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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 5:54:15 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		One of the things I've had to learn in my regular life is how to assert myself without emotion.  If I let my emotions surface, it seems I lose ground and can't take care of the things I need to take care of.  For example, my um is severly disabled and as a baby was medically fragile.  I've made too many trips to the hospital with him for seizures and respiratory issues.  Just a month or so ago, I found out he was blind, something that happened at birth, but we didn't know about for 13 years.  In the face of all this tragedy, I've had to be my um's advocate and protect his interests and, paradoxically enough, its an area where there's no place for feeling and emotion. 

When I was scening regularly, the emotion that tended to surface in intense scenes was sadness rather than anger.  At one point, a dominant I was involved with decided I needed to learn to fight back and get mad.  It was awful because I didn't know what he was doing and because, at that point, I never would have wanted to hurt him.  I can put on a show of anger if I'm threatened and have to scare someone (There used to be this drug addict that lived next door...I scared him off.) buts its a very calculated and strategic performance I enact with a clear goal.  Its rare that I have to go there with anyone because most people respond to cold firmness.  My point is that anger's not my driving emotion so its tears more than rage that come out.

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 4/13/2007 5:56:00 PM >

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 5:56:41 PM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
LMAO... oh yeah this can be a blast... I recall an situation where I put my Beret on denika's head while we played and told her not to drop it.  Understand.. that at the time denika's hands were tied above her head and her feet was tied down on to a wobble board.  Well eventually the Beret fell off.. and I flipped on her... And told her to pick up my hat...... mmmmmmm she struggled.. but got her foot lose and pickup it up with her toes.  I think there was a few sorrys in there too.


Great idea, I love it!!! I tend to do things like place something loosely in their mouth, lean in and say (in a very stern voice) "Don't you dare drop this" then I will step back, do some "light" teasing with a paddle, cane, or whatever before I lean back in and say, "Plus you are going to have to count each stroke" This is hilarious as they attempt to hold the item in their mouth AND count out loud... when they finally drop it... I act like I am furious until they get it back in their mouth ONLY to have to start counting again lolol

Tigress~FL

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 6:27:44 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

At one point, a dominant I was involved with decided I needed to learn to fight back and get mad.  It was awful because I didn't know what he was doing and because, at that point, I never would have wanted to hurt him. 


Greetings gypsygrl,
 
I believe this is also part of the intrigue for me..the inner-confusion of feeling the emotion, not familiar with how to handle it, and the not being in control...
 
All very enticing for a "feeling" addict (smile)
 
~curious georgette~

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 7:12:16 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
LMAO... oh yeah this can be a blast... I recall an situation where I put my Beret on denika's head while we played and told her not to drop it.  Understand.. that at the time denika's hands were tied above her head and her feet was tied down on to a wobble board.  Well eventually the Beret fell off.. and I flipped on her... And told her to pick up my hat...... mmmmmmm she struggled.. but got her foot lose and pickup it up with her toes.  I think there was a few sorrys in there too.



I don't think I have ever apologized for anything that much in my life, I was mortified that I had dropped that damn hat .
What was even worse was after all the effort to get my feet out of the duct tape and get the hat.....alandra asks...'why didn't you just undo the wrist restraints? They are velcro"   Du'oh!!!!!  


denika

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 7:14:19 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
LMAO... oh yeah this can be a blast... I recall an situation where I put my Beret on denika's head while we played and told her not to drop it.  Understand.. that at the time denika's hands were tied above her head and her feet was tied down on to a wobble board.  Well eventually the Beret fell off.. and I flipped on her... And told her to pick up my hat...... mmmmmmm she struggled.. but got her foot lose and pickup it up with her toes.  I think there was a few sorrys in there too.



I don't think I have ever apologized for anything that much in my life, I was mortified that I had dropped that damn hat .
What was even worse was after all the effort to get my feet out of the duct tape and get the hat.....alandra asks...'why didn't you just undo the wrist restraints? They are velcro"   Du'oh!!!!!  


denika


Hats off to you, denika
 
 

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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 10:58:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

But bottom line, if you have experienced these things in scenes, how does it compare to your temperment in day-to-day life as a submissive?

There's a more primal energy from the source sort of thing going on in a scene.

In life it's a specific situation which has provoked it and needs to be dealt with- the anger has a purpose, a need.  In a scene, it's just a rising tide of energy with a bent on anger.
quote:

 
Are you easier to provoke in scenes because you are easily provoked in daily routine..or vice versa?

I'm easier to provoke in scenes because scenes are not rational real life situations in which I need to keep myself distanced and strictly under control.

quote:

 
For me, I am extremely slow to anger and wonder if this is the reason hard to find the buttons in a scene...

Quite possibly.

I'm quite slow to anger and quite difficult to enrage- but there are specific buttons (like threatening my partner or my nephews with actual danger) and past issues of lack of control which are certain to push them.

Trying to compare rational dealing with life issues with irrational scene space issues is always a tricky deal.  I've never had a scene in which I INTENDED things to be primal or angry, usually it's just how the energy rises up and it's not very common. 

http://www.collarchat.com/m_584154/mpage_1/key_anger/tm.htm#584247
Primal Zone

http://www.collarchat.com/m_403611/mpage_1/key_primal/tm.htm#403617
Resistance, force, primal, wrestling, play rape, etc?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_336357/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#336362
Fighting back

http://www.collarchat.com/m_257243/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#257283
Fighting back for fun!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_157286/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#157426
Fighting Back

http://www.collarchat.com/m_139472/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#139477
A challenging submissive

http://www.collarchat.com/m_110661/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#110673
Force

http://www.collarchat.com/m_76392/mpage_1/key_force%2Cplay/tm.htm
The premise of forced play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_214517/mpage_1/key_primal/tm.htm#214524
Releasing the beast within

http://www.collarchat.com/m_153621/mpage_1/key_primal/tm.htm#153823
Rage


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RE: Anger?? - 4/13/2007 11:09:38 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

Anger flows from fear of the unknown (ignorance), fear of loss (attachment), fear of threat to survival (loss of life -- physical or ego), subconsciously repeating past pattyerns of abuse inflicted by others, etc. Basically, get stupid scared, and you can find anger.


What he said.
We've had anger jump out of a scene unexpected. Just stumbled accross a button of mine. It was the first time ever, he'd slapped me around the face in play. Shit, 0 - 100 in 2 seconds came my anger. I got stupidly scared and found anger. His reaction to my anger was increased lust. We stopped play. We were unsure where we were heading. And backed off at that time. At other times, we have delved. It seems a very 'primal' type of play. Allmost feral. Its a lovely emotion to play with. But you have to trust the person that they are not 'angry with you' or that you are not 'angry with them', lots of 'foreplay' are the right run up to this level of play for me. Its not one to just toss across the room at a sub and expect her to swim. Not yet for me anyhow.
gurgle and grin

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 4:34:47 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i can honestly say i have never felt anger toward a Dom or Master or play partner but then i tend to internalize, take blame even when unwarranted and otherwise direct negativity toward myself rather than toward others.  i can't see where either direction (inward or outward) is beneficial and since i see this flaw in myself i work very hard to find a way to dissapate negativity rather than share it in any direction.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 5:01:38 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		OMG! gypsygirl, I am so sorry about your son. I know this isn't the topic, just want to let you know I realize that indeed seems like a lot to contend with. My heart goes out to you. Good luck, and I'll say some prayers...

As for me re: This thread topic - I do get truly angry, but it is a very occasional thing. I tend to let things "store up" for a long while, re: Any situation that is bugging me, and then one day just really explode. I realize that is partly due to my personality, and isn't maybe altogether healthy, but I really hate fighting.

It does work for me, and basically, since I do abhor fighting, arguing, and general nit-picking, something has to really be a "deal" for me to get really ticked, and explode.

Otherwise, If I am irritated, I tend to use mild sarcasm to deal, or else just walk away from someone, and leave them to their own devices, if I am angry w/them and they "won't communicate" and try to solve things in what I consider to be more mature manner. I will usually (depending on the situation) try to talk something out w/someone, before things reach any kind of "make or break it" point, in a LT  relationship (or even a shorter, less significant one). 

I also find that I get sad, and cry about a frustrating situation, more often than I am angry about it, usually. But - I can get really angry, too, occasionally, if a situation just plain really ticks me off, and I think the other person is just not taking me seriously, and that is an option I think will maybe work and get them to pay attention  (I so think it has its uses, and don't always consider this "abusive"). 

But mostly, I let "that kind of stuff" (slightly annoying) slide. I just don't wanna put my energy "there" - know what I mean? I have better things to do, and life is pretty short, IMO.

I mean, I have my occasional "moods", but mostly I'd classify myself as pretty placid, whether we are talking  dealing w/life in general, or relating in a Dominant/submissive relationship.

I am not a fan of the emotional "mindf_k", as a "kink" (I am referring here to seriously screwing w/someone else's head and heart, not just general, everyday, normal relationship woes, or what I consider to be "less intense" D/s relating methods), so - any Dominant I thought was truly using that on me as a D/s "method", would not be my Dominant for very long.

My reasoning here, is that I truly don't think many Dominants have the expertise to be able to do this very well, whether or not they are an "experienced Sadist", for instance, and be able to guarantee that they won't screw up their partner, or the relationship (maybe irrevocably, too), in the process (please, no flames, it is simply an opinion).

I could be wrong, and I've not polled them all, nor do I know them all, but - I just don't wanna "go there" w/someone, I don't consider it particularly wise, even for a really effective, and possibly rewarding "thrill" - but, to each their own.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/14/2007 5:40:11 AM >

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 5:10:00 AM   
CypherEnigma


Posts: 62
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		I had the first part of your post happen to me with my former Dom. Except he never brought me totally back. I look back now and see him as a game player ( he is my ex Dom) and that he played with my very sanity. He took me to very primative feelings and fears, and kinda left me there. The places he took me to were very dangerous feeling for me. The feelings spilled over into daily life. I ended up a almost disfunctional person from it. I am not saying he caused these issues in any way. But i do believe he took me to face fears and feeling he had no ability to bring me back safely from. I would rage most of the times we played, as he would repeatedly push my panic buttons. I eventually quit playing with him, and went my own way. It was like i was left this open can of worms, i was a mental mess.It took years of therapy to finally resove my hidden issues.

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 5:17:06 AM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i can honestly say i have never felt anger toward a Dom or Master or play partner but then i tend to internalize, take blame even when unwarranted and otherwise direct negativity toward myself rather than toward others.  i can't see where either direction (inward or outward) is beneficial and since i see this flaw in myself i work very hard to find a way to dissapate negativity rather than share it in any direction.


Greetings eyesopened,
 
But at times, do you not wish to feel something, even if it is a negative emotion, just for the experience?
 
Are you not curious as to what would bring you to this point and how you would react once there?
 
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
~curious~

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 5:23:37 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouslyseeking

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

But, it has been my observation that few Tops actually like to see that type of aggression/anger turn towards them in the play.


I can agree with that. Since my primary fetish is control with my sadistic desires a distant second, aggression and anger comes off as restistance and a personal sexual turn off. 


Greetings MadRabbit...
 
BUT>....if it was a turn on for the submissive...would that turn your off to on?
 
~curious georgette~


Honestly, my turn ons dont change based on the submissives (Its why I'm a dominant =) ).

I suppose it would have to be context. If it was actual restistance, I would probably still not like it. If the aggression and the lashing out at me was simple in response to pain I had inflicted on her and because it was her turn on and not restiance towards me, on afterthought, I would probably find it arousing. It would certainly be better than her just lieing their like a lifeless doll while I worked away. As a sadist, I need some kind of response to get enjoyment. Nothing will bring me to a halt faster than someone who just lies there completely stoic.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 4/14/2007 5:27:03 AM >

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 6:45:34 AM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
LMAO... oh yeah this can be a blast... I recall an situation where I put my Beret on denika's head while we played and told her not to drop it.  Understand.. that at the time denika's hands were tied above her head and her feet was tied down on to a wobble board.  Well eventually the Beret fell off.. and I flipped on her... And told her to pick up my hat...... mmmmmmm she struggled.. but got her foot lose and pickup it up with her toes.  I think there was a few sorrys in there too.



I don't think I have ever apologized for anything that much in my life, I was mortified that I had dropped that damn hat .
What was even worse was after all the effort to get my feet out of the duct tape and get the hat.....alandra asks...'why didn't you just undo the wrist restraints? They are velcro"   Du'oh!!!!!  


denika


*grins*  oh yes... that was a great laugh after the fact.... but it also shows how strong emotion and being distracted can cause little points of imformation to go unnoticed.

Knight's alandra

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 7:11:24 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		 Anger has never had a place in my interactions, nor would i want it to.  We're always going to have a degree of anger in our lives, but i've never had the desire to channel it through my BDSM activity.
 I do enjoy a very high level of aggression, just not aggression thats fueled by anger.

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 9:23:24 AM   
raevnn


Posts: 152
Status: offline 		I have had anger come out when I've been beaten - I struggle a bit and tend to bad mouth the person hurting me, at times. Mostly, it's a release of tension, however. I don't think I've gotten angry in a long time. Lately, I've been bursting into tears rather quickly when there is heavy pain... I actually feel a lot better afterwards when it's just the crying and I don't cuss and gnash my teeth at my Daddy.

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 10:52:51 AM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: raevnn

I have had anger come out when I've been beaten - I struggle a bit and tend to bad mouth the person hurting me, at times. Mostly, it's a release of tension, however. I don't think I've gotten angry in a long time. Lately, I've been bursting into tears rather quickly when there is heavy pain... I actually feel a lot better afterwards when it's just the crying and I don't cuss and gnash my teeth at my Daddy.



Greetings raevnn,
 
This brings up a good point...I wonder if "staged" anger/aggression versus natural unplanned anger/aggression would be different..
 
I'm just not the voice of experience on this...but certainly willing to find out..
 
Thank you,
~curious~

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 1:57:07 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		OK Curious, here's a new one I just had to share with you - Indignant!!

So I think I got whipped with my old recycled tires last night.  Yep, he got this big ass new rubber flogger and he wanted to test it out on me.  So he got this big shit-eating grin on his face, had me turn around on my hands and knees, and no warm up or anything, just brought that sucker down HARD on my poor and unsuspecting tush. 

(Now if you haven't seen from my previous posts, I am an A-#1 certifiable pain wimp)

My reaction was to whip around and look at him in shock, crying out "OHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!" at the top of my lungs.  And then I burst out laughing at how absolutely INDIGNANT I felt.   I told him, too, and we both had a laugh over it until he hit me again with it.........(gulp)

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RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 2:32:46 PM   
impetuousone


Posts: 31
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Hello...

Yes, I've been there....been at that edge of anger...ready to explode...  It usually means there was a bad impact or wrap that pulled me out of my headspace or I am just not getting to the headspace where I need to be.  It is an effort at times to stay focused....even for a masochist....but  the dominants I have played with know I tend to be a SAM and will turn to that safe haven   and run my mouth which usually brings about more and more pain......which I will use to get to where I need to be to push on through to blissful subspace!  I have never exploded and come out of my submission with a dominant. Thank gawd!  Hopefully this makes sense!

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 2:45:22 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Anger for me is not a quick response, nor something hot. It's ice cold. I warn people that they are going too far before I get angry. If they do it anyway, then I don't forgive them for deliberately breaking agreed upon limits.

In scene I've accidentally had good tears, bad tears, panic and emotional withdrawal, never anger.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Anger?? - 4/14/2007 3:07:57 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

OK Curious, here's a new one I just had to share with you - Indignant!!

So I think I got whipped with my old recycled tires last night.  Yep, he got this big ass new rubber flogger and he wanted to test it out on me.  So he got this big shit-eating grin on his face, had me turn around on my hands and knees, and no warm up or anything, just brought that sucker down HARD on my poor and unsuspecting tush. 

(Now if you haven't seen from my previous posts, I am an A-#1 certifiable pain wimp)

My reaction was to whip around and look at him in shock, crying out "OHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!" at the top of my lungs.  And then I burst out laughing at how absolutely INDIGNANT I felt.   I told him, too, and we both had a laugh over it until he hit me again with it.........(gulp)


Greetings ownegirlie.....great word, indignant!!
 
See?  it's hard for me to understand where your mind and emotions went with those actions because I would have definitely reacted differently..I would have been settling into the pain in my mind (if that makes sense)
 
behavorial science fascinates me...
 
I so appreciate you sharing your experience that took you to this place...I'm still seeking my understanding..
 
all the best,
~curious~

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 4/14/2007 3:08:47 PM >

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