SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline
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Well that is true, catize. And I am hoping people do that, if it is brought up in a way that completely doesn't annihalate the poster, first. I've gained from reading some threads I started where I didn't receive all warm-and-fuzzy responses. I think objective, balanced criticism is fine.
I still think it is way way out of line to characterize anyone, based on one or two posts, especially if a remark that does so in a negative (or even a positive way) is coming from someone who doesn't know the poster at all (based on having read anything they've written before, or very little).
I think that basically amounts to attempted character assasination. That they've "opened themselves up to it" and "asked for it" by posting at all, or simply by starting a thread - well, when it's vincdictive crap - and could just as easily be completely avoide, plus maybe offered as well-balanced criticism, or something even "warmer" (God forbid) well - that just smells a whole lot like self-justification for mean-spirited invective to me, more than it smells like "helpful, well-intentioned advice".
In some cases I see (I am very observant, and I am wishing I wasn't at times, and plan to "turn off' that part of my vision, starting soon) people who've had their feelings hurt apparently cannot ever get over it, and yet are expecting other folks to do the same. I say someone needs to call a truce in that case, or it possibly just never ends.
Another thing I see happen, is that some people really do think a lot of tough talk really does make them seem to know more about what they are talking about. It's bravado, pure and simple. Or perhaps maybe just not-my style, I guess.
Some people really do have lot of common sense and-or experience. These people do know what they are talking about (if so, I myself will usually listen). Sometimes, though , it is plain over-the-top BS. It doesn't make them knowledgeable (or make them look that way). I see it as not only inneffective, in that case, I see it as potentially (or actually) damaging, to a greater or lesser degree.
There is simpy no subsitute for good judgment. I think that includes knowing how hard to push somebody, and someone not believing that being really nasty isn't gonna come back and bite a person in the ass. People just should not allow that stuff to "pay off" for someone else, IMO. Not under a guise of supposed "helpfulness."
After all - it goes against the supposed self-control that guides "Domliness" I've read oh so much about on websites and such. And the grace and poise with which some subs are supposedly striving to conduct themselves. I think it's time to "raise the bar", sometimes, around here, as far as really nasty, under-handed stuff goes.
- Susan
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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End of rant. 
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