mythi
Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline
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The main point I apparently failed to make is... it appears that some Dom(me)s object to feeling like a sub is demanding they prove their superiority in some or many ways *just* because they feel these demands are based in a sub's insecurities. Yet it's both unfair to the individual sub and potentially dangerous (physically, psychologically, however) to one or both of them to dismiss these demands out of hand. They may be based on valid concerns, whether or not those concerns have produced insecurities or anxiety.
Now, for the sake of prolonging the slow torturous death of the insecurities sub-thread...
(Anyone already over it move along, nothing more to see here, folks.)
quote:
ORIGINAL: smilingjaguar
It isn't wrong to feel insecure. You very likely have perfectly rational reasons for it, but the idea is to work at overcoming them rather than hanging on to them and letting them affect you forever. As far as going about it safely...good, strong, nearly indestructible restraints helped quite a bit in that department. ;) That's part of why I still like him grabbing my throat. My mind runs at 100 mph all of the time, and it instantly stops when his hand touches my throat. It's peace for me before I get headed down into the wrong headspace, and for me it's a kindness and a blessing that he does so.
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
The more I read your quesition... the more I contend that it doesn't make any sense to me. You seem to be twisting a couple thoughts into one sense.
Not trusting someone does not equate to an Insecurity of Self. Not trusting someone because your concerned that they will provoke you is not an insecurity. This is a lcak of confidence in them not yourself. Just because you lack Trust doesn't mean you are insecure. It's with go reason why we don't trust some individuals.
Secondly, insecurity is the anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerabe and insecure. In otherwords it is in the present. So... the question is such anxiety healthy for the person... in some cases it just might in other cases it is not. Put yourself in a cage with a tiger you will feel alot of anxiety. Remove yourself and the anxiety is will go away. The point is... is it wrong.. no... but it is wrong to just allow the insecurity to persist because to stay in that situation will cause you harm at worse or lack of growth at best. The feelings of insecurity exist for a reason... they are trigger that you need to do something. to change something, to take action, etc. Thus, I am saying that it is wrong to allow insecurities to presist and not do anything about them. But it is not wrong to have them. They are triggers and warnings that we should listen to. Listen and then do something about them so they do not presist.
I'm not concerned per se with being provoked to violent rage. In fact I've found it rather cathartic when done intentionally as smilingjaguar suggests in strong restraints, and by someone I know is able to handle themselves should the restraints happen to fail (or better yet who can handle me without the restraints). But this is something that an individual needs to "prove" to me first. You either show me that you can bodily restrain me while I still have control over my faculties or I can't in good conscience allow myself to enter a situation where that control could slip. I worked damn hard to gain that mental control in the first place and I don't lay it down lightly. There's just too many things that can go weird during bdsm play and it's very unlikely that I'll always be in good, solid restraints (altho one can always hope!).
And I don't care if you have to sit on me, so long as you can get me underneath you in the first place. Because once I'm gone I'm gone. I black out and I go for blood. And I know how to get it, and have seriously (permanently in one case) hurt people. And it's been like that for me since early childhood. I'm sure there's a genetic component to it with my birth father (I'm adopted) because what little information was available about him revolved around impulse control problems and crazy white boy with a shotgun and a hostage sort of violence. I did not get this information til I was in my early 20's and had already reigned in my own temper by then. So while there could be some early underlying causative event I could work through and thereby 'grow out of it', there likely isnt. And I would have no idea what that event could possibly be if it did exist. And yes, I've been through therapy 3 times and each time was a different approach (psychologist, psychiatrist, sociologist-each of a different school/methodology)...conclusion always the same...biochemistry or brain structure...sorry, cant help you...try some pills that will make you feel like an emotional zombie 24/7 instead. Me: Er, no thank you. So I've been down the road of looking for a means to make it go completely away (without selling my soul to the pharmaceudical industry). Just haven't found it so far. Plenty of things I actively do help, but I still feel the impulse try to surface at times.
Alright, reading back over that I'm not sure I've explained myself any more clearly, but that's my best shot! lol
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“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor
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RE: dominant proving their superiority - is it importan... - 
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