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RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:01:15 AM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight62

Now, he tells me that I am not a real sub.


People tell me that allllllllll of the time.  I just smile, nod and keep walking.  It's just soooo much fun not responding to ignorant comments!!!

solia


(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:04:37 AM   
NControlofU


Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU
That's why I call it TOC -- Transfer of Control.  My slave has not transferred any "power" to me.  She transferred CONTROL over her to me.

For me, she still has control over things, otherwise she wouldn't be able to act on any of your orders or be accountable for her behavior.  I use "ultimate authority transfer"

But we're all happy, so who the heck really cares? :)


Sounds good to me.  Who needs more acronyms, anyway?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:08:52 AM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candleTC

Shouldn't you have figured that out BEFORE the collar was placed??? Maybe i'm to much of a "traditionalist on the kinky side".. however, i feel the same way about marriage...
Shouldn't you KNOW that this relationship is in working order BEFORE you marry them???



I knew my ex for ten years before marrying him, I definitely divorced a different man than I married.  HE hid alot of issues from me for ten years....now how does one figure that out BEFORE????   Obviously his biggest issue was honesty and communication.  Things change, on both sides.  If they change so much that the relationship crumbles, it crumbles.  A sad fact but a true fact that does happen no matter how much effort is put into it.  And NO relationship survives if only one partner is putting effort into it and that's what's happening here ... she's done, he's not.  He needs to get over it and move on and be a better person.

(in reply to candleTC)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:14:34 AM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Perhaps, she needs to practice better judgement next time around. Good judgement is a desired quality of sub/slave?? Am i correct?


Yes.  Good judgement is a desired quality in any person, regardless of orientation.



THANK YOU!!!   I am so sick of this seemingly underlying notion that a top/dominant/mistress/master/ whatever you want to call the one in charge is the epitomy of wisdom, guidance and self control!   

solia

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:34:29 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		We cannot force anyone to do anything that they really don't want to do. If you've decided he doesn't have this control over and you have taken back that transfer of authority, he has no power over you. A slave always has the right to obey...or not. There are consquences, usually, and you have to decide if it's worth it. It seems that it is, in this case. If he doesn't go away, simply block him. If he continues to bother you, there are steps you can take to deal with online harrassment. If he's harrassing you offline, you can contact your local police.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:37:47 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Get a lawyer to send him a letter telling him not to contact you ever again. That his constant pestering is harassment and stalking and should it continue you will file a restraining order.

Then do so if he doesn't leave you alone. Keep a log of when he calls or shows up. Use callerID and don't respond to his calls.

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:45:24 AM   
Carmeldelight62


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		I would not call the police on him because not everyone has a clear view on the D/s life style, even though some law enforcement officials are a part of the D/s life. He has a very prominent position and I have a business where D/s would upset my clientele.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:49:40 AM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline 		OK so threaten to call the cops.... don't just sit around and let him scare you... bottom line, he is just another man.....

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:53:14 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight62

I would not call the police on him because not everyone has a clear view on the D/s life style, even though some law enforcement officials are a part of the D/s life. He has a very prominent position and I have a business where D/s would upset my clientele.


And he's banking on this. I understand it's a rock and a hard place for you...but you might find that you'll have to move the rock.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:53:34 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Noot the real sub thing again (sigh).  You do have the right to uncollar if that is your wish.  I would guess that you talked to him and told him why.  I have no idea why someone would want to be with someone who does not want them.

As for threating to call the cops if he does not stop stalking you that is a great idea.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 9:58:14 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Leave out the D/s part and just call the police about the stalking.  Dont tell them in detail what your prior relationship was.
Tou have the right to get out of a realtionship that has become bad. For whatever reason you need out.
Candle asked if you should know someone before you married them.  Absolutely.  Should you stay in that marriage if both you and the person you married have changed to the point where you are no longer compatible?  Should you feel trapped by the ring on your finger (or collar around your neck) simply becasue it means forever?  I dont think so.  Too many people would use that to their advantage and they would abuse the position once they had it.  My exhusband was like that.  He knew how much our wedding vows meant to me, and assumed that I would be willing to go through anything to keep them, that the ring on my finger meant forever and that I would not be willing to back out of even the worst relationship becasue I had said that I would be there through better or for worse.
He was wrong, there is a point where everyone has to consider themselves over their commitments.

Now, since the OP never told us why or how the relationship may have gone wrong we cant know how justified they were in splitting up.  However, when a relationship is over a Master should just leave things be.  Why try and fight for a sub or slave that does not want to be yours? If the sub or slave wants to leave, then in my opinion, let them go and hope the door doesnt hit them on the way out. Keeping them around isnt going to do anything, if they dont want to be there tey are going to be useless as a servant, and sex will not be consientual if it is a factor. Just brush yourself off and look for someone new.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 10:33:34 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

Legally you have the right to come and go in a relationship of any type when ever you wish. That being said..If you agreed that giving up that right to just up and leave when you felt like it or had to ask for that right to be granted..then you can go and call yourself whatever you wish but in the end as a honest person living up to an agreement you made? You failed. If that wasn't the case, and no such agreement was made prior for you to have lost that right to just up and leave or at minimum ask for permission..then your Dom has failed by using this now.

In the ultimate end..one or the other or both have not been forth right in living up to what they committed to. It happens all the time. Guilty of it myself. You live, learn and move on hopefully alittle wiser.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 3/16/2007 10:34:43 AM >

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 10:36:52 AM   
Carmeldelight62


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		Easer said than done. I have a friend who was a sub and she reported to the police how she was being stalked by her ex Dom. When it came time to go to court, his lawyer let it know what their relationship was in detailed, the judge looked at her (the sub) and she had to go for consulting. The judge’s response to the matter was how you could want someone to micro manage your time, piss on you, beat on you, and ask permission to go out with your friends (etc). The courts took away her children. All because what gave her pleasure.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 10:42:06 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Has the dom in question actually DONE anything yet?  Cut off all contact and see what happens.

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 10:45:22 AM   
Carmeldelight62


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		No he has not done anything but calls me to ask how was my work day or how is my child coming along???

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 10:48:26 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Do you have caller id?  If not, let all calls go into voice mail, and delete his without listening to them.
I had to do that with someone who kept calling me, for months after we broke up. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 10:58:13 AM   
MilkMan


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/28/2004
Status: offline 		Yes a sub/slave has every right to walk away from a Dom.  Just like a Dom has the right to end a relationship.  What most people don't seem to understand is it is a RELATIONSHIP!!!!! not a position.   While your heart may belong to him/her common sence may dictate your leaving the relationship for any reason valid to you.

[Mod Note:  font reduced]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 3/16/2007 11:12:07 AM >

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 11:04:08 AM   
MilkMan


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/28/2004
Status: offline 		why would any one stay in a relationship where he is not wanted.  you are not a object like a car or a pet cat.  You have every right to leave a relationship that no longer satifies you.

[Mod Note:  font reduced]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 3/16/2007 11:12:24 AM >

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 11:46:52 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight62

Easer said than done. I have a friend who was a sub and she reported to the police how she was being stalked by her ex Dom. When it came time to go to court, his lawyer let it know what their relationship was in detailed, the judge looked at her (the sub) and she had to go for consulting. The judge’s response to the matter was how you could want someone to micro manage your time, piss on you, beat on you, and ask permission to go out with your friends (etc). The courts took away her children. All because what gave her pleasure.


Since the initial question has been answered in spades, I'm gonna highjack this for a moment. 

I think there'd have to be more to this than what's been stated.  I can't imagine a judge accepting one person's claim without further questioning about the circumstances, or some substantiated evidence of some sort -- to the extent of having unmentionables removed from the home.  More likely, there were serious issues that came to light from the 'consulting', rather than just from one person's claim of kink in the relationship.  Without her agreeing in open court that, "Yes, he pissed on me, beat me, etc., and I reveled in it!", or some evidence that lent support to his claims, it's nothing more than his words. 

And if the consulting was ordered just because she engaged in, and happily received, the activities, I'd bet dollars to donuts, he'd be getting a similar order for having the desire to dole them out.

Definitely more to this story than meets the eye.


_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to Carmeldelight62)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Does a sub have the right to uncollar??? - 3/16/2007 12:31:48 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		In my opinion subs and slaves have two rights that can not be removed, and they shouldn't be.

The first is the right to choose her owner. The second is the right to leave.

Men, and women, can be very good at pretending to be something they aren't. They can do it for longer periods of time then we would like give them credit for. And people can change suddenly, due to a change in circumstances or perhaps they picked up an addication they didn't used to have. Without the right to leave, a less then moral person (and let's face it - tops/masters/doms run the spectrum just like vanilla men), might change their tune once their collar is in place. Of course subs and slave may do this as well, but I don't see any disdain for masters releasing subs and slaves for any reason.

Frankly I don't like with this whole "I'm uncollaring myself because he's a bother" line. However, I agree with your action because it sounds like he's going to be better off without you and will let you move onto to someone who perhaps you can respect more.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 60
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