ownedgirlie
Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
yes... I undersood you post rather clearly... Quoting what in the first paragraph is directed towards what I quoted.. and not the OP. Not everything that is posted on these boards is directly or even indirectly relating to the OP.
Thank you for responding. Your first paragraph took such a turn from what has been constructively discussed in the three previous pages, so I was confused as to what prompted that. Hmm, an example of communication issues being cleared up - I like it. :)
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Communications is a the responsibility of two... Speaker and Listener. Unless each do what is required to have Effective Communication.. there maybe communication... but it will not be effective. Over time... if communication is bad enough for long enough.. there will be no communication.
I believe this to a degree, but I do believe the speaker has a greater influence on what is understood. One does not go to a lecture with the ability to partake in active communication, after all; but to listen and absorbe what is being said. If the lecturer does not communicate effectively and clearly, he/she is not understood. Then again, I am aware that some people do not understand a clear message no matter how well it is presented. So yes, there are two sides to communication issues.
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I don't understand why you have this perception that there is this rate of people that seem to know better than others. Frankly, I see alot of advice given to the boards. Lot of different perspectives on a specific narrowly expressed perspective of one person to a multi-perspective issue. Sometimes the advise is good... sometimes it's stupid... but actually that is a personal subjective opinion of what advise is good and what is bad.
I see a lot of good advice given, too. I also see of what you have referred to as "stupid" advice. How many times do we see everyone jump on the band-wagon of telling someone she should leave her Dominant, or that he must not care about her because he does XYZ, or people expressing opinions that are contrary to what the right thing is for someone else? My perception is that this happens more often than not. It is my subjective opinion and not poll-based. Your subjective opinion differs from mine, which I understand. I don't know why you don't understand why mine is different, but I accept that you do.
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Interestingly.. what is percieve as good or bad can change dramatically when new information is gained on the narrow expressed perspective.
Bingo! That is what I'm talking about to some degree. But I see it is a case of people forming opinions without gaining ample information. This is actually an example of what you were talking about above - where both parties are responsible for communication. When someone tells me something about their relationship (whether asking advice or just sharing something in passing), and it sounds askew to me, I'm likely going to ask about it, rather than form an opinion and judgment on it. I'm going to make sure I know the situation as well as I can before daring to express to another all the things I find negative about their situation. I understand the entire world is not like me (good thing!), but it is also my right to form my opinions about the opinions of others! And I have done so, and created this thread to discuss it. And I've been quite pleased with the way this discussion has evolved so far.
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It has not be my experience to see any great rate of "I know better than you for You" on these boards. But, I have seen lots of "I know better than you for Myself"... I don't recall having any ever try the I know better than you on You.
Again, it's a matter of perception, which we have both formed in our own subjective ways. This overall discussion is interesting to me as it indicates the various perceptions of forum members and how they differ. And I agree; you have not expressed a presumption to me to know my needs better than my Master, that I can recall. And I appreciate that!
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I don't recall that ever happening with myself or my girls. When it does occur to a person.. well they just might of came across an idiot... BUT, when it occurs to an individual often. When this attitude/perspective is something a person experiences from various individuals. Well personally, I think that says more of the person than those various people stating "I know better than you For You"
It happens indirectly quite often. We see people commenting on how "anyone who does such n such with their sub/slave is (insert big bad bully adjective here)." And some of those such n suches are the same things you and others talk about doing with your girls on these forums. Perhaps you do not see it because, as you have later indicated, it is not a concern to you.
When something like this occurs to an individual often, it could very well be as you suggest, that the person either doesn't see the problem, or doesn't see how he/she is representing a situation. The latter is evidence of what I originally suggested - that the majority of responsibility for understanding falls on the communicator. There is a third option, however, which is when many people do understand, yet the marjority still does not, perhaps it is a phenomenum that is rarely experienced and falls outside what people are capable of understanding. Take the "cum on command" debate as just an example. There are those who actually experience this, and there are those who do not believe that can ever exist. And what then, when someone espouses that not only can it not exist, but those who try to train their slaves to it are setting them up for failure, and therefore big mean bullies? (I say this just an example and not to spark a debate on this thread about that particular topic).
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I find it interesting you have this perspective. For I don't share that perspective at all. Maybe your perspective is accurate.. Maybe it's not. But what is interesting.. you are have it.. and I do not. I manage the money.. I manage alot of things for my girls and I suppose some would call this micro-managing. If there is this majority... I don't see it.. because.... It is not of concern to me. I am not insecure or doubt what I do. A majority could have negative view of what I do... but really.. I don't care.. I am not listening to them.. I am listening to myself and those that are significant to me. That is the only majority that matters.
I can fully appreciate and understand where you are coming from here. I think where we differ is that I tend to read everyone's posts, and not just those of the people who matter to me, and that may be why I have a different perception. It is not that I listen or take to heart what everyone says. It is only that, as stated in my OP, it is a pet peeve of mine when people presume what they do about someone else's relationship and speak on it with authority. It's been an irk of mine for years, actually. I only now decided to bring it up for discussion.
I appreciate the time you took to share your comments; thank you.
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RE: I know better than your Master does - 
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