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I am very surprised to see so many saying there isn't a difference between a vanilla relationship ending and a D/s relationship ending.  Perhaps some  didnt notice the title of the thread which is "Dumped by your Dominant".   Mutually ending a relationship does feel much different than being suddenly released by your Master, as I found out a few months ago.  

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He made me promises, like he would never let me fail and that he would never release me.

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THAT is much different than breaking up a vanilla relationship.  I gave myself to him, like submissives are trained to do.  When you give of yourself to that degree, when you give someone everything you have to give, and he releases you overnight, I cant think of anything that compares to THAT. 

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

In terms of this specific relationship that I am in now, if it ended, it would be more devastating than any other relationship I have had.  Not because it is m/s but because I am more committed and devoted to him than any other person in my life.

This is a really interesting concept.  I can not even think about the termination of my relationship without feeling upset.  This is by far the most committed and devoted to someone I've ever been in my life, but I believe in large part it's because of it's M/s foundation.  Obviously it has everything to do with the person in that foundation, but I would not be so reliant/dependent on him were I not his slave.  It's been argued of me before (remembering one of my first threads on CM, lol), but for me, being his slave makes all the difference and the ending of this relationship would be more devastating than one of a vanilla.  I have only my 20 year marriage to compare it to, and while understanding how unhealthy the marriage was, I still have to say the dynamic of my dependency on my Master would make things too hard to bear.

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ORIGINAL: curiousPAsub

I am very surprised to see so many saying there isn't a difference between a vanilla relationship ending and a D/s relationship ending.  Perhaps some  didnt notice the title of the thread which is "Dumped by your Dominant".   Mutually ending a relationship does feel much different than being suddenly released by your Master, as I found out a few months ago.  While I felt hurt and sad when my marriage broke up many years ago, or when other relationships ended, the pain and emotional devastation I felt when I was released was more than all of those other breakups put together.

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I am first assuming you are all talking about real time relationships, not "just" an online interaction.  I believe online relationships are real too, and are valid, but I think they are different from face to face real time.  In other relationships, I was equally in control of things, as they were before I discovered I had a submissive nature.  Being at least partially in control, and having an interdependent marriage, when it ended I felt bad.

But in my D/s relationship, I was controlled, I was totally devoted and in love with him, I was obedient to his wishes, no matter what they were, and my mind was constantly on how to please him more.  Just by the very nature of a D/s relationship, it creates a different kind of bond, at least for the submissive.  (I use "she" cause its easier for me).  In a D/s relationship, she gives herself to him, she devotes herself to him, she does everything for him and to please him.  An emotional bond is created that is different in MY opinion.

He woke up one day and released me, without any apearant reason.  We were together almost 4 years, and he said he was tired of dominating me.  In all that time, he didnt have to punish me, so it wasnt cause I was a "bad" or disobedient submissive.  Two weeks earlier, he had told me I had grown into the most perfect submissive for him.  We were planning two upcoming vacations.  Then POOF - he released me.

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I was stunned -  totally stunned!  By him releasing me like that, I lost all his emotional support, all the direction he was giving me, the sense of belonging, the identity I had created as I became his most perfect submissive.  He was my first Master, and he had found me and chose me.  When we met, I was not a very trusting person and he worked with me so that I could trust him, so that I could give him everything that a woman can give a man, everything that a submissive can give her Master.

He made me promises, like he would never let me fail and that he would never release me.  In one day, he broke all his promises to me, he broke and violated all the trust I had placed in him and he broke my heart.  I couldnt stop sobbing for days, I physically ached and was sick to my stomach for days.  I felt like I was dying emotionally and physically.

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THAT is much different than breaking up a vanilla relationship.  I gave myself to him, like submissives are trained to do.  When you give of yourself to that degree, when you give someone everything you have to give, and he releases you overnight, I cant think of anything that compares to THAT. 

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I am still grieving and I can;t imagine ever trusting to that degree or giving myself to a man like that again.  I think its different when the sub is dumped by the Dom.  I am sure he woke up the next day and went on with his life.  I would like to think at times he thought of me at least, but he wasnt curled up in bed sobbing and wailing so hard he had to cover his own ears like I had to for the first week.  I sounded like an animal caught in a trap.  He didnt have learn how to restructure his entire day again or learn how to reclaim his body again by saying MY body instead of HIS body. 

The shock eventually wore off and the deep grieving subsided but it took almost 3 months.  I still feel like I am staring into a deep black abyss, not knowing what to do now.  When he released me, I still loved him, so my feelings didnt just disappear when his presence in my life did.  I now wonder if I ever want to do that again.  I am here on CM now, trying to figure things out.  I think the very nature and dynamics of D/s will always make me unbearably vulnerable to that happening again. 

So yes I think it different when a sub is dumped by her Dom/Master, and I think its harder on the submisisves because they have devoted their lives to their dominants. 

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ORIGINAL: littleone35

Well i think it is it hurts either way but in different ways.  In bdsm i think a person is more likely to have a deeper level of trust.  You belong to them, from what i have seen many marriges (not all) are a equal partnship. 

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ORIGINAL: unsung

Only going to add one notion to this thread, what I have witnessed many many times, and have experienced at one time.

Dependancy can infact exaggerate a separation of people.  There is a hard reality having to cope by oneself again after being dependant on another for whatever purpose they served, support mentally financially or what not.  Having to face things on your own again will and has the power to be overwhelming for those and those whom especially gave up a significant amount of their independance.  In the social working field I believe they are calling this 'co-dependancy', similiar to alcohol and drug addiction.  And further more this is where we see many people jump from the fire into the frying pan over and over again.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

When a person is devoted.. they are devoted! and the reasons will be varied... be those reason healthy to one's well-being or not.  Regardless... these individuals will have a difficult time when a relationship goes south on them.  Their ability to manage this will also be dependent on many other characteristics of the person.

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

The interesting thing is that I am completely dependent on him, but he is teaching me the way he thinks so that I can tap into that any time he is unavailable to me, and he has forced me to practice that, so that I can channel him and feel secure in the decision I receive as a result.  I highly suspect I will do this after he passes.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

The interesting thing is that I am completely dependent on him, but he is teaching me the way he thinks so that I can tap into that any time he is unavailable to me, and he has forced me to practice that, so that I can channel him and feel secure in the decision I receive as a result.  I highly suspect I will do this after he passes.

He is teaching you so you are not dependent on him.  Instead of giving you fish.. he is teaching you how to fish like he does.

He wants your devotion.. not your dependency

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Perhaps seeing your father pass and seeing your mother go through that has opened your eyes a little?

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My own mother lost my father when she was 40 years old. They were married for 23 years and had 4 children. I do not think she ever got over it even though she went on. She still has dreams about him. He was the love of her youth, the father of all her children, and the man she would have happily spent the rest of her life.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My own mother lost my father when she was 40 years old. They were married for 23 years and had 4 children. I do not think she ever got over it even though she went on. She still has dreams about him. He was the love of her youth, the father of all her children, and the man she would have happily spent the rest of her life.

Several years ago, Alandra and I had the privilege to be with a dear friend when his wife suddenly collasped and passed away a couple days later.  We have watched him struggle with the lost of a woman that he was completely devoted to.  Even now, he can't speak about her without little lost in his voice. I find this inflating BS of D/s more devoted crap to be an insult to individuals like our friends.  The two were a pleasure to be near.. their love and devotion was obvious to anyone that knew them.