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Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 11:54:43 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this...I've recieved SEVERAL emails in the last week from men who are claim they are "male subs seeking female subs to dominate them". I'm having a hard time wrapping my blonde mind around this one.

They state they are sub males who want a sub female to "be their mistress." This makes no sense to me. What am I missing here?

On a similiar note, I have also been contacted this week by more than one "male dom" who spoke to me for a few moments and then stated "but oddly I feel submissive towards you and would love to have you as a mistress." Is this a weird ploy or are these people just confused?

I'm not into sub males or even switches so I'm really having a hard time getting this. Can someone explain this phenomenon? The emails I recieve are otherwise intelligently worded and polite but I just don't understand why a male sub would want a female sub to dom him...if I wanted male subs, I'd be listed as a domme!

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 4/28/2007 11:55:24 AM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

Post #: 1

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 11:56:06 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

They've been rejected by all of the Dommes in their area.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 11:57:26 AM

petal7

Posts: 28
Status: offline

Maybe they're new to submission, or only suspect that they're submissive (or are simply playing a game) and think it would be easier to submit to a submissive, than full on to a dominant. *shrug*. As for the Dom that said he felt submissive toward you - I would suspect that was a submissive just trying to get an in with you first. Maybe he thought you'd be flattered at having 'switched' him.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:01:36 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petal7

As for the Dom that said he felt submissive toward you - I would suspect that was a submissive just trying to get an in with you first. Maybe he thought you'd be flattered at having 'switched' him.

LOL, well it backfired on him! Though I have sub male friends, nothing is a bigger sexual turn off to me. Kind of makes me feel squicky to think of men in sexually submissive situations! He might as well have told me he had some horrible disease or something...I was like "ewwww! not interested!"

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to petal7)

Post #: 4

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:09:33 PM

elderrook

Posts: 93
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

As a submissive male, I think I can understand why this is happening. Typically, there are a majority of submissive males actively looking for a partner in any BDSM meeting area. At some point, these submissive males begin to get desperate to interact with a female who is also in the scene. When they've sent out all of the "Hey, you look hawt! Want 2 Chat?" messages they can stand, they turn to alternate ideas. Some of these include pretending to be a female in order to meet someone (usually ends disastrously), pretend to be a Dom when they're really a sub (usually ends disastrously), and the ever popular Send out a few MORE emails to the same ladies who ignored you the first time when you sent your "Hey, you look hawt! Want 2 Chat?" message in hopes they've changed their minds.

So I'd say you've become a victim of such actions. Seriously, my Mistress shows me some of the great "one-liners" she still gets even though her profile clearly says No Longer Looking. It's no wonder we men get such a bad rap...

Good luck in your search, GeekyGirl.

rook

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:14:21 PM

petal7

Posts: 28
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

LOL, well it backfired on him! Though I have sub male friends, nothing is a bigger sexual turn off to me. Kind of makes me feel squicky to think of men in sexually submissive situations! He might as well have told me he had some horrible disease or something...I was like "ewwww! not interested!"

For me too. I don't have anything against submissive males or switches, but it's definitey not my cup of tea.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:15:49 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: elderrook

As a submissive male, I think I can understand why this is happening. Typically, there are a majority of submissive males actively looking for a partner in any BDSM meeting area. At some point, these submissive males begin to get desperate to interact with a female who is also in the scene. When they've sent out all of the "Hey, you look hawt! Want 2 Chat?" messages they can stand, they turn to alternate ideas. Some of these include pretending to be a female in order to meet someone (usually ends disastrously), pretend to be a Dom when they're really a sub (usually ends disastrously), and the ever popular Send out a few MORE emails to the same ladies who ignored you the first time when you sent your "Hey, you look hawt! Want 2 Chat?" message in hopes they've changed their minds.

So I'd say you've become a victim of such actions. Seriously, my Mistress shows me some of the great "one-liners" she still gets even though her profile clearly says No Longer Looking. It's no wonder we men get such a bad rap...

Good luck in your search, GeekyGirl.

rook

Thanks Elderrook. That makes sense! I guess I'm just a more upfront person than that...I wouldn't want to start a relationship with deception (and I assume most genuine male subs feel the same way.)

It just seems like a pretty futile idea to me. I don't email male subs and try to convince them to dominate me

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to elderrook)

Post #: 7

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:16:38 PM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There are probably a number of reasons. Some of them are probably new to CollarMe and it is difficult trying to grasp all the new information and type while just using one hand. I think there may be a bit of confusion in the wording of the profile checklist as well. It is common for me to see women that say they are dominant in their heading that have checked "seeking dominant men" on the profile. Slightly off topic but listed as a demonstration, people all seem to have a different idea about the "willing to relocate" check box. Some see it as that they are willing to relocate, others see it that they are looking for someone that is "willing to relocate". Many of the ladies i talk to are of other nationalities and for some people there is simply a mix-up in terminology. And still others are probably just trying to make any kind of contact that they can, especially if they have already been turned down by all the Dommes in their area. Each situation probably has it's own reason behind it. Have you tried just asking them to see what they say? And you might just go ahead and talk to them. The best domme i have ever been lucky enough to serve was a young lady that approached me in a chat room, knowing i was sub, but she wanted me to dominate her! We chatted for a while and i explained to her that dominance just wasn't part of my makeup, but told her about the advantages of her trying the dominant role. After a few weeks she decided that she did want to try it so we met and she loved it! Unfortunately, she soon had to move to a different state, but it was still an opportunity that i am very happy presented itself.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:23:58 PM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

Desperation breeds strangeness, par for the course.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 12:51:41 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

They are just looking for fun (sex). I have male subs offering to "switch" for me. As if they would be doing me a huge favor.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 1:34:58 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps I'm missing something as well, My "Who's Viewing me" came up with profile for a submissive couple (male/female) who are looking for a man to Dom both of them.

Anybody have an insight to sub/sub couples? I'm afraid I only under than working of D/s or D/D relationships, s/s is really WTF for me as well.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 1:40:49 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Perhaps I'm missing something as well, My "Who's Viewing me" came up with profile for a submissive couple (male/female) who are looking for a man to Dom both of them.

Anybody have an insight to sub/sub couples? I'm afraid I only under than working of D/s or D/D relationships, s/s is really WTF for me as well.

Well I don't know about everyone else, but I have a family member who is extremely submissive, and she for some reason got married to a man who turned out to also be submissive. They can't get it up for one another but don't want to break up the family which includes several little children, so they go out and try to find a dominant to do both of them. I think that they think this is the course of least evil.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 12

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 2:11:20 PM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

I am currently educating a submissive/submissive couple that has been married for 18+ Years. When I first met them at a munch and play party I sat down with the female and asked her, "How does your relationship work?" She stated: "It works great because we are both aiming to please the other. The only time it becomes an issue is when we have to make a decision and typically I am the one that has to make it". While she is straight and is looking for a male dominant they both are currently serving me simply because we get along well, it gives them an outlet and more experience and I enjoy it!

I am not sure why someone would seek out a person of the same role rather than it happen before they became aware. I know that a dominant would not last 5 minutes in a relationship with me. lol

Tigress~FL

< Message edited by TigressFL -- 4/28/2007 2:12:36 PM >

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 2:37:22 PM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this...I've recieved SEVERAL emails in the last week from men who are claim they are "male subs seeking female subs to dominate them". I'm having a hard time wrapping my blonde mind around this one.

They state they are sub males who want a sub female to "be their mistress." This makes no sense to me. What am I missing here?

On a similiar note, I have also been contacted this week by more than one "male dom" who spoke to me for a few moments and then stated "but oddly I feel submissive towards you and would love to have you as a mistress." Is this a weird ploy or are these people just confused?

I'm not into sub males or even switches so I'm really having a hard time getting this. Can someone explain this phenomenon? The emails I recieve are otherwise intelligently worded and polite but I just don't understand why a male sub would want a female sub to dom him...if I wanted male subs, I'd be listed as a domme!

Regarding the sub/sub thing, submissive males have told me that submitting to a submissive female makes them feel even more submissive. And that is the most times I will ever use submissive in a sentence.

The male dom switching for you is just desperate HNG stuff.

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 3:13:02 PM

temptressofsouls

Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline

I've had a couple "Doms" pull that danged trick on me, in person....They act very dominant until they see I'm obedient, then try and get me to Dom them....even Dom me into Domming them, if that makes any sort of sense, at all. I once had someone take a belt to my ass because I wouldnt take charge....that was the last time that jackass ever saw me again.

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 15

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 3:47:03 PM

KurtKaboom

Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

Service topping is a beautiful expression of true submission.

_____________________________

You love hating yourself for loving me

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 3:58:06 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

Service topping is a beautiful expression of true submission.

Sorry but topping a man just isn't on my agenda. No offense to those who like it but it is just SOOOO not my thing. If I wanted to top a guy, I'd list myself as a switch.

But then I'm not so much into the whole "true submission" thing as I am A)Kinky Sex where I get tied up and beaten , made to do nasty, perverse things, etc and B) finding a strong man whom I can respect and who can help guide me through life because I happen to know that I'm a poor decision maker.

I'm not really a "service sub" type to begin with. I'm more of a "sexual sub seeking a guiding hand" type.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to KurtKaboom)

Post #: 17

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 4:00:43 PM

KurtKaboom

Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

Service topping is a beautiful expression of true submission.

But then I'm not so much into the whole "true submission" thing as I am A)Kinky Sex where I get tied up and beaten , made to do nasty, perverse things, etc and B) finding a strong man whom I can respect and who can help guide me through life because I happen to know that I'm a poor decision maker.

I'm not really a "service sub" type to begin with. I'm more of a "sexual sub seeking a guiding hand" type.

So you want to top from the bottom while being taken care of.... Sounds pretty dominant to me.

_____________________________

You love hating yourself for loving me

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 4:03:06 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

i could never do it but i have had requests.

minnetar

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Male sub seeking fem sub? WTF? - 4/28/2007 4:23:01 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

Service topping is a beautiful expression of true submission.

But then I'm not so much into the whole "true submission" thing as I am A)Kinky Sex where I get tied up and beaten , made to do nasty, perverse things, etc and B) finding a strong man whom I can respect and who can help guide me through life because I happen to know that I'm a poor decision maker.

I'm not really a "service sub" type to begin with. I'm more of a "sexual sub seeking a guiding hand" type.

So you want to top from the bottom while being taken care of.... Sounds pretty dominant to me.

I disagree with you. One can be a sexual sub without being a non-sexual sub. If I had my preference, my submission would end at the bedroom door. However, most serious lifestyle dominants demand a certain amount of submission in mundane matters, and I agree to this. It's part of the contract...I give him "everyday submission" (even though I hate it) in exchange for sexual submission which I crave and love.

I genuinely enjoy sexual service/being used as long as it doesn't infringe upon my hard limits (and topping a man is a hard limit...it turns my stomach).

I'll do anything he wants in the bedroom within the range of my limits..there's no topping going on there!

In fact, if I felt I was topping, I wouldn't enjoy it. I have to feel really raw, competely at his mercy, crying and begging, and genuinely trapped within my own conflicted pain. I think that's a very sexually submissive trait. I have to feel he is TRULY using me for his own selfish pleasure or else I don't get off on it.

I have never at any point claimed to be naturally submissive outside the bedroom. I'm not. However, I'm intelligent enough and rational enough to recognize that although I do not LIKE being told what to do outside the bedroom, I NEED to be told what to do, because I don't make good decisions otherwise.

This is why I like Daddy Dom types...I like the nurturing and guiding they give me (complete with true punishment when I screw up.) I need that in my life to stay on track. It's not "do as I say because you enjoy taking orders". It's "Do as I say because Daddy knows best, and your life will be better if you listen to me."

Not all subs ENJOY submission.Some just NEED it. It's like when I was growing up...I hated doing what my mom said, but I knew she was smarter than me, and that I'd be in trouble if I didn't obey, so I did as I was told. I like that same dynamic with my Dominant.

You don't have to be a service sub to be a sub. I don't enjoy housework or laundry or doing icky chores for my dominant (and gods know that topping a man would be an "icky chore".) There are also some sexual fetishes I do not enjoy. But I will do as told as long as my hard limits are not breached. Though I may, for example, despise washing dishes, I recognize that this is something I do for him in exchange for the guidance he gives me and the needs he fulfills for me. It's quid pro quo...he gives me guidance and fulfills my need for sexual submission and in exchange I give him obedience and discipline, even when I don't want to.

It doesn't make me LESS of a submissive. It makes me a different kind of submissive. I live 90% of my daily life as a dominant person (read my profile for details.) I absolutely crave and need submission when I come home. I need to be used sexually, I need to be called names, and beaten, and forced to do all kinds of things...and I also enjoy relinquishing decision making in non sexual things because I simply get tired of being in charge at work all the time.

That doesn't mean that I always agree with the decisions my Dom makes and it doesn't mean I have to enjoy the things he makes me do. However, part of of being "a good girl" is doing what you're told even when you don't like it/hate it/etc.

I'm just as obedient and submissive as the next girl..the difference is that my motivation is different.

I recently spent a week with my first Master (a reunion of sorts) and one of the things we talked about was the difference between types of subs.

He brought up the fact that some girls enjoy service for the sake of service..they genuinely enjoy cleaning his house, doing sex acts they don't care for to make him happy, etc. They do it for the satisfaction of making him happy.

I'm a different type of sub. I'll do displeasurable sex acts and I'll clean his house, etc but I'm not enjoying those acts. I'm seeing them as "payment" for him meeting my needs in return.

The youngster doesn't do chores and obey the parent because they ENJOY such. They do it because they know that the parent knows best and trust them to make good decisions (even if the young'in doesn't understand the decision at the time.)

I resent the hell out of being made to do something I don't enjoy...but if I also respect that my "Daddy" knows best and will always steer me the right way. I may not enjoy it now, but I'll understand later on.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 4/28/2007 4:32:10 PM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to KurtKaboom)

Post #: 20

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