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questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 7:02:25 AM   
blueeyesbear


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		How long have you been in the lifestyle?

What type of experience do you have?  Did You have a mentor, teacher, how did You learn?

How many submissives have you had?

What happened to end your last relationship?

Are you still friends with your former submissives?

What do you find is the most important aspect for you as a dominant?

What is your philosophy on being a dominant, and/or what is your personal mission statement?

Do you ever own more than one submissive at a time or would you?

What is the biggest rush for you?

What kind of control do you like to have over your submissive in their daily lives?

Are you looking for just a playmate, ownership, or a 24/7 real time relationship?

How much communication and time do you give to your submissive when you are not together and how?

What do you require and/or expect from your submissive?

What is your position on fulfilling the needs of your submissive?

What do you feel is the most important aspect in a relationship with a submissive?

How do you make sure that those aspects are obtained?

What is a dominant's primary function?

How do you create the desire to surrender without placing it on the level of your own needs?

What does subspace mean to you?

What do you seek in a submisssive? - or What do you look for in a submissive?

How often do you like to get together with your submissive real time?

Would you consider yourself more a sadist, or more the opposite type of dominant?

What are your favorite types of play?

What are your likes and dislikes?

Describe one of your methods of discipline and an example of when you'd use it?

What is your preferred method of punishment?

(I said before it is for safety reasons )
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 7:07:09 AM   
TheDiva


Posts: 129
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL
Status: offline 		These are good questions, especially in contrast to some of the other questions I've had posed to me. When a submissive asks about my history, mindset, style, goals, knowledge, and interests outside the lifestyle instead of just asking if I do x, y, and z, I take that into consideration.

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 7:36:21 AM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline 		You forgot the most important one though.
 
Do you have a job and have you held this job for more than a year

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 7:42:52 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I would also ask if I were a slave seeking,have you ever own a girl before and have you ever release one and why?...BH

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Asraii)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 7:47:01 AM   
CypherEnigma


Posts: 62
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		Very nice questions. Thank you. They give me ideas on things to think about.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 7:50:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Nice starting list.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2173/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#2173
What do you ask?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_122762/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#122762
negotiation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_151960/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#151960
questions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_137841/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#137841
getting to know a new dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131518/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#131518
allowed to ask questions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_241888/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#241888
questions to ask potential dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_399121/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#399121
questions for potential doms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_397609/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#397609
bit of a question...on questions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_518169/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#518169
what to ask

http://www.collarchat.com/m_542207/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#542207
questions to ask a potential mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_719243/mpage_1/key_questions%252Cask/tm.htm#719243
when finding a dom/master

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 8:44:18 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		forgot to add:

what other interests do you have besides BDSM?

do you enjoy activities outside this lifestyle?

do you do for fun?

what is a typical weekend like for you?

does my sexual orientation and/or preference matter in this relationship?

do my opinions / concerns count?








_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:09:55 AM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like you have pretty darn good foundation to work with

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:10:35 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Here's a question I like to ask:

Are you married or otherwise involved in an on-going relationship?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:12:41 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah these are all great questions if you want to approach your potential life partner in the same manner you would a candidate for a receptionist's position.
No thanks.
How about good old-fashioned get to know you conversation and (here's a shocker) spending time getting to know one another? When someone is a good match for you, the conversation naturally flows toward revealing all of these things and more. If you have to set up a job interview to get this information from someone, chances are you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole anyway. And unless that's your kink (nothing wrong with it, just sayin), you're setting yourself up for disappointment regardless.
I don't routinely hand all my inner thoughts, feelings, values, hopes, dreams, fears and secret desires over to someone in an interoffice envelope over coffee. And I wouldnt dream of expecting that from another person.


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:31:40 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

Yeah these are all great questions if you want to approach your potential life partner in the same manner you would a candidate for a receptionist's position.
No thanks.
How about good old-fashioned get to know you conversation and (here's a shocker) spending time getting to know one another? When someone is a good match for you, the conversation naturally flows toward revealing all of these things and more. If you have to set up a job interview to get this information from someone, chances are you are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole anyway. And unless that's your kink (nothing wrong with it, just sayin), you're setting yourself up for disappointment regardless.
I don't routinely hand all my inner thoughts, feelings, values, hopes, dreams, fears and secret desires over to someone in an interoffice envelope over coffee. And I wouldnt dream of expecting that from another person.



Actually, I disagree with the idea that he would be setting himself up for disappointment by asking these or other questions like them. Also, he's only presented questions, he didn't suggest a way to deliver them...He very well could ask those questions in interview fashion or he could weave them into every day conversation. Personally, I would very much welcome a potential who asked me such questions. They would go a long way in showing me that he in fact is quite serious about the Lifestyle and that he has given some thought about what he is looking for and what he hopes to avoid.

Those are some of the best questions I've seen around. And really, there are so many male subs out there where the only question they can muster is, "please, Goddess (Highness, Grand-Puhbah-ess, whatever) I'd like to worship you...How would you like me to please you?...Which, don't get me wrong, is a perfectly legitimate question once a command structure has already been established, but is a bit too presumptuous for my taste right out of the box. And I've gotten this question far too many times.

Bottomline, it all depends on the situation and the dom/me in question whether those questions would go over well, but I really can't see anything that would turn me off about them. The only issue would probably be in timing and whether I felt enough time had passed and I was interested enough in the individual to answer the questions.

MNN

P.S. Additionally, "good old-fashioned" conversation often feels much too "vanilla" to me and I avoid it at all cost. Again, a personal preference.

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 4/27/2007 9:36:02 AM >

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:37:19 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName


Actually, I disagree with the idea that he would be setting himself up for disappointment by asking these or other questions like them.


Actually, I said that if you need to formulate an interview in order to get this information (as opposed to feeling the "click" that makes conversation flow naturally), you most likely are not compatible with the person you are interviewing and therefore would be setting yourself up for disappointment anyway.
But feel free to disagree, that's what makes the world interesting. What works for me obviously doesnt work for everyone. I can not, for example, imagine a life without conversation and have never, to my knowledge, capitalized the word "lifestyle". I think we are talking about very different types of relationships.


< Message edited by justheather -- 4/27/2007 9:39:36 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:53:07 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		These are all good questions and in the end the answers are not as important as how they are given. Is he comfortable and open talking about himself and his desires? As you get to know one another does his actions match his words? These are the things that will give you real answers.

I also agree with justheather, that this should not be conducted like an interview, and absolutely not over the Internet. Being there in person, talking face to face is essential. I prefer a natural, flowing conversation, that incorporates these kind of questions with "normal" talk. A normal flow of conversation where you share each other's views, opinions, experiences. That will serve you so much better than handing them a typed list of questions.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 9:57:06 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		 
How is your health?
Have you any STD?
Do you use condoms?

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 10:01:37 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		how about....*are you now or have you ever been a member of the communist party?*.....LOL (just kidding)
Great questions!.....and worth asking

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 11:27:53 AM   
leili


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I think that these are all good starting questions and then if you want to know more about them once you get to know each other better you go from there.  :)  So all in all good set of questions for any sub/slave seeking, especially first timers. 

_____________________________

Serving another is simple for a slave for it is a desire in the core of their soul. To be a true Hanian slave is hard because the ultimate goal is to become the extension of his or her Owner's will, a road only very few are daring enough to walk.


(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 11:50:15 AM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		A lot to think about when speaking to a potential Dom/me. But good to think about nonetheless.

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to leili)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 12:59:30 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i think you're assuming too much in the questions i posted in response to the original author. i never approached Daddy like He was interviewing for a job in fact it was Daddy who found me. we had long get acquainted chats about life to our jobs before there was any discussion about us becoming Daddy-daughter type of D/s.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 1:05:55 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		They are good questions but i learned more about my Master in the 16 hours we spent taking before we played.  Thing just cam up in conc\versation i did not have a checklist of questions.  I learned about his other interest not just BDSM.  So even though the questions are good i am not sure if i would use them as a guideline.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: questions to ask your potential Dominants - 4/27/2007 2:16:43 PM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings
 
I would have to agree with Justheather and say what ever happened to good old fashioned just getting to know someone. It seems awful cold and impersonal to be making out lists of questions that a person needs to ask someone who they are contemplating a relationship with.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to blueeyesbear)
Profile   Post #: 20
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