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RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 5:46:23 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
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Greetings Misst

I understand the core of your arguement, but you must understand that it is an issue that resides in yourself; not in everyone else. If Master was tomorrow to tell me that I could be nothing more than a normal wife in any and every sense of the word, it would not diminish me, or my love and respect for him.

Please, do not attempt to pass your own shortcomings off onto me.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 21

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 5:52:37 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Excuse me?
My shortcomings?
This thread was not about myself or issues i have but whether it was healthy or possible to trade off things which were intrinsic to being yourself.
Now you say that giving up being a slave you would do quite happily and be able to live like that, well i thank you for giving your opinion on the question i posed.
However i dont thank you for making assumptions that i have shortcomings because i dont feel i could give up something that is intrinsic to me.
I respect your opinion and would have hoped you would be able to do the same in return but obviously not.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to jauntyone)

Post #: 22

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 5:59:36 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

I'm not assuming anything, i have had several convos with this woman and poly is not what she wants. She 'puts up' with it to keep her man.

I would hope also that you have had some conversations with her husband to verify what this young lady is indeed telling you? Or do you know her so well that you know without a doubt that she would never stretch the truth a bit?

quote:

Just because you don't know any doesn't mean there aren't any. This woman in her own words is 'putting up' with it

Again, IN HER OWN WORDS. Have you talked to the husband also or is this all one sided between the little women?

Now that that is out of the way...If this woman is still with her husband...she must not be too unhappy about the situation.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 23

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 5:59:40 PM

WiseCracknSadist

Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
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She gave up being unhappy I gave up pretending I was something I'm not. Seems to have worked out good so far.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 24

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:02:55 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
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From: another planet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I'm not assuming anything, i have had several convos with this woman and poly is not what she wants. She 'puts up' with it to keep her man.

I would hope also that you have had some conversations with her husband to verify what this young lady is indeed telling you? Or do you know her so well that you know without a doubt that she would never stretch the truth a bit?

quote:

Just because you don't know any doesn't mean there aren't any. This woman in her own words is 'putting up' with it

Again, IN HER OWN WORDS. Have you talked to the husband also or is this all one sided between the little women?

Now that that is out of the way...If this woman is still with her husband...she must not be too unhappy about the situation.

They both openly admit it is a trade off, yes i have convos with them both.
Yes, shes still with him and yes it might well work for them.
They arent really the issue of the question i asked though, they were just an example of what i personally consider a big trade off.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 25

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:04:11 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

She gave up being unhappy I gave up pretending I was something I'm not. Seems to have worked out good so far.

Huh?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 26

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:08:59 PM

domiguy

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I let it slide that she was a cunt...Because she was hot!.....Is this what we're talking about?

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Post #: 27

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:10:42 PM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

They arent really the issue of the question i asked though, they were just an example of what i personally consider a big trade off.

LOL Misst, look a bit deeper into the answers you are getting from everyone.

The trade off you propose is to give up slavery ( something that is inherent in many of us ) for another. This is something that for some, is THEIRS. Period. It is not something that they share, that they were given by a magic marker, or that was bestowed upon them. Their slavery is a part of their submission. A PART OF THEM.

Monogamy or Poly is a CHOICE you make when you become part of a relationship. It is not something that is inherent. The feelings associated with these are, but by themselves, no.

You can not use these two up against each other and expect concise and clear answers.

Personally, If ...IF...I had to give up ever being in another M/s relationship so that I could be with the one I love...I would take the love in a heartbeat. And believe it or not, coming from me...that is saying alot.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 28

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:14:43 PM

missturbation

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The trade off you propose is to give up slavery ( something that is inherent in many of us ) for another. This is something that for some, is THEIRS. Period. It is not something that they share, that they were given by a magic marker, or that was bestowed upon them. Their slavery is a part of their submission. A PART OF THEM.

Monogamy or Poly is a CHOICE you make when you become part of a relationship. It is not something that is inherent. The feelings associated with these are, but by themselves, no.

The man i have spoken of would not agree with you here. He says being poly is hard wiring for him not a choice. For me it is a choice and i could live either poly or monogamously but it doesnt mean it is that way for everyone.
Again i will say i respect that you personally could give up the lifestyle for someone but i just personally couldnt, its who i am and i couldnt give that up.

My only question in this thread was whether when it came to the big stuff for you personally (whatever that may be), do you think it would be healthy or work. I didnt ask for opinions on my friends relationship and i didnt ask for judgement on my opinions just as i have not judged anyone elses. All i have done is ask a question of a few who have posted. I have not said anyone is right or wrong.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 4/4/2007 6:18:53 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 29

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:15:51 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
When a trade off becomes huge in that you are giving up essential needs / wants and your heart really isnt in it then its destined to fail. Plus i wonder about the other people involved in this relationship and how they will be affected.

This basically falls along the same lines as my thinking. If you are giving up an essential part of your being, then it's going to lead to resentment and cause the relationship to crack in other ways.

Personally I can't think of a lot of things, other than my family and things that are directly related to my personality that make me me, that I would feel giving up were me making a serious trade off.

If the right woman asked me to give up meat, or drinking, or watching football for her, for the right reasons, I would have no problem with it.

I watch a lot of football, but if given a choice of hiking with the woman I love or watching the game, I say get the leash (for the dog you perverts), pack some drinks and let's go.

I'm pretty flexible when it comes to a lot of things, but I also can be a prick when it comes to certain other things. Not that I would feel not getting my way would be a trade off, but more of an annoyance.

With regards to a partner, I would hate to feel that a woman was making certain trade offs for me. I met someone on b.com and we started talking and she said straight up that she prefered really skinny guys, but she was totally cool with getting to know me and seeing what happened. I wouldn't consider that her making a trade off, nor would I ever feel guilty if we progressed, got married had kids and whatnot because she said she liked skinny guys.

It's pretty simple to me really. When looking at a potential partner, I look at about fifty different things and have ranges for each. I don't have a rigid type that I have to date anymore. I did through college, and I'm more open and mature now.

One thing that a friend of mine said to me once, which was supposed to be a back handed compliment, that I am pretty happy and proud of was 'I could see you dating any woman walking down the street, it doesn't matter if she's fat, skinny, hot, hideous, black, white, whatever.'

His meaning was 'why do you date certain types of women that aren't 5'7", 120# who were cheerleaders and whatever?' But that's not who I am at this point.

I used to see looks or social status type things as a trade off, but as I got older it certainly meant less to me, and I've had a lot more fun with the people I'm dating now, than I had before.

I think in the end, life is really to short to feel miserable in a relationship. If you've given up so much of yourself or your identity that it eats away at you, get the f out. There really is happiness somewhere down the line and you're doing yourself a huge disservice by not going after it.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 30

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:22:24 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Ok. I will go for simple.

quote:

So when settling and compromise turn into 'trade offs, can it really work?

the answer to the question that you have asked is YES. Trade-offs of ALL sizes can really work in the long run. And it has nothing to do with how someone is wired, what they like or don't like....and everything to do with the love, devotion and commitment that two or more people feel for each other.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 31

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:26:38 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Ok. I will go for simple.

quote:

So when settling and compromise turn into 'trade offs, can it really work?

the answer to the question that you have asked is YES. Trade-offs of ALL sizes can really work in the long run. And it has nothing to do with how someone is wired, what they like or don't like....and everything to do with the love, devotion and commitment that two or more people feel for each other.

Thanks. I like your opinion and truely wish it were like that for me.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 32

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 6:39:01 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

Greetings Misst

I understand the core of your arguement, but you must understand that it is an issue that resides in yourself; not in everyone else. If Master was tomorrow to tell me that I could be nothing more than a normal wife in any and every sense of the word, it would not diminish me, or my love and respect for him.

Please, do not attempt to pass your own shortcomings off onto me.

I wish you well

melissa

WOW that was nasty and way uncalled for... No where in here was she nasty in what she was writeing she simply asked you a question if you dont like it well... ignore it and if you dont like beeing questioned on your responses here then maybe you shouldnt be posting them.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to jauntyone)

Post #: 33

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 7:06:25 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

We all have preferences,ideals,good points, bad points whatever..it simply comes down to "the deal breaker"..individually we all have a "deal breaker"..that one thing that says,"I do not care how wonderful you are in every other way".."this one issue is something I simply cannot and will not deal with".What I find amazing sometimes is what some peoples "deal breakers" consist of...Obviously Missturbation, your friends did not meet their "true" ~lol~.."deal breaker", otherwise they would not of ended up together...Tempting

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 34

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 7:13:13 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

You could well be right there, maybe they havent found their deal breaker or maybe it is just a matter of time before one of them says 'i cant live like this anymore'. Who knows!!

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 35

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 7:45:17 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

Greetings Misst

I understand the core of your arguement, but you must understand that it is an issue that resides in yourself; not in everyone else. If Master was tomorrow to tell me that I could be nothing more than a normal wife in any and every sense of the word, it would not diminish me, or my love and respect for him.

Please, do not attempt to pass your own shortcomings off onto me.

I wish you well

melissa

WOW that was nasty and way uncalled for... No where in here was she nasty in what she was writeing she simply asked you a question if you dont like it well... ignore it and if you dont like beeing questioned on your responses here then maybe you shouldnt be posting them.

Magik's slave

Thankyou, nothing in any of my posts was intended to be offensive.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 36

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 7:47:31 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

hon I personaly dont think that any of them where!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 37

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 7:59:21 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Mist - i had a similiar conversation with my father today. Well, i emailed him. He was talking about family and giving them slack.

My answer applies here as well. Its about Benefit vs Cost. Does the benefit of interacting/having the relationship out weight the cost? Or does the emotional stress/problems out weigh the benefit?

When it comes down to relationships, compromising, settling, and trade offs - IMO it really comes down to a cost benefit analysis.

Like - i love my sister and grandmother. Yet the cost of their relationships and the toll they can tend to take on me, outweighs the benefit of having them. Sure i could "trade off" or "compromise" or even "settle" (by looking past their flaws and not demanding better for myself) BUT what benefit do i get from having them in my life? Not enough to out weigh the cost. My brother on the other hand - i have compromised, settled or whatever with - because his benefit in my life out weighs the cost. (or the past cost)

IMO it all comes down to the cost benefit analysis when dealing with anyone and any time of relationship.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 38

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 8:03:23 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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I agree - it has to be worth whatever sacrifice you make.
Im actually in the process of weighing up benefit and cost in my own relationship. So far the cost is proving to be a little high for me.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 39

RE: Trade offs - 4/4/2007 8:23:22 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Yeah, i've been there. Its much easier to weigh these things out when you can look from a position that doesnt deal in any emotions. Emotions tend to fudge things up! When one is immersed in something - they must really strain to see the whole picture and not just what their emotions are showing them. IMO - it can be tricky to properly weigh these things out. Yet, depending on what it is - the emotional toll of something can outweigh any benefit very easily.

Like i told my Dad with my sister. The emotional toll she took on me not long ago, outweighed any benefit she could offer. She simply does not have much to offer. On top of that - she hurt me. i could sum it up as her ignorance, trade it off. Yet - her ignorance when speaking to me - i can see further problems arising.

For me, its the future problems is what creates the high cost. Her ignorance can come popping out at any time and even though i am intelligent enough to understand where she is coming from - the future potential of her hitting another one of my hot buttons - just isnt worth it. God Forbid she spoke like that to me in person. I'd of decked her. And - the cost of decking her would outweigh the benefit of decking her. Cost benefit analysis - the cost is way to high for a variety of facts.

Many many many factors when doing a cost benefit analysis

what are you getting in return?
whats the emtional strain/toll
future problems that may arise
and the probability of fixing future problems

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 40

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