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Anger?? - 4/13/2007 3:44:40 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings to Dominants and submissives,
 
I've been involved in scenes for almost 9 years now, and one thing I have yet to feel or experience is "anger" for a lack of a better term.
 
I often hear of submissives that "want to fight back", "call names" etc, in the face of anger (if this is the proper title of emotion).
 
I'm of the belief to feel as much as you can and experience as much as you can, so I am very curious of what would get me to this raw emotion, what would evoke these types of reactions.
 
But bottom line, if you have experienced these things in scenes, how does it compare to your temperment in day-to-day life as a submissive?
 
Are you easier to provoke in scenes because you are easily provoked in daily routine..or vice versa?
 
For me, I am extremely slow to anger and wonder if this is the reason hard to find the buttons in a scene...
 
I understand there's not a cookie cutter approach to submissives, and all things vary upon individuals, but I would greatly appreciate you (from both sides of the kneel) enlightening my ignorance and longing for the feel..
 
Always,
~curious~aka george

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 3:49:56 PM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a bit on the cold side as well-takes a lot to get my goat. In scenes? I usually don't stir the pot that way-I'm either going for pure control, or something sensual in nature. If someone is emotionally calm, it merely takes some imagination to stir them up-buttons are like anything you find with people-they take time to find.

I have a question for you then. Are you aware of what yours are?

And willing to trust someone enough to take off the cover?

What's in it for you?

(in reply to curiouslyseeking)
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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 3:56:53 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		It is not anger for me.  At first I thought it was, but it really springs from annoyance, aggression and just pure enjoyment.  He likes to push the buttons of annoyance and aggression with me; it amuses him very much.  We often end up laughing because of it.

With certain things I am quick to get annoyed and I can be rather moody.  However, I maintain strict control of my behavior.  This is what he expects; I am to behave appropriately no matter what emotions I am feeling at the time or how strong they are.  In play, it is my opportunity to let go of that control and just react.  I find it very freeing and it relieves a lot of stress for me (though I get this same relief from going to the gym).

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 3:59:46 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		For me, I'm an emotional person by nature...that includes my temper. And, I'm an emotional submissive...stoicism is not my cup of tea.
 
During play, I prefer that anything but anger be tapped. In fact, the only scene that my Daddy and I ever discontinued was because I was getting angry. Even after discussing it, we're still not sure what buttons He pushed. It's never happened again.
 
I have seen people use anger as catharsis during scenes, but I suppose, it just doesn't suit me or our dynamic. Certainly, I've let other things go during a scene, but I find that anger numbs me to every other emotion and keeps me from being able to enjoy the other variants other emotions bring to the table.

< Message edited by spanklette -- 4/13/2007 4:00:49 PM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:01:24 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Stranger1

quote:

I'm a bit on the cold side as well-takes a lot to get my goat.


Is this actually cold, or are you able to convert anger?

quote:

In scenes? I usually don't stir the pot that way-I'm either going for pure control, or something sensual in nature.


~interesting~ reflecting back, I can understand this..and wonder what other possible things the Dominants go for in scenes...(hijacking my own thread)

quote:

If someone is emotionally calm, it merely takes some imagination to stir them up-buttons are like anything you find with people-they take time to find.


This I understand..


quote:

I have a question for you then. Are you aware of what yours are?


I'm a introspective, reflective, responsive person.  I have been so fortunate that I have been able to find many buttons..but not for anger and no one has lead me in that direction.

quote:

And willing to trust someone enough to take off the cover?


Yes, no doubt.

quote:

What's in it for you?

Having a better understanding of myself, and the added bonus, a feel that has not been experienced.  I am a sensualist, almost to a religion, (indulgence of the senses to find happiness)
 
Thank you for your response and insight,
~curious~
 



_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:02:09 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

For me, I am extremely slow to anger and wonder if this is the reason hard to find the buttons in a scene...
 


sometimes is just because the person that plays you doesn't want to hit those buttons.

Myself.. I take pleasure by hitting those buttons.  I do it to alandra and kyra all the time.   But, it has been my observation that few Tops actually like to see that type of aggression/anger turn towards them in the play.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:03:26 PM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I have yet to actually get angry during a scene. I have done some scenes with specific people where they fought me, called me a fucking bitch (among other choice things) and I either laughed my ass or "sounded" like I was angry just to mess with their head.

Tigress~FL

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:09:56 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Anger flows from fear of the unknown (ignorance), fear of loss (attachment), fear of threat to survival (loss of life -- physical or ego), subconsciously repeating past pattyerns of abuse inflicted by others, etc. Basically, get stupid scared, and you can find anger.

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:20:29 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

It is not anger for me.  At first I thought it was, but it really springs from annoyance, aggression and just pure enjoyment.  He likes to push the buttons of annoyance and aggression with me; it amuses him very much.  We often end up laughing because of it.

With certain things I am quick to get annoyed and I can be rather moody.  However, I maintain strict control of my behavior.  This is what he expects; I am to behave appropriately no matter what emotions I am feeling at the time or how strong they are.  In play, it is my opportunity to let go of that control and just react.  I find it very freeing and it relieves a lot of stress for me (though I get this same relief from going to the gym).

Knight's kyra


Hello kyra,,,,,
 
Now where were you when I was trying to verbalize this???  (grin)...
 
"anger" just didn't fit quite well....annoyance and aggression are much better descriptive terms...glad you know where I am going with this...
 
So, if I am understanding you correctly, you are easily annoyed in and out of scenes, the difference being control in daily life versus "letting go" of control in scenes?...
 
I understand the gym being beneficial in so many ways...I once read an article comparing workouts with bdsm...would love to find that article again...
 
Thank you for responding,
~curious~
 
 

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:20:44 PM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		I'm schooled in looking into reactions by my experiences as a Top. How I react is up to me-and I need not process input as it is intended.

Control during a scene is my primal motivation-my trigger. I see it as fun-not some onerous duty call..........."true slaves" need not apply-I have other religious feelings I owe primary allegiance to-not a "lifestyle" based on some fantasy. That's a fine and dnady thing for those who are trilled by it-But my twue master days pretty much ended when I looked in the mirror-and saw this bufoon looking back...............I still haven't stopped laughing-and the laughter keeps that man far away from me these days.

Life is about joy, and connections.

And anger is about fear-and I no longer well in those principalities.

They were not places where I was happy.


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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:24:08 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

For me, I'm an emotional person by nature...that includes my temper. And, I'm an emotional submissive...stoicism is not my cup of tea.
 
During play, I prefer that anything but anger be tapped. In fact, the only scene that my Daddy and I ever discontinued was because I was getting angry. Even after discussing it, we're still not sure what buttons He pushed. It's never happened again.
 
I have seen people use anger as catharsis during scenes, but I suppose, it just doesn't suit me or our dynamic. Certainly, I've let other things go during a scene, but I find that anger numbs me to every other emotion and keeps me from being able to enjoy the other variants other emotions bring to the table.


Hello spanklette,
 
always enjoy your input...
 
wow, if I felt something that was unusual, I would want to know all the 5 w's..who, what, when where and how..and bring it on again....
 
So, if I am understanding you, you are easy to provoke out of scenes, but not so easily in scenes (since only experienced one time?)
 
See?  you understand what this raw emotion would do to you...at this point,  I can only speculate for me...
 
Thank you,
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


(in reply to spanklette)
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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:26:31 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		If you really want to get angry call me and I can have you pissed off by supper!

Slurp!

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TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:27:23 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Anger is simply fear redirected (or love dissapointed, if you listen to the Eagles). Perhaps you've simply never explored a fear through scene work. Perhaps you redirect it in another way. I know that there are places that I could go where I would react in anger...but there have been many more where I've reacted in or simply experienced fear. One such time was so intense I had to sit on the floor and root myself so that I didn't go hide in the corner under the table. No one was doing anything to me; I'd simply been pierced. It was pretty powerful. (ok, so they were 12 gauge hooks...but hey...)

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:27:29 PM   
hawkwolf7


Posts: 85
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

For me, I am extremely slow to anger and wonder if this is the reason hard to find the buttons in a scene...
 


sometimes is just because the person that plays you doesn't want to hit those buttons.

Myself.. I take pleasure by hitting those buttons.  I do it to alandra and kyra all the time.   But, it has been my observation that few Tops actually like to see that type of aggression/anger turn towards them in the play.


I agree with KoM.  Anger play, usually as a component of resistance play is pretty atypical.  I remember the first time I stumbled into it, I was a little freaked out.  I thought I had done something wrong.  I also think it is atypical because some submissives believe they should have better control than to let those emotions out.  But, over time, I have come to love that type of play.  From the top side, you have to get over that knee-jerk reaction to their anger.  When they get pissed off, just smile or laugh, and push them back down on the cross again. (Just writing about it puts me in my happy place :).  For me, it isn't about annoying them, it is about pushing the boundaries of their self-control... for them to discover they will be able to survive out there, that the world won't end, and that at least one person will be there with them, and will still like/love them after it's over.

I find these types of scenes very intense.  The emotional content is simply much higher than your garden variety scene.  And that means the energy exchange is much higher as well.  It is fulfilling and satisfying in the same way a milestone scene (one where the submissive overcomes an internal barrier), only ten times more intense.

I can't really address it from the submissive side, other than share the concerns that have arisen.  The most common concern is that they are afraid they will come off the cross and hurt me.  I tell them that I would take it as a compliment, because I was able to push them to the point that they would do something that their rational mind would never consider doing.  And as long as they didn't break something (arm or leg or whatever) then I would call it a good scene.

Of course, these kind of scenes are not interesting with a submissive who is always out of control, just those who aren't.

This response ended up being alot more scattered than I usually prefer, but I need to stop and finish my taxes.  If I wasn't clear, or offended someone... blame the IRS!

HawkWolf

_____________________________

p.s. Everything I write is simply one person's opinion: mine. Feel free to take what is useful and blow off the rest.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:27:54 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

For me, I am extremely slow to anger and wonder if this is the reason hard to find the buttons in a scene...
 


sometimes is just because the person that plays you doesn't want to hit those buttons.

Myself.. I take pleasure by hitting those buttons.  I do it to alandra and kyra all the time.   But, it has been my observation that few Tops actually like to see that type of aggression/anger turn towards them in the play.


Hello KoM,
 
Glad you could come out this evening..
 
Sure, but most of the people I've scened with have been more than happy to oblige a feel..and have been able successfully to feel many many things....abandonment, lost, fear..etc.. but haven't found those "A" buttons.
 
I would like to hear reasoning from other Dominants why they wouldnt want to go there with a submissive that asks nicely..
 
Thank you,
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:30:17 PM   
Stranger1


Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		My only reservation would be if it became "real" beyond the scene.

It has to end at the door.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:30:23 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

If you really want to get angry call me and I can have you pissed off by supper!

Slurp!


(laughing)...you do cyber anger management or tele-anger?
 
Charge by the hour or the emotion?
 
Love it!
1-900-troll-hate/love line..

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:31:45 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

So, if I am understanding you correctly, you are easily annoyed in and out of scenes, the difference being control in daily life versus "letting go" of control in scenes?...
 
I understand the gym being beneficial in so many ways...I once read an article comparing workouts with bdsm...would love to find that article again...
 
Thank you for responding,
~curious~ 


My pleasure.

It is only with some things that I am easily annoyed in daily life.  Most things don't bother me much.  Within play he focuses on the things he knows annoys me and he pushes the button over and over until I push back.

I would love to see that article too; if you ever find it can you let me know?

Have a great weekend.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:31:47 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		The oddest thing happened to me about a year or so ago.  He started digging deeper and deeper into me emotionally while using me and playing with me.  He found a trigger button that brought up intense rage - - as though all the rage I had held in throughout my childhood (it wasn't really a fun one) and in the years to pass, had begun to rise to the surface.  I was in this place of subspace and just went ballistic - out of control madness.  He let it continue for awhile and then brought me back safely. It scared the hell out of me, and we talked of it at great length afterward. 

He would tap into that from time to time, and the same thing would always occur, although with less intensity each time, as though letting steam out of the pressure cooker, until the anger was gone.  Completely gone.  Cripes it was better than therapy!  Now he takes me to that place and what comes out is an animalistic, primal response. We call it my inner beast.  No anger there at all, just intense lust, passion and energy rising up and taking over.  I love it, he loves it, and it renders me totally exhausted, lol.  Yay!

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 4:32:00 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL

I have yet to actually get angry during a scene. I have done some scenes with specific people where they fought me, called me a fucking bitch (among other choice things) and I either laughed my ass or "sounded" like I was angry just to mess with their head.

Tigress~FL



Thank you Tigress...

I understand...most things convert into a "turn on"  
 
I'll let ya know how it feels when I get there.
 
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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Profile   Post #: 20
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