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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Bringing up aquatic's age is really not pertinent... lots of older people believe it is wrong to cheat. I am 38 and I believe it is wrong, and I hav never done it. I just would not want that stain on my conscience.. but I understand that people fuck up and hopefully they quit trying to blame everyone else for it..

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Bringing up aquatic's age is really not pertinent... lots of older people believe it is wrong to cheat. I am 38 and I believe it is wrong, and I hav never done it. I just would not want that stain on my conscience.. but I understand that people fuck up and hopefully they quit trying to blame everyone else for it..

Thank you.

On a side note: I've noticed that people never bring up my age when I agree with them.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If you ever dare disagree with me we can discuss how I was getting loaded at Bon Jovi concerts when you were a baby

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

AquaticSub - you are young and with youth comes idealism about many things in life... this isn't a bad thing - actually a much needed one - for if it didn't exixt there would be much less motivation in young people to go out and make the world a better place to live in. i don't want to burst your bubble by any means - Let's have this same discussion in 20 to 30 years... live a bit first, maybe then you can understand more what i have tried and failed obviously, to convey - good luck to you.

I am older, and I agree with her, cheating is wrong. Now people are human beings and should not be burned at the stake for adultery, but any way you slice it wrong is wrong. It has nothing to do with idealism, it has everything to do with declaring what is outside of one's moral compass.

What I keep seeing is a subtle justifications of doing something wrong. Personally if i was seeing someone that told me they had cheated in the past and attempted to justify it with all the excuses I see on this thread I would dismiss that person. If they said "Hey, I was wrong, and there is no justifying being a  cheater" I would think at least this person owns his mistakes.

This thread is teaching me something, when I make little mistakes and try to explain myself and in the same breath I apologize for it this really irks my Daddy, I finally see why. I bet he thinks if I was really sorry I would not be making excuses for it, I would just own it.

Bringing up aquatic's age is really not pertinent... lots of older people believe it is wrong to cheat. I am 38 and I believe it is wrong, and I hav never done it. I just would not want that stain on my conscience.. but I understand that people fuck up and hopefully they quit trying to blame everyone else for it..

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ORIGINAL: mons


when i read you first letter i ithought it was ok they when i read the second one i know you have a deep hate for anyone who goes against what you think it right. ......

Sorry you feel that way, from so little information thats a big leap to make.  Hatred is not something i entertain myself with.  i have a lot of compassion and empathy in my heart for people - cheaters included.

.... you can have you opinion of what we are but we do at least me do not cheat it is so wrong to hurt childern for  a piecie of ass. anyone and i know so many love with all of thier heart and soul but i would never take a cheater back for nothing. oh watch cheaters the show it is sad

best wishes
mons

Now you lump cheaters in with child abusers - where did this come from??  Another huge leap i didn't see coming.  i don't see the act of cheating necessarily as hurting children, it's how the adults handle it.  Couples fight, it's abuive to the children only to the extent the adults expose them to it or the degree they "get into it" around the kids. 

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

i don't have issues with her believing it's wrong, or anyone who feels it's wrong.  i an just suggesting why do we to look at this whole  issue in such simplistic ways as black and white, right/wrong, good/evil etc....why the need to be so judgemental? As for her age i bring it up not to be an insult as in - well your too young to know anything - not at all, i find her posts overall very insightful.  i just think by and large younger people tend to be more idealistic and i read a lot of that in her posts about this particula topic. 

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ORIGINAL: BigDaddyNJ

To no one in particular -- I sure hope the view from the moral high ground is better than it is down here in the muddied waters.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I mean... prime family situation. That is so much better then just keeping it in your pants for the sake of your kids, if you plan to stay together for them, or make the dissolve of your union offical.

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I mean... prime family situation. That is so much better then just keeping it in your pants for the sake of your kids, if you plan to stay together for them, or make the dissolve of your union offical.

How about instead of keeping it in their pants they keep their mouths shut in front of the kids - or are people with so much LACK of self control not "wrong" in your eyes?

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl
Saying that cheating is "sometimes ok" is like saying that rape or murder or stealing is "sometimes ok." It isn't ! It's morally wrong anyway you slice it. Doesn't make you a "horrible person who I'm judging", it just means I disapprove of your actions.

What about the man or woman who shoots an intruder to protect their UMs, or a woman who's been battered for years who finally kills her abuser.... etc, etc, etc.... How about stealing to save a life - there was an incident i read about years ago about a police officer who went in to rob a liquor store because he was desperate, his son needed 24/7 nursing care and his insurance was coming to its limit, he had no means to save his son - The judge even looked at this case and the guy got off....
 
Disapproving of someones actions is fine - when you start defining whats right and wrong for others... well, that in my book is being judgemental.

If a person can stand up and say cheating on your spouse is "right", then that's most definately a person I don't want to hang out with.

i'm not saying anyone should stand up and proclaim anything - THAT'S my point. 
 
I think they have fucked up morals. However if a person says, "Yes, I cheated but I know it was morally wrong and I wouldn't do it again", then I see that as a good and honest person who is owning up to their mistakes. It's not cheating I judge people for..it's believing that cheating was anything less then morally reprehensible.

Not everyone in this world exists to make your world safe and morally sound.  i bet there are a gazillion people as well who would find wiitwd "morally reprehensible", and i would also venture to guess you would have dozens of counter reasons why it wasn't.  Last i heard people don't get fired from their jobs for cheating but they sure do if they are outed from the bdsm lifestyle.

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

Not everyone in this world exists to make your world safe and morally sound.  i bet there are a gazillion people as well who would find wiitwd "morally reprehensible", and i would also venture to guess you would have dozens of counter reasons why it wasn't.  Last i heard people don't get fired from their jobs for cheating but they sure do if they are outed from the bdsm lifestyle.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
You know most people with unhappy marriage fight. That's why is called "unhappy". I don't about when you were a kid but all the kids I knew growing up knew when our parents were fighting. You can hide it behind closed doors, but we hear it. Kids creep towards it because it threatens their security. They pray for it to stop and they can't stop listening to it.

Kids aren't stupid. You may think you can deceive your children about this but you can't. If you are going to recamend shutting away all feeling, never taking to bed when you are so emotionally wrecked by your partner cheating on you, never crying in your own home, never confessing your hurts to your best friend on the phone lest a child pick up the line - basically never ever feel again... Then what business do you possibly have advising anyone on anything regarding these matters? That is far more unhealthy for everyone involved then a divorce. And how do you know this? You can claim this across the board not knowing anything about those you claim to represent by saying "everyone"???

Where am i advising anyone?  All i am doing is saying disapporve if you want, but keep an open mind and don't condemn people based on actions that are #1 none of your business #2 you know nothing about. 


People seek the familiar, even if it's bad. Hence abuse cycles. If you want to teach your children that loveless, miserable, marriages built on lies and deception are ok and that we should hope for nothing better far be it from me to tell you otherwise. Just do me a favor - don't have kids. They deserve better then to grow up in that. You can not seperate the lives of the parents from the lives of the child, no matter how much you desire to.

Now you want to sanction who has kids - wowowow.... all i can say is unbelievable... maybe we should steralize all cheaters while we're at it??

Edited to Add: If you are going to put yourself and your partner though that much hell to make a facade of happiness for your kid, that paired with all the lies and bullshit you have to spread around to make sure you convince yourself that your kid doesn't know you are fucking around... Wouldn't it be so much easier to just to wank in the bathroom? I mean Jesus... if staying together, cheating and avoiding divorce is supposed to be path of least resistance... All that energy would be much better spent being a parent and playing catch with your kid.

OK so when the "cheated on spouse" finds out its OK to completely break down and make a mess of everyones lives around them, including their kids, and hold no responsibility for their actions because poor them - they were cheated on - boo hoo - grow up and deal with it like an adult, you don't have to drag kids into your shit - sorry not buying it. It isn't inevitable, it is very much preventable - to those that do that i would say a big - get a grip and grow up.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I mean... prime family situation. That is so much better then just keeping it in your pants for the sake of your kids, if you plan to stay together for them, or make the dissolve of your union offical.

How about instead of keeping it in their pants they keep their mouths shut in front of the kids - or are people with so much LACK of self control not "wrong" in your eyes?

You know most people with unhappy marriage fight. That's why is called "unhappy". I don't about when you were a kid but all the kids I knew growing up knew when our parents were fighting. You can hide it behind closed doors, but we hear it. Kids creep towards it because it threatens their security. They pray for it to stop and they can't stop listening to it.

Kids aren't stupid. You may think you can deceive your children about this but you can't. If you are going to recamend shutting away all feeling, never taking to bed when you are so emotionally wrecked by your partner cheating on you, never crying in your own home, never confessing your hurts to your best friend on the phone lest a child pick up the line - basically never ever feel again... Then what business do you possibly have advising anyone on anything regarding these matters? That is far more unhealthy for everyone involved then a divorce.

People seek the familiar, even if it's bad. Hence abuse cycles. If you want to teach your children that loveless, miserable, marriages built on lies and deception are ok and that we should hope for nothing better far be it from me to tell you otherwise. Just do me a favor - don't have kids. They deserve better then to grow up in that. You can not seperate the lives of the parents from the lives of the child, no matter how much you desire to.

Edited to Add: If you are going to put yourself and your partner though that much hell to make a facade of happiness for your kid, that paired with all the lies and bullshit you have to spread around to make sure you convince yourself that your kid doesn't know you are fucking around... Wouldn't it be so much easier to just to wank in the bathroom? I mean Jesus... if staying together, cheating and avoiding divorce is supposed to be path of least resistance... All that energy would be much better spent being a parent and playing catch with your kid.

quote:



Kids aren't stupid. You may think you can deceive your children about this but you can't. If you are going to recamend shutting away all feeling, never taking to bed when you are so emotionally wrecked by your partner cheating on you, never crying in your own home, never confessing your hurts to your best friend on the phone lest a child pick up the line - basically never ever feel again... Then what business do you possibly have advising anyone on anything regarding these matters? That is far more unhealthy for everyone involved then a divorce. And how do you know this? You can claim this across the board not knowing anything about those you claim to represent by saying "everyone"???
 

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Where am i advising anyone?  All i am doing is saying disapporve if you want, but keep an open mind and don't condemn people based on actions that are #1 none of your business #2 you know nothing about. 

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People seek the familiar, even if it's bad. Hence abuse cycles. If you want to teach your children that loveless, miserable, marriages built on lies and deception are ok and that we should hope for nothing better far be it from me to tell you otherwise. Just do me a favor - don't have kids. They deserve better then to grow up in that. You can not seperate the lives of the parents from the lives of the child, no matter how much you desire to.

Now you want to sanction who has kids - wowowow.... all i can say is unbelievable... maybe we should steralize all cheaters while we're at it??
 

quote:


 
I'm sorry, why do you get to read so much into what I say and put words in my mouth? I'm saying that children deserve better then this enviroment you seem to find acceptable. I certainly not going to show up at your house with a pair of scissors and rip out your womb. I don't even approve of forced steralization for child beaters, though I consider it for child molester.

quote:


Edited to Add: If you are going to put yourself and your partner though that much hell to make a facade of happiness for your kid, that paired with all the lies and bullshit you have to spread around to make sure you convince yourself that your kid doesn't know you are fucking around... Wouldn't it be so much easier to just to wank in the bathroom? I mean Jesus... if staying together, cheating and avoiding divorce is supposed to be path of least resistance... All that energy would be much better spent being a parent and playing catch with your kid.

OK so when the "cheated on spouse" fonds out its OK to completely break down and make a mess of everyones lives around them, including their kids, and hold no responsibility for their actions becuase poor them - they were cheated on - boo hoo - grow up and deal with it like an adult you don't have to drag kinds into your shit - sorry not buying it. It isn't inevitable, it is very much preventable - to those that do that i would say a big - get a grip and grow up.

Wow... let me watch when your partner cheats on you. I'll bet you'll treat it just like they forget to bring home milk. Tell me, are cheaters just completely devoid of any responsiblity for breaking their own vows or do two wrongs really make a right in your head?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/12/2007 10:36:14 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to velvetears)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Aqua,
  i have not read but a few post on this thread and i haven't even looked at the original post to see what this is even about...
 
However, the words here in your response are resounding with me. i will not post my personal experiences here in regards to childhood, loveless marriage or divorce but i did want to say i think you are SPOT ON with your views here and i applaude them...