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Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 7:31:08 AM

MDJour

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I have enjoyed friendships with many many Male Doms over the years. And in my personal life I have more male friends than I do female. But why would a male Dom who wants to date Me, think it's OK to man handle Me? And commit other breaches of protocal? What is up with that?? Opinions welcome.
Kindest regards, Mistress V.

Post #: 1

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 7:38:16 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Not sure what you are meaning by a man "handle you". Handling and manhandling are very different things. If you are dating Doms, is it as a lifestyle setting, or vanilla? Do you make it clear if you only want it to be vanilla? Only a guess, but it seems to me there is some miscommunication (or lack thereof) going on.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 2

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 7:39:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Because they took a risk thinking you would find it impetuous, daring and hot. Sadly for him, the risk was not paid off.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 3

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 10:16:22 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Did you go out on a date and inform him of protocols he had to follow? Did he agree to these protocols? Or did you somehow assume that a dom would agree to act like a sub on this occasion.

He treated you like he would a woman on a vanilla date, there seemed to be chemistry, at least on his part, so he made a move hoping you would also find it hot and invite him in for some bed action.

And if you expect men to follow your protocols, it helps to tell them what they are ahead of time and ask them if they consent. If not, don't go. But don't expect a dom to act subly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 10:30:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I think we need clarification of what "handled" means here. I don't think it's subly to expect a man to keep his paws to himself other than perhaps a handshake/hug on initial dates.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 5

Clarification - 4/9/2007 10:40:18 AM

MDJour

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

This was someone whom I had spent only a little time with, one week. Then there was a local event that we were both going to at, and he had a sub coming in later during the event. I explained to him that when we attend a lifestyle event that it should be a level playing field. You can have subs there, I can too. (Although I really had planned on asking any of mine) The following scenario is what became the deal breaker for me. We met in the bar and were having a couple drinks with My friends. He asked me to step outside with him. So we went out and he lead me around to an empty conference room, pushed me over in the corner kissing me hard.... and pulling my hair back extrememly hard. I told him to stop which meant nothing, so I slapped his face back and forth numerous times and he finally let go. I had told him that due to the circumstances of having his sub there, I would see him there just as a friend. True, rushing into something without enough communication is the problem here. But the breach of protocal that my friends witnessed and were shocked by, was later when I came off the elevator, he was waiting there for me and I said I really had to go somewhere else, he slapped my ass right in the elevator lobby. I'm not the kind to dignify should ridiculous behavior with an answer.
More comments are welcome here.
Graciously, Mistress V.

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 6

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 10:41:51 AM

MDJour

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I did not expect him to act like a sub, I just didn't want him to act like a cave man..... see my post titled clarification

< Message edited by MDJour -- 4/9/2007 10:48:09 AM >

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 7

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 10:46:05 AM

MDJour

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I told him it would be best if you treated each other as friends during this event. But read my clarification below and tell me what you think.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 8

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 10:49:04 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well you have a rather heftige set of macguffies there, so you ain't gonna be easy to move around in any case, but more to the point, how are you going to clarify something below your current post?

That kinda magic, I gotta see.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 9

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 10:56:42 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

I think you already know this guy, it just shocked you because you didn’t see it sooner. There are a lot of D’s with delicate egos, they may be huge egos but can be crushed with a powder puff. This guy cannot get enough conquest to fill the hole of inadequacy he feels deep inside. He most likely has a large collection of subs and is always on the hunt for more. Nevertheless the greatest boon to his ego would be showing a Domme her sub side. He feels that would be the crowning jewel in his headspace of uber domliness.

There is no cure for this sort of thing and most who suffer from it lack the discipline to identify it, work through it, and find a good place with it. The irony is they can be dynamic charismatic individuals who have life experiences and a life style that others would envy, but they cannot see their forest for the trees. It is the same for each sex and both sides of the kneel. It is just more prolific amongst male D’s.
Personally I have nothing to gain from trying to assert dominance upon a Domme and a lot to lose. The most painful loss would be that of a good friend, confidant, and peer.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 10

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 11:03:34 AM

Argentopal

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline

This was rude and boorish in any situation and the person in question should not be considered a dom or a gentleman, fir he is the antithisis of both.
But that's just my take on it. I would probably have not stopped at the smacks, but would have spoken to event organizers about the behavior, as it was not called for in any stretch of the imagination. But again, that's just me.

_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.

~Surrender without Fear~
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(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 11

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 11:03:42 AM

Slavetrainer2007

Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline

From a male Dom point of view, he overstepped his bounds.
Again from a male dom prospective, "no" has multiple meanings to many of us. No to me can mean:
1) No
2)im moving to fast.( usually in play)
3)Try a different approach or route. ( usually with new experiences)
4) YES!
5) i really want you to but want to "pretend" to resist
6) Various other things.

These are not definations i gave "no" these are definations that have been implied by subs/women. Hence it is sometimes confusing( and i get my head bit off about it on some occassions) to know what you mean by no... not all NOs mean no.

IN this case it looked pretty obvious it was no and he was out of line. of course i wasnt their so i dont know.

I always found a dom couple being togather is like walking through a mine field. you have two dom personalities, this is like putting two bulls in a pen with 1 cow.

But perhaps you should define if you say no it only means no and in no way shape form or circumstance does it mean anything but no. and if thats changes you will let him know. Then you have clearly explained to him No is no and nothing else so back the hell off.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 12

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 11:22:26 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Any person who takes "no" to mean anything BUT "no" before the point of spending a lot of time with them, having a lot of intimacy with them and being almost precognitive on what their response will be is just an idiot asking for trouble.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)

Post #: 13

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 12:06:14 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I think you already know this guy, it just shocked you because you didn’t see it sooner. There are a lot of D’s with delicate egos, they may be huge egos but can be crushed with a powder puff. This guy cannot get enough conquest to fill the hole of inadequacy he feels deep inside. He most likely has a large collection of subs and is always on the hunt for more. Nevertheless the greatest boon to his ego would be showing a Domme her sub side. He feels that would be the crowning jewel in his headspace of uber domliness.

There is no cure for this sort of thing and most who suffer from it lack the discipline to identify it, work through it, and find a good place with it. The irony is they can be dynamic charismatic individuals who have life experiences and a life style that others would envy, but they cannot see their forest for the trees. It is the same for each sex and both sides of the kneel. It is just more prolific amongst male D’s.
Personally I have nothing to gain from trying to assert dominance upon a Domme and a lot to lose. The most painful loss would be that of a good friend, confidant, and peer.

You stated it perfectly Troll. To the OP I think you should call him on it and tell him if he cannot act like a gentleman and stop manhandling you then perhaps your paths must part. I personally do not like to be manhandled and I will let them know in a heartbeat to cease the gross behavior or we no longer have anything to do with each other. As Troll said your "friend" sounds like he has a very fragile ego and is used to women groveling at his feet, you need to show him that you are not the type who grovels.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 14

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 12:19:44 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

the gross behavior

~Lashra

Thank you ~Lashara. I isolated the above because "vulgar" displays of dominance really squick me and I think you probably feel the same. In all regards of D/s I detest a vulgar display of dominance being exhibited in public. I feel it is truly a weak D that needs to display such things outside of a private setting or other lifestyle people (munches, parties). Perhaps that is what I found so offensive with the OPs scenario, and the fact he showed a complete lack of respect for her.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 15

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 1:10:48 PM

MDJour

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Thank you Lashra and Troll, this is precisely the path I intend to take. I appreciate everyones words of wisdom in this matter.
Graciously,
Mistress V.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 16

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 1:50:22 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Speaking as someone who has dated and does date female dominants sometimes as equals sometimes as the most glorious of submissives, I find what he did beyond the pale and if he was in my local area I would deal with him harshly. I would first dress him down privately and if he admitted the mistake I would simply request he appologize. I feel that if he can set his ego aside before me as well as having the humanity to appologize, he should be given a second chance. HOWEVER, if he got all pissy with me I would ban his ass instantly and permanently PERIOD.

On the two occasions I have reached out and yanked a Dommes hair like that, the first was after a bit of indirect flirting filled with innuendo and was met with "oh god but not here" and the other "back away or this knife will be going home with you" which I of course did begging forgiveness, the begging was because it was a 12" chefs knife and the forgiveness because I had either read the clues wrong or should have waited till I got her alone.

However, you seem to have laid out the groundwork pretty clear and while the first instance could simply be due to your ample charms the second incident was the sort that if you were with me, he would have been leaving ON his shield as they say. That was a seriously fucked up thing to do and as Troll says, the guy is an insecure little pathetic shit of a man.

edited to ad: I have the UTMOST respect for female dominants and in NO way consider them to be submissives in waiting or any of that kind of bullshit.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 4/9/2007 1:55:06 PM >

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 17

RE: Clarification - 4/9/2007 2:58:24 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

You were far more patient than I would have been, Mistress V.
I favor the bitch slap to the face approach in such circumstances.

Regards,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 18

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 3:09:58 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Seems to me that you both had expectations of eachother and niether of you wanted to give in to the other. If you were having an intimate relationship with this guy, what makes you think he should change his ways just because the two of you were going to an event together? You seem to think that just because you wanted to change the dynamic around on him he should've just gone along with it. Guess you were wrong.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to MDJour)

Post #: 19

RE: Man Handled.... - 4/9/2007 3:52:44 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I'm unsure if you had spent the last week with him, or just dated him once during that prior week. If you had been 24/7 with him and enjoyed hair pulling during intimate hours, then you needed to be clearer as to what you needed public behavior to be if you would go with him. You don't enjoy any pda's but many people do so if you hadn't expressed this prior and in detail he wouldn't have understood.

However if you had only had one date with him during which he was a perfect gentleman, certainly his actions were unacceptable.

In either case, the second action is inexcusable. Once you've already slapped somebody to get away, there is no excuse for him to grab you again. Not somebody I'd be willing to see privately ever again.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 20

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