quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
So why the question of tribute? [...]Why is it we cannot be real?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDominance1

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this board, but this is an issue which has weighed heavy on my mind, I have to agree with all the women who are saying that the average sub who writes you could care less about what rocks me as opposed to what he wants and needs, often times I am approached the way one would a prostitute, yet I'm expected to be some type of free freak. All I get to hear about is what the sub is looking for in regards to play, yes we all like to play, but is that all there is or should be for that matter? I would like to feel as if I am being regarded first as a human being, then a woman then a Domme, I am also new to this life, but I notice the men on these sites have no problem in vocalizing their fantasies, desires, needs, wants, requirements so forth and so on, many times they are expressing desires steeped pregnant in kink and lust which is ok, at least they are being honest, no I do not demand tribute, however I do require generosity, I expect to be treated pretty much in the same fashion that you would treat your vanilla girlfriend that you claim to care about, or your finance or wife for that matter, why should my honesty about what I would like be any different?

I wonder for those who are married how do you view the tit for tat dynamic that surely exists in your marriage? Is she a whore or is she your wife? So yes I do expected to be gifted in a number of ways, and although for the sub he may not require what I do in regards to what pleases him he still has requirements that well....some call being rewarded for good behaviour?

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
So why the question of tribute? [...]Why is it we cannot be real?

Why tribute?

Money is power and pleasure; it is influential, sexual and so many other things. The act of monetary tithing is both symbolic and concrete; it is a proxy for your will to please.

Poetry of desire and longing is trivial and virtually meaningless in a virtual word. To manifest your interest with a gift or monetary sum is a far more difficult test. But tribute means nothing when it's easy; the amount should be something that hurts—something that is a sacrifice. Many contend that financial domination is impersonal, evil and absurd, but there are few things so personal and real as money, I believe. When it is given in the right spirit, when it is offered out of pure love and worship and not with the intent to prostitute, it is a beautiful thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDominance1

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this board, but this is an issue which has weighed heavy on my mind, I have to agree with all the women who are saying that the average sub who writes you could care less about what rocks me as opposed to what he wants and needs, often times I am approached the way one would a prostitute, yet I'm expected to be some type of free freak. All I get to hear about is what the sub is looking for in regards to play, yes we all like to play, but is that all there is or should be for that matter? I would like to feel as if I am being regarded first as a human being, then a woman then a Domme, I am also new to this life, but I notice the men on these sites have no problem in vocalizing their fantasies, desires, needs, wants, requirements so forth and so on, many times they are expressing desires steeped pregnant in kink and lust which is ok, at least they are being honest, no I do not demand tribute, however I do require generosity, I expect to be treated pretty much in the same fashion that you would treat your vanilla girlfriend that you claim to care about, or your finance or wife for that matter, why should my honesty about what I would like be any different?

I wonder for those who are married how do you view the tit for tat dynamic that surely exists in your marriage? Is she a whore or is she your wife? So yes I do expected to be gifted in a number of ways, and although for the sub he may not require what I do in regards to what pleases him he still has requirements that well....some call being rewarded for good behaviour?

Speaking for myself, as a man and as a sub I have no problem with what you're saying in general. I personally think guys are morons when it comes to approaching women, especially Dominant women.

It would never occur to me to approach women in  the manner that some do. I just think it's common courtesy.

On the other hand, it's simple to me, if I am trying to start a relationship and a woman asks me for money to continue that relationship, it's not a relationship, it's a transaction.

As a woman, if a man approaches you as a prostitute, or in a way that is uncomfortable to you, why would asking him for money make it better? Is this someone you'd like to be around? I don't get that aspect of your comment.

For me, I approach a Domme like I'd want a man to approach my sister. Maybe I'm weird, but for women who are so sick of insincere and bullshit emails, I would think that if someone was approaching me in a real and tangible manner, the last thing I'd want to do is scare them away by demanding a couple bucks for my time. it just doesn't make logical sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDominance1
I have to agree with all the women who are saying that the average sub who writes you could care less about what rocks me as opposed to what he wants and needs, often times I am approached the way one would a prostitute, yet I'm expected to be some type of free freak.

quote:

no I do not demand tribute, however I do require generosity, I expect to be treated pretty much in the same fashion that you would treat your vanilla girlfriend that you claim to care about, or your finance or wife for that matter, why should my honesty about what I would like be any different?

quote:

I wonder for those who are married how do you view the tit for tat dynamic that surely exists in your marriage? Is she a whore or is she your wife?

quote:

 So yes I do expected to be gifted in a number of ways, and although for the sub he may not require what I do in regards to what pleases him he still has requirements that well....some call being rewarded for good behaviour?

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
So why the question of tribute? [...]Why is it we cannot be real?

Why tribute?

Money is power and pleasure; it is influential, sexual and so many other things. The act of monetary tithing is both symbolic and concrete; it is a proxy for your will to please.

Poetry of desire and longing is trivial and virtually meaningless in a virtual word. To manifest your interest with a gift or monetary sum is a far more difficult test. But tribute means nothing when it's easy; the amount should be something that hurts—something that is a sacrifice. Many contend that financial domination is impersonal, evil and absurd, but there are few things so personal and real as money, I believe. When it is given in the right spirit, when it is offered out of pure love and worship and not with the intent to prostitute, it is a beautiful thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleyandCute
The definition of Proffesion could just be someone who does something for financial gain hence a proffession by that more broad defenition. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
when it is offered out of pure love and worship and not with the intent to prostitute, it is a beautiful thing.

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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
Subs are sometimes asked would they walk up to a woman they do not know and drop their pants or ask for sex right away. In the same spirit, would a woman placing a personal ad on a mainstream personals site in attempt to find a romantic partner come out and say that she expects to be given a gift or money each time they meet, or for the relationship to sustain? Would she on a date with a vanilla man ask him to bring her a card with money in it? I find tribute odd in a personal relationship. And I find it to conflict with my sense of self worth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

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ORIGINAL: SweetDominance1
I have to agree with all the women who are saying that the average sub who writes you could care less about what rocks me as opposed to what he wants and needs, often times I am approached the way one would a prostitute, yet I'm expected to be some type of free freak.

I will try to answer these as best I can,

I sense that a want for tribute in some non-professional dommes is driven by a thought that elsewhere men pay for domination and why should it be free here, which may create a question about whether one is being used. I think the two types of relationships are not the same--one is a business transaction and one is a personal relationship.
 
No I do not feel that way at all,  you're right these are two completely different types of relationships, I simply like for my men to have a generous streak, I enjoy other things outside of the lifestyle, I like being wined and dined and treated very nicely, it is one of my fetishes.

I agree with SlaveBlutarsky; if a domme is accepting a sub who otherwise cares little about what rocks her, how does accepting a tribute change that he otherwise cares not? Does that not amount to settling on the question of personal interest in favor of material benefit? In my opinion, the solution is to pass in favor of a sub who does care. It is for this reason I feel that tribute is not so much a choice of necessity as a choice of convenience, and that the idea of an uncaring sub is used to overcome cognitive dissonance about accepting tribute.


SlaveBlutarsky misunderstood my post, which is why he was instructed to read my post again, I never did say that I would settle for anything.

I ideally seek a romantic D/s relationship. I also value a non romantic D/s relationship but on a personal level that is based on mutual attraction. I express in my profile that that I hope would invite personal interest and social attraction. I think it would serve a domme who wants to be liked as a person and a woman to present that aspect of self in the profile. Incidentally, I did a brief survey of the first 25 domme profiles on the other side and MsKatHouston gets an A ;-)
 
I seek the same more or less, as a matter of fact my profile says that to some degree as well.

quote:

no I do not demand tribute, however I do require generosity, I expect to be treated pretty much in the same fashion that you would treat your vanilla girlfriend that you claim to care about, or your finance or wife for that matter, why should my honesty about what I would like be any different?

Subs are sometimes asked would they walk up to a woman they do not know and drop their pants or ask for sex right away. In the same spirit, would a woman placing a personal ad on a mainstream personals site in attempt to find a romantic partner come out and say that she expects to be given a gift or money each time they meet, or for the relationship to sustain? Would she on a date with a vanilla man ask him to bring her a card with money in it? I find tribute odd in a personal relationship. And I find it to conflict with my sense of self worth.
 
No I wouldn't ask him to bring his card, I would assume that he would have enough sense to bring what he needs to pay for our date, my sense of self worth is this, if I can have your back in a time of need if it is within my realm to do so I will, so I require that his mentality be the same in regards to my needs.


I think it is fair to expect to be treated pretty much in the same fashion as a vanilla girlfriend. I think it is fair to expect to be treated like a fiance or wife when the relationship proceeds to that level.

I am not sure what requiring generosity means. I usually construe mention of generosity in a profile to be a code word for tribute. If it is an explicit requirement, is it different than demanding a tribute? If it is an unspoken expectation but one that affects relationship satisfaction, is it wrong to tell a sub what makes you satisfied? I suppose I am still pondering this point. I think what is relevant is why you require generosity for satisfaction and it is a point I discuss further below in this post.
 
In my profile it is not a code word for anything other than what I have expressed in my profile and journal entries, yes it is an explicit requirement and no in my mind I am not demanding tribute, I merely want it to be understood that I like to be around generous men, my question to you is why you do require whatever it is that you do for satisfaction?
Is is wrong to tell a sub what makes me satisfied? Hmmm, I'm beginning to wonder that maybe it is, but then part of being in this lifestyle is about being honest, I am being as honest as I know how to be in my profile and when communicating with potential slaves, the subs have no problem with discribing their various fantasies and trying to discuss them with me, if I like some of what they are fantasizing about, I will tell them, I will also tell them that this particular fantasy sounds like one that I am not prepared to bring into reality for them at this time because I do not possess the equipment for such a fantasy, if he insists that he wants it to be with me because he has come to like me on some level, then I will advise him that what he wants sounds costly I will ask him if he is prepared to bear the cost of bringing his fantasy closer to reality mainly because I simply cannot., in this scenario I do not consider myself being grafty in any way just honest and very practical.


Our society perhaps teaches women to gauge how they are regarded in terms of what is spent on them. And there are different ways people express affection and regard, and giving gifts is indeed one of them. If you are a person who sees gifts to be an expression of affection and regard, do you reciprocate in the same manner?
 
Yes I do reciprocate when I can and most sincerely at that and as I said in my original post I expect generousity on many levels not just monetary, but once again I do not apologize for simply loving a generous and giving soul, once again we all have our fetishes.

quote:

I wonder for those who are married how do you view the tit for tat dynamic that surely exists in your marriage? Is she a whore or is she your wife?

I am not clear on what you mean by the tit for tat dynamic. If you care to elaborate, I would appreciate it.

It means just this, do you expect your wife to clean, cook, rear your children, be all that you need her to in the sack etc, and so on without ever showing her that you appreciate her efforts? No you don't, even the poorest of men from time, to time if they truly love her will do something nice for her, aside from paying the bills, paying the bills is an unspoken agreement coming into that marriage anyway, the tit for tat dynamic in many marriages is one where he will bring home the bacon and she will fry it up, in a marriage where they are both doing everything equally the tit for tat may change, sometimes he is rubbing her feet after a long day and sometimes she is rubbing his, they find ways to reward one another in ways that are mutually satisfying to them both, in the D/s dynamic I view it as the same, we should both take joy in delighting one another in the ways that we know the other will enjoy.

quote:

 So yes I do expected to be gifted in a number of ways, and although for the sub he may not require what I do in regards to what pleases him he still has requirements that well....some call being rewarded for good behaviour?

I am not clear what drives the expectation to be gifted. Is it that you feel you do things in dominance that make a sub feel good and you should be compensated? If so, I wonder if it is a question of compatibility. Would it not be best to find compatibility where both persons enjoy enough of the same activities, or both are interested to respectively entertain activities for the sake of the other? I have been fortunate to have met women who did what I like because they liked me, and because I would do the same in turn. I have found that approach to work well.
 
Actually it was the many subs that I have spoken with who gave me the compensation idea to begin with, they are not shy about saying to me Ma'am if I please you how will you reward me? I have no problem with this, understand we are all here for some type of mutual gratification on any number of levels, I would never enter into any relationship with anyone that I did not truly like or with anyone where money was the only attraction, as I've said throughout it is only one requirement, but after being in a world where men want what they want and will say it up front it has occurred to me that why shouldn't I use the same approach....
 
For clarity there has been many times when someone has landed in my email and the only thing we had in common was the fact that he seemed to have plenty of money to spend, no that is not enough, for sure there has to be more of an attraction that, so as a result I am not settling, I am still looking for the one.

I do hope this has cleared some things up.
 
 


Cheers,

Sea

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ORIGINAL: SweetDominance1

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ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer
**applauds heartily**  Very well said.   I agree completely, from the other side of the whip.

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

A gift is perhaps given out of pure love and worship. A required tribute is given out of fear of rejection and dismissal.

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ORIGINAL: Aneirin

So,perhaps it is a Loving D/s relationship I seek.Something I fear may be a hard thing to find within the personals on this site with those and their demands for money.So,what is there,I find it hard to believe everyone here is seeking money,there has to be what I call real people.