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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:42:51 AM   
xBullx


Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Leigha,

So let me get this straight, since I like sex, I'm shallow and incapable as a man mastering his property? Perhaps I'm not reading you correctly, I'll allow you a chance to enlighten me on why my liking sex would make me incapable of dragging you down off of  the Beartooth Mountains and instructing you as to what it means to blong to me as a woman. I assure you that when I'm finished, sex will be nothing you complain about. It will just be another in a series of your favorite activities. Of course there is more to owning a woman than fucking her, but why bitch about one of lifes greatest pleasures. Sort your way past the pussy trolls and you'll find your master.

Serve well girl,

Bull

< Message edited by xBullx -- 4/20/2007 8:44:50 AM >

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Live well,

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I'm not an asshole; I'm simply resolute...

"A Republic, If You Can Keep It."

Caution: My humor is a bit skewed.

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:48:53 AM   
marsman


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: somethndif

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress. He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her. I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs? Thank you all in advance.


Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual. If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished. *grin* On some rare occasions, I have not cum during or at the end of a scene.

But I make my interest in sex very clear, and have been fortunate to find submissives who are, like me, very sexual and very interested in sex. And with the submissives I have been with, sex/fucking/whatever-you-want-to-call-it usually happens on the first, or second "date." If it doesn't, there will not likely be a third date!

Dan


I agree with Dan, "there will not likely be a third date!"

Becoming and being a good experienced Dom takes study, tools, practice and concentration.
And getting nothing back in return, leaves the relationship unbalanced.

_____________________________

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen


(in reply to somethndif)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:52:02 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Leigha23,

While it is absolutely possible to find a het male Master who will respect your no-sex limits (and I agree with aurora that you're going to need to be able to clearly define what you mean by that), it is also true that it will be absolutely difficult to find such a person. It will be particularly difficult, I think, to find this person on this site, since it has been my experience that most het males on this site are on here precisely looking for sex...that goes for Tops as well as bottoms...and I'm not saying ALL het males are seeking sex, just most. It would be more prudent (no pun intended) I think, to look for a Lifestyle Master within your local BDSM/Lifestyle/Leather community...A lot of times you might be able to find Leather family groups that are looking to expand, for instance. But as for the person who's misinformation led you to post your question here, he may be part of that "most het males," I mentioned. May be...not saying he definitely is...

Anyway, best to you,

MNN

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:54:54 AM   
somethndif


Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

quote:

ORIGINAL: somethndif


Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual.  If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished.  *grin* 


are you whipping her ass and going thru that trouble just so you can have sex?  playing the master role as a means to an end sort of like those fake mistresses that are only playing as means to get money?


My submissive/slave and I have been together for over 3 1/2 years now.  We were sexual on our second date, and we would have been on our first date, but that was only lunch in a restaurant in D.C., and there was no place to do much more than finger her.  *grin*  My problem with what you say is your using the word "just."  BDSM is, for me, ALWAYS sexual, but it is not "just" sexual, or more accurately, it is often more than "just" sexual.  It is about relationships and connections with people that go beyond sex.

As my submissive/slave is also a former and very successful ProDomme, I would also take issue with your referring to ProDommes as "fake mistresses," but that is probably best left for another time.  she is now retired, but is domme with others now, men and women, but never with me.  And I assure you she is NOT a fake anything and was never "only playing as means to get money!!"

Dan

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 9:30:58 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Oh just never mind. I so haven't read this correctly all the way through even once.

Master Fire


< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 4/20/2007 10:07:58 AM >

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 9:45:25 AM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.

As I'm seeing most are telling you, it's possible but rare.  Personally, sex is a tool I use in training.  Yes, I get pleasure out of it, and usually, so does my sub, but it's used more as endurance or obedience training.  For a sub who dislikes it, I might use it as a punishment.  I had a slave once who disliked oral sex.  I would only order her to do it when she was bad(Which wasn't often).
If you want a master who doesn't want sex, you should simply state all the things you want in a partner, and mention that sex is not what you're looking for.  Of course, remember, this sort of play generally is designed to bring on sexual arrousal and so 99% of masters are going to want some form of sex or another.  I hope I've been helpful.
Aslanemperor

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 10:49:12 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Heck yes.  I see that one a lot.
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
many times it means - i won't screw you but you will blow me. 

Personally, I would rather have sex.  The ones that just want a drive by bj are too easy to be had.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 4/20/2007 10:54:10 AM >

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 11:27:39 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

It will be particularly difficult, I think, to find this person on this site, since it has been my experience that most het males on this site are on here precisely looking for sex...that goes for Tops as well as bottoms...and I'm not saying ALL het males are seeking sex, just most. MNN

My first Sir though a very sexual creature would not allow me to touch him between his knees and waist for the first 4 months we were together. I tok his training collar before he'd allow me access to that area of him.
He told me I had to accept BDSM and sex were seperate and independant processes of our spirits so he cut me off from any sex till I got more comfortable with sensation play and the energy exchange.
I've also had other Doms I played with that lorded the option of sex over me with comments like "You have to earn that pleasure with me etc.."
Maybe it's just me because I'm very sexually oriented.
Over 1/2 of the Doms I played with held sex back as they were not ready or they were not open to oral sex or intercourse.

Interesting this concept of the Doms not wanting to have full contact was frustrating the living hell out of me 2/05-2/06 and it's not common in the lifestyle men act like this.
suzanne

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 11:52:37 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship


It sounds to me that what you are looking for is to play with someone and learn hos skilled they are in D/s, S*M, and bondage, and then form a more intimate relationship (I'm assuming that then involves sex). I think it is very possible that you can find this.

While I don't know how many male doms will have a long term relationship that does not involve any sex at all, I would say that the majority of the male doms that I know are patient enough to play for a while, get to know the person/sub/bottom in question, and ~then~ move on to a sexually intimate relationship.

It does help if you get involved in BDSM organizations that have play parties, especially if said play parties don't allow sex on premises. That means no expectation for sex during a scene, and if you like a scene that you are involved in you can seek that person out at future parties and choose whether you want to seek out contact outside of parties.

~Elorin

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 11:56:21 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		well, its just that when I read things like you said "If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished.  *grin* "

that makes me think you only flog her because your going to get sex, like the pro women who will only flog because they are going to get money.   do women care that the doms only flog them and tie them etc  because they get to have  sex with them?  i hope to find a dom that likes to tie up, flog, cause some pain to me, humiliate me, make me clean his house, make me do errands for him, or make me garden or go shopping for him or other controlling things simply because he likes to do those things and domimate me NOT because he wants and expects sex. 

it feels like if sex is the only reason you flog her because its not something you would normally "trouble" yourself with than its not being done for the bdsm activity itself. 

It seems like the same complaint some guys have that female dommes shouldnt be playing with other men sub for money. 

does sex or money have to be the prerequisits for those not in relationships?  that is what i am trying to understand.  it seems from answers on here that most men expect sex and a very few dont.  it makes me think  those call themselves dominant as a means to get sex.  like the dommes who call themselves dommes as a means to get money.  i hope i find the very few that dont but if not oh well.   

< Message edited by Leigha23 -- 4/20/2007 12:00:04 PM >

(in reply to somethndif)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 11:57:41 AM   
alivingdoll


Posts: 57
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		ahhh I think i understand where Leigha23- is coming from
  Do you want to just gain experience to see if this lifestyle is for you and not tangle with  the emotional /sexual attachments to complicate the process?
   I don't know unless i ask remember no such thing as stupid questions (ducking)       ~~~~Doll 

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:02:53 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		As someone who is a pro domme as well as a lifestyle domme, it isn't that I call myself a domme just to get money. It is "if all you are interested in is how I can hurt you, then you can damned well pay me to hurt you. If you want to know more of me than just what i can do in scene, then I'll be delighted to hurt you in scene and satisfy both of our masochistic/sadistic needs, knowing that you want to get to know me out of scene as well." The point of view is one of - if you are going to objectify me, I will objectify you in return.

I do think you are trying to make things black and white, though, and they rarely are.

BDSM can be very sexual. As top or bottom, it turns me on a great deal. There are many men who feel that if they are going to do a scene and get turned on, they deserve to then get off. They expect that. And that is reasonable. It is also, however, reasonable for you to want your dom/me to get more out of the scene than just the turn on. It is fair for you to want them to enjoy flogging for floggings sake in addition to how sexy it makes you look and hence how much it turns them on.

Good luck in your searching.
~E

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:03:00 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		yes, i like the activities involved like orders, control, house work, the flogging stuff, even medical stuff to, but i dont want to play with someone who wouldnt really be playing with me if he werent going to get sex.  i dont want sex to be the real underlying reason  a man "doms" another.  it just takes away from the trueness just like some dommes who wont play with a man unless she were going to get cash.

< Message edited by Leigha23 -- 4/20/2007 12:04:44 PM >

(in reply to alivingdoll)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:04:05 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

IMHO most do...not all but most...probally because boobies look so awesome all tied up... all the blood turning them angry red...and tiny beads of sweat making them glisten ever so deliciously


~groaaaaaaaaaaaaans loudly~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:05:25 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

IMHO most do...not all but most...probally because boobies look so awesome all tied up... all the blood turning them angry red...and tiny beads of sweat making them glisten ever so deliciously


~groaaaaaaaaaaaaans loudly~

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:13:51 PM   
fadeddreams


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/16/2007
Status: offline 		If you were in Michigan, i could give you the name of a Master...who wouldn't want sex from you...but would want a blow job...

Personally, being flogged/play with is highly arousing to me...and therefore...i would seek one that actually can and wants to have sex....

_____________________________

Faded Dreams

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:17:11 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		There are times when I want to play without sex, however I'm a very sexual person but I'm also sensual.  I have played with and without sex.  It all depends upon the type of activities and scenes to be acted out.  If it's not sexual, then I have to sink my mind into the more sensual sides along with any sado/maso elements.   I might test the sexual limits mentally in the person I'm playing with.. call it a form of seductive mental play.   Play without sex can be a great way of teasing yourself and the other person.   It's all about getting into the right mindset.

(in reply to xBullx)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:18:29 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		could we talk outside this arena then?

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:20:14 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fadeddreams

If you were in Michigan, i could give you the name of a Master...who wouldn't want sex from you...but would want a blow job...

Personally, being flogged/play with is highly arousing to me...and therefore...i would seek one that actually can and wants to have sex....


i'll leave giving your friend a suck job in your hands, you go take care of him and ill continue on with my search. tanks.

(in reply to fadeddreams)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 12:23:05 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Leigha23,

While it is absolutely possible to find a het male Master who will respect your no-sex limits (and I agree with aurora that you're going to need to be able to clearly define what you mean by that), it is also true that it will be absolutely difficult to find such a person. It will be particularly difficult, I think, to find this person on this site, since it has been my experience that most het males on this site are on here precisely looking for sex...that goes for Tops as well as bottoms...and I'm not saying ALL het males are seeking sex, just most. It would be more prudent (no pun intended) I think, to look for a Lifestyle Master within your local BDSM/Lifestyle/Leather community...A lot of times you might be able to find Leather family groups that are looking to expand, for instance. But as for the person who's misinformation led you to post your question here, he may be part of that "most het males," I mentioned. May be...not saying he definitely is...

Anyway, best to you,

MNN


Thanks and thanks for vield and spankmepink and everyone else to.  i have alot of emails to answer, oh boy.

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 40
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