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RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 7:42:17 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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http://health.msn.com/womenshealth/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100157863&GT1=9145

It's now scientific proof that woman are imbalanced.....Susan of O. You can be the defender of everything if you choose, I personally don't like that so many are wasting my air....How many posts do you see where people are given facts that pertain to their argument or opinion and then just dismiss them.....It's a cold world out there...(Domiguy looks at screen and sees the "waiting approval" sign)....My only solace at this point is to know that poor Mod11 has to read everyone of my innane posts, this is the person who you should feel truly sorry for.

Bring on the newbies let them feel the wrath of my words and steel....Of course in due time...In due time.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/11/2007 7:43:57 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 21

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 7:52:30 AM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

I don't have the time or energy to write page long posts usually, but I will say this.
Many people that post here tend to be negative and mean spirited.
They are looking for anything or anyone they can tease, taunt, ridicule, belittle or put down.
I don't see any other way of putting it. Many of these people have hundreds and thousands
of posts on here. I believe this is a form of enjoyment for them.
Often, a person will ask an innocent question, and then will be pounced on for being stupid,
fake, naive, etc.
Then you have the camp of those that think it is witty or humerous to make fun of, tease,
and belittle others. They usually do this on every thread.
And of course you have the board lifers, that think they are better than everyone else,
because they have 8000 posts. That really amuses me, they honestly think their opinion
holds more validity because they have a million posts.
I could get a monkey to type a million posts on here.
I am sorry Susan, a great number of people here are not supportive or positive and they
get off on tearing others down, belittling, taunting and teasing, I have been reading these
boards for years. I also have another name, I have been on CM since the beginning
and that is my take on it.
This board is more for entertainment value, I don't find this to be an overall supportive,
and far from accepting community.
I also do not want to meet most of the posters here, I have seen a few at functions and I
recognized them from their pictures on here, I did not say a damn thing to them.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 3/11/2007 7:59:48 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 22

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 7:53:07 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Hi Susan,

my personal observation and opinion is that some people really get off on being self-righteous bullies. i have watched new members post here and because they do not post the way some think they should, they get slapped about. There are a couple of these bully's that will post to threads just to be rude without adding anything to the thread, they merely want the attention. i do not find them intelligent (regardless of how many letters in the words they use), i find them quite boring actually. They are also (imo) quite predictable.

However, because it is a forum board and as long as comments follow the TOS, they have as much right to respond to threads as anyone. There are a couple of people here that will often make snide remarks to something i have posted. It only shows what a small person they are. They do not bother me, as they have absolutely no place in my life beyond words on a screen.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 23

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 7:57:08 AM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Hi Susan,

my personal observation and opinion is that some people really get off on being self-righteous bullies. i have watched new members post here and because they do not post the way some think they should, they get slapped about. There are a couple of these bully's that will post to threads just to be rude without adding anything to the thread, they merely want the attention. i do not find them intelligent (regardless of how many letters in the words they use), i find them quite boring actually. They are also (imo) quite predictable.

However, because it is a forum board and as long as comments follow the TOS, they have as much right to respond to threads as anyone. There are a couple of people here that will often make snide remarks to something i have posted. It only shows what a small person they are. They do not bother me, as they have absolutely no place in my life beyond words on a screen.

Bravo, you get a standing ovation.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 24

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 7:57:29 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Snipped a lot....

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Also - I'm not hurt. I couldn't care less. My hide isn't that thin. But - some people's IS. And I DO think it's a shame, a down-right shame, that some would rather not post than risk ridicule from some nasty idiot. And I see people get made fun of all the time.

To be fair, though, I also see a lot more foks who offer support and objective criticism. Many are supportive, or at least objective

For somebody new, all it's gonna take is one nasty person to maybe scare them forever. When hear people justify this nastiness with crap like: "They should know better" (Really? How? If they didn't think it was a concern why would they post about it?)

- Susan

While I see you point very clearly and as you state yourself, most people appear supportive and objective......if ONE *nasty* person can scare you off forever, newbie or not, there's likely a LOT more going on for you, than a bit of rejection from an anonymous poster.

My children belong to forums; they deal with *nasty* people, slights and some general meaness.

'Though I think, ideally, every poster will be weighing up their words to the n'th degree........ it's not going to happen universally and bemoaning that fact will not alter it anymore than it will alter people, in general.

agirl

Edited to add....I once belonged to a community and chatroom that was forever curtailing people's opinions and views, and also their experiences because of the *poor newbies*. Frankly, I think anyone new to something is better off seeing things exactly how they are, not some watered down, filtered version.

< Message edited by agirl -- 3/11/2007 9:06:04 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 25

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 7:58:43 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

can one just vent..yes...but it will be far more effective if the denote it in some way, the best way is to say this is a rant in big letters...the second best is [rant] [/rant].

as to your issue with it, be careful defending the masses, no good deed goes unpunnished.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 26

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 8:02:50 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

as to your issue with it, be careful defending the masses, no good deed goes unpunnished.

This is sooooo true! I learned this one a few years ago... God is it true!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 27

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:08:41 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

i would also like to add, that i am a big believer in 'one voice' can make a difference. It has to start somewhere.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 28

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:16:18 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

1. I am curious how some discern that simply because someone poses a question about a situation they need help with on a message board - that this means it is inappropriate for a message board?

People can be selfish and narrowminded. They don't want to "bother with" reading about or troubling themselves with solving other people's problems. The want to come here and discuss topics - all of which is fine... BUT....then move on to the next thread. i would ask these same people.... why read the post at all. There are literally hundreds more posted yet you take time out to tell the whole CM world how wrong it is to post problems or how stupid that person is - i would say there's another agenda altogether and some people pump up their own ego's by deflating others. Sad yes, but true.

2. I'd also like to know what the reasoning is behind seeing an emotion such as hurt as being somehow less legitimate than anger, over a perceived troubling situation.

When one is emotionally involved/invested in a situation and things go wrong they usually feel hurt, especially if they feel they handled it as best they could or they were wronged. Other's look at it (readers here) and perhaps can see it more objectively so they feel the anger perhaps they feel the poster (problem holder) should feel. It's a very ego centric thing to do and assumes a lot about others. Obviously if they could see it clearer they wouldn't be here at all. i have real time friends who present problems to me and i feel i can see what the "problem is" and the solution seems blatently apparent to me, but i take a step back realizing that they are hurt and their emotions are clouding their judgement. Almost always the person comes around to see the reality and eventually shift into the "anger" phase, which is needed to move on. Some people feel it's best to use "shock treatment" - just tell it like because it's the truth, others realize that in time the person will come to learn and grow in their own time and just need a friend to listen to them. If you are going to post on a public board you have to be prepared for everyone and anything.

3. I'd like to know how, when someone has already admitted they could have made an error in judgment (or did) and are feeling sad abut a situation, it is beneficial to repeatedly beat them over the head with said error in judgment?

It's not beneficial at all and those that do it should rethink their goal in posting. Sheesh - if it bothers you to read it - GO READ OTHER POSTS!!

4. Doesn't it ever, ever occur to these types of people that sometimes people just need to vent? That they really need to let-something out that has made them incredibly furstrated and sad? Why is sad somehow less legitimate than angry? Is "angry instead" just plain "More tough" and macho?

i think some percieve "sad" as weak - at least it seems that way to me, from the responses i have read here on CM. Anger "appears" stronger - but hurt is hurt, and sadness or anger are just different ways of expressing or reacting to one's emotions. Maybe it threatens some to see how a similar situation they have had themselves had made others sad, when all they would allow themselves to feel at the time was anger?

5. And - someohow why doesn't it occur to some, that someone who has had a bad experience, (if even apparently of their own making, which they may even admit even) is somehow incapable of "ever getting anything right"? Or completely stupid?

i don't know - this just seems narrowminded to me and of no value. How could anyone ascertain that from a mesage board not knowing the person well????

6. Reality: Unless someone lives with someone else, or knows them fairly well, they might be able to make a fairly objective comment, but IMO have zero business making laugably inept comments about their "personal history" (based on what - 2 or 3 experiences they've talked about?)

i agree 100% Even if they did happen to know them - to post anything disparaging is mean and reflective of the poster posting it.

This is a message board and everyone should feel free to post anything they want - well within the limits posted by the mods at any rate. Free also means YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT PEOPLE!! If it bothers you or offends your sense of balance and sensibility in living. i have read things that make my eyes roll or sometimes make me sigh or get annoyed - guess what - i click the back button and read other posts - god knows theres plenty of them here. Something for everyone :-) i have gotten mean, but it's usually in defense of someone i felt was jumped on or hurt by others.

What irks me is the disguised sarcasm i read that reeks of "oh your so stupid and i am so much smarter then you - you probably can't even see i am insulting you" grrrrrrrrr.

Post what you want and to hell with how others are going to respond - if you feel a need to vent - vent - if you want to hash out a problem - by all means do so - be prepared for those who will feel the need to look down on you though - they wil never go away, they have to much invested in it to leave. Susan is right though - i find much more value there then not and there are some really great minds here. Use what you find valuable and get a thick skin for the rest. Good post Susan!

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 29

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:21:36 AM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
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Well stated velvet tears. :-)
The level of meanness is sad, this is a wonderful community.
I know of so many that read the posts all the time, but refuse
to post......and I understand why!

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 3/11/2007 9:22:14 AM >

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 30

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:29:35 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Indeed, VeryMercurial. And i'll wager that before this thread dies, one or two will chime in here with their ~witty remarks and verbose coments~. (This is where they are predictable). ;)

Thanks for this thread, Susan. You have much courage and should be proud of yourself.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 31

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:36:35 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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That is sad VeryMercurial- i hope they get the courage to just post - throw caution to the wind!! Words hurt only if you allow them to. i am part german (stubborn) and part irish (spirited and hot tempered) not easily scared away or intimidated!! i have no personal agenda to ever cause anyone hurt or pain. There are so many here i have learned from - even the mean one's teach me something.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 32

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:40:05 AM

jadein

Posts: 37
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

i have to say ... i like this thread ... great things to bring up Susan. As someone who is pretty new i'll say this place is dayumed intimidating .... i personally don't come to these message board for a community feeling or sense of support ... i read for entertainment value and maybe to learn something .... i have another online community that i belong to ... local people or somewhat local (surrounding states) that i talk to if i need support. Although, i'm also someone who's been online since i was 16 years old ... 11 years ... maybe that makes it different.

Either way i agreed with VeryMercurial and angelic

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 33

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:41:20 AM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Well stated velvet tears. :-)
The level of meanness is sad, this is a wonderful community.
I know of so many that read the posts all the time, but refuse
to post......and I understand why!

And what makes this a community?

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(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 34

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:41:27 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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Practically speaking, if all you want is to vent, then name your post Vent About...

People will then know you are just blowing off steam and be more forgiving. We can't tell if you are being sarcastic, humorous, ironic, vent only or any other emotion/attitude unless you tell us. That's why so many people use emoticons, to convey an accurate emotion which otherwise would be misread.

As far as those who live to rain on others' parades, to hell with them.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 35

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:45:13 AM

Sternhand4

Posts: 422
Joined: 3/6/2005
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-Good questions..
After reading this thread, I had to ask. Is the perceived "meanness" a result of the fact that on this site ( ok maybe most sites ) we have an inordinate number of sadists?

I know that I have looked at some of the posts here, and wondered just how big of a masochist it took to post something foolish. Its like they wanted to be publicly flogged, and went out of their way to get it. ( Boy did they come to the right site ).

Or is it a difference in the way males and females, Dominant and Submissives, communicate. I know that it took a few years to figure out that when my wife ( vanilla setting) came home from work and talked about her office ( re: heard bitching about a problem in my view ) I thought she was asking for me to solve the problem. It wasn't till I read that men are from mars women are from Venus book, that I realized that she just wanted to vent lol. That she wasn't looking to have me fix it.
Maybe you get that here as well?

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 36

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 9:59:06 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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you are very lucky you learned that....it seems i am not able too...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 37

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 10:03:19 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

you are very lucky you learned that....it seems i am not able too...

Knowing it and following it are two seperate things. When others punish me for a good deed it doesn't surprise me anymore, but it does not prevent me from doing the good deed regardless...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 38

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 10:03:28 AM

MsCameron

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

This is a discussion list, not a help line.

I've been here since the beginning of this list, in fact 2 months after it started although I was under a different profile then.
It's no different now then it was then with the exception of more people. It's also no different then any other list I've been on.

When you put a post out, you will get many different opinions. You can't have control what is posted back and really, you have to take everything with a grain of salt. In the grand scheme of thing, why do you care? If it's going to change your life or make you so upset, perhaps you need to address why.

Some people are blunt and will not fall into the "oh, poor you camp" or the " you're a star camp". I happen to be one of those and I suspect it's from a hell of a lot of experience. Nor do I think people are out to be mean.. but I do think there are those that call it as they see it.

It seems to me you live your life and your dramas here. My dear, you have almost 3700 posts in just over a year. Why not get out to munch and find like minded people? Even though this list is a bdsm list, that does not mean everyone is the same or even close to it. The only common thread here is kink to one degree or another and those degrees are vastly different.

As for this post being somewhat for the newbies? No, I don't think so. But that's just my opinion :)

MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 39

RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 3/11/2007 10:07:46 AM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

It always amuses me when people think a new name is a new poster or new to CM.
I have been here over 3 years. It is so amusing when I must be validated by the lifers
on the amount of posts I have written. As if people can't change screen names.

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 40

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