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RE: Trade offs - 4/5/2007 9:15:35 PM

arayofsunshine55

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You are making a point that for you some things are hard-wired. And they may be for you. But those same things may not be for another person. 2 years ago I knowingly got involved with a married man who already loved 2 women. Now he is poly. And I can be monogamous and involved with a man who is not. But instead I chose to open myself to other men. This is not hardwired in me. For me it is a continuum and I fall somewhere along the spectrum. And I don't even think of it as a trade-off.

I have watched a woman who has been in an M/s relationship for many years and the relationship is shifting. Again. For the 4th or so time in the 20+ years they have been married. And it is no longer M/s. They are feeling their way through the changes. Together. Cause bottom line is that they love each other, they want each other, they crave each other, and their committment to each other is tantamount. And so they give each other the space to grow and morph and not assume that anything is necessarily hard-wired.

In the end it is about what people value more. And it is a very, very, very, very individual choice. And as such can often not be understood by others outside the relationship.

< Message edited by arayofsunshine55 -- 4/5/2007 9:17:40 PM >

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RE: Trade offs - 4/6/2007 10:10:48 AM

missturbation

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I've been thinking about this thread alot the past couple days, and I can't really say its bad to trade off in a way you're suggesting.
For me a trade off such as the one i mentioned as an example would be too much for me. I was curious if others saw it the same way so thats why i posted the thread.
For me, most "trades" come under the heading of submission and the only thing I would expect in return is a committment to the relationship.
I probably feel the same way up until the point im giving up the essential parts of myself which then for me personally steps into unhealthy territory.

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RE: Trade offs - 4/6/2007 10:14:51 AM

missturbation

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It may be cold and calculating, but sometimes in life you need to drop the emotions to figure out what the right/wrong thing to do is.
Being apart from my 'family' for a few weeks has helped me drop the emotions now. At first i just missed them terribly and couldnt think straight but now, well they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, in my case it has been absence makes the heart grow colder.
Mist, if you'd like some one to help you weigh out the cost/benefit - feel free to hit me up too.
Thank you, i'm pretty sure i will take you on that also, always good to get more than one perspective.

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RE: Trade offs - 4/6/2007 10:19:00 AM

missturbation

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Again the example i used was only an example of what i personally would class as too big a trade off for me. I never said it was too big for them or that they wouldn't work through it and grow stronger etc.
And as such can often not be understood by others outside the relationship.
Yes you are quite right but i'm not actually outside of this relationship, im in the middle of it, a part of their family.
However the general question was a general question and not intended to start scrutiny of the example i gave.

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Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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