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witchywoman313 -> RE: Dealing with childish, bratty, selfish subs (7/18/2007 12:33:11 PM)
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This is mainly a reply to the original posting, and there have been many wonderful replys to your post. For some reason this struck a cord with me, bear with me while I try to put my thoughts into words.
First off if you acepted the apology youll have to let this particular insident go. I wish I knew more particulars about the bratty behaviour that resulted in the beeing sent to the corner in the first place. I personaly find it hard to accept a punishment if I dont know what Ive done wrong. Or if I dont believe Ive done wrong. If I didnt feel the punishment was deserved Id probably have rebeled. Possibly this could be Some of whats going on here. I probably wouldnt have said fuck off though my response would have been "Why?" some would probably call that childish as well but I am what I am. If I was trying to get a point across to my Master and express myself and I got punished for it Id be very upset, and irate and Id probably try to take my control back I.E say no and trun over to go to sleap or more likely pout. I hate beeing angry with my Master( who is also my husband) rarely ever does he deserve it. Lucky for me part of my responsibility as his submissive is to Tell him as calmly as possible when he does do things that upset me.
Constant brattyness (not in the playful way that some Masters and Doms like) but true rebelion, and constant fighting and bickering, might be a serious sign that something is very wrong. Its a good idea to talk with her about it as much as possible. It might be inpossible to talk calmly in the middle of a fight but takeing a breather and talking about it again latter might be a good idea. If shes having a problem submitting to you, throwing her manualy in the corner might not be the best way to inspire trust, but eventualy you should have made sure she spent some time there consentualy. If not when she appologized if time didnt permit then as part of the conditions of you forgiving her. Its hard to respect a Dom who doesnt follow thru with punishments. I noticed something about her not folowing thru "when its time" If your not in a 24/7 power exchange then "time" has to be negotiated. If you are in a 24/7 relationship then "time" is "all the time", that means youve consented to be the Dom in this relationship All the time, as its been pointed out consistancy is important. If she doesnt know what is expected of her "all the time" how can she be expected to act that way. Conversely, be careful not to reward behaviour that you dont want to encourage. Although I'm a submissive in my current relationship, I'm also a switch and have had Dominate roles in the past. I have found that some people who have certain kinds of pasts and personalities have a craveing for negative attention, so its better from my experience to use the "ignore" bad behavior punishment. Spanking and other Impact activities should be kept for rewards or at worst used for "pretend" punishments for example and I'm quoteing someone but cant remember who "you burned my toast" punishments. Things that happen when shes trying to be good and shes beeing properly submissive and shit happens. In the mean time punishments and assignments that improve comunication like writing essays, or when you can get her to willingly do her corner time having her report after ward on what she thought about while in the corner "Why do you think I sent you there? Why did you react the way you did when I asked you to do that? use leading questions whenever possible. and Listen to her. Also If its possible shes acting out to try to get you to act more Dominate give her sub/slave worthy options and ques to tell you this is what she needs. For example If I need playtime or I need my Master to "takeover" more I have permsion to either Ask him too or simply assume a submissive position kneeling in front of him or put my head in his lap. I dont always get what I want, but at the same time he respects that as much as Id like to I cant always give him what He wants at least not always right away, but if I cant do what I'm comanded I'm expected to give a good reason why not and not to be snotty about it. Make sure you are rewarding her good behavior Anything that contributes to the relationship is good behavior, working hard all day to help pay the bills, Preparing dinner, cleaning house, any time she does a particularly grueling chore. Make sure you reward her with some of her favorite activities when she is behaving well. Make sure she knows what she did good and why shes beeing rewarded. Punishment avoidance alone is not a happy way to live. I'm going to assume she is in love with you if she wants to Marry you so wanting to please you and make you happy is something she probably wants to do. I would not give up on her yet. Ok so Ive rambled on quite a lot. I hope some of my thoughts can be helpful. Remember in a best case scenario her submission is a gift. Optimise the environment for her to give it, her trust that you wont abuse that gift, and support her submission by beeing a firm, consistant, and careing Dom. It wont happen overnight especialy if you had a rocky start but the intimacy that will result from your both knowing what to expect from each other is at least for me "blissful"
Wishing You and yours the very best
Witchywoman313
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