RE: Am curious as to why...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Am curious as to why...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Am curious as to why...

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 9:53:20 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I can not, for the life of me, understand the notion that "the sub has more power because she owns the house".

My parents own the house we live in. He pays rent, I don't. I could kick him out if I wanted to but I'm not so inclined and unless he starts abusing me, molesting things that shouldn't be molested (ie. does any of the thing that would result in withdrawing my submission anyway as is our arrangement), then how do I have more power?

you answered your question right there.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 9:55:06 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I can not, for the life of me, understand the notion that "the sub has more power because she owns the house".

My parents own the house we live in. He pays rent, I don't. I could kick him out if I wanted to but I'm not so inclined and unless he starts abusing me, molesting things that shouldn't be molested (ie. does any of the thing that would result in withdrawing my submission anyway as is our arrangement), then how do I have more power?

you answered your question right there.

See my last post. And again, if a dominant is so threatened by that then I don't believe they are secure enough in their relationship.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 9:56:38 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I can not, for the life of me, understand the notion that "the sub has more power because she owns the house".

My parents own the house we live in. He pays rent, I don't. I could kick him out if I wanted to but I'm not so inclined and unless he starts abusing me, molesting things that shouldn't be molested (ie. does any of the thing that would result in withdrawing my submission anyway as is our arrangement), then how do I have more power?

you answered your question right there.

Hypothetically speaking, she or any submissive or slave could walk out on a relationship, regardless of which one of them leaves the joint residence. In and of itself, ownership of the residence does not define who is in control.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 4/26/2007 9:58:50 PM >

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 9:58:45 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Hypothetically speaking, she or any submissive or slave could walk out on a relationship, regarless of which one of them leaves the joint residence. In and of itself, ownership of the residence does not define who is in control.

Exactly. Ownership of the residence means very little. If a dominant is so insecure and insistent on giving a sub/slave nothing that they could ever use against them, they shouldn't be in this lifestyle. Blackmail anyone? You can lose custudy and jobs for the stuff we do.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to marieToo)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:01:02 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

Aquatic....i saw it, and am definitely not up to going there again with you tonight. suffice it to say, i disagree wholeheartedly. i can't have my Master kicked out or "forcibly" removed from this house, certain things are in place that would make such a thing impossible, not to mention completely insane on my part. but can he kick me out? leave me homeless, broke, and alone on the roadside? absolutely. and i'm by no means the only slave or even submissive in such a situation. so i'll say again that if the Dominant has moved to the sub/slave's home, she does hold quite a bit of power over him and over the relationship itself, even if she never decides to use it.

edited to add, just because a Dominant does not wish for his submissive to have power or control, does not mean that they are insecure. that's a very vanilla flow of logic. perhaps he just wants to have total control? after all, this is D/s, is it not?

< Message edited by daddysprop247 -- 4/26/2007 10:04:12 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:03:56 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

I don't think this issue of who moves to whom is completely without merit.

I believe that there was a thread about this very thing earlier this week. The dom had moved to the submissive, with her friends, her house, her city, and their relationship had hit the doldrums when moving from LD to r/l (when did I get so addicted to a.c.r.o.n.y.m.s?). Part of the discussion was about him feeling out of phase.

While I think it's fine for either the D or the s to re-locate (Ha! Wouldn't I love to leave Allentown behind!), I think the assertion that only dominants who are insecure (in their relationships) would have a problem moving to their submissive is painting with too broad a brush.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:03:59 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
yes, obviously whatever the Master says goes. it just strikes odd to me that a Master would actually prefer a situation in which his sub/slave held such power, and in which he was so vulnerable.

Vulnerable

Hardly dear, she was Mine, I made the enviroment Mine also. At no point was I in any way 'vulnerable' nor did she have 'power'.... maybe you are thinking of lower level dynamics where it is a Dom and a sub rather than a Master choosing to relocate to where His slave resides.

You make a great many erronious assumptions there as to how things can be done. Obviously only seeing one possibility where the Dom is walking in blind rather than controling the situation.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:06:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

Aquatic....i saw it, and am definitely not up to going there again with you tonight. suffice it to say, i disagree wholeheartedly. i can't have my Master kicked out or "forcibly" removed from this house, certain things are in place that would make such a thing impossible, not to mention completely insane on my part. but can he kick me out? leave me homeless, broke, and alone on the roadside? absolutely. and i'm by no means the only slave or even submissive in such a situation. so i'll say again that if the Dominant has moved to the sub/slave's home, she does hold quite a bit of power over him and over the relationship itself, even if she never decides to use it.

Every sub and slave on this forum also hold the power of blackmail. So you do. You just chose to never use it. You can not remove him from a house you do not own, and if memory serves correctly, you've signed certain contracts that most of us choose not to sign. So of course, you can't. But many of the rest of us can.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/26/2007 10:10:27 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:07:25 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
yes, obviously whatever the Master says goes. it just strikes odd to me that a Master would actually prefer a situation in which his sub/slave held such power, and in which he was so vulnerable.

Vulnerable Hardly dear, she was Mine, I made the enviroment Mine also. At no point was I in any way 'vulnerable' nor did she have 'power'.... maybe you are thinking of lower level dynamics where it is a Dom and a sub rather than a Master choosing to relocate to where His slave resides.

You make a great many erronious assumptions there as to how things can be done. Obviously only seeing one possibility where the Dom is walking in blind rather than controling the situation.

that may be true RavenMuse...i'm no legal eagle, so perhaps there are things that can be done, ways a Master can come in and take over (not just in the relationship but financially, physically, legally, etc.) in such a way that leaves the sub/slave truly powerless. i actually would be fairly impressed with a Master who was able to accomplish such.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:08:30 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

I don't think this issue of who moves to whom is completely without merit.

I believe that there was a thread about this very thing earlier this week. The dom had moved to the submissive, with her friends, her house, her city, and their relationship had hit the doldrums when moving from LD to r/l (when did I get so addicted to a.c.r.o.n.y.m.s?). Part of the discussion was about him feeling out of phase.

While I think it's fine for either the D or the s to re-locate (Ha! Wouldn't I love to leave Allentown behind!), I think the assertion that only dominants who are insecure (in their relationships) would have a problem moving to their submissive is painting with too broad a brush.

MSS

Certainly it would be. I'm not saying that all doms who would have issue moving to their subs is due to insecurity. All I'm saying is that if a dominant is fretting about being kicked out, there are more issues going on then just the dom moving to the sub.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/26/2007 10:09:07 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:08:52 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

If a submissive or slave is in the correct state of mind, she will not wield the power of ownership over her Masters head. And if she's NOT in the right state of mind, well then he doesnt really own her, no matter where they live. .

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:09:48 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

If a submissive or slave is in the correct state of mind, she will not wield the power of ownership over her Masters head. And if she's NOT in the right state of mind, well then he doesnt really own her, no matter where they live. .

Exactly

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to marieToo)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:12:09 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
that may be true RavenMuse...i'm no legal eagle, so perhaps there are things that can be done, ways a Master can come in and take over (not just in the relationship but financially, physically, legally, etc.) in such a way that leaves the sub/slave truly powerless. i actually would be fairly impressed with a Master who was able to accomplish such.

Would have been more difficult had she owned where she was.... But we where both renting where we lived at the time..... Simple matter to change the name on the lease from hers to Mine. I was no more vulnerable than had I relocated her in with Me.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 10:39:50 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
yes, obviously whatever the Master says goes. it just strikes odd to me that a Master would actually prefer a situation in which his sub/slave held such power, and in which he was so vulnerable.

Just because a sub or slave holds power does not mean the dominant is all that vulnerable.
If the sub decides to kick him out, she isn't his sub anymore. It's an indication of the end of the relationship - it doesn't matter whether he is vulnerable or not. The sub holds the exact same amount of power if he owns the house - she can walk out the door and end the relationship at any point in time.

I think the significant point is a dominant who is confident enough in his dominance, the submission of his submissive, and his relationship not to have to worry about petty things like "you could kick me out if you got mad". And who is also flexible enough and compassionate enough to evaluate a situation and make the choice that pleases him, not outsiders who see him as accepting a vulnerable position.

Wouldn't you want your Master to prefer being with YOU, than to say "sorry, you'll have to find another master, I'm too hung up on the fact that your name is on the mortgage." It doesn't take all that much to refinance a house and put his name on the mortgage joint.
~E

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/26/2007 11:41:14 PM

Asraii

Posts: 91
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Pretty much anytime you say always you are wrong.

Bingo.

Willingness to relocate comes down to many factors, the biggest being the kind of work each does. For some, relocation is easier whether they be dominant or submissive.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/27/2007 5:48:50 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

He moved here because he could get a job transfer. I couldn't have relocated for four more years since I'm not willing to uproot my ums.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/27/2007 6:37:49 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

I am curious as to why so mant Doms on collarme are willing to relocate.

They're ready to move out of mommy's house and have submissives take care of them.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Intertwined)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/27/2007 7:01:54 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Intertwined

greetings everyone,

I am curious as to why so mant Doms on collarme are willing to relocate. I think I always beleived it should be the submissive that relocates. Just wondering is all.

sincerely Intertwined's slave

That's a very good question lol, and I agree with you about subs relocating but it depends on a person's circumstances. To answer your question, could it be that these people are trying to find someone what-ever they have to do?.

(in reply to Intertwined)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/27/2007 7:31:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
They're ready to move out of mommy's house and have submissives take care of them.

Or finding a replacement for their ex-wife for the same reason. :)

All too often true.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to happypervert)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: Am curious as to why... - 4/27/2007 7:52:46 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Intertwined

I am curious as to why so mant Doms on collarme are willing to relocate. I think I always beleived it should be the submissive that relocates. Just wondering is all.

I don't see it as anything wrong, when one is searching outside of the local area, to be willing to relocate. I would think that more women than men are stuck in a particular location due to having custody of children who are not allowed to leave the state without an ex's permission.

In our case, my master decided to relocate for a myriad of reasons, including the fact that I had children who needed to stay where they could see their daddy and all the other relatives, and the fact that I had the type of job that would allow me to sponsor him for immigration while his job was all under-the-table cash and wouldn't qualify him to sponsor me for immigration; as well as the fact that he could work anywhere in the world while I would find it difficult/impossible to find a new job in the rural area he was living in.

There are simply far too many practical factors that go into a decision to relocate to lump it into a "dom vs. sub" question, I believe. The decision of who moves should be made with practical concerns for the entire family in mind.

(in reply to Intertwined)

Profile

Post #: 40