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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 4:59:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


In my experience most people expect sex from their partners at some point - be they vanilla, masters, slaves, pets, owners, etc. The reason for that is rather simple: Sex is a lot of fun!

If you are looking for a relationship without sex then you are going to have a lot of trouble finding it, regardless of what niche you are looking for. You may be able to get some scenes without it, particularly at play parties, but anything long-going and the other person is probably going to want sex at some point.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/20/2007 5:00:30 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 5:06:17 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

quote:

ORIGINAL: xBullx

Why in the hell would you want to belong to a man that isn't interested in sex?

Bull


im just trying to find a master that is a master not a man who can throw a flogger around for the sake of getting laid.  the mind frame of that type im not interested in. 


Flogging is work. It's fun work, but it's work. You get lay there and reap the reward while they actually work. Frankly, I'm grateful when I get flogged and pleased that I get to provide him sex as a means to his pleasure. Scening is fun for both parties, but in my experience the top gets worked up with no real release. If you just want the flogging without returning pleasure to him, it's not all that submissive. Bear in mind, that the return of pleasure doesn't have to be sexual, but it's something that you might want to think about. What are you offering that is worth it?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 5:10:14 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

does sex or money have to be the prerequisits for those not in relationships?  that is what i am trying to understand.  it seems from answers on here that most men expect sex and a very few dont.  it makes me think  those call themselves dominant as a means to get sex.  like the dommes who call themselves dommes as a means to get money.  i hope i find the very few that dont but if not oh well.   


The difference, for me, between a partner (be it master/owner/boyfriend/husband/whatever) and a good friend is that the partner will fuck me. I'm a sub woman and I expect sex. If you won't fuck me, then you are just my play partner.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 5:11:19 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		  I have to agree with aquatic sub, what are you offerring as a release or a way to say thank you ?  I ask as at times I much prefer non sexual pleasure. 

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 5:55:03 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

yes, i like the activities involved like orders, control, house work, the flogging stuff, even medical stuff to, but i dont want to play with someone who wouldnt really be playing with me if he werent going to get sex.  i dont want sex to be the real underlying reason  a man "doms" another.  it just takes away from the trueness just like some dommes who wont play with a man unless she were going to get cash.


My Master is far more into Mastering me than into fucking me. Our first contact was months ago, we've had many days together face-to-face, and he has yet to use me in a sexual capacity. One night I was so over-the-top with desire that I begged for it but it was not something he allowed me. He used his fingers on me momentarily and he allowed me suck him for a few minutes (nowhere near to completion).

I think he might be trying to drive me insane. ~pondering~


Is that why the eyes are bulging like that in your AV?

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 4/20/2007 5:58:48 PM >

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 5:58:23 PM   
MasterTaino


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline 		Well, the first thing that we have to understand is that there is a HUGE differnce between an SM scene or a kinky relationship and a Master/slave relationship.
 
In SM and Kink, people get what they agree to.
 
In the Master/slave dynamic, the cornerstone is for the slave to surrender in service and obedience and for the Owner in taking full responsibility for the well being of the slave.  BDSM and sex can be part of that dynamic, but is not even required. 
 
And that is why more and more Master/slave households are formed with individuals of diferent sexual orientation.  I know Het Masters with gay slaves, gay Masters with female het slaves, Females Doms with bi female slaves, Gay Masters with lesbian slaves, etc., etc.  In most of these relationships, sex does not play a role or it is a minimal role.
 
Currently I have a het married slave who has petitioned to serve me, a Gay Master.  His reason for doing so is that he respect me for my experience and my authenticity, and is willing to surrender into my service.
 
So, our M/s relationships are not about sex, but surrendering to the owner and taking responsibility for your slave.
 
Master Taino
www.mastertaino.com

(in reply to cyberdude611)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:00:36 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		We had this discussion the other day. At times I will just whip or whatever her without the sex, at times it will be only sex, but 90% of the time it is a combination and the reason it is the predominant way we play is that it is the best way for both of us.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:08:55 PM   
marylynn


Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Masters expect what they expect. If they tell you "X" up front, then expect "X" to happen.

Not all Masters want sex, I used to play with someone that never wanted to have intercourse with me due to the fact that I was "unworthy" to have sexual intercourse with him. So, out of spite (maybe) he would find someone more suitable.

but that was him
it's unusual to find something like that

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:12:54 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


You know, in all seriousness...this question gets asked in some form or another every couple of months.  From the FreeOnlineDictionary.com

sa·dism
play_w("S0014900")


(sdzm, sdz-)
n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.3. Extreme cruelty. From the Merriam Webster dictionary online: One entry found for masochism.

Main Entry: mas·och·ism
Pronunciation: 'ma-s&-"ki-z&m, 'ma-z&- also 'mA-
Function: noun
Etymology: International Scientific Vocabulary, from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch died 1895 German novelist
1 : a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation especially by a love object -- compare SADISM
2 : pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering

So, you see...for many people this is how the Sadism and Masochism, the SM parts of BDSM play...is defined.  For most people, this is what they consider SM to be.  Granted, in WIITWD, you find that twisted and convoluted to fit each individual's tastes.  But given the basic definition, do you find it odd that most SADISTIC masters who engage in BDSM play are going to become aroused and want to do something about it? 

That doesn't mean that they cannot or are not interested in the other aspects of being a dominant or someone's Master.  There is so much more to dominance and submission than the play aspect.  We've had dominants and submissives on here who could really give a flying fig about the play.  We've had dominants on here who don't see every act of play as sexual or, if they do, they sublimate it for another place and time.  And perhaps there are many will play forever without expecting sexual service from the submissive that they are doing this BDSM play with.   Those of us who do not wish to continue playing scenes that arouse us with partners that arouse us are not in the wrong though....nor, as stated, is that all we are interested in.  The fact that we are going to be eventually, whether sooner or later, seems to be a problem for some though.

As someone else...I believe a submissive...asked...what do you expect to give someone who engages in play that is arousing for him, even if it is not for you, in return?
   


(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:19:24 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

  what are you offerring as a release or a way to say thank you ? 


is sex all a sub is good for?  is sex the only way to say thank you to the dom??  gawd I hope not.

(in reply to mstrj69)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:22:02 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

Sex is frequently a part of the scene, but not an absolute requirement. Many d/s relationships are non-sexual.


Thank you I hope to find this.

(in reply to Suleiman)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:22:52 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		You could have great BDSM play without sex, but if a Dom is going to Dom you in a D/s manner, how in the world can he not use you sexually even if you don't like it? Well, I guess he could, but daayyyyymmmmm, it would be hard.

Let me cut to the heart of the matter. The bigger question is why sex is not enjoyable to you? It is a natural physiologic/emotional function that is supposed to be pleasureable. Of course, I'm sure you have thought about it lots, but there are professionals...medical and others who deal with such things. Why not give it a try?

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 4/20/2007 6:40:07 PM >

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:24:25 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


My Dom knows about my past, so no the sex part will not come and be a part of my training unless i want it to happen.

(in reply to Leigha23)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:24:44 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

to the OP
I know of at least one Master here on the site who neither desires nor expects sex from toys, but does enjoy stimulationg and teasing those captive and exposed bodies.

And not all of Us Ladies would adhere to that "person's" mentality either.  SOME OF US even prefer girl toys to boys, and strive to make that rather clear.  If someone is asking you to pay in order to play it's called "work" and you are called a client, not a slave ... It changes everything and if you don't know the dynamic you are neither a slave or a customer, what you are is a big juicy sucker.
Don't fall for other people's control drama's and the projection of personal problems, they will try it ... but ONLY if you let them.
YOU can do better and sorry about HIS luck!  Happy travels, best of adventures on your journey!
XxoxX


Thank you, I think there might be some hope in the end of all of this afterall.

(in reply to Sekhemet)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:26:42 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

When i was new i served several Dominants non sexually. M/s is primarily in the mind, so non sexual training is a great way to start. i agree with the others who have posted, suggesting you keep looking around.
Good luck in your search~*
Master's dorei


That is it! M/s non sexual training to start.  THANK YOU.

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:28:11 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTaino
So, our M/s relationships are not about sex, but surrendering to the owner and taking responsibility for your slave.
 



Thank you, this is helpful to know.

(in reply to MasterTaino)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:29:21 PM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhyteRavenne

Sex is a part of kink, but, not the same as KINK.  Keep in mind there are as many views of sex and kink and play as there are people.  The best thing to do is to find what you enjoy and be forthright about it.  I have a problem in that regard, too, though.   There are no easy answers, but, to label everyone as the same is a mark of someone who doesn't listen.


The computers not enabling me to post one after another but thank you again EVERYONE.

(in reply to WhyteRavenne)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:38:06 PM   
alivingdoll


Posts: 57
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		I've had nonsexual exchange's within the d/s dynamics ,Having Turners I'm not a sexually driven partner so alot of doms /masters want the sexual control aspect and in my case it's just a no go issue . Mr turners el chromosomes control me ,so what you want to look for is a service /domestic d/s relationship it's like a maid you get to torture i've found (can i say older doms with ed ?)who love the fact they can still be a dom/master and beat my arse and no expectations of sexual gymnastics in the end .I get a cookie and go take a nap instead . non sexual dom's are out there you just need to turn over a few rocks and they'll appear .
                               good luck  ~~~~Doll

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:46:20 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I keep hearing this ED excuse.with modern medical advances there isn't a need for any one to suffer from"ed",,,YES sex is expected from a large percentage of Dom males...bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 6:47:54 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

If you are looking for a relationship without sex then you are going to have a lot of trouble finding it, regardless of what niche you are looking for. You may be able to get some scenes without it, particularly at play parties, but anything long-going and the other person is probably going to want sex at some point.


I disagree. There are religious guys out there who want long term relationships and/or long term play partners. I scened with a guy like that for a year. Although it never went beyond the play partner stage, even if it had there still would have been no sex. He didn't believe in sex outside of marriage.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 80
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