SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Fukin Troll: You are truly evil. LOL Okay, I never got 50 responses at once I had to reply to (and sorry if I insinuated I did. I did not - and it did probably sound that way. My bad. That did sound weird, and - well, let's just say the fact females might sometimes get more mail then men didn't even need to be mentioned. Because it didn't. Heck, if someone got that many responses at once - who'd have the time to reply in any quality way (regardless of gender)? What I meant to focus on was, if it's gonna be a mass campaign as far as responding (on any level, whether someone gets 5 replies, or 50) it's gonna probably seem at least slightly impersonal (so the less impersonal, the better).
And I realize that the issue is how to get people to respond to begin with.  I do.
Looks like men and women can have opposite problems sometimes re: Mail, but some of this advice still applies (or can) to anyone.
***Padriag did shine some light on why a man might write a form letter. I won't be offended by form letters, if I see them sometime in the future (and I am glad Padriag mentioned this because yes, it does seem to be a common submissive gripe, and it's been misunderstood, as far as the reason, IMO). I really won't be. Glad this was brought up.
The reason now makes perfect sense to me (I still think personal letters are nicer, but hey, time is limited for everyone). If you're gonna do a form letter (male or female) I'd make it a form letter that sounds as "un-form letter"- like as possible. He also shed light on what is a reasonable "rate of return" for a Dominant to maybe expect. I know submissives get more initial "hits" maybe, but sooner or later they have to narrow that down if that is really the case (and sometimes it is not), and so his advice applies, no matter what sex or gender one is seeking, IMO (generally).
One in 10, as far as good outcomes (for mail response turning into something eventually that looks like it's viable) would be reasonable for some submissives, too, I think (depending on their requirements, how they are presenting themselves, etc).
If it interests anyone, I know each "market" is specialized, but I'd say 10% is an excellent return for a mail program (generally speaking). Heck, in some places 1-3% is considered really a great outcome (honestly). If you are batting 10-20%, count your blessings (even though it could seem like a pain in the keester, regardless of gender).
There is a ddefinite connection, I believe, IMO between the "rate of return" and many other things, but probably two of the important things would be a descriptive, friendly letter honing in on something someone posted about and why you liked it or detailing your opinion (if it's diplomatic, usually, ust my opinion) and describing yourself in more detail - pick up where your profile left off, or go into what you left out of it and re-iterate what's in it: the high-lights anyway - as a first contact.
Or, just e-mail someone and start a conversation, and refer to your profile, or something someone said, or their profile.
DO NOTnot mention upfront "why we are a good match for eachother." If you think so, I'd say instead: "I noticed we both like X, how did you get interested in that? I got inhterested last Summer when I was..." "Being someone's perfect match" is not your sole decision - until you get to know someone a whole lot better, IMO.
The "rules of engagement" as far as connecting with someone, IMO, are not very different from the so-called "vanilla world" until you are much more into an actual, face-to-face (most likely, if you are seeking real-time) D/s relationship. If you want to discuss that stuff, or start w/the "role-pla" and treating someone as if they were your submssive - sure maybe yoiu could toy wiht that BUT - I'd certainly wait a few e-mails at least, and even then I'd not be heavy-handed with it - at all.
As an intiial contact - have a real conversation (w/more than two sentences as your "starter"), at least a few paragraphs, I'd say, if not more.)
Yes, I agree do not try to be something you are not - I get the impression, sometimes, that because they are now considering themselves to be a "Dominant/ Domme" or a "submissive/slave" that people some folks have forgotten they are first and foremost - a person. I never was as much interested in someone's role-paying ability as their ability to be human.
Sure there is a mystique, and fascination, and fulfullment associated w/bdsm and D/s (or I wouldn't be here, or have ever had, or sought out, a D/s relationship or bdsm experiences). Personal quirk: Leather can be nice, and look great, too. IMO, a person w/an enlarged capacity to act like a truly human person, shining through the bdsm "gear", and sometimes posturing, who can be real and human, is nicer still. Just my two cents. And I am no expert (not by a long shot, Just have a few opinions. Take whatever works for you from the above). Good luck to all.
- Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/28/2007 8:47:40 PM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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