SusanofO
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Joined: 12/19/2005
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domiguy: Show me some stats that support your conclusion that "most people cheat because they have failed to communicate with their partners". Yes it does sound very sensible, it also sounds a lil' self-righteous, and terms like "communciation" can mean just about anything. What exactly have they "failed" to do - exactly? Show me the stats and studies anyway - I am big on evidence.
I am not sure "failure"" is the term I'd always use. How about: "Tried desperately to get someone to listen to them, and show they care, and have sexual relations with them, who just apparently couldn't be bothered, for years on end and would not even go to a marriage counsellor, and stick with it, or switch from Viagra to Cialis or Levitra, bcause it supposedly gave them headaches?"
I am not trying to be disrespectful, nor saying I disbelieve your notion, but - I don't see why the thread topic needs to necessarily turn into a contest between people who will say that they would never ever do it, and people who say they might, or did (or are currently, for that matter).
Let's look at the stats: 90% of folks apparently say they'd never ever do it - and yet 40-80% apparently have done it.
My conclusion: It's easy to say anything (and some folks do mean what they say) Some folks don't. What a lot of folks apparently say, and what they might end up actuallly doing, given really trying circumstances ( or maybe even because they are bored) can and are often two very different things.
When adapting research like this, there is almost always a built-in skew by the researcher, for the simple reason that on surveys like this one, that quiz folks on topics that touch on their apparent "morailty" (or lack thereof) especially, people in general about lying re: What they would always, always do vs. what they actually do.
One reason for that I am guessing is because most people really are good folks, and simply cannot imagine a circumstance where they'd do something hurtful to somone they supposedly loved. But, given they haven't experienced all of the possible circumstances that exist....also, there are folks who have decided that it is not a huge moral deal to them, and the fact they are a supportive spouse in other ways is good enough. The fact there are folks out there who can't get their head around this, doesn't make it necessarily wrong, IMO, for the person who is doing it. I just can't get myself to be that judgmental.
Am I calling people who say they'd never cheat liars? No. Because I didn't hear that as what they said, mostly what they've said is:
I like to think I am the kind of person who would never do it. Does this make them "better" than folks who say they do it all the time? I dunno, they are being honest about stating they do it, and I don't really see a need to "go there". And I see circumstances where I think it's understandable, and can hardly blame the person who does it.
Heck, its business-as-usual in some places in Europe, and probably a lot more common in the U.S., than some want to think about, apparently. I see no reason to cast stones, as long as people are living in a way they themselves know they can live with, no matter what side of any "fence" they are on here. Sometimes things that do not affect me personally are not things I am going to get riled about, ans this is one of them.
* I decided to look up stats on how many folks actually did do it.
And there is indeed a vast dispcrepancy, apparently betwen the folks who say they'll never....and the number of people who apparently do it, given the right circcumstances. Those are the facts. I don't see any real reason for anyone to take them personally.
I think Sinergy's conclusions make sense. If people are prone to cheat, for the survival of the species they also have learned how to culturally adapt to form partnerships to raise the next generatiion, etc.
I'm taking a longer, cultural and sociological view here, because I see no real way to resolve this topic if it turns from a discussion into an argument about the moral standards of those who say they would (or have) and those who say the opposite.
But I still do think it is a very interesting topic. And I do think it can still be discussed.
- Susan
b , or beocme overly emotional abu them.s
;ld eii. nn s I am not the kind of persin who believes this issue is going to come to a resolution. I was hoping inastead, to foster an atmosphere where
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/12/2007 8:58:11 PM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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