(in reply to TrueCalling)

Post #: 79

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? - 2/27/2007 1:36:55 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

By that logic, for everyone who is in a happy relationship, one person will die in a fatal car crash.

Shiiiiiiiit!

Yours,

benji

Actually, I was thinking along the lines of 100's, or even 1000's, of people will die in fatal car crashes before the next 'reasonably successful' couple get together.

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 80

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