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RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/11/2007 4:24:11 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn: Your profile pic is cute. It makes you look like a real person, and isn't staged or fakey, IMO. I also like the way your profile text reads, and it's obvious you are an intelligent guy w/much to offer a Domme. I would certainly not take my profile down, if I were you. Just hang in, IMO, and ease up on feeling an urgency as far as the "hunt" goes.

Personally, I decided after my recent debacle w/a  prospective Dominant in early March, that I am holding off my own "hunt" until I feel more optimistic, and less vulnerable. I felt burned by the whole ordeal. It may be a month or two, before I am officially "seeking" again. Until then, though, I intend to have fun w/my single life, and go out w/friends, etc. 

Although I will say: What about friends turning into possibly more? I know I myself have one friendship, w/one particular guy right now, where I can see this possibly blossoming into more. I'd be thrilled if this happened, but am hesitant to approach him (I've tossed out hints, but am down-playing being very aggressive about the idea. So far, anyway).

I don't want to put this other person under any "pressure" and possibly "jinx" things. Of course whatever happens is up to him as well (and I am not altogether clear how he feels about the idea - yet).

I don't care either way, and want to stay friends w/him, regardless, but - the "friends turning into more" idea is one possibility, maybe this idea would work for you as well. Although I do want to tread carefully, as far as how I proceed with this, lest I really screw up the very valuable (to me) friendship part (I absolutely do not want to do that).

But - at least I already know he seems very trustworthy, he's cute, nice, intelligent, and that we "click" as people (at least as friends, we do), etc.

So maybe something like that idea that could work for you? I am not sure what exactly you are seeking, as far as a partner is concerned, other than that she needs to be a Domme (no offense intended at all, truly, at all, by that observation).

That is kind of a shame too, IMO - because you've done an excellent job, IMO of saying what you have to offer someone yourself. So - maybe expound on what that is (what you seek in return) a little more, in your profile? Seriously.

IMO, stating what it is you are seeking in a partner, isn't "wrong" simply because someone is a submissive. Everyone has criteria for a partner, IMO. As long as someone is polite when they state what their criteria are, I can't see what would ever be wrong with stating what they seek in a partner, in a profile (even at some length), either.

Also (and this may sound "sneaky" and is not the complete reason I'd ever state my own criteria for a partner in a profile) But -

if you do expound on your  own "partner criteria" (at least a wee bit) it makes it seem that you really do care what the other person is like, and you yourself are clear on what you seek - and also it weeds out any completely "unsuitable" types. So it might help you to expound on that a bit more? *regardless of whether you currently feel deluged w/responses, or not. 

Just my "two cents". Frankly, I can't believe someone hasn't snatched you up already (really). Good luck to you.



- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/11/2007 5:10:48 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/11/2007 5:24:12 PM   
CandleInTheWind


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		In good time things will come to you.

Or at least that is my hope...for all of us to find the one that makes our hearts flutter and our minds peaceful.  It has proven to be that way for me....the harder i look it feels as though my intended were hiding...when i walk out intot he world self assured and with self confidence...potential suitors pour from the walls beseaching me.

Work on yourself and then when you are all that you truely are then and only then will the right one pass your path.

It is my hope that your crossroads is not a far one, and i wish you the wisdom to know when that person does truly come across your path.  Perhaps the wait will clarify your needs and wants. 
Best wishes

red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/11/2007 5:56:44 PM   
slcsub


Posts: 31
Joined: 4/9/2007
Status: offline 		Well, as someone who just joined the site yesterday in hopes of finding someone or become deeper involved within the BDSM community, your post doesn't inspire much confidence.

Please keep looking; I can't imagine it's any worse for you in California than it is for me in Utah.

Good Luck,
- don

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/11/2007 9:17:20 PM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		 I think that what you're seeking is probably right under your nose and maybe has been the whole time but you're missing her. It's also possible that the timing just hasn't been right. Or it could be that you've been carrying a torch for a former partner all of this time and really haven't been ready for a serious, meaningful commitment to serve another.

And are you so certain you would even recognize her if she appeared before you? Perhaps she isn't clothed in your exact expectations. Perhaps you'll need to actually look beneath the surface of what you're perceiving is this oh-so-perfect "One for you." I assure you that the right dominant woman is going to be far from what you think she ought to be but in being who she is, she'll be amazingly perfect just for you.

Of course if you're so disillusioned that you're just going to give up and throw in the towel completely, I guess you really will be destined to a life of lamenting "what might have been..."

It's a shame, sarbonn. I honestly never got the impression that you're the quitter type.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 12:10:02 AM   
MasterTonyS


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Finding someone is HARD if you are a man.  I am sure there are any number of dominants on here who get more responses than I do but I am still happy on those days my inbox is red. <snippage>  Finding that one woman is never easy but it is always worth it.


Too true, too true...

For Us, it is the search for the needle in the haystack, only this haystack is a mile high and 10 miles in diameter. Of course it would be so easy to torch the stack, but then again, the needle would probably melt in the fire...

_____________________________

Giggity-giggity, Giggity goo...

All Right...

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 12:50:57 AM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Gosh...am sorry littlesarbonn...for a few of the others on this forum.  I didn't mistake your post for a whine at all.   I don't attend that many munches locally, and as for being a part of the BDSM community in my city or state, my hat is off to you because you are more actively involved than I am.  I don't go to many munches or most of the local group sponsored public play parties.  There is basically one kind of public party I will attend, but that is a great group of people that are not exactly affiliated with the big groups here.  It kind of splintered off from the big groups.  There was a need for it.  Now don't get me wrong, some people that attend are members of the big local groups as well.  I also go to a SIG meeting, which means special interest group meet.  The reason I don't attend the other things here is because of some of the huge egos involved in the groups.  I am sure it is prevalent everywhere.  I just can't seem to understand why one person's way is better than anothers.  Some of the groups here are downright clickish, and they make fun of others or look down their noses at them.   I just don't like it, not my cup of tea.  So I stick to the things I like.  I also attend very private and very,very small, play parties here as well. 

I know if I had to drive a 4 hour round trip to attend events, I would probably go about once every 3 months if even that.  Life gets in the way of road trips sometimes.  I also seriously doubt that if I attended a munch 2 hours away and met someone there...that we would get to see each often enough for a great relationship to blossom.  I love the ability to meet on a regular basis, even just for coffee, lunch or whatever.  The distance of 2 hours would preclude that happening easily.

Please don't deactivate your profile, just leave it up and check it from time to time.  Fiddle around with it and change some things over time, but only if you want.  Never know what you may type in the future, might work.  Also, I never thought your pics were creepy.    Take care and good luck to you!

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 12:52:23 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn,

i haven't read the entire thread, but i would like to say that your pics and your profile are both a joy to see, regardless of whether the one reading is seeking a submissive male or not. at least, i like the fact that they're there.

you can have a profile and not be actively seeking, you can have a profile and just read email if/when it comes in without worrying about that stuff they call searching. there's no expiration date on the uncollared...there's no prescriptive amount of time you should search and wait. to me, in terms of the vanilla dating world, it's kind of like the difference between actively trying to meet possible mates everywhere you can and just going places you'd normally go and if you meet somebody that's good and if you don't, you don't. you can be open to a prospect without chasing it down.

my point is, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. (well, for some people, maybe it does, and maybe you're one of those people. but i don't think it should be all or nothing. a lot of people don't realize how fun that grey area in between can be.)

annabelle.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 1:26:54 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slcsub

Well, as someone who just joined the site yesterday in hopes of finding someone or become deeper involved within the BDSM community, your post doesn't inspire much confidence.

Please keep looking; I can't imagine it's any worse for you in California than it is for me in Utah.

Good Luck,
- don


Well, please don't let me dissatisfaction of my own search dissuade you in any way of thinking you you might find what you're seeking here. My situation is probably a little more reflective of me and my personality more than a generic sense of how this happens to everyone else. Keep in mind, a LOT of people have succeeded in finding what they are seeking. As mentioned before, I really don't want this thread to sound like a complaint or some kind of generalization that things are bad in any way.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to slcsub)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 4:06:11 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I've read through this thread, and I agree with what Tammyjo said. (Shift your goal.)

I find I am able to make all sorts of connections to other people. But, the key for me is thinking small:

a. I'd like to meet someone who can discuss books;
b. I need a movie mate;
c. I want a new tennis partner;
d. I want a kink oriented friend.

If I set my mind to any one of these, I'm optimistic I can succeed. When I make a new friend, I just get juiced.

On the other hand, if I wanted to meet "the one," I think I might get discouraged rather quickly.

In sum, avoid goals that might lead you on a depressive spiral. Depression makes you your own worst enemy, so you need to throw it off --- and a good way to do that is to feel more empowered about what you decide to do. Thinking small can help you get there.


(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 6:38:00 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		One of the things I've learned in my short walk on this mudball is that you always manage to find what you're looking for when you stop looking. Try that.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 7:10:51 PM   
Nick19WV


Posts: 35
Joined: 1/25/2007
From: Parkersburg, West Virginia
Status: offline 		I been searching for a Mistress for several months and everytime I contact them they say give me "tribute". In my opinion I think it's hard to find someone because all they care about is money.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/12/2007 10:37:22 PM   
Hrafnkel


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/9/2007
Status: offline 		Heh... after oh, about eight years of being involved in D/s I quit it, women, and relationships altogeather. Then my slave popped up and changed my mind. So I'm probably a bad person to talk. But on the upside I do have alot of great experiences to look back on and many former relationships that are now treasured friends. I don't know why they put up with me without the chains to hold them in place. So... erm... I guess don't be discouraged?

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/13/2007 2:36:27 AM   
m0rgan


Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		maybe one just keeps looking? i have not even had any "false starts" yet, but one can't just stick an advert up and expect a response immediately from someone that exactly fits your shopping list! i have seen quite a few profiles that sound interesting (if true) and contacted those that strike a chord, some have responded, some not, some didn't even read my message! i guess i'd be happy to just play mutually acceptable games with people that might be compatible, but that possibility hasn't yet arisen. maybe the site is more heavily loaded towards dom's or contented people, and the others here have a large proportion of fakers??  

(in reply to Hrafnkel)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: How long do you keep on going before you give up th... - 4/13/2007 2:52:24 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		The only time I should give up is the last time that I was sucessful in what I attempted.

Just how much do you feel you deserve it?

Ross
©º°¨¨°º©

(in reply to m0rgan)
Profile   Post #: 74
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