The Saboteur This may be the most difficult of all the archetypes to understand, because its name is associated with betrayal. Yet the purpose of this archetype is not to sabotage you, but to help you learn the many ways in which you undermine yourself. How often do you set new plans in motion, only to end up standing in your own way because of the fears that undermine those optimistic plans. Or you begin a new relationship and then destroy it because you begin to imagine a painful outcome. You begin a working relationship with another person and find yourself once again in a power struggle that could be settled peacefully -- but you fall into the same destructive pattern because you fear the other person. The Saboteur's fears and issues are all related to low self-esteem that causes you to make choices that block your own empowerment and success. As with the Victim and Prostitute, you need to face this powerful archetype that we all possess and make it an ally. When you do, you will find that it calls your attention to situations in which you are in danger of being sabotaged, or of sabotaging yourself. Once you are comfortable with the Saboteur, you learn to hear and heed these warnings, saving yourself untold grief from making the same mistakes over and over. Ignore it, and the shadow Saboteur will manifest in the form of self-destructive behavior or the desire to undermine others. To learn how to become aware of the action of the Saboteur within, ask yourself these questions:

• What fears have the most authority over me? List three.
• What happens when a fear overtakes me? Does it make me silent?
  
• Do I allow people to speak for me?
  
• Do I agree to some things out of fear that I otherwise would not agree to?
• Have I let creative opportunities pass me by?
• How conscious am I in the moment that I am sabotaging myself?
• Am I able to recognize the Saboteur in others?
• Would I be able to offer others advice about how to challenge one's Saboteur? If so, what would it be?

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

I would have to say that yes in the past I have done the self sabotage, and I have a small fear I will do it again. 

I have learned to build those walls where you only let someone in so close. When I feel someone getting to close, I shut down and pull away. I guess that is when the other person will fade away or not give up on me, because of my fears.

To a certain extent I do fear that what I have to offer and give will not be enough to someone.( I don’t mean that I do not think that what I have to offer is not a wonderful thing, or that I down myself. ) It is just something I have never been able to get past. I have noticed since my last relationship ended, I have put up more walls, set myself pretty much on being selfish, and on giving myself “my time”. I have set the limits that I will not relocate and that I am not looking for anyone. I hate to think because of that I will miss out someone wonderful. (I just might be)

--ShiftedJewel stated “But if I expect the worst then if the worst happens then I'm not so hurt”

I think she has a very valid point. If you expect the worst it is easier to deal with when it happens, or if it doesn’t happen then the surprise of it being much better than you thought is even a better.



Thanks for the threat FT, it is something for me to really think over.
rayn

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I was looking at a very interesting post on ask a Mistress and wanted a chance to bring a similar post to the general forum.

So I will pose the questions to both D and s.

As a D/s are/do you sabotage a potential relationship for fear of failure?

Are you afraid you cannot live up to their expectations of Dominance/submission?
Do you nit pick them looking for a reason to sabotage or not even initiate contact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

I am my own agent sabatour or however it is spelled. There isn't a problem with Cmail, or chatting. Once it gets close to meeting them however I back way off & sometimes actually disappear. I do it even with those that offer simply the hand of friendship to me.

I've built walls, such high walls that I don't know how to get past them. How to decontruct them. It is like I have lost the ability for one on one contact.
A huge part is fear, fear that my physical self is not up to the job of functioning in any catagory. Another part is that I have been doing this for so long that it has become an actual part of me. Bah. Isolation is where I place a lot of the blame. Like self imposed walls, isolation is something that can be so very hard to get past & overcome. It is not easier to stay in my little world, the opposite. It is freakin lonely and kinda unbearable but I literally do not know how to change it.
I'm going thru some heavy introspection, wondering if there is even a place for me in WIITWD.

It isn't just in WIITWD, it has leaked into every aspect of my life.

Heavy thinking for someone who just woke up lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll


 
Phantom flags. 
I know I have looked at the shortcoming and disasters of past “potentials” and wait for the other shoe to drop. I know that I am guilty of looking at these “phantom flags” as real red flags. However I am getting better at looking at the flag that goes up and meditating on it to see if it is, in fact, a red flag or a phantom flag I want to wave to avoid potential disappointment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

cjenny, i think with ur illnesses, like u have previously stated, ur not up to a 24/7 type of thing.so of course that creates conflict... also its up to the dom to be patient and let u get used to the idea and reassure u in taking ur hand and guiding u in ur submission

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
Edited because we posted at about the same time...BFT makes perfect sense to me. Absolutely perfect sense. Couldn't have said it any better or differently.