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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 9:53:10 AM

mixielicous

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snuggle time. hehehe pretty "undomly" but makes for a happy slave! and we all know what happy slaves make!!!!

good dick suckers rofl

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 9:57:27 AM

CrazyC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

snuggle time. hehehe pretty "undomly" but makes for a happy slave! and we all know what happy slaves make!!!!

good dick suckers rofl

LMAO.....but oh so true! :)

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:10:24 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

quote:

Submissives get it in their head that only micromanagement is "real" dominance.

Where-ever did you get this idea from????? Only the really out there control freaks need to micromanage everything. Most Doms and Masters I know are very happy to give a basic framework and let the sub/slave take it from there.

Greetings SD,

I just wanted to address this part of your post because the 'idea' of micromanagement is one which is very valid to a new submissive. Imagine going into a complete panic attack if you are asked to make a decision, any decision. We don't all come into BDSM from the best of mental places and being able to let go of all the responsibilities is very appealing. Unrealistic, but when you first dip your toes in, who cares about reality! I've been on both sides of this fence.

My first fantasy's were all about control (and giving it up) and I brought those expectations into my first relationship. It was so ingrained in my head about what a submissive should be, that I was almost afraid to move for fear I'd move in the wrong direction. It didn't help that my first Master was a complete and total control freak giving me exactly what I thought I needed at the time and it took me several years to get over the 'idea' that I needed someone to tell me when to take a breath and when to let it out. Then, of course, I went overboard.. but, eventually, I was able to level out and came to a place where I embrace service which is invisible, which anticipates without panic and I can be 'wrong' in anticipating something and, lo and behold, the Earth does not fall off it's axis.

But, in the beginning.. the idea of micromanagement is absolutely appealing to a great many submissives and for many, it stays that way.

Celeste

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:15:00 AM

sublizzie

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Thank you for that, Bita. At this point I am new enough that some degree of micromanagement sounds very helpful. When I meet the Dom-o-my-dreams how will I know how he likes particular things without asking a million "micromanagement" type questions? It's a very real concern on my part. It helps to know that it ends up taking care of itself in time.

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:19:50 AM

mixielicous

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

But, in the beginning.. the idea of micromanagement is absolutely appealing to a great many submissives and for many, it stays that way.

Celeste

and i was one of them! i still fantasize about it regularly, but with time and sleep constraints, well its just not feesable. i have come to terms with the fact that a really good slave/sub will preemptively already know what it is her Master wants of her/for Him. and the reality of it is, IF i got that micro management, what are the chances after a few months or years i wont find it suffocating?

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:28:40 AM

MagiksSlave

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I dont know about undomly orders but I do remeber a time I ordered Master and he lisend and it floored me.

though it was more of a motherly order then a Domly one on my part. Master has bad alergies and he rubs and rubs his eyes so much that they swell and get red and really irritated I dont like when he does this it isnt healthy for him and we both know he shouldnt be doing it.. When I shouted the order it was completly inosent I wasnt trying to Dominate him it was the maternal nature an instinct to protect him that I have in me that made me yell at him "STOP RUBBING" and not any desire I had to Dominate him (I dont have any) But I shouted it at him the same way I do when I take care of my young neace and nefew and they do something they arent suposed to over and over again. To my shock though he listend and emediatly droped his hand (and his jaw LOL) but didnt say anything.. When the shock whore off us both I think I sayed "wow you listend" to which he said "Yeah I know Im really not suposed to do that"

LOL now how is that for undomly.. Truth is I dont think I met anyone who in a single relationship could be the same exact thing at all times.. Doms have unDom like moments and slaves have unslave like moment. Master knows I have a Mother Bear instinct when it comes to him I am very protective of him if possable Im as protective of him as he is of me.

(Sits back and waits for the uber Doms to come and tell her how undomly her Master is for this and the Uber slaves to come and tell her how not slave like she is..)

Magik's slave

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:31:00 AM

mixielicous

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I dont know about undomly orders but I do remeber a time I ordered Master and he lisend and it floored me.

Magik's slave

i have orders to do things like this too. "if you know its bad for me dont let me do it" although He was referring to a 4th whiskey shot LOL

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:32:04 AM

BeingChewsie

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quote:

But, in the beginning.. the idea of micromanagement is absolutely appealing to a great many submissives and for many, it stays that way.

Absolutely! I'm one of the people that it has stayed that way for. I have no reason to suspect it won't always be that way. I need the structure, I need to be managed, not everyone does.

I'm not new to my dynamic nor to my submissive nature, this isn't the first power dyanmic I have been, so I'm glad to see you said the above. It isn't just something new submissives can want or need.

We just had our 7 year anniversary last weekend..living under the same roof..doing this "realistically" day in and day out.. Our dynamic works beautifully for us.

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:34:23 AM

MagiksSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I dont know about undomly orders but I do remeber a time I ordered Master and he lisend and it floored me.

Magik's slave

i have orders to do things like this too. "if you know its bad for me dont let me do it" although He was referring to a 4th whiskey shot LOL

Yup exactly which Is why I dont get into trouble for things like that...
LOL

Magik's slave

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don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:39:18 AM

LadyMarmalade1

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I dont know if it's my most undominant, but it's defiantely my strangest:

My slave is suffering from a cold and I can't be with him, finally he bought medicine (as he was ordered to do) but as he lives in another country, with another language, he can't read the directions on the box. I just ordered him to tell me what the medicine was so I could look it up online, the order was followed by "and that's an order", in case he didn't already know it.

Lady M

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:49:10 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

Thank you for that, Bita. At this point I am new enough that some degree of micromanagement sounds very helpful. When I meet the Dom-o-my-dreams how will I know how he likes particular things without asking a million "micromanagement" type questions? It's a very real concern on my part. It helps to know that it ends up taking care of itself in time.

The 'idea' of it is still very appealing to me, but it just doesn't fit in with the day to day world in which I live. It never took care of itself though as I had to work hard to give up the fantasy of micromanagement and to embrace that 'my' service to Michael is about making his life easier, not more complex by having to give instruction for every little thing out there or even most things. In coming to terms with service as he requires, I've actually become very good at management, which has helped Michael so he is free to concentrate on the big picture stuff while I take care of the minutia. There are plenty of dominants out there who wouldn't want the type of service I provide and were Michael such a person I probably wouldn't have grown the way I have under his particular brand of guidance. Part of giving up the expectations that I've held for a long time was to let go of the desire to be micromanaged, but it remains rather hot as a fantasy even though I don't require it for my well-being and, in the end, it's what Michael wants from me, so it's what he gets from me.

Celeste

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 10:59:04 AM

LotusSong

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 11:39:58 AM

SirDominic

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Heya Celeste,

For me, micromanagement and control are not the same thing. My slave certainly feels she is completely under my control, but I have never been a micromanagement type. There is no need to be that obsessive about controlling everything to still be completely in control.

I certainly understand that there are such relationships out there, where the sub wants that total level of control in everything they do, and if they match up with a Master who wants that too, more power to them.

You are right that there are newbies who have the fantasy of wanting to be micromanaged. I don't know if it is a "great many" as you said. My experience is that it is prevalent, but in the minority. Still I haven't done any formal studies, so who knows?

I will say this, except for those few who truly need to be micromanaged all the time, I think it is the wrong way to begin in fetish, the way you did, with a control freak. I don't believe that is a healthy way to be introduced into the lifestyle. Better to be with a Master who knows how to take control without having to approve everything. If the slave later becomes unhappy, they can always find someone who will be happy to micromanage them.

It is my belief that a newbie slave learns a great deal more about herself and her place in the lifestyle if she is controlled, but not micromanaged.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 12:55:21 PM

gypsygrl

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I'm trying to figure out how my example and Beingchewsie's comment are entwined.

I do, sometimes, think I want to be micromanaged because its nice and safe and I don't have to wonder whats going on in the other persons head so it relieves me of a lot of anxiety. But, micromanaging would be a lot of work for the other person, and suffocating for me in the long run (something I've found out from experience) so I don't seek it out. Instead, when I'm feeling excessively anxious, I try to ask for clarification or reassurance. If I were told to order a movie I'd probably ask if it mattered which movie I ordered. I have had to deal with people who gave vague orders that left a lot of room for interpretation then took issue with my specific interpretations, so I am in the habit of checking a vague order before acting.

The issue for me is staying focused on what's actually being said rather than what's going on in my head. Some days this is easier than others.

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 2:13:53 PM

MadRabbit

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Much like MasterFireMa'am's story, I have the whole "southern gentlemen" thing. I'm still in the process of unlearning it. When I am with a submissive, I have to catch myself constantly and remind myself to let her get the drinks and to get the coffee.

Yesterday, I locked myself out of my house and the sub I had been talking with for awhile got quite a good laugh at my expense. Thank god I dont take myself too seriously.

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 2:26:56 PM

BeingChewsie

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I think you hit on someting for a good many people it would be work to micromanage someone all the time and in our househld things are so ingrained that it doesn't look like micro-management nor does it tax him at all..if it did I'd be gone..so fast my head would spin. Everything in my life is decided by him but over the years he has put in place parameters in which I operate from...any choice I make within the parameters is OK( and I no longer stress over them)...like if I have bacon and eggs or just eggs and a fruit for breakfast...either is OK because both are on my allowed food list.. When it comes to restaurants, movies etc my owner is very clear about what he wants all the time, it is never a situation of just pick something because he wants to make sure that things are the way -he-wants them..exactly all the time. So any movie or any restaurant would never be OK with him. With R the movie would always matter, he wouldn't want to have to sit through something I wanted if he wasn't interested in it..so I don't even to ask that stuff. He would not want to go to a restaurant I wanted if he didn't want that type of food that night, so our personalities really do blend well. I'm happy with it being all about him and not having to ever guess or make the decision about what I'd like to do or what he'd like to do. To many sensory inputs, too many choices, too many ideas at once feel like chaos to me.

I'm lucky the managing of me isn't tiring to him, he manages people all day long in his various companies and projects, I'm probably the easiest out of all of them, because I *want* to comply and have no choice otherwise...his employees and business partners are a much different thing and are much more taxing on him than I could ever be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I'm trying to figure out how my example and Beingchewsie's comment are entwined.

I do, sometimes, think I want to be micromanaged because its nice and safe and I don't have to wonder whats going on in the other persons head so it relieves me of a lot of anxiety. But, micromanaging would be a lot of work for the other person, and suffocating for me in the long run (something I've found out from experience) so I don't seek it out. Instead, when I'm feeling excessively anxious, I try to ask for clarification or reassurance. If I were told to order a movie I'd probably ask if it mattered which movie I ordered. I have had to deal with people who gave vague orders that left a lot of room for interpretation then took issue with my specific interpretations, so I am in the habit of checking a vague order before acting.

The issue for me is staying focused on what's actually being said rather than what's going on in my head. Some days this is easier than others.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 3/15/2007 2:47:55 PM >

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 3:29:40 PM

gypsygrl

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I think I get what you're saying about having basic parameters for decision making. I guess I don't consider that micromanaging but establishing a structure for decision making that doesn't require dependance on the dominant. If I'm getting you, you have guides and basic rules worked out so you don't need instructions every time you do something. This would be a lot of work up for the dominant up-front, but over time, you internalize the guides so he doesn't have to think about it.

I interpret "micromanaging" to be having to have explicit instructions everytime I do something.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 3/15/2007 3:30:56 PM >

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 3:38:33 PM

DominaSmartass

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I was ordered to top him. And not just once, but on a regular basis from that point on. I felt it was then time to reconsider the dynamics of the realtionship as I walked out of the door.

I would like to ask about this further, if I may. I completely understand not wanting to top your dom, it could mess with your head perhaps, but at the same time (as a dom who enjoys bottoming sometimes) what's so wrong with it? I enjoy x being done to me so I tell the sub to do it. Doesn't matter if x is performing a sexual act on me or flogging me, I enjoy it either way. Now of course, springing this on someone mid-relationship if it's not what you had going from the start and had agreed upon might be troubling. On the other hand, I just see doing what the dom wants as submitting despite what the order may be.

I'm curious, was it only the fact that he wanted to be topped by you that made you reconsider the dynamic or was that just one of many issues? Open to hearing others' thoughts as well but maybe it needs its own thread.

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 4:12:47 PM

DominaSmartass

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I don't know if this is THE most undomly I've ever said, but today there was, "Get your pretty ass over to the drug store and buy some gatorade and vitamin C drops, NOW."

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RE: Most undominant order you give or got? - 3/15/2007 4:53:28 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

snuggle time. hehehe pretty "undomly" but makes for a happy slave! and we all know what happy slaves make!!!!

good dick suckers rofl

~teasing grin~...how about rimmers, mixie? Do they become good rimmers?