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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 1:04:41 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe instead of saying you are looking for a master right now you might say you are looking for a top.

My thought here is that the term might signal the authority to use the sub sexually while top is more aligned with who does what activities, if you add in the SM or bondage or whatever, then you clarify even more that you aren't interested in sex right away.

There is absolutely no reason why you should compromise your sexuality especially when what is vanilla sex runs risks of pregnancies and disease. If someone isn't wiling to just play or to do everything but sex, he isn't the right match for you. Someone who understands that you would want to wait for any sexual activities or that it might never get to that point is a far better match for you.

Sadly not being a bottom het woman, I can't say how easy it is to find what you are looking for. I do know that top women often do not jump into sex immediately in a relationship and they do not charge money unless it is their career.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 1:10:12 PM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I have alot of male dominant friends that "play" with people and do not expect sex at all. If they are in a relationship with that person it is a totally different ball game though.

With regard to the having to pay for any Mistress to play with you... hes is beyond mistaken lol It sounds to me like he is simply trying to make you think he is the only option lol

Good luck!

Tigress~FL

edited to add info.


< Message edited by TigressFL -- 4/20/2007 1:12:04 PM >

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 1:25:02 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		I have run into both male and female dominants who have service relationships with their slave, however sex is not part of the service.  As for Mistresses expecting pay, there are many lifestyle Mistresses who do not expect pay or tribute of some kind.  I am a lifestyle female dominant, and have never been paid and would be insulted if it were offered.  I do this because it is part of me.

Lady Ursa

(in reply to TigressFL)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 1:35:51 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Lets see I have played men (even though I'm heterosexual) I have played lesbians even have one in service to me as a boi, Look around at some of the profiles and you will find a few who like me can have a fullfilling experience without the sexual component. You will also find many for whom the sexual component is secondary (but still important) and many for whom it is a primary consideration. Nothing inherrently wrong with any of those possitions, the question as is almost always the case is how do the expectations fit?


(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 1:50:17 PM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		When i was new i served several Dominants non sexually. M/s is primarily in the mind, so non sexual training is a great way to start. There is nothing wrong with those who require sex, but it was not the dynamic i was seeking either. i had the sex part down. i wanted to learn the other aspects.

i agree with the others who have posted, suggesting you keep looking around.

You may want to consider meeting people at socials. Every area is different, but there is not always sex at the local dungeons and play parties i attended.

Good luck in your search~*
Master's dorei

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 2:36:52 PM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have heard that time and time again.  If the Master you are seeking is insisting on sex from the get go, and you are not comfortable with that, and he doesn't respect that.  That to me is a red flag. 

You need to stick with your comfort / safe zone, until you are ready to move out of that comfort zone don't.  There is a Master out there that will respect your needs and the speed you want to go.  Doesn't mean they won't push it, but they won't insist. 

Anyone who says "ALL Master's expect 'abc'" would in my opinion be trying to influence your decisions in a way that is manipulative at best.

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 2:44:00 PM   
WhyteRavenne


Posts: 125
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline 		Sex is a part of kink, but, not the same as KINK.  Keep in mind there are as many views of sex and kink and play as there are people.  The best thing to do is to find what you enjoy and be forthright about it.  I have a problem in that regard, too, though.   There are no easy answers, but, to label everyone as the same is a mark of someone who doesn't listen.

_____________________________

Last night, you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.... do it again! - Morticia Addams

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 3:57:35 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


he's full of shit! not all doms/masters expect sex, though many do want it, and dommes/mistresses are the same as doms/masters, only female. a pro-dom/domme will expect pay for services rendered as it is a business they've got going on.

i've played with several dom/dommes that didn't include sex, nor was it asked for or suggested on their part or mine...

so in essence, what i'm saying is, yes, you can find a dom/master that doesn't expect sex, though he probably won't become 'your dom/master', if he knew he was going to have to go through a lifetime of no sex with you.

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 3:59:36 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hammernhoney

HUMMM I think not,most men expect sex from those that serve even if for an hour  day or week..of course that just the opinion of this ol" master


there are a few Mistresses out there that seem to want sex during play also...wish there was at least one that wanted a sub for their submission, not for what they can do in bed.


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(in reply to hammernhoney)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:01:49 PM   
somethndif


Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

it feels like if sex is the only reason you flog her because its not something you would normally "trouble" yourself with than its not being done for the bdsm activity itself.


you have substituted "just" for "only."  It is not "just" or "only" about sex, but it is always about sex for me.  It can be just sex, but it is best when it is about more than sex.  As I see it, BDSM activity without sex, without some personal, sexual connection, is just sensation play, like masturbation.  I suppose I could cane, flog, put in bondage or pierce with needles someone I don't want to fuck, but why bother?

If BDSM without sex works for you, good.  To each his own.  It doesn't work for me.

Dan 

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:06:13 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Sex is frequently a part of the scene, but not an absolute requirement. Many d/s relationships are non-sexual. The person you were speaking with has pretty clearly been burned in the past - your milage will vary. For my part, while I might HOPE for sex, it's not a requirement nor even an expectation. "Are you interested in having sex as part of the scene?" gets covered during the negotiation phase, just like "what's your safeword?" and "what are your hard limits?" I know I'm not alone in this, but a lot of guys call themselves dominant because they have discovered that they can get away with acting like total jerks. They think that a fetish slave is easy nookie, and if the slave says no, that's just their coy way of saying "make me". Jerks like that abound, and will most likely continue to be a pernicious problem for the forseeable future. On behalf of the better segment of my gender, I apologise, and we are working on correcting the problem.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:10:01 PM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Men expect sex from women no matter if they're vanilla or not. A guy would have to have a real low libido not to enjoy that aspect of a relationship, to some degree. There's also something quite erotic about a bound and controlled woman, which serves to fan the flames even higher. So unless that master is either demonstrating a technique on you for the benefit of your dom's learning, or one of the rare few men who are paid as professionals in the lifestyle, then expect sex.

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:12:27 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		not all men expect sex, and it's not because of low libido. it's because some men actually like the company of a lady without the pressure of sexual contact.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MellowSir)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:15:37 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

Men expect sex from women no matter if they're vanilla or not. A guy would have to have a real low libido not to enjoy that aspect of a relationship, to some degree. There's also something quite erotic about a bound and controlled woman, which serves to fan the flames even higher. So unless that master is either demonstrating a technique on you for the benefit of your dom's learning, or one of the rare few men who are paid as professionals in the lifestyle, then expect sex.


bullshit!

(in reply to MellowSir)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:21:32 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: hammernhoney

HUMMM I think not,most men expect sex from those that serve even if for an hour  day or week..of course that just the opinion of this ol" master


there are a few Mistresses out there that seem to want sex during play also...wish there was at least one that wanted a sub for their submission, not for what they can do in bed.



Didn't you have a woman bring you all the way to a different state you were gloating about?  She didn't expect sex did she?



_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:22:53 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		it was not part of our agreement

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:26:19 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

it was not part of our agreement


Then apparently when you said " wish there was at least one that wanted a sub for their submission, not for what they can do in bed. "you did find at least one, didn't you?  Stop whining. You even got what you wanted and you are still complaining.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:27:07 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

yes, i like the activities involved like orders, control, house work, the flogging stuff, even medical stuff to, but i dont want to play with someone who wouldnt really be playing with me if he werent going to get sex.  i dont want sex to be the real underlying reason  a man "doms" another.  it just takes away from the trueness just like some dommes who wont play with a man unless she were going to get cash.


My Master is far more into Mastering me than into fucking me. Our first contact was months ago, we've had many days together face-to-face, and he has yet to use me in a sexual capacity. One night I was so over-the-top with desire that I begged for it but it was not something he allowed me. He used his fingers on me momentarily and he allowed me suck him for a few minutes (nowhere near to completion).

I think he might be trying to drive me insane. ~pondering~

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:28:53 PM   
Sekhemet


Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		to the OP
I know of at least one Master here on the site who neither desires nor expects sex from toys, but does enjoy stimulationg and teasing those captive and exposed bodies.

And not all of Us Ladies would adhere to that "person's" mentality either.  SOME OF US even prefer girl toys to boys, and strive to make that rather clear.  If someone is asking you to pay in order to play it's called "work" and you are called a client, not a slave ... It changes everything and if you don't know the dynamic you are neither a slave or a customer, what you are is a big juicy sucker.
Don't fall for other people's control drama's and the projection of personal problems, they will try it ... but ONLY if you let them.
YOU can do better and sorry about HIS luck!  Happy travels, best of adventures on your journey!
XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:55:27 PM   
cyberdude611


Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline 		People are in the lifestyle for different reasons.. Some want a relationship, some want sex, some just want a play partner. This is something that obviously needs to be made quite clear at the beginning of communicating.

(in reply to Sekhemet)
Profile   Post #: 60
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