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RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:13:42 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		You have to make a cash deposit in her paypal account... or she will mail you.

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:15:19 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
You have to make a cash deposit in her paypal account... or she will mail you.
  Don't be giving away my secret kid!
SDFemDom4cuck, I turned profile back on, and you've got mail.   M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:16:28 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Guess who I am going to be perving

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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

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The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:18:51 PM   
sugarcandy


Posts: 96
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam




The Saboteur This may be the most difficult of all the archetypes to understand, because its name is associated with betrayal. To learn how to become aware of the action of the Saboteur within, ask yourself these questions:    
I'll answer publically, MFM, to share and be brave.
  • What fears have the most authority over me? List three.  Betrayal, adandonment, and being sabotaged myself!
  • What happens when a fear overtakes me? Does it make me silent?     Fear turns me shy and I hide silently or mask my hurt behind a tough and false defensive front.

  • Do I allow people to speak for me? Not often. But, yes, sometimes in D/s.

  • Do I agree to some things out of fear that I otherwise would not agree to? No to that one.

  • Have I let creative opportunities pass me by?
  • I used to. I have over come that very well and am happy with the results. 

  • How conscious am I in the moment that I am sabotaging myself?
  • I get rattled and confused. "UNconciocious"

  • Am I able to recognize the Saboteur in others?Most definitely!

  • Would I be able to offer others advice about how to challenge one's Saboteur? If so, what would it be?
  •  I'll have to really think about that Q!
  • More... HEY! This is really helpful!!!

  • I used to sabotage myself in others ways besides relationships. I have successfully overcome the saboteur in career and am allowing myself to become more and more successful.
  • I am now much more friendly (in person)  outgoing vs. being shy ( I recognized how shy others felt) and I am helpful, open, warm and gently assertive.

I know I need to work on my own self esteem and be relaxed yet confident in pursuing relationships.
Actually, when I am able to feel accepted, I open up and give, love, share embrace fully.

You can find a lot more about archetypes on her site. http://myss.com/Archs.asp

Master Fire


Thank you very much MasterFireMaam. The link is great!
I am going to work the "archtypical wheel" on the site.
I recommend others to look deeper as well. 

Maybe I'll start a new thread with it?
Again, TY!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:43:28 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Ohhhhhhh my favourite troll you just did a very good job of making me think about things I prefer to ignore.

And the answer is absolutely. At first when I started reading thru this thread I decided to blame a certain french wench for my relationship avoidance then I had to realize that it goes much deeper than that. If I have to be honest, and I do, I have to admit that I sabatoged that relationship also out of fear of not being good enough. Fear of it not working and being hurt. I knew that if I let her in and she rejected me it would be more painful than anything I have experienced in a previous relationship. The only fear that has ever come close to that one is a fear of being alone and destitute. Which comes from a childhood and early adulthood of poverty.

Since that fiasco I have held others to the ideal I wanted with her......in effect sabatoging any further opportunities. I have had to let go of those fears and realize that was a dream and while I will always have love for her I have to open my heart to something new and wonderful. I am almost there I think.



_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:47:28 PM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
My profile is harsh and unrealistic for a number of reasons, as well as self-defeating. It is in place to dissuade the HNG’s and let the rest know that I, me, myself is in charge and the only topping that will be done from the bottom is me telling her where to rub as she massages my back.


Gosh, when I read it I was delighted by your sense of humor.  You actually mean all that stuff?? 

As for sabotage, I don't think I do.  For one thing I've got a pretty good idea what I'm looking for and what I'm willing to compromise on and what I'm not.  I don't consider culling the herd "sabotage", but rather clearing a way for the right person.  For another I tend to err the other way once I see potential in somebody.  Not that I haven't had my heart shredded plenty, but it never seems to dissuade me.  Just not smart enough to stay down when I git hit I guess. lol  I can't imagine giving up on love or trust just cus it's gunna hurt if/when they go away later. 

Nope, sorry, feels too damn good while it lasts!

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:51:00 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Ohhhhhhh my favourite troll you just did a very good job of making me think about things I prefer to ignore.



What can I say? We lesbians tend to do that.

May I ask if you feel you might be using "phantom red flags" to undermine a potential sub/slave?

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

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Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:51:43 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Got it and replied. Trolly, it's only you that have to make a deposit on  Paypal. She just says she makes everyone do it...it's actually just you. Let me guess, you fell for it didn't you? I'll be billing you for this conversation at a later date. ;^)

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:55:26 PM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think a lot of us sabotage relationships before they begin for many reasons, and that it's got everything to do with human insecurity, which exists outside a D/s context. 
But I don't think that I do this.  I do have high standards, and I do often reject people for nitpicky reasons, but being single is better than being in a bad relationship, so I feel that it's totally legitimate to be picky, and I think everyone should be.  But I can't think of a time when I've done something that could be considered "sabotage".  I think I have fucked up communication with people due to insecurity, but that's usually when talking to girls I want to come and play with me and Daddy.  I'm really bad at seducing people- I know how to lead the chase, not how to chase.  It's possible that part of me wants to sabotage those relationships because part of me doesn't want to share, but even when I thought the girl was cool and I wanted to meet her I think I've done things to scare her off by accident.

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 2:58:47 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Got it and replied. Trolly, it's only you that have to make a deposit on  Paypal. She just says she makes everyone do it...it's actually just you. Let me guess, you fell for it didn't you? I'll be billing you for this conversation at a later date. ;^)


Well at least I got fuk'd. It wasn't exactly how I had in mind, but what can ya do?

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:03:55 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
Phantom flags.
 I must thank you all for making me consider phantom flags, and Jewel in her most provocative style, as a viable means of self-sabotage. I know I have looked at the shortcoming and disasters of past “potentials” and wait for the other shoe to drop. I know that I am guilty of looking at these “phantom flags” as real red flags. However I am getting better at looking at the flag that goes up and meditating on it to see if it is, in fact, a red flag or a phantom flag I want to wave to avoid potential disappointment.


Ya know, for a cutey butt troll, you're really making us dig deep today young man!  Errr troll......

I too get cases of what are probably phantom red flag fever. 

Example would be that for whatever reason, He has chosen not to mention me in His profile, but I have His name at the top of mine.  So the Phantom Red Flag Fever hits me and I start thinking.... What if he's just holding onto me until someone better comes along?  He doesn't mention me so as not to scare off any other potentials.... yada yada yada..

I could list other stuff, but really, maybe it's more insecurities than PRFF?  I dunno.  I think I need a cup of coffee.   Anyone want a cup?  I've got chocolate cake with fudge frosting...mmmmmm..... LaT?

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:11:50 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel


Ya know, for a cutey butt troll, you're really making us dig deep today young man!  Errr troll......


What can I say?

quote:



I too get cases of what are probably phantom red flag fever. 

What if he's just holding onto me until someone better comes along?  He doesn't mention me so as not to scare off any other potentials.... yada yada yada..



BRN, I have had a lot of stuff going on lately and that right there is perhaps the culprit.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:25:21 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I was looking at a very interesting post on ask a Mistress and wanted a chance to bring a similar post to the general forum.

So I will pose the questions to both D and s.

As a D/s are/do you sabotage a potential relationship for fear of failure?

Are you afraid you cannot live up to their expectations of Dominance/submission?
Do you nit pick them looking for a reason to sabotage or not even initiate contact.


Sounds like a brillilant original post. I'll have to go read that one.

Story of my life: A gazillion responses to my question when reposted by someone else, but few responses to my original post.


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<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:29:16 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, I self sabotage. There are aspects of my body that I've never liked and am self conscience about it and men are such visual creatures. The thing is, I am as well, therefore, I have a hard time believing how they can sit and admire that which I find awful. Does this make me less domly, probably in most eyes. That’s okay, I don’t profess to be the ultimate dom with no feelings. I’m still female and have some of the same body issues as good portion of the female population.

~Big

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:30:29 PM   
BrownEyedSub84


Posts: 36
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

When Master introduced Himself to me online, i was immediately intimadated, and for the first time ever i blatently tried to disuade Him from being interested in me. Fortunately i have never ruled this relationship, even from it's inception, and Master had the good sense to take me in hand from that moment on.

It is interesting to see how many others have similar reactions. Even those who believe they have a clear head about what they want can find they reacted differently.

For those who realized they may have let a good match go, did  you consider admitting this to Him/Her? Did any act on this?

Just curious~*
Master's dorei


I have admitted it to him and have tried many times to talk about it but each time he changes the subject or has to go. We are still great friends and even though I tell everybody I am so over him, secretly in the back of my mind and in my heart I am just hoping and wishing that the friendship will turn back into a relationship. I also learned that it's great to talk to other people about it. I have a close friend  who is also a submissive and we have had long talks about it. Having someone elses pov is great and has helped me grow as a person.

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:33:06 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Sounds like a brillilant original post. I'll have to go read that one.

Story of my life: A gazillion responses to my question when reposted by someone else, but few responses to my original post.


 
Indeed it was. I just gave the community as a whole a stab at it.
 
My hat has been off to you here a few times.


_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 3:55:34 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Sounds like a brillilant original post. I'll have to go read that one.

Story of my life: A gazillion responses to my question when reposted by someone else, but few responses to my original post.


 
Indeed it was. I just gave the community as a whole a stab at it.
 
My hat has been off to you here a few times.



It's fine. I'm just playing.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 5:05:04 PM   
curiouspet55


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Subconsciously, more than likely yes. I have a very bad fear of failure and of rejection, and because of that I am much more likely to sabatoge something, though I might not realize I'm doing it.

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Question everything, try anything, do something.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 5:36:54 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Sounds like a brillilant original post. I'll have to go read that one.

Story of my life: A gazillion responses to my question when reposted by someone else, but few responses to my original post.


But I seldom go to the "Ask a Mistress" section so I don't always get a chance to read these really good questions. You write really good ones that I think you should share more broadly.

Just my thoughts....

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Sabotaging your chances. - 3/4/2007 5:55:54 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I try not to make it a habit, but have done it. The way I think I do it is, with a person I can go on "auto-pilot" and not think a lot about what I am doing, or why (if I've done an activity before, for instance), thinking the situation is "the same as last time" and then I miss either the really good stuff that makes a situation truly unique and different from the last time or the bad stuff the maybe makes it different, I am not sure why I do that. I am not saying I act like a robot or don't pay attention (I do), it's just maybe I am expecting nothing to be different, so I don't notice as much if it actually is different.

Then if I get scared or react to something in a not positive light, I can't realy know for sure if it is about what actually happened, or just what I expected was going to happen (and thus what I saw).

Of course, if something extra-weird happens I always notice. I just re-read this and it makes no sense, probably, but best I can do for now. 

-Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/4/2007 6:00:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Profile   Post #: 80
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