RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a Dom?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/19/2007 4:34:27 PM

marylynn

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quiatete

I'd like to get all forms of responses here. If you could also note how you ID, sub or slave, or however you like to ID yourself, I would appreciate that, too.

My question comes from this: I love to please. I don't like to make people frustrated or mad. I like to be respectful. In fact, being respectful is one of my number one values.

However, I talk to plenty of Doms who want me to do things like strip for them on cam within minutes of talking to me. While I know that's a little extreme, I'm finding it hard to know where to draw the line between protecting my own wants/desires/limits and being frustrating by saying that I'm submissive, while not acting it.

So any imput would be great.

Thanks!

~Sarah.

I'm submissive/slave, have been for the better part of 15 years, and always will be.

When a Dominant male or female approach me, they better respect me and my wishes, or else they can hit the exit at any time they wish.

Just because I'm a cunt, and just because I'm submissive/slave, whatever - does *not* mean I'm a doormat to be ordered around like I have no brain. If they have a problem with that, that's on them.

Stand up for what you believe in, stand up for *who* and *what* you are - if they can't respect you, then they deserve no respect.

My favorite line is: "What comes around, goes around"
I live by that.

Best of luck in your future endeavors.

(in reply to Quiatete)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/20/2007 7:58:38 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

From what I have seen on the forums, there is a huge amount of good advice but for those new subs wandering into the chat room BEWARE, this is nothing like it is in real life.
I have studied the chat rooms with amusement. Some of the females give the impression that all dominants must receive their servitude and cyber sex and some of the dominants feel it is their divine right to disrespect whoever they please.
Of course its all a little titillation and behind screen exhibitionism but it is so far removed from the real BDSM world that it is laughable.

When I am first getting to know a sub the most important criteria is that they have good self esteem. If a sub shows automatic submission then that means nothing to me. I don’t praise them for being so submissively respectful because if it is so automatic then it means they are probably willing to do this with any dominant title. Submission is earned. I want their submission because I can get into their head and they want to to submit to me. I want them to submit to me with every ounce of their being because they desire ‘me’ and not because they have some label sticking on there forehead saying ‘submissive’
You should treat online exactly the same way as you would treat real life. If you went to a BDSM club the dominants would have great respect for you and they certainly would not treat you like the local slut, unless of course that is what you want! They will talk to you in an intelligent way and get to know you the person before you the submissive. I think a good dominant should ask lots of questions and a good sub should equally ask a lot of questions.
You need to ask yourself, in real life would you take your knickers down for anyone or would you be very selective? From what I have seen in the chat rooms here, a lot of the subs seem to think they have to behave slutty and to be honest that would repel the more serious dominants.

(in reply to TooCafn8d)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/20/2007 8:13:15 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

I'm a switch who is submissive to her Daddy.

When I meet a Dom, I treat him as I'd treat pretty much anyone I met socially: with polite interest because I want to determine whether that could turn into genuine interest, later a friendly acquaintenceship, and so on. I have had polite but stern words with dominants who have treated me as though I was their submissive. I'm not. I insist on working with local kinky rules -- the rules of my club: ask first, take no for an answer, be polite, don't assume, be clear.

It's been working so far.

I also met Daddy online first: folks at our club had been posting links to their bondage.com profiles, and I hotlisted his along with a bunch of others. He noticed the bookmark, returned it in kind, and introduced himself to me when he later saw me at the club. At home I found his profile again, and responded to the conversational questions he had listed there. He's a gamer geek blacksmithing guy, so I was already pretty charmed. Our first date was at the next play party.

*shrug* A lot of this can't be verbalized, but it felt right and went really, really fast. That was nearly two years ago.

(in reply to oceangem)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: How do you present yourself when first talking to a... - 4/20/2007 11:28:36 PM

venuscoffee

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

I interview them. I do not call them sir, ma'am, master, or any other salutations. When called on the carpet for it, I tell the top that I will call him/her that in the first scene, not the first interview. It is an interview, and I'm the one asking the questions.(Okay, I worked in HR, I can't help but take over an interview) I have a right to ask the questions I need answered, as do you. Don't wait to get there to remember the questions you have to ask. I suggest you write them out. Put them in your purse. Ask even the hardest question for you to utter, ask it. It's your life in your hands.

I am calm and assertive. I handle myself like a lady. I come prepared and my cell phone is on the table or where I can reach it. The ring is set to the loudest ring, on purpose. I want him to know someone knows where I am. Under no uncertain terms am I going anywhere with the prospective top to do anything, sexual, scening or likewise. I have a safecall set up, and SHE is within a block of my meeting. SHE will show up--and SHE has shown up--if she thinks she needs to do so. If anything, to remind the Top they are not boss of me yet, and if he becomes the boss of me, he will deal with HER if anything happens to ME.

To appear meek and weak to a top is not the right attitude. You can be submissive while being calm and assertive, polite and ladylike. Be smart and informed. Ask for references. If he/she doesnt give them up then, he's not worth a second interview, date, whatever.

If you check out my journal, you'll see a list of conditions. That's been made from my experiences with dealing with Trawls, Jerks, Posers and *ssholes who think its perfectly fine to do anything like hit a woman in public to block her way from exiting a starb*cks when she basically told him she wasn't interested in him. These two times I needed a safecall, I didn't have one in place. Both times, I could have been in a real bad situation if a stranger didn't intervene. I got lucky. I wont tempt fate a third time. If I dont have a safecall set up, I don't meet a top. Plain and simple.

We can be as open and honest as we want to be, and trust me, there are Dommes who are just as evil and wrong as some Doms I've met, so please don't accuse me of being misanthropistic, but this is the internet and there are such things as sexual predators. Be your own most precious possession. Inventory all prospective Tops carefully. Handle yourself with care and have back up--safecall--in case you do need it.
venuscoffee

(in reply to oceangem)

Profile

Post #: 44