How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom?

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How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom? - 4/7/2007 12:14:06 PM

Quiatete

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

I'd like to get all forms of responses here. If you could also note how you ID, sub or slave, or however you like to ID yourself, I would appreciate that, too.

My question comes from this: I love to please. I don't like to make people frustrated or mad. I like to be respectful. In fact, being respectful is one of my number one values.

However, I talk to plenty of Doms who want me to do things like strip for them on cam within minutes of talking to me. While I know that's a little extreme, I'm finding it hard to know where to draw the line between protecting my own wants/desires/limits and being frustrating by saying that I'm submissive, while not acting it.

So any imput would be great.

Thanks!

~Sarah.

Post #: 1

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:15:52 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I am a slave. I present myself the same way I would to anyone I was meeting or talking to. I am polite (as long as they are), and just try to be myself. I wouldn't strip for a stranger on the street on command, so I sure wouldn't do it because someone called themselves a dom.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:20:44 PM

megan2007

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

dear Sarah,

your submission is a gift. not something that can be 'required' from you. something you give freely, willingly. becouse YOU want to. i well understand the desire/need to be pleasing, i know such for myself as also. but if i had a webcam (which i dont), and a Dom asked me to strip for Him, within a very short time of intial aquaintance, i'd frankly...respectfuly, politely...tell Him 'NO' in a quite clear and decided fashion. until YOU feel that One has earned Your submission, to whatever degree and for however long you wish to give it, you owe Them nothing.

respect is one thing...letting yourself get taken advantage of, becouse you worry about saying no, is anouther.

submission takes great strength, to give one's self up to the care and orders of Anouther. be strong, be proud!*smiles*

take care and blessed be.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:28:06 PM

Quiatete

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

:) Thank you both... very reassuring messages.

When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:29:18 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

I identify as sub but can be a slave *for the right type of person*.

I always come across slightly bratty and bitchy in initial contacts because that's honestly the kind of person I am. I am very sweet and loving to my friends, but a person has to work hard to get to that point with me.

I believe in putting my worst foot forward cause it just honestly saves me a whole lot of time.

I *don't* like to please anyone except my close friends and my monogamous partner. Everyone else can go suck a toe. I've often been accused of being somewhat rude and disrespectful but I feel I'm just blunt and many people don't handle that well.

I certainly wouldn't feel the need to "prove" that I'm submissive to some asshole over the internet.

Those guys who want you to strip for them on cam aren't "doms". They're horny losers who are too socially inept to find real live women. Either that, or they're married.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:31:16 PM

sillygirl09

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Sarah, I identify as a slave, but I am not a slave to every dominant, not even submissive to them all. Certain personalities draw it out in me so it's something I feel. While I would never strip for someone I had just met... I might be inclined to call them "Sir" pretty early on and I try to be respectful of anyone I'm trying to get to know.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:33:28 PM

Quiatete

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

I see what you mean... no point in putting something out there that really isn't you.

That, and I adore your handle.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:34:20 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete

:) Thank you both... very reassuring messages.

When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?

They proved themselves by showing intelligence, putting forth the effort to find time to talk to me, and getting to know me as a human being without discussing sex.

I "knew" they were one I should submit to for one reason: I felt submissive towards them and found myself deferring to them. This is a rare behavior for me and it takes a very special man to bring it out in me, so when I feel the urge to be sub towards him, I know something is "right."

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:35:21 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete

I see what you mean... no point in putting something out there that really isn't you.

That, and I adore your handle.

Thank You :) It's very me. I am very into just "being yourself." If you're not naturally sweet, polite, and respectful, then that's not how you should act online. If that IS who you are, then let that show through.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 12:44:00 PM

Quiatete

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

very good point, Geeky. you've gotta have a lot of integrity to do that, and that just points out your great parts. :)

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 1:38:47 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I met my Daddy on the internet. I wasn't having a problem meeting local kinksters...in fact, when we got into a LDR it took a toll on my local life. But, there was a reason that I liked Him. He talked to me like a person. He wanted to know about me and He wanted to share some of Himself. It wasn't an immediate connection and there was certainly no cybering. It was just right. It felt good and the communication came easily. I felt like I could tell Him anything. That's how I knew.

How will you know? I have no idea, but it probably won't have anything to do with giving random peep shows.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 1:47:10 PM

OnlyHis

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline

I am Master's slave. How did i know when i found him that i would want to submit to him. First it was his knowledge of the lifestyle. And the way he helped me to understand the feelings that i was just beginning to have within myself. That caused the trust i have in him to begin to grow. From there it was the feelings of security i had giving more and more control over to him and knowing i was safe with him and that no real harm would come to me at his hands.
Everything just continued to grow from there. The trust, love, peacefulness i had found and the desire i have to surrender all of who i am to him.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:10:31 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Master and I met online. I think it was a month or so after we began talking that he ever saw me naked, by way of photo. Had he requested that of me minutes after we began talking, I likely would have filed him with the rest of the wankers who wanted a quick jack-off job.

Remember, please, anyone can take still shots of what you expose on cam. Trust who you are exposing yourself to, lest you find pictures of yourself on someone's website.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:15:23 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

Well, I come at it from a different angle. I'm a male sub/slave who loves to serve, but in my normal mode, I'm not submissive. I don't defer to anyone or feel I need to be overly respectful to people in my normal mode, so for me it's actually a change of state.

In my day to day life, I've very much in control, tell people what I think and, while I treat people well and with respect, I don't feel the need to submit to everyone I run into.

Some of the emails I get on here are laughable in that the 'dommes' basically tell me that I am their slaves and I need to do anything they want, which shockingly enough involves money. I feel no need to serve for the hell of it.

Personally, I would never serve someone within ten minutes of them contacting me or anything like that. I'm not casual in my relationships, so I need to establish something more.

It seems like the OPs personlity is more submissive as it's default, which is fine, but you just need to figure out where you stand and what is acceptable to you. If you feel conflicted about something, you shouldn't do it. Simple as that.

I think my being submissive has helped me figure a lot about my personality and how I relate to others and what is important to me. It's allowed me to take a look at different aspects of my mind and try and either cultivate them or get rid of them.

As for the initial subject line of the thread, I present myself to a potential Domme as I would anyone else. I'm respectful, friendly and fun. I don't change my personality to much because I want to give her an idea of who I am, not some faked incarnation of me. The woman who is going to be with me is going to have to understand I'm strong and masculine as well as submissive and puddy in her hands.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to OnlyHis)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:18:56 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I am a slave and i present myself to a Dom. Anything else would be fake as far as i'm concerned.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:32:13 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

So I need a mind connection. About ideas. I'm pretty darn clear about that. And if the conversation heads towards sex quickly, wihout balance I know we are not compatible. And that is fine. I don't webcam. Period. I don't chat. Period. I weed out those who just want a fuck, or just want a jerkoff. Just not what I'm seeking. For me this has zero to do with respect unless it is about respect for yourself. But then pleasing the world is not my kink.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:32:53 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

You have the right to have you own personal boundaries. How others act is, ultimately, not a reflection of you or your behavior, but of them and their behavior. For them, it's all about "thier stuff". It really has little to do with you. Find those who respect your personal boundaries and you'll be much closer to finding the Dominant who matches you.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:37:31 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete
When you found someone that you wanted to submit to, how did you know? What did S/He do to prove Themselves to you?

In the end I don't look for someone to "prove" himself. It sin't a series of tests. It is an unfolding about intersts, values, goals and the like. It is a meeting of minds over time. He's not on the hot seat with me sitting back and saying "show me". It is more about learning over time about whether I want to spend time with him. And for me that doesn't take a long time. A few back and forths and I can get a sense of whether I want to meet for a meal Does he fascinate me? Is he curious? Is he balanced? Is he interested in me? Would I enjoy getting know more about him over a long decadent meal. If so, then I go for it.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 2:56:19 PM

devonmaid

Posts: 13
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Hi Megan Rachel here
Can only agree with you there, was one Dom I was speaking to, and just because he was going on holiday in a few weeks thought that 'we could hurry things along' I was polite enough, but like you if you feel a connection the rest will willingly follow. Recently I have been speaking with a Dom who is just good fella old school I feel polite, but not smarmy now if he carries on the way hes going I will happily follow :-) .So girls Subbies one and all slaves included, be kind to you first that is the most important thing and if he is any man/ Dom at all he will allow you to be who you are. Then where is the harm in following?

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/7/2007 3:38:39 PM

oceangem

Posts: 360
Joined: 2/9/2004
From: Mission, BC. Canada
Status: offline

i am a submissive, i am respectful to those that i am talking with as long as they are in turn respectful to me.

If asked if i cam within the first few minutes of saying hi, i will say no i dont cam. Same goes for voice chat.

Asking of photos is usually questionable as a well, i may give one or two but when they ask for any nudes i refuse or if they ask in trade of nudes ... i will say i want to get know whats between the ears before i want to see whats between the legs.

Also goes for the inital conversation if all they want to talk about is sex or immediately ask what my limits are i know where the conversation is heading.

Anyways be you Quiatete.

_____________________________

she gives a smile when the pain comes... the pain is gonna make everything alright.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Post #: 20

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