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Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 9:24:45 AM

Dastardly

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

This is kind of a two part thread

Longtime collarme members - Remember back when you found collarme? Or remember when you first put a name to the way you lived, the way you sexed, the way you reacted in relationships? It was pretty damn mindblowing, yes? And I bet you wanted to talk, talk, talk about this stuff all the time.

Fast forward a few thousand posts, you must have seen all there is to see about BDSM, about D/s relationships, about all this stuff *waving her hand at the boards*

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I'm interested in the dynamics of online communities, how they develop an old guard, people who have seen everything and have very probably seen a dozen threads like this already LOL

Thanks for your time and I hope I've posted this in the right forum

D x

_____________________________

'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

Post #: 1

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 9:33:06 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

How do I keep My interest in the boards? I don't

There are 3 sites I mainly frequent, diffrent people, diffrent styles of conversation. OK One I have more of a commitment to in being a Modkin but My interest in this and the Local scene site waxes and wanes (More this one because My activity on the Local scene leads to a more consistant interest level there). I more pop back for a time before wandering off again.

Newbies, it depends on their attitude. If I spot one with a good attitude I may well put in a little extra effort in order to hopefully encourage them to stick around.

It is important to be accepting of someone trying.... people with constantly bad/negative attitudes are no damn loss, wether they are newbies or 'regs'. Collar Me is pretty accepting of someone at least making a decent effort.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 2

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 9:34:59 AM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

This is a GREAT topic!

Newbies are the main reason I keep coming back (that and Domiguy and Benji's sillyness [there are others, too; sinergy etc.])!

You know, giving back, freely, what was freely given to you. Helping, even if only in a VERY small way, when someone has an issue that they really need to know about.

I recently gave an opinion on an issue, here and was befriended by two people involved in the situation, arising from the discussions/opinions shared. I consider that a blessing.

I have been thinking, a lot, lately, about the newbies. Are we doing all we can, as a community, to not only make them feel welcome but, to give them the skills to get as much as possible out of the lifestyle (and, honestly, to instruct them so as to "protect the integrity of the lifestyle")? Are we truly making ourselves accessable to people who wish to learn (and I don't mean: "I'll be your dominant until you find someone else")?

I don't know if there's some way to "organize an effort" but, if that's in the offing, count me in!

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 3

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 9:53:27 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How do you keep your interest in the boards?

I don't. I rely on others to post thought-provoking threads that keep my interest ongoing.

quote:

When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again?

Again, if the poster asks something interesting; I will answer ( of course, we all know that LA is the community thread whore

and that sooner or later she will show up and post all the links that are needed )

quote:

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

Do I make an effort when a new person posts? Are we asking if I go out of my way to be super-duper nice? then the answer is no.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 4

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:08:11 AM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

OP~~~How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?

>>>>I come and browse. I might see the same topics over and over again, but when I see how long the OP has been on CM or the number of posts…I give the benefit of the doubt and if I want to respond I will. I can always count on someone supplying old archived thread tho.

>>>>I look for NUGGETS of encouragement, wisdom, truth that I can take with me and learn from. I also find myself learning how to better communicate better or not so better at times, via this form. Its hard, esp when someone thinks they know you from your posts, and esp when emotions are not in black and white and are only assumed by the responder in a total reactionary way.

OP ~~~Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

>>>>I will respond to a newbie message board poster remembering the feelings I once did when first posting….. will I be called stupid and crucified? Will my feelings and thoughts be devalued and will I feel humiliated …do I even count? All these people seem to know each other, will I even ever feel accepted? Will my opinions count. I got over that long ago.

OP ~~~Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?

>>>>I did feel written off, devalued, like so many new posters are…. Plugging along despite the negativity was difficult for me…. But tough skin and ignoring sarcastic people helped me…. I have no advice for other newbies, it all depends on your personality how the negativity is handled.
>>>>For example…. Not exactly the newest poster (69), but he asked a genuine question and the very first response from a poster of way over 1000 posts and vast experience in the lifestyle responds this way ~~ weirdos whose lives revolve around this stuff ... lmao
My question is WHY? Why does anyone need to devalue and put another ones opinions or feelings or even silly questions down….??
>>>>What does it do to the responder, make them feel better, more powerful?

OP ~~Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

>>>>My OPINION is, not very newbie friendly… I remember a few weekends ago when a group of subs seemed to enjoy the goating of a newbie poster. I felt her desperation and frustration rising. It’s really too bad.

I hope I made sense

< Message edited by myobedience -- 4/28/2007 10:11:44 AM >

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 5

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:15:11 AM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Do I make an effort when a new person posts? Are we asking if I go out of my way to be super-duper nice? then the answer is no.

Why not IM ???? Is this how you want folk to respond to you? Do you feel more powerful if you are unkind and mean? Is this how you are when you shut off your computer?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 6

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:20:31 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Do I make an effort when a new person posts? Are we asking if I go out of my way to be super-duper nice? then the answer is no.

Why not IM ???? Is this how you want folk to respond to you? Do you feel more powerful if you are unkind and mean? Is this how you are when you shut off your computer?

I see no reason to go out of my way to sugar coat what I may say to someone just because they may be new to the boards.

As for how others view me; I don't give a flying fuck.

As to whether or not I am this way in real life; absolutly.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to myobedience)

Post #: 7

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:27:01 AM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

I respond to a lot of threads but not all of them. I don't feel the need to post everyday if I don't have time so be it. When it stops being enjoyable and educational I will stop posting all together. For now, I am here lol

Tigress~FL

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 8

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:28:14 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I remember when I was new to the forums and even now still feel like a newbie compared with so many here. I have resigned myself to seeing endless posts about the damned vanilla cone, about why women never answer their emails, how all pro-dommes are whores and the slave or submissive who is being held captive by the dominant that really seemed really nice even though it turns out he is a madman - allegedly. I actually dont mind seeing many topics repeated, if it is helping at least one person to get some information.

I try to be supportive to the new posters however I have to confess that I am finding this harder to do with many of the newer posters, is it just me or do some of them have sawdust for brains? (I will apologise right now as that was a mean comment). So much negativity and anger and also lack of self-protection in regards to meeting people. On the flip side, there are some fantastic questions being asked and I hope these people get some of the guidance and advice that they seek.

I have found that as I continued to post more on the forums that others started to recognise my name and for the most part people have been nothing but kind and helpful to me for which I am pleased.

sighs. I have deleted the bit where I ask Michael aka Satyr6406 to be my dominant till I find someone else...why oh why did he have to add this sentence(and I don't mean: "I'll be your dominant until you find someone else")?

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 9

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:28:24 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

This is kind of a two part thread

Longtime collarme members - Remember back when you found collarme? Or remember when you first put a name to the way you lived, the way you sexed, the way you reacted in relationships? It was pretty damn mindblowing, yes? And I bet you wanted to talk, talk, talk about this stuff all the time.

Fast forward a few thousand posts, you must have seen all there is to see about BDSM, about D/s relationships, about all this stuff *waving her hand at the boards*

How do you keep your interest in the boards? When the same topics keep coming up time after time, what keeps you making interested responses when there are certain things that get asked again and again? What keeps you coming back?

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

Newbies - are you scared about jumping in? Is it hard to find your bearings? Have you always received good advice or have you felt written off?

Everyone - how newbie friendly do you think collarme is? And how important is it to be newbie friendly?

I'm interested in the dynamics of online communities, how they develop an old guard, people who have seen everything and have very probably seen a dozen threads like this already LOL

Thanks for your time and I hope I've posted this in the right forum

D x

I still remember when I first found collarme.Absolute rank newbit and still am!.Hovered on the boards reading and absorbing for a while.Then if I remember correctly rather than start off with just responding to posts...because face it, I was a newbit and had not a clue, I began my first thread..called it The Journey..very few responses but the ones I got were sincere and helpful. Of course now thinking back upon it I realize how idealized I had been.Now idealization is not a good or bad thing, but one must also take into consideration the realities.My interest remains because I consider myself a novice to many here still, and continue to read and grow and expand my thoughts, I realize that I will never know it all.So hence I will always find many a thought provoking thread.Many I feel make an effort to inform the newbits, sometimes they are kind and sometimes they are harsh, but then again sometimes one needs kindness and sometimes one needs a smack on the head.Then of course there are others who do not wish to help the newbits and that is their choice, they do not have too.As far as "newbie friendly" many times it is..and many times it is not..depends on the "newbie"..do they come storming in ranting and whining..ach! or do they come in truly wishing to know more, its all about attitude.Your attitde was IMO thought provoking , with a true wish to understand,..be patient..anything takes time..ask your questions..but be prepared to sometimes get answers you do not like or agree with or appreciate in any way shape or form..take what you will from them, what may apply to you and ignore the rest..just remember a slap can also sometimes be a good learning tool..remain open minded..:0)..Tempting

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 10

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:38:29 AM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dastardly

Do you ever forget that for some people this is all new? Do you make an effort when a new person posts? Or do you think pah, they will be gone before they hit a 100 posts?

I never, ever, think pah.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 11

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:45:42 AM

NControlofU

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

There's always something new here, even if it's just a new perspective on an "old" topic. Questions, opinions, even disagreements can all be thought-provoking. That's why I enjoy reading the new posts, even when they are about topics or questions that have been raised numerous times in the past. Old posts are just that, old. Views change, ideas change, new experiences and insights help us to grow. I'm not exactly the same person I was two years ago or even two minutes ago. I've grown. No two experiences are exactly alike. Life is about growing and learning, even about things that we thought we already knew.

The biggest problem I've seen on these boards is that there seems to be some regular posters who have thousands of posts listed under there avatar and that somehow makes them some sort of "expert" and they have their clique of other posters who always agree with them and they appear to have a certain "superiority complex" over everyone who is new to this site. Their responses to postings (especially by newbies) can be a bit snide in tone and can be intimidating to a newbie and sometimes scare them off or make them feel as though they must adopt an "old timer's" way of thinking in order to "belong" here. There seems to be quite a lot of "my way is the right way" and if you don't agree you are just a poor, ignorant newbie who doesn't know better, even if you have been living a BDSM way of life for 20 years or more.

More tolerance toward differing viewpoints would be a big help on here.

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 12

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:47:40 AM

Dastardly

Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

Whereas I have found pah quite an appropriate response in lots of situations

I think I have been know to use drat as well. And someone asked me the other day whether I said crikey in real life as much as I do online and that was an affirmative as well LOL

Oops, off topic

_____________________________

'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 13

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:48:09 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

When I first found collarme I lurked here in the forums for the longest time. When I did start posting I stuck mainly to the word games and such. I was so chicken to add anything to any kind of bdsm forum since I had no real time experience at that point. I finally got up the courage to start a thread about a question I had. Needless to say...it turned into a mega flame on me which in turn started another whole thread just to make sure that I was charbroiled to the bone. Thanks Merc.

.
I didn't run. It did make me open my eyes a bit more. It did toughen me up. And now (and even then) I respect the words of those who were relentless to me. Especially Merc. You do need a thick skin to post your thoughts to an open forum. You do need to learn not to take things personally. I don't think it serves any purpose to coddle grown adults. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in terms of maturity. When I see people come here and ask questions or complain about things that are easily answered or solved just by using common sense, I just shake my head and can't believe that they've been able to get so far in life if they can't even figure out how to deal with a rude email from a complete stranger on a website (major runon sentence). I'm sure there have been many times that I've been rough with advice. There have also been many times where I've been right on the money. If you don't like what I have to say, then block me and you'll never have to see my words again.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 4/28/2007 10:49:42 AM >

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 14

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 10:51:57 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LOL pretty much what happened with me too Aileen. The first time I got up the nerve to answer a post, I was skinned, burned, washed, and hung out to dry; only to have the process repeated.

Some newcomers who come here and post actually ask a question that deserves an honest, non-flammatory answer. Others, well...if they have to ask such questions, then they need to be prepared for the answers ( and the results ) that they get.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 15

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:03:42 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

The boards fascinate me. Every time the same thing is asked, it gets different answers (unless LA posts an epic list directing the OP to the OLD answers)
Reading about things people think of that might or might not have ever entered into my mind is always interesting. Until this site, I never knew anything about the Gorean Lifestyle, I could not imagine how a switch saw the world, and i had a few contacts with those of the submissive ilk who I could openly talk to about how they saw the world. Aside from those I met or owned, most of which were cagy about giving me honest answers becasue they were afraid it wasnt going to be what I wanted to hear, I never got to ask subs what they thought.
Is it newbie friendly? Thats a relative term. If someone posts who can do so in an intelligent manner, or with a sense of humor, then yes. If they come on full of piss and wind and think we are going to be nice to them and pat them on the head just becasue they are new, no, they are going to be roasted. Being a newbie to BDSM or to the forums should not relieve you of the basics of ettiquite and common sense. Hopefully, those who are new and will actualy stick around will start with it or pick it up sometimes within their initial stages. Newbies have good questions and great thoughs sometimes... often stuff those of us in the lifestyle for a long time either take for granted or dont even think about anymore. The trick is in the delivery, make friends right off and you'll be just fine. Come on looking to make enimies and you will.

Hope that makes sense, im running on too little sleep and too little coffee. Going to fix the second problem, kinda stuck with the first.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 16

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:04:48 AM

Asraii

Posts: 91
Status: offline

My interest in these boards last as long as there is an interesting thread to read or learn from. I don't go out of my way to keep my interest high though ( I also belong to several other message boards and groups, so it's sometimes interesting to see the difference of opinions posted from each one )

If a post is interesting; I will respond. It matters little to me if the poster is brand new or not; they get the same response. Also I do not see a 'new poster' as being new to the lifestyle unless they go out of their way in their post to say that they are.

Message boards are just places to read what others have to say and interact with them on that level. Most are pretty much the same when it comes to how new comers are treated. If you post coherently, with a bit of common sense and intelligence; you will get the same in response from those more experienced than you.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 17

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:06:14 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Loved your post, Aileen, particularly about charbroiling. When I first came here it was like a breath of fresh air to find a community of people who were actually having actual discussions (rather than the chat crap I was accustomed to) over the things we do. Having had limited exposure to others who live a D/s life, I, in my ignorance, was baffled to see so many different points of view and ways of expressing our D/s selves. You mean everyone didn't think as I did? Shock!! So I was roasted over the flames, too. In one of my very first posts I felt picked to shreds and almost left. I didn't have the skin for it. Someone emailed me on the side and her words gave me reason to stay, otherwise it would have been Goodnight, Irene for me.

My attitude on such roasting parties has changed since. I don't mind being skewered at all anymore, and simply choose what I feel like responding to. I'm glad I stuck around. It's been good for me, not just in learning what others think and do, but in communicating in general. I had been locked up for so long (metaphorically) that I never really learned how to communicate in group dynamics in a personal setting (did ok at work, but when it meant something to me personally, that was different). I can relate to others better now, and my mind is much more open about things.

As for newbies, I doubt I will ever put someone through what I was put through. It's just not in me to do. I might ask a question or two to try to prompt them to think, but coming from the background I had, I do not assume or expect that others are healthy, well formed adults, nor do I think it is my job to turn them into one by way of challenging them ruthlessly. I certainly did not become one until just a couple of years ago. We all have our baggage and our pains and are affected differently by them.

What keeps me coming back is that once in awhile there is a topic that really interests me, and there are several posters who capture my attention with their words and demeanor and what they share. The effort I put forth when someone new posts has more to do with my interest in the topic, or if someone wrote something in the thread that compelled me to respond. I won't put forth any effort to whinings or rude attitudes.

Chuckled at the use of "crikey" in the OPs subsequent post. I use "cripes" myself, lol.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 18

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:12:51 AM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

Live and learn.

Good, bad, or indifferent-they all teach us something.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 19

RE: Oldies, Newbies and Collarme - 4/28/2007 11:19:23 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

I've probably been here as long as anyone. When i first came here i read every post on every thread, but there weren't nearly as many then. I learned a lot and am very thankful for all those who took and take the time to post.

Now i don't have as much free time so i pick and choose what i read and respond to. If it's a topic that's been done many times i usually skip it. Occasionally i recommend a search so that the OP can get more information.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Dastardly)

Post #: 20

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