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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 7:57:21 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Annabelle- what you did was not at all rude in the context of an online forum. Chrissy words were posted freely in public. All you did was REFERENCE her words as a brief jumping point for a different, though related, topic. Please disregard any notion that you did anything at all inappropriate or even borderline.

DITTO

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 8:13:00 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

And I quickly avoid subs who try to play the "prove yourself to me" game. I am who I am, but I won't jump through hoops to satisfy your insecurity.

and this so often is what I see the "prove yourself" game being about... The submissives's Insecurity Issues!

I can appreciate that a Dominant should beable to demonstrate their character/beliefs/principles. But, these expressions are not to prove themselves to another's standard.. but only an honest expression of who one is. This person can either accept or reject this ... personally.. I am content either way. As MasterFireMaam indicates, I have nothing to prove to someone else's standard. I live to my own standard.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 10:58:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrissyslave
I have to disagree here as the very partial unquote lacked the full context of what I was saying (and adding all sorts of unrelated aspects that was not included in my other message...such as "bratty" comments), and since she strongly didn't care for what I said in some other thread, and ranted on and on...and on, there that it seemed rude to try to carry any selective verbiage over in this new thread, regardless of intent, and which I wasn't even aware of except to by accidentially stumbling upon this new selective usage. Again, it could have been done just as effectively without mentioning my name, or in summary form a a trend she had observed in general.

Sorry Chrissy, this is a case of you wanting to feel offended and upset over something. Get over it.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 11:50:40 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrissyslave

You did a cheap personal attack as the chosen response. You projection of what my success of doing anything is meaningless to me much less the invented preception of my appearance. Good luck to you in whateverrrrrrr

At least she didn't call you names behind deception while pretending to respect you. As for your success... most true success doesn't need to be rubbed in people's faces.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 11:52:02 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

chrissy - you come off to me as a really defensive person. the point is, i'll refrain from quoting anything you've said to start threads from now on. i apologize if this offended you, but it's a pretty common practice here and i've never seen someone get so defensive about it before, so i did not expect it. like i said, i'll refrain from doing it again. hell, if it makes you feel any better, i can take what parts i quoted out of the first post of this thread if you are so tied up about it.

It is a really common practice here and I thought the thread was a great topic, for whatever that counts. There are some people who just can't be pleased.

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Post #: 45

RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 12:15:29 PM

mythi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

And I quickly avoid subs who try to play the "prove yourself to me" game. I am who I am, but I won't jump through hoops to satisfy your insecurity.

and this so often is what I see the "prove yourself" game being about... The submissives's Insecurity Issues!

I can appreciate that a Dominant should beable to demonstrate their character/beliefs/principles. But, these expressions are not to prove themselves to another's standard.. but only an honest expression of who one is. This person can either accept or reject this ... personally.. I am content either way. As MasterFireMaam indicates, I have nothing to prove to someone else's standard. I live to my own standard.

Sometimes insecurities are justified. Personally I know that I have a violent temper. It's under plenty of control when I'm in full charge of my faculties and I'm no longer a danger to anyone, especially if I'm able to walk away from the provoking situation/person. But we all know that it's called power exchange for a reason. And I absolutely in no way will give up my control to someone unless I know that in a worst case scenario, where I wind up in that place either intentionally or unintentionally and restraints fail, that they're capable of holding me down (or whatever) until the adrenaline passes. Based on my own insecurities, issues, and inadequacies? You betcha! But I'll take admitting to and accomodating those over spending the night in the ER. As they say, safety first.

Mentally speaking, I'm with smilingjaguar. Too smart and manipulative for my own good. (also not in a bad take-over-the-world way, just an always-been-easy-to-get-what-I-want way) So I find it difficult to really respect people who can't or don't call me on my b.s. Or, just as bad, the type who prefer something sugar-coated than completely honest. Gak! But it's not that I'm a brat or constantly testing, I just need to know for certain that I cant break your leash once I reach the end of it...so I can relax and not be tempted to try.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 1:20:03 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi

Sometimes insecurities are justified. ...

Personally... I don't see Insecurities as Justifiable. This indicates to me that it's ok to have them and their is nothing wrong with having them. Personally... I don't agree with that line of thought. However, insecurities are expainable. Meaning, there is reasons why people have the insecurites in the first place. Interestingly, when we can explain why they are there, we can work at removing them.

quote:

But we all know that it's called power exchange for a reason.

personally I think "Power Exchange" is a stupid term and don't buy the reasons behind the term.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 2:10:32 PM

MsParados

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I do not see a Dom as flexing their power as trying to make themselves "Superior" nor a sub that wants to be tamed as being childish and insecure.

For me, I had to know he wanted it (me) as badly as I did. After my last BS relationship, where my partner claimed to be full blooded kink and managed to keep that spark alive for a year but as soon as we had an UM he totally dropped all the "extras" and then when I finally told him I couldn't live like this he tried to be my sub! I don't work that way, I can not switch with the same partner as far as D/s goes, I can switch when it's just physical stimulation or bondage with the same person but my submission only goes on way. And like a wolf pack if I am not submissive to you than I am alpha, none of my intimite relationships function on the level of "equal".

All that said, of course, if some random dom/me tried to flex and act superior, they'd get laughed outta the dungeon. This is about individual actions within a relationship- it is all a list of pluses,checks, minuses- and if your seperate numbers don't add up you'll never be happy together. Man has been breaking horses and domesticationg animals for years, some must find that fun or have that basic need cause it keeps happening every year. Some of us are just more primal than others, but if it works why knock it and insult those that are very happy with the way their life works. Unless ofcourse you feel your way is superior..............

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 2:19:46 PM

sublizzie

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I don't believe anyone is superior in all ways to me. There are always people who are better at certain things than I am. This will always be true. There are always people to whom I will be better at certain things than they are. I can't imagine someone who is superior to me in every way so I don't look for superiority. I look for someone I can have confidence in to help me be completely me just as I would hope that he is able to be completely himself with me. (Change genders as appropriate for your dynamic.) As long as there is that innate dominant energy that resonates with my submissive energy and we get along as people in our everyday lives, then we would "fit" together.

Just my thoughts....

edited to finish what I was trying to say!

< Message edited by sublizzie -- 3/18/2007 2:20:23 PM >

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 7:52:44 PM

patina

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I don't consider it a need of him proving himself. I am a sort of a contradictions of terms in some ways. I wish to serve but at the same time i am strong willed and very independent. So i will fight at time againt being submissive and need to be controlled and brought back to my sub status. I ask for this of him, to help me keep my mindset, to stay in the right frame of mind. He enjoys asserting his dominance so it works for both of us. It is just done with verbal dominance I have too much self respect to be abused in any form.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 9:01:46 PM

mythi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi

Sometimes insecurities are justified. ...

Personally... I don't see Insecurities as Justifiable. This indicates to me that it's ok to have them and their is nothing wrong with having them. Personally... I don't agree with that line of thought. However, insecurities are expainable. Meaning, there is reasons why people have the insecurites in the first place. Interestingly, when we can explain why they are there, we can work at removing them.

Is it wrong to feel insecure about not trusting myself to be provoked when my "walls are down" unless I was sure the other person could adequately control me so I don't hurt them or myself? Not sure it would really be such a good idea to remove that insecurity... Or even how I'd go about it safely.
And just out of curiosity would you indeed define that as an insecurity or something different?

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi

But we all know that it's called power exchange for a reason.

personally I think "Power Exchange" is a stupid term and don't buy the reasons behind the term.

Inclined to agree with you on this one. At the least it's always struck me as an inadequate term. But do you know of another which is better? Preferably one that would still be widely recognized &/or understood.

edited to fix quoting protocols

< Message edited by mythi -- 3/18/2007 9:06:24 PM >

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 9:03:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi
Inclined to agree with you on this one. At the least it's always struck me as an inadequate term. But do you know of another which is better? Preferably one that would still be widely recognized &/or understood.

Authority transfer.

My life dream is that this will replace TPE completely.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 9:04:48 PM

hisannabelle

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la's "authority transfer" is starting to appeal to me more than "power exchange," actually, so maybe her life dream is coming true (slowly but surely). ;)

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/18/2007 9:07:58 PM

mythi

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Yup, I definitely like that better.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/19/2007 10:42:58 PM

smilingjaguar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Personally... I don't see Insecurities as Justifiable. This indicates to me that it's ok to have them and their is nothing wrong with having them. Personally... I don't agree with that line of thought. However, insecurities are expainable. Meaning, there is reasons why people have the insecurites in the first place. Interestingly, when we can explain why they are there, we can work at removing them.

I've been through some things that would turn others' hair white, but I have never bought into the idea that I have an excuse to be permanently traumatized because some bad things happened to me. I very much wanted the issues and insecurities gone because to my way of thinking the longer they stayed the longer the persons involved had a hold over me. I didn't want them to win. I wanted to be thrive in spite of what happened. I was lucky to find someone willing to break those behaviors rather than using them against me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
personally I think "Power Exchange" is a stupid term and don't buy the reasons behind the term.

Every time I hear it, all I can think is "use the force..."

(edited because the quotes were all screwy)

< Message edited by smilingjaguar -- 3/19/2007 10:46:01 PM >

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/19/2007 10:54:42 PM

smilingjaguar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mythi
Is it wrong to feel insecure about not trusting myself to be provoked when my "walls are down" unless I was sure the other person could adequately control me so I don't hurt them or myself? Not sure it would really be such a good idea to remove that insecurity... Or even how I'd go about it safely.
And just out of curiosity would you indeed define that as an insecurity or something different?

It isn't wrong to feel insecure. You very likely have perfectly rational reasons for it, but the idea is to work at overcoming them rather than hanging on to them and letting them affect you forever. As far as going about it safely...good, strong, nearly indestructible restraints helped quite a bit in that department. ;) That's part of why I still like him grabbing my throat. My mind runs at 100 mph all of the time, and it instantly stops when his hand touches my throat. It's peace for me before I get headed down into the wrong headspace, and for me it's a kindness and a blessing that he does so.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/20/2007 4:40:48 AM

WillowRain

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Well, I like it on a simple and playful level. My Sir is very physically strong and I like that. For a girly person, I am rather strong, so it's not really a given for me that a male person is going to be stronger than me. Sometimes if I feel all firky and shake tail and want to be silly and frisky. I have lept at him before. It is a pretty easy way to find yourself on the floor or the bed, laughing and pinned. Something about that sudden display of speed and strength is hot to me. I have utterly no doubts about Sir's ability to physically over power me if he wants to, and that for me on some primal level is hot.

Sometimes when he sleeps he will get in a mood (yes in his sleep) where he doesn't want me to move, he wants me to stay just like I am. Now if I need to pee, or want to turn over this can be inconvienient, but honestly, almost all of the time, I find this impossibly sexy and Dominant that even in his sleep some part of him likes to have control of my person. If he's in that mood and I try to move, in his sleep he will lock down around me and I actually can't move, moving is no longer an option. If I wiggle and keep trying, I will get a low, sleep voice, "No." If the need to pee is desperate I can speak to him until he is awake enough to realize that I actually need something. When he is awake he will pretty much, easily let me go to do what I need to, but in his sleep he is bossy as heck. If I am being the comfy girly pillow, he wants me to stay like that. The part of me that holds my submissive nature, the part of my soul that holds that, loves this about him, loves that in his sleep, when all consious thoughts are turned off, that he still wants me close, and that at deep core, he wants control of me. Delicious.I really like it. When he locks down on me in his sleep, I feel this deep wash of fondness and affection, and I feel very desired, wanted, and claimed.

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/20/2007 5:03:58 AM

BeachMystress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

it's the, "i want him to prove his dominance," attitude, for lack of a better term.

I plan to read the full post, but am dashing off a quick response to this before I forget. I just wanted to share.. I read something tonight in a novel that echoed within me. It had to do with this topic, though the book was not BDSM themed. (Blood Bound [Mercy Thompson Series, Book 2] by Patricia Briggs) The Dominant persona said to the submissive persona "I don't control you ... you choose to submit." I found that phrase to be beautiful and moving. I'm sure I'll have more to say after reading the whole thread (which may take a while since it is 5AM my time and I need to go to bed.)

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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/20/2007 5:07:12 AM

StellaByStarlite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smilingjaguar

It isn't wrong to feel insecure. You very likely have perfectly rational reasons for it, but the idea is to work at overcoming them rather than hanging on to them and letting them affect you forever. As far as going about it safely...good, strong, nearly indestructible restraints helped quite a bit in that department. ;) That's part of why I still like him grabbing my throat. My mind runs at 100 mph all of the time, and it instantly stops when his hand touches my throat. It's peace for me before I get headed down into the wrong headspace, and for me it's a kindness and a blessing that he does so.

And sometimes, life itself with all it's stresses is enough to cause insecurities. We all have them.. I have yet to meet a person who wasn't haunted on some level with uncertainties about themselves.

The Mister and I don't really see ourselves as superior/inferior. It's just the simple idea that he wants to be in control and have authority and I don't. So there's really no "superiority" for him to prove, BUT- I'll admit there are days where I crave more outward displays of his authority over me. And yes, it's usually due to insecurity about something, lol. Hey man, life is perilous and full of uncertainty. It's wonderful to be able to go to a simpler place and let go of everything and just ....be.

Is it a need? Who knows? It certainly feels like one. Maybe it's a temporary emotional need.

Cheers,
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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 3/20/2007 5:30:51 AM

SirKinkster

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I've got to say, I like this thread My dominance is always present with my lil girl it is my strentgh that allows her to fully submit... does that make her weak, I don't think so.I see it as our roles in life she needs to feel secure and I provide that security thru love and discipline.as any Good Daddy would.. submission does not make one less than another it takes great strentgh to fully submit and time to build that trust...

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