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SirKenin -> RE: I'm a big fat wanker and can't get laid! (3/14/2007 6:24:51 PM)
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The first thing you do is that no matter how fat you are you are now officially a Teddy Bear or BBW if you are a woman. Now that that is officially established you no longer have to face reality. This is a positive first step.
Second, people have to realize that you are a needy cunt. So, to do that you must somehow incorporate "in need", "wants Master/Mistress", "to serve" or something else in your nick to make it painfully obvious that you just can not make it another day unless you are sucking someone's toes.
If you have followed the steps so far, you are part way there to getting your dinky stinky. Let us move on then.
Next, you have to wait a maximum of two days after joining and writing catchy one liners such as "you are a fat pig" or "I want to suck your tits" or "please let me serve you now". This is a very good way to bring them running, but if that should fail;
Go into the forums and start telling everyone how you want to fuck them in the ass, what kind of asshole you like, how big your dick is and all the women you have not fucked in the past year. Make certain to emphasize the point that you will do ANYTHING for a Master/Mistress, that you have little to no experience, but damnit you want to fuck their ass.
Now, this step is absolutely critical. You need to write some posts being really hard on yourself. Make sure to share with everyone every fucking emotional and family problem you have ever head since Jesus was a carpenter. Men and women just LOVE to hear about your baggage. Tell them all about your depression. The fact that you have ADD. Fuck, even tell them that your cat only has three legs.
By this time they should be flooding your inbox with desire, lining up to be your next suitor.
Of course, should that fail you can always come back again and tell everyone how much this site sucks and we will be sure to feel sorry for you and shower you with accolades. Who knows. Maybe we will even feel sympathy with you that you are 150 pounds overweight and you stroke your cock to elephants fucking so much you have worn the skin off.
lol
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