SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Hey we're talking about general comments here, just general ideas.
Katy: I agree with you about the car-wreck thing. Very true, IMO (hard to admit, but true).
LaT: I agree about perception being very significant. At the very beginning of this thread, somebody mentioned how it is usuually really important to get facts, or the person's version thereof (and for a poster to offer them - which, let's face, it, happens as often as not - all the facts about a situation, if someone is asking for advice). And even then, there are two sides to every story (and I realize this thread is now many pages long and lotsa folks aren't wading thru it all and who can blame 'em? he) . That is a wonderful point, LaT, to bring up.
So if somebody wants to give all of their peculiar facts, I'll roll with it. I might try to sniff out a few more (and ask for 'em , too, like: What else? What else happened? How did you meet? What did they tell you about themselves? Do you have limits? Did you make your limits clear? (because some folks don't know. Heck, I don't know what some of mine are, still). Do you have a safeword? (and why or why not? That can be a pretty revealing Q, IMO) - If they are forthcoming about any questions asked (that they are comfortable answering) then they are gonna get answers based on the info given.
If they don't want to be, IMO, it is possible to just (somtimes if there is enough info) possible to give some advice with caveats attached, and I'd opt for letting 'em know what they are, too, bt sometimes leave 'em out because I don't wanna hurt somebody's feelings and I also think inn my gut they probably already know what they are.
I do know there are folks who write in w/very little info and still want advice. This is next to impossible to do, but I try to chalk it up to unintentional, and ask for more. Some folks really are not (honestly) aware that advice cannot be given with very very little info or only stetchy info. Thye just don't think about it (who knows why?)
**I see very few people even bother to ask questions of posters, sometimes - which leads me to believe they could be making assumptions. They just dive right in and start giving advice, probably because it is well-meanrt and they are trying to be nice (despite the nasty laspes of some) - but IMO, it might not hurt to ask a few more questions.
know everyone is different (and for the record, you are not a person, IMO, who usually "get ist wrong"). I appreciated everything you said. I still do think that some could think twice before they speak (but like I said, the folks commenting are perhaps not the folks who maybe need to be reading this). I just think the whole Golden Rule idea applies, even if it is of course gonna be twisted and taken in peculair form, due to individualities. I don't think one can go too far wrong following it. Cannibals in African Jungles, are, of course, an exception to this.
Occasionally (very rarely) I've have become really ticked off by something. However, I almost always feel guilty if I yell at somebody and almsot always apologize. The exceptions to that are really rare, and there exist people who just don't think about this stuff, stomp on folks and simply don't care. And they forget, IMO that just because somebody's never said anything to them about it perhpas, that means they are a living saint, or something. Not necessarily true. Maybe they are just are surrounded by pretty tolerant types of folks - for which they could be thankful, too. It works both ways.
 Little sarbonn: I agree w/you about the types of posters. Great comments generally, and I agree (I always liked your sense of humor, too even if it wasn't meant to be humorous, it's just a sidenote).
**Well I think whenever anyone goes on and on from now on, with over-the-top conclusions and unbalanced assertions, and nasty methodology. It doesn't happen to me all that often (but it certainly has happened) and I see it happen ot other folks. from now on - I am gonna maybe ask them what their qualifications are. This whole idea will seem pretty alien to them, and should throw them off, I am sure (not to mention it's a damn good question, given the ego it takes to attempt to shove advice down someone's throat). This is of course, if they don't know me very well, and only in extreme cases.
And yeah, if they're nice to me thir advice might, ikn fact, really suck, but I'll still apreciate the good intent anyway, and the fact they are just being kinda approachable about it all. Call me predjudiced.
happypervert: I think he was being insightful in many ways (for me, it is food for thought. I thought it was fairly objective, and I thought it was insightful. I also noticed he wasn't slamming anyone personally.I know you may not see it that way, but gee,can 'ya see you possibly see your way clear to lighten up a little, maybe? Pretty please?
I don't want to mis-characterize any single person (why do this?), and the great thing about a general commnet like that, IMO, is that people can read it and consider it, without feeling personally threatened by it. So it's more effective, IMO than one personally aimed,a lot of the time.
I am Not criticizing anyone personally - if that isn't apparent by now, given the fact I';ve said it like 20 times, I dunno what to say to convince anyone of it, really.
You know, I am an INFJ on the Myers-Briggs, and also can be self-effacing at times (believe it or not), and there are parts of me that have almost been tempted to write off even starting this thread by saying something akin to:
"Gee folks, it must be me, it isn't you" (even if we're not dating, LOL) - It is not personal.
But I am not going to (which for me, represents some real progess, which is neither here nor there, but it does) - because I am pretty sure there are people here who have had incidents on these message boards they could have lived without. Think about it. I still think it is a pretty pertinent topic as far as people realting on message boards.
The crux of some of thes repsonsones here are starting to make me wonder how conditioned some submissives can be to first always blame themeselves for stuff that can go wrong. I am not saying people aren't culpable for looking at their own reactions, nor am I attempting to be the Betty Freidan of the submissive world: "Rise ups sisters! Just say you're mad as hell and you're not gonna take it anymore!" LOL
I kind of wonder is we're not getting a little to set in our responses to folks on message baords in general. I mean - it is possible to be more creative beyond the standard responses I often see to people who appear to be asking for help beyond these:
1) It's mostly your fault and you should have known better (hammer optional) OR
2) That's too bad here is a stuufed animal, poepcorn and have a cookie, too * Although given a choice, I will always opt for #2 - and some who says they wouldn't are fibbing, IMO.
Of course there is the proverbial "happy medium" , too, and people can say whatever they want, of course. It is a message board. But sometimes I do think we could be more creative (myself included).
- Susan
But anyway, IMO there are other ways to respond, if folks wanna brain-storm. Of course it is contextually-based, too, as far as giving a response to some poor soul who wants advice, but there have to be more out these, I am supposing, than just the same-old, same-old, maybe.
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/12/2007 2:04:14 PM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Happy Experiences vs. Problems vs. "Questions&... - 
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