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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/28/2007 10:05:03 AM

Dnomyar

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patina find a guy who wears suspenders. My dad got pissed when we hid all his belts and left a pair of suspenders for him to use. He didnt think it was funny and got a bigger belt.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/28/2007 10:39:08 AM

StellaByStarlite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i always felt like that in regards to my past/up bringing/childhood. D is the first one i told the whole truth to [just exactly how "white trash" i REALLY was]. i dont know if i could tell anyone else.

Oh, you'd be surprised on how many could relate, lol.

I think most of my childhood was spent in the gov'ment bread and cheese line.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/29/2007 4:09:11 AM

patina

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cute Sir How do You propose i ask the question. " Please Sir may i ask do you use a belt or suspenders to keep Your pants from falling down?"

I do not oh hell yes i do mean to sound flippant i would much rather make jokes about it then harbor hatred against my dad. Now as an adult and parent i can understand what he did i don't agree with it i just understand it. I do not mean to insult You or Your suggestion though.
Thank You.

patina

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/29/2007 10:17:12 AM

Missokyst

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Yes I have felt that way. And no, I don't let it loom over me. I am too often appallingly honest about things which have happened to me, to the men I am involved with. This doesn't always go well. I am starting to think there is a book in me which must come out.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/1/2007 9:33:46 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

"I spent time in prison" is a bit different then "I was raped".

Oh, there might be some overlap.

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, thank God somebody got that!

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/1/2007 9:45:28 PM

Lordandmaster

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I have an on-again off-again midget fetish. Does that count?

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

'You love me now, but you will leave me if I tell you.'

Is there something about you, about yourself, which you feel or have ever felt that way? Whether it is something intrinsic within you, or something you have done?

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/2/2007 9:35:35 PM

Lordandmaster

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Well I guess that was a thread killer.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/5/2007 7:31:34 PM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

'You love me now, but you will leave me if I tell you.'

Is there something about you, about yourself, which you feel or have ever felt that way? Whether it is something intrinsic within you, or something you have done?

Does it still loom over you?

How have you dealt with that problem? Have you ever revealed that 'thing' to the one you love, and who loves you, but does not know?

/quote]

Puella,
the funniest thing i get told that my profile is very defensie and offish to people and that i should change it becasue i scare peopel away.....I say pish posh....It is writtent hat way so i don't have to do the weeding anymore...it is about as up front and in your face...My ad on match was nearly as up front as well...i just weeded the D/s stuff out.

I have "lost" if you can use that term exactly 1 romantic partner before i started being as open as i am now....i took that as a learning experience and began being open and honest as quickly about things that may have an impact....so as to avoid putting forth any effort into something that may fall apart if he found out abotu it....so i just purge all of the potential red flags right away. and if heis still there when the dust settles than i just right into his arms and say....so what's your darkest secrets?

red

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/5/2007 7:48:23 PM

Cefoxitin

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oh hell, i always put my boundries out in the first place so i do not waste my time or theirs to "discover" an unworkable quirk.

I will flat out leave your ass behind if ever there is utterance, any at all, that you would even romotely suggest or enact that you do not like my dogs. My dogs are there before you and will remain for their natural life. for one to suggest for me to betray those loyal to me would mean they do not deserve mine.

It helps to just get any potental problems out the way right off the bat. got rid of two women who apparently did not belive me for that.

(in reply to Bearlee)

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/5/2007 9:20:41 PM

arayofsunshine55

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One of the reasons I am still with this guy after two years is that I learned pretty early on that I could not shock him and that he truly wanted to accept me as I am. And that is bottom line pretty important to me. So with this guy at this time nothing. But early on were several things. Things I wouldnt share with everyone. He now knows them all.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/5/2007 11:08:50 PM

Lordandmaster

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He sounds like a lucky guy.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/5/2007 11:37:19 PM

arayofsunshine55

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We're both pretty lucky and we know it. But he would say he makes his own luck.

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Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/6/2007 2:34:17 AM

gypsygrl

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Until the past couple years, it was the kinky stuff I kept to myself. Even now, its hard to get over the feeling of "what if I tell them how kinky I am" type thing. I tend to look for experienced partners on the assumption that I don't run the same risk of shocking them. Though, I still go slowly and pay attention to their comfort level as let my story unfold.

Over the past couple years, in the course of therapy, I've realized I'm dissociative and have post traumatic stress tendencies. I get it out there in the open right away if I'm talking to someone, but even when they accept it as a bit of information, until they see it in operation, I can't be confident that they really know what they're getting into. So, I give it time because it is an issue and some people have trouble with it and can't accept it as a challenge and something that's as much a part of me as what they find attractive. The dissociation and the PST stuff are something I'm learning to live with, and am getting better at navigating but its the work of a lifetime and not something that I can make go away. So, I don't see how to be involved with someone relationshipwise without being open about it. The same goes for my kink which is why I don't date vanilla anymore.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/6/2007 4:10:00 AM

SusanofO

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gypsygirl: It is interesting that you bring up the dissociative thing. I have wondered lately how many in the bdsm world may have a similar phenomena operating in their lives. Personally, I don't think it is any big deal, although if people who have it need therapy they of course should get it. I do realize it can take a life-time to contend with.

I have wondered lately, if there is a connection being in the bdsm world and some of those who have been severely abused, and how many of these folks could be dissociative as a result.

I work with abused and neglected kids as a volunteer. And I do see a connection between past abuse and some who enter the bdsm world - not that it is bad or good - it just is, IMO. Not everyone, but some folks, certainly.

There is a 7 year-old boy at the center I work at now who I am convinced is dissociative. Since I have no formal social work schooling, the admin. types won't listen to my assessment of his condition much, but I have done a lot of reading about it, and I am really sure he's got it. I am trying to think of ways to get the admins. to listen to me, and hope I succeed. Because I do think he needs some very specific therapy (he has a horrendous history of pysical and sexual abuse).

Personally, I have severe uni-polar depression for which I take meds, and always will. It fortunatley doesn't affect my functoning at all, and I have it under control. However, I cannot drink any alcohol, because it won't mix with my meds.

If any prospective bdsm partner wants to know more about my "history" of depression, I can go into excruciating detail, but it is a depressing story, and I don't usually tell all unless someone asks, and I already know them really well, and trust them - a lot. Because there is some stuff that I am pretty sure would be hard for some to digest (not abuse, just sad stuff). Plus, it's over, and I've moved on. My life is fine now.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/6/2007 4:19:37 AM >

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/6/2007 4:22:23 AM

gypsygrl

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Well, when I first started scening, and doing SM and stuff, the kick I was getting was from going into a dissociative state only I had no words for it. When I gave birth to my first, I did a radical dissociation complete with an out of body experience, and it was a lot like that. As an experience, I don't distinguish between the feeling of dissociation and the feeling I get in submission. I don't have multiple personalities or anything like that and never lose time or have memory gaps. I do derealization and depersonalization. When I realized thats what I was doing in bd/sm play I took a time out until I could get a handle on it because it seemed like a dangerous thing to play around with blindly. And, yes, I can go into infinite detail about it, too. My life is like a movie to me and I'm just waiting to see how it ends but I'm always happy to talk about the plot as it works itself out. :)

As for the boy you work with, I don't know what to say. Do you think he has dissociative identity disorder as in classic MPD or just dissociative tendencies?

Edited to add: I tend to go into my history if I think I'm going to be scening with someone, or involved in more than a casual relationship because I have a way of managing my patterns that they need to know about to avoid problems. I don't do much negotiating prior to, but I de-brief after the fact. If they don't de-brief, I don't go deep. Its more important to me than cuddle kinds of aftercare and they need to know that.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 4/6/2007 4:27:17 AM >

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 4/6/2007 6:39:47 AM

Elorin

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If I felt that someone would leave me if I told them honestly of my past, I would not consider them to love me, or would consider their love to be superficial.

One of the most binding things about my relationship with M is that I can be flat out honest about the blackness that dwells within me, and he will accept it. He loves me, he loves all of me, warts and all, illness and all, blackness and all. There are things about me he doesn't like, but he won't leave me for them. If I want to change them, he will help. If I do not, he will accept that I am the person that I am, and he loves me for the things that make me me - even the ones he doesn't like.

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